Tomorrow is our country’s birthday.  We will be 247 years old.  Two-hundred, forty-seven years old… that is truly amazing.  I know, I know.  Compared to some of you out there, that ain’t nuthin’!  But, for us, that’s pretty good!  247 years of freedom. 
What does it mean? 
Independence
Freedom
It is so disappointing to see us giving up our freedom, giving it away on a daily basis, every day a little more.  It could make me cry. 
But today we are going to talk about the American spirit.  Our fight to remain free…to remain AMERICAN. 
Let’s get started…

A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died, because I left the lights on overnight.

I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it.

I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30mph for it to start.

She said “fine,” hopped into her car and drove off. I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing.

A minute passed by and then I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 40 mph.

Suddenly, I realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions.

Joe from NJ sent this one in from Buddy Brown.  We’ve listened to Buddy in the past and he’s normally well spoken and makes sense.  Joe says he subscribed to his channel so I’ll leave it up to Joe to pass on anything else that he feels we would like to see.

An 8 year-old boy was screaming in the store because his mom wouldn’t buy him a chocolate bar.

So, I bought one and ate it in front of him.

I don’t think they even learn that in school anymore.

Patriotic Dragon by Creative Dreamr … I think it’s awesome!

I’m trying to read this really good book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep.

July the 4th that is…

Believe the science… 
Except for that chromosome thing.

A good day is when the crap hits the fan and I have time to duck.

Ladies, this is the God’s honest truth!  This is the most unattractive thing you can possibly do to yourself.  And if your boyfriend/husband says otherwise, he is lying to you probably because he is afraid of you or of hurting your feelings.  The next most unattractive one is the one that hangs off the side of your nose and then the little stud that pokes through your nose.  Leave your darn nose alone!  It’s got enough holes in it as it is!  This thing that is above?  I feel like I should clip my dogs  leash to it and lead you around!  Is THAT how you feel a LADY should be treated?  No, neither do I!!!  For crying-out-loud, treat yourself special like you are, not like some barn yard animal!  And yeah, I know, I’m gonna get some hate mail over this one.

Now THAT’S some snow!

A wonderful remake on an old classic!

One minute you’re young and fun.  And the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

I hope Google never goes down.  I know like six, maybe seven, things.

You never realize how truly sarcastic you are until you have a “mini-me” who acts the same way.

A couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and pleaded, “Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there’s something I have GOT to know…. In all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”

Beth replied, “Well, Charles, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you three times during these 30 years, but it was always for a good reason.”

Charles was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but admitted, “I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons?'”

Beth responded, “The very first time was shortly after we were married. We were about to lose our little house — because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker? The next day, he notified you that ‘the loan would be extended?'”

Charles recalled the visit to the banker and answered, “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home!” then he added, “but what about the second time?” Charles inquired.

“And do you remember when you were so-o-o sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? No insurance, either. Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery — at NO charge.”

“I recall that,” relates Chuck. thinking back to the coronary surgery. “And you did it to save my LIFE, so, of course, I can forgive you for that.”

He interjected, “Now tell me about the third time.”

“All right,” Beth responded. “Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you were needing seventy-three more votes?”

Well, tomorrow will be, but let’s not get fussy.

This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party starts, two bums show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back. 

Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house. Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown has not shown up, and finally, the clown calls to report that he is stuck in traffic, and will probably not make the party at all. The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself. She happens to look out the window and sees one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips, and leaps high in the air. 

She speaks to the other bum and says, “What your friend is doing is absolutely marvellous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!” 

The bum replies, “Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. HEY WILLIE! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?” 

And a late entry…

Trump was still indicted in New York…

My new hat that I got today.  If you can’t read it it says, “I got a DNA test God is my Father Veterans are my brothers.”

They defund your police, close the mental asylums, and let the criminals out of jail. Then they do this if you try to step in:

Daniel Penny awaits trial, where prosecutors will seek a grand jury indictment on a charge of manslaughter.

They used to say evil prevails when good men fail to act. But now it prevails because good men — when they do act — are vilified, arrested, and charged with crimes.

Thanks to Lynn for sending these Tips on Pumping Gasoline

I don’t know what you guys are paying for gasoline…. but here in California we are paying up to $3.75 to $4.10 per gallon. My line of work is in petroleum for about 31 years now, so here are some tricks to get more of your money’s worth for every gallon:

Here at the Kinder Morgan Pipeline where I work in San Jose , CA we deliver about 4 million gallons in a 24-hour period through the pipeline.. One day is diesel, the next day is jet fuel, and gasoline, regular and premium grades. We have 34-storage tanks here with a total capacity of 16,800,000 gallons.

Only buy or fill up your car or truck in the early morning when the ground temperature is still cold. Remember that all service stations have their storage tanks buried below ground. The colder the ground the more dense the gasoline, when it gets warmer gasoline expands, so buying in the afternoon or in the evening….your gallon is not exactly a gallon. In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and the temperature of the gasoline, diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and other petroleum products plays an important role.

A 1-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for this business. But the service stations do not have temperature compensation at the pumps.

When you’re filling up do not squeeze the trigger of the nozzle to a fast mode If you look you will see that the trigger has three (3) stages: low, middle, and high. You should be pumping on low mode, thereby minimizing the vapors that are created while you are pumping. All hoses at the pump have a vapor return. If you are pumping on the fast rate, some of the liquid that goes to your tank becomes vapor. Those vapors are being sucked up and back into the underground storage tank so you’re getting less worth for your money.

One of the most important tips is to fill up when your gas tank is HALF FULL. The reason for this is the more gas you have in your tank the less air occupying its empty space. Gasoline evaporates faster than you can imagine. Gasoline storage tanks have an internal floating roof. This roof serves as zero clearance between the gas and the atmosphere, so it minimizes the evaporation.

Unlike service stations, here where I work, every truck that we load is temperature compensated so that every gallon is actually the exact amount.

Another reminder, if there is a gasoline truck pumping into the storage tanks when you stop to buy gas, DO NOT fill up; most likely the gasoline is being stirred up as the gas is being delivered, and you might pick up some of the dirt that normally settles on the bottom.

I cried like a baby!  I also discovered a new band!  Thanks Lynn!

Me at every family gathering ever attended 

A Pennsylvania farmer was selling his peaches door to door. 

He knocked on a door and a shapely 40 something lady dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. 

He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, “Would you like to buy some peaches?” 
 
She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, “Are they as firm as this?” 
 
He nodded his head and said, “Yes ma’am,” and a little tear ran from his eye. 
 
Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, “Are they nice and pink like this?” 
 
The farmer said, “Yes,”and another tear came from the other eye.
 
Then the lady unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, “Are they as fuzzy as this?” 
 
He again said, “Yes,” and broke down crying.
 
The lady asked, “Why on earth are you crying?”
 
Drying his eyes he replied, “The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy beans, a tornado leveled my barn and now I’m gonna get screwed out of my peaches.” 

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. . . . I want to achieve it through not dying.

-Woody Allen (1935 – )

There is a lesson in there somewhere…

Although sometimes, you had to follow the extra long cord to see whose room it was in.

Yeah baby, that’s what I want to do!

Pet Owner: “Every time a bell rings, my dog goes and sits in the corner.”

Vet: “That’s perfectly normal; he’s a boxer.”

A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons.

The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth.

The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue.

Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter.

He added his mule to the 17, making 18.

The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two.

Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home.

Today’s puzzle that I built earlier

There are several mailboxes I should replace and some folks I should apologize to for settin’ those things off on their front steps at 3 o’clock in the morning.

I was staying with my uncle. One day he come in and said, ‘One of the chickens has just died. We’ll have roast chicken for dinner.’ 

I said, ‘Lovely.’ 

The next day he come in and said, ‘One of the pigs has just died. We’ll have roast pork for dinner.’ 

I said,’Lovely’. 

One of the ducks died the next day. He said, ‘We’ll have roast duck for dinner.’ 

I said, ‘Lovely.’ 

Then the next day he came down all dressed in black. He said, ‘Your auntie’s just died.’ 

I said, ‘Don’t worry. I’m not stopping for dinner.’ 

Patrick O’Reilly was lucky. Since the day he had found that four-leaf clover, everything good seemed to come his way. He had met the wonderful Rosie, and after a whirlwind romance, they were married. And now, a year later, he was the proud father of beautiful twins, a boy and a girl. At work, the story was the same. He had been promoted and had received a substantial raise, and now the firm had come up with a profit sharing plan.

Patty was certain his good fortune was due to his four-leaf clover, Everywhere he went, he was certain to be carrying the talisman in his suit pocket. One morning, Patty could not find the clover. He searched the house, but it was not there. In panic, he tried to recall when he had last seen it. He finally recalled it was in his grey suit that he had dropped off at the dry cleaners.

He rushed to the cleaners only to find that the work had been completed and his suit was ready to be picked up. He searched the suit and found the four-leaf clover, still in one piece but now flattened from the dry cleaning. From that day on, Patty’s fortunes changed. Life was good but was no longer perfect. The little inconveniences were always there. He had a flat tire as he was driving to an important meeting. The twins developed measles when his boss and his wife were over for dinner.

No, Patty’s life had changed. He still carried the amulet, but he was certainly not living under the silver lining he was used to and had come to expect. Finally, he had had enough. He visited the parish priest to see if he could help him understand what had happened. “This certainly should have been expected,” he was told. “You should have known that … it is never right to press one’s luck.”

I recall a time when my son was about 18 months old.

I had him strapped in a backpack and was rushing to catch the bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell down an entire flight of stairs, (13 to be exact).

I was bruised, bleeding and I had torn my jeans … but my main concern was, naturally, for my child.

My fears were alleviated though when from behind me I heard a gleeful giggle followed by, “Again!”

And that is it my friends.  This issue is getting so overloaded that it doesn’t want to take anything else.  I hope it loads safely to everyone’s computers and phones and all that.  Just a quick reminder to all to be safe this holiday, I need to see you all back on Thursday.  May God Bless you with love and Happiness and May God Bless the United States, the BEST country in the world!