That is the truth.  The world is a very weird place today.  Have I told you guys that my brother, the Owl has had a stroke?  He asked me to bring him to God and he had a stroke.  I think it was the other way around though.  He had a stroke and he asked me to help him find God.

I love my brother to death. 

So, I’m asking all of you guys to throw him on your prayer list as well, please.  We’ll get the whole world praying for him.

So, yesterday…it’s now tomorrow, by the way, so yesterday I mowed the yard and when I was 90% done, the sky got dark, it started to thunder and lightning and the rain started, so I hurried up and finished and rain inside.  Well, I didn’t notice until I took the dogs out later, but in one section of the backyard, I missed a big swath right in the middle.  Now, my backyard looks like it has a Mohawk. 

Anyway, I’m just mentally wandering in circles, so let’s get to the laughter and maybe my mind will straighten itself out later…or maybe not…either way it works out for you guys.

This would be Izzy’s place of business.  “Burn this puppy down!” 

A visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the Moscovitz Auditorium.

He was quite impressed with the architecture and the acoustics.

He inquired of the tour guide, “Is this magnificent auditorium named after Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar?”

“No,” replied the guide. “It is named after Sam Moscovitz, the writer.”

“Never heard of him. What did he write?”

“A cheque”, replied the guide. .

A Pennsylvania farmer was selling his peaches door to door. 

He knocked on a door and a shapely 40 something lady dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. 

He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, “Would you like to buy some peaches?” 
 
She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, “Are they as firm as this?” 
 
He nodded his head and said, “Yes ma’am,” and a little tear ran from his eye. 
 
Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, “Are they nice and pink like this?” 
 
The farmer said, “Yes,”and another tear came from the other eye.
 
Then the lady unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, “Are they as fuzzy as this?” 
 
He again said, “Yes,” and broke down crying.
 
The lady asked, “Why on earth are you crying?”
 
Drying his eyes he replied, “The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy beans, a tornado leveled my barn and now I’m gonna get screwed out of my peaches.” 

Going back to an early conversation from an earlier issue, Joe from NJ informs me that “They’re ALL oldies to me”, which implies that you, too are old, Joe.  Which also implies that I’M old.  Especially since I agree that this next one is an oldie, but goodie.

A mountain farmer got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farm and knocked on the farmhouse door. A young boy, about 12, opened the door. 

“Is yer pa home?” he asked. 

“No sir, he sure ain’t,” the boy replied. “He went to town.” 

“Well,” said the farmer. “Is yer ma home?” 

“No, she ain’t here either. She went to town with pa.” 

“Well, then, how about yer brother, Joe, is he here?” 

“No sir, he went with pa and ma.” 

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself. 

“Is there anything I kin do fer ya’?” inquired the young boy politely. “I know where all the tool are, if you want to borry one; or maybe I could take a message fer pa.” 

Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to yer pa. It’s about your brother Joe getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant.” 

The boy considered for a moment. “You would have to talk to pa about that,” he finally conceded. “I know that pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the boar hog, but I really don’t know how much he gets for Joe.” 

“Who is this Obi Won you speak of, little girl?”

The attractive wife told her husband she was going on vacation with a girlfriend, but she really went with her long time wealthy lover, who gave her a beautiful $10,000 mink coat.

But she couldn’t bring it home so she figured a way. She pawned the mink coat. She came home and told her husband she had found a pawn ticket, which was really the pawn ticket to her mink coat; and she asked her husband to find out what had been pawned.

Her husband returned and told his wife it was a cheap watch. The next day his secretary was wearing a $10,000 mink coat.

Artificial intelligence and generative bots, led by ChatGPT, will upend next year’s elections with as much force as social media reset the playbook in 2008.

• Why it matters: Top technologists are portraying a dystopian 2024 landscape in which misinformation and disinformation proliferate with a speed and ease that means “you can’t trust anything that you see or hear,” as former Google CEO Eric Schmidt puts it.

The campaign will be “full of false information that anyone can generate,” Schmidt said yesterday at the Aspen Ideas Festival.

• MIT’s Daniel Huttenlocher, who joined Schmidt on a panel, said: “AI is now this huge amplifier for how you should not trust anything in print. … And by the way you shouldn’t trust any images, and you shouldn’t trust any videos, and you shouldn’t trust any audio either.”

Ron Klain, former chief of staff to President Biden, said during a separate conversation that campaigns will need to change to counter AI.

• Klain said Biden must connect directly with people on the campaign trail, and the campaign to recruit local trustworthy messengers, rather than “bringing in random people from other places.”

Took me a minute to find the Mallard part of the Swan & Mallard, but I got it.

Okay, that’s just WEIRD with a capital WEIRD in so many, many ways.

A glass of water, master?

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT – TEMU

This is downright haunting, so pay close attention: ALL ABOUT TEMU….

Kim Komando did some digging about TEMU and this is what she found! Direct download from Kim Komando’s post Stop before you shop!

Seemingly overnight, everyone’s talking about Temu (pronounced “tee-moo”), an online shopping app that boasts deals that seem too good to be true, like $17 wireless earbuds, $1 “gold” necklaces and $23 wedding dresses.

Over 50 million Americans have downloaded Temu since it launched state-side in September 2022, after it gained traction with expensive Super Bowl ads promising to let you “shop like a billionaire.” Today, Temu is the most popular shopping app in the U.S. behind Amazon. But most of us don’t know much about the app’s true origins. Reader Daniel Mayer asked an important question, “Is [Temu] something we should be concerned about?” So, I did some digging. And as it turns out, yes, you absolutely should be. Here’s what I found:

Where did Temu come from? This isn’t some fly-by-night operation. Temu is based in Boston, Massachusetts, by PDD Holdings Inc. (Nasdaq: PDD). PDD is headquartered in Shanghai, China. PDD also owns the e-commerce platform Pinduoduo headquartered in — you guessed it — China. So, Temu is a Communist China-based app and site.

What you need to know before using Temu First, you’re buying goods directly from manufacturers in China and other parts of the world. That’s why shipping times are often 12 days or longer. The prices are low because the goods are cheap. The pictures of what you see advertised may not be what you actually get.

Temu’s BBB rating is 2.21/5. Reviews at TrustPilot are interesting, with 38% 5-star reviews and 41% 1-star reviews.

But that’s not the worst of it. Temu is downright dangerous.

The app is a clever, pervasive digital stalker. As you shop, Temu monitors your activity on other apps, tracks your notifications and location and changes settings.

🛑 It gets worse. Temu gains full access to all your contacts, calendars and photo albums, plus all your social media accounts, chats and texts. In other words, literally everything on your phone.

No shopping app needs this much control, especially one tied to Communist China. If you’re using Temu, delete the app from your phone ASAP. On iPhone, Long-press an app, then tap Remove App > Delete App. Tap Delete to confirm. On Android, touch and hold an app, then tap Remove App > Delete App > Delete. Pro tip: If you downloaded Temu, to be safe from Chinese spies, you really need to do a full factory reset.

💣 What do I think? Americans using Temu are selling the country out for cheap crap from overseas. But wait, there’s more! Temu’s sister app was removed from Google Play because of malware. Do not buy from this company or use their app !!! Also I personally read an article from Time website and it practically follows this statement.

I asked Izzy Dragon if she’s ever heard of Temu before and she not only said yes, but that she has it and uses it!!!  When I read this little article to her she seemed completely unconcerned showing me that the younger generation just doesn’t care!

This is amazing!

 Take a shower, wash off the day. 

Drink a glass of water. Make the room dark. 

Lie down and close your eyes. 

Notice the silence. Notice your heart. 

Still beating. Still fighting. 

You made it, after all. 

You made it, another day. 

And you can make it one more. 

You’re doing just fine.

New Orleans lawyer sought an Mortgage loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down.

After sending the information to the mortgage company, he received the following reply:

“Upon review of your letter adjoining your client’s loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.”

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows :

“Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.

For the edification of uninformed mortgage company bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the mortgage company took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus’ expedition.

Now the Pope, as I’m sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the mortgage company. I hope you at the mortgage company find God’s original claim to be satisfactory.

Now, may we have our loan?”

The loan was approved.

A pretty girl is driving through the west. Her car runs out or gas, and an Indian comes along on a horse, and gives her a ride to a gas station. 

Every few minutes he lets out a wild whoop that would curdle milk. 

Finally, he drops her off with a final “Yiiieee-yiiieee-yiiiee!” and gallops off. 

“My god!” says the gas station guy. “What were you doing to that Indian to make him holler like that?” 

“Why, nothing,” says the girl. “I just sat behind him with my arms around him, holding onto his saddle horn.” 

“Lady,” says the guy, “Indians don’t use saddles.” 

Written by a third grade, on what his grandparents do.
 After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:
 We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a tin box that has wheels, but it’s strapped to the ground. They ride around on their bicycles, and wear name tags, because they don’t know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don’t do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all just jump up and down in it with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape.
Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night – early birds. Some of the people can’t get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.
My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and, says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren. . . . PRICELESS

This one is from Stephen B, and I must say that I agree whole heartedly, 100%!!!  Count me in!!

🗽NYC Drag Marchers Chant: “We’re Here, We’re Queer, We’re Coming for Your Children”🏳️‍🌈

I don’t care about the first part, I don’t give a rat’s ass about the second part, but the third part…that pisses me off.  I call for the arrest of everyone who chanted that for verbal assault on and threatening of a minor.

APRIL FOOLS DAY

Is cancelled this year because no made up prank could match the unbelievable crap going on in the world right now.

Would they dare do the same thing with a group that mocks Islam?  The world would explode!!!!  But it’s okay to mock Christians?  Why isn’t the world exploding just as loudly?

No kidding!

Do you know how disappointed she is that he’s lasted THIS long?

Kodak discovered that the USA was testing atomic bombs because the corn husks used for packing material were fogging film because they had been exposed to radiation.

A wise man once said, “Hate has four letters, but so does Love.  Enemies has seven letters, but so does Friends.  Lying has five letters, but so does Truth.  Cry has three letters, but so does Joy.  Negativity has ten letters, but so does Positivity.
Life is two-sided, choose the better side of it.

Just wanted to let you know….I received my 2023 Social Security Stimulus Package.

It contained two tomato seeds, pancake mix, two discount coupons to KFC, a “Biden Build Back Better” bumper sticker, a prayer rug, a Biden Speech Decoder Ring, a machine to blow smoke up my butt, a case of Bud Light, and a “Blame it on Trump” poster for the front yard.

The directions were in Spanish.

Yours should arrive soon.

Driving down the road and saw my ex walking along. 

It’s funny how “I’d hit that” changes meaning over the years.

[At Dairy Queen] 

Me:  Medium Oreo Blizzard, Please. 

DQ:  You wanna spoon? 

Me:  Sure.  When’s your shift over?

Life ALWAYS finds a way!

Sis, you’re not a Snack when you have 5 kids by 5 Baby Daddies. 
You’re an Arby’s 5 for 5!
You’ve had the meats!

Eyes up, Padre!

My mom always said she didn’t have a favorite child, which is rough.  Because I don’t have any brothers or sisters.

My German girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performance on a scale of 1-10. 
Last night we tried anal.
She kept yelling 9!
That’s the best I’ve ever done!

If I’m reading their lips correctly…
My neighbors are arguing about some creepy guy next door.

Well played Hollywood, well played.

Those who laugh the loudest and smile the widest, may also cry the hardest.

–LeighG–

You don’t always need a logical reason for doing everything in your life.  Do it because you want to; because it’s fun; because it makes you happy.

Every time I take up a sport or exercise I meet new people…Usually, they’re paramedics…but they’re new people!

I’m looking to rehome myself.
I’m tired of adulting.
I’m housebroken.

Did you know that fatigue usually starts at about the 6th week of pregnancy and lasts until you die.

One great thing about Mississippi heat…

You can guarantee no one is waiting in your back seat to kill you.

Amen! 

And with that, another extra long issue comes to an end.  May God Bless you with Love and Happiness until we meet again.