And now, tis Monday. Juneteenth. Whatever the hell that is. No. Please don’t try to explain it to me. It seems like we went through all this last year and if I remember correctly, I didn’t care then, either. I care about people. And I care about causes. But I don’t give a damn about skin color or stupid crap that happened before any of us were born that some people are still holding a grudge over. We are passed all that. Or we should be. It shouldn’t make a bit of difference what color of skin anyone has. Just like it shouldn’t make any difference what color of hair or eyes or anything else anyone has. What SHOULD matter is the person’s integrity. Are they honest? Do they work hard? Can you trust them? Do they treat their family right? Are they God-fearing? Are they men and women of honor? I can go on and on listing laudable attributes but I think you get the idea. Why are we not judging people on THESE criteria? Why instead are we basing are judgments on the color of people’s skin? Whether their ancestors, hundreds of years ago owned slaves or were slaves? Every nation has horrible mistakes that they made in the past. Why are we the ones to keep repeating them?
Anyway, I didn’t mean to jump on that bandwagon this morning. I woke up in a crappy mood. I don’t feel good and it is coming out in my writing. Izzy Dragon ran me all over northern Indiana yesterday and I got nothing done that I wanted to get done, which means that I have to get it done today instead, when what I want to do is sit on my butt, relax, and play with you guys. But, at a minimum, at some point in time I’m going to have to get up and go mow the lawn. Usually I enjoy mowing the lawn, but for some reason today I’m not looking forward to it. Maybe because I’ve been asking for help in the backyard from family and friends to help clear out the jungle that’s back there. I’ve actually been promised, “oh yeah, we know with your arthritis and the pain you have, we’ll be over at least once a month to help you keep things up.” from several different people.
Nothing.
But, I shouldn’t complain.
They don’t owe me anything.
And I shouldn’t be complaining to you guys. I should just be moving on like I’m going to and saying…
Absolutely adorable!
So…everybody? ‘Cause, isn’t that the definition of opinion?
Now, how about something that I haven’t done for a while?
We’ll put a couple of letters and comments in-between our memes for awhile…until I run through the ones I have, anyway.
Dragon Laffs #2188
My wife is a registered nurse. She has been a nurse for 26 years, 23 of which are in the NICU. She doesn’t have the pleasure of asking what’s wrong. She has to get to know the babies from the minute they were born. She has to continually do courses to retain her certifications.
My mom always loved the NICU. That was one of her favorites. But you’re right. You can’t ask your patients what’s wrong. For those of you who don’t know, that’s the baby intensive care unit. The “N” stands for Neonatal. And even WAY back in the 60s and 70s when my mom was nursing, they had to maintain a yearly certification for their RN and even when mom wasn’t actively nursing because of having kids or whatever, she kept her certification up because if you didn’t, it was too hard to get it back if you let it lapse.
Dragon Laffs #2188
Let me tell you guys how I got to be a nurse…Well I didn’t listen to my dad and ended up pregnant and married at 15…completed 8th grade and part of 9th…back in the day could not go to school that way…I was always reading something…so self taught. After 6 years and 2 children got a divorce from this man 6 years older than I on extreme cruelty…We have laws now against this….Yes he was and still is a RECTAL Orrivis….medical term. Took test and tried to get into school to be lawyer. Like to argue…Real nice lady told me they did not have that class but I scored high enough to get into nursing program. There a year before they saw I checked no on high school degree part…putting stuff in computer. So had to get my GED over Spring break….finished 6th in class of 28…39 years ago….9 years in Vineland NJ step down unit…now I’m a high paid babysitter as all my patients are children…kids that can not go to school or daycare…feeding tubes, trachs, vents etc…still need Granny nurse to care for them.
With Dragon and Joe to keep me smiling I can probably do another 39 years…If I had saved all the crap I’ve cleaned there would be no fertilizer shortage, I’ve turned therapeutic lies into an art form….cant always tell them the truth…you cant walk down the hall without your bra and blouse ms smith…all the men will go crazy….not you may trip and fall….yep done my share of nursing homes too. Never without work…Never had to take an employer’s BS either…always another job.
Oh and 1 last thought on this crazy country…I think someone…DT… could do better job running this country from a jail cell then what we got now….maybe at least get us out of the Handbag we’ve been put in…
Marsha, sounds like you’ve had an amazing career. And we’ve got nothing but respect for you and for all the nurses out there who have all the scut work and none of the glory. In all honesty, I’d rather have a nurse at the side of my bed when I’m sick then I would a doctor. They’ve seen it all and they know it all. And most of them can do it all. They just don’t have the MD behind their name. Thanks for sharing Marsha.
Amen! Especially if it’s a REAL laugh and not just a titter.
Dragon Laffs #2189
Actually, we do have a month. National Military Appreciation Month is observed in May.
Okay, by a show of hands, how many people know or heard about, or saw on TV that May is National Military Appreciation Month? Nope, me neither. But Don G. is absolutely correct. This is what I found on line.
May 1-May 31 is National Military Appreciation Month
National Military Appreciation Month, also known as Military Appreciation Month, is a month-long observance recognized in the United States, dedicated to people who are currently in the military or have resigned from duty. Each year, the observance runs from May 1 to May 31.
Senator John McCain proposed the month long observance on February 9, 1999. On May 30, 1999, Congress designated National Military Appreciation Month as a month-long observance. Congress chose May because many military related observances such as Memorial Day and Loyalty Day are celebrated and observed on that date. Congress recognized the month after an unanimous vote of 93-0 in April of that year.
Now ain’t that something that you can’t turn on the TV or the radio and not hear about Pride month but I’m in the flippin’ military (as a civilian, mind you) and have NEVER EVEN HEARD OF National Military Appreciation Month! Holy cow! And what’s Loyalty Day?
So, I did some digging…and here we go down the Rabbit Hole. Did you know that Biden gave a proclamation on Loyalty Day this year? You missed that, did you? Must’ve been busy that day? Didn’t even know that it was the first of May every year. Okay, so here’s the entire history of Loyalty day in a nut shell:
HISTORY OF NATIONAL LOYALTY DAY
National Loyalty Day not only celebrates the loyalty Americans possess for their nation but also looks at the historic events that led to the formation of the U.S. The first National Loyalty Day took place in 1921 during the First Red Scare — a time when America was struggling with far-left extremism. It is during this period of uncertainty that the day came into being and was initially celebrated as Americanization Day. The motive of the celebration was also to counter May Day that was commemorated by workers all over the world.
In 1955, National Loyalty Day was recognized by the U.S. Congress since the country was facing a great threat in the form of the rise of communism. During this time, Congress felt it necessary to honor America and remind people of the loyalty they owe to the nation. In 1958, President Dwight D. Eisenhower declared the day a legal holiday to be celebrated with great fervor. According to the president, it was essential to observe a National Loyalty Day to look back on the history of the country and understand how valuable the gift of freedom is.
Since then, every president that comes into power is required to announce the celebration of the day by asking for the U.S. flag to be raised on all important government buildings. The president is also required to order the organization of ceremonies such as parades, fireworks, events in schools, etc. The basic motive behind the day is to awaken a sense of patriotism in all Americans.
Just a little more Rabbit Hole stuff…Biden’s speech … well, not sure it was even a speech … his proclamation, was actually really good. Although, I couldn’t help but think while reading it: HYPOCRITE!!!!! But, if you’re interested, it’s here: https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/presidential-actions/2023/04/28/a-proclamation-on-loyalty-day-2023/ It’s only a couple of paragraphs long. Take you maybe two minutes or so to read.
But overall I am shocked. I had no idea at all that there was a Military Appreciation Month. I feel bad now on several levels. #1 for MISSING Military Appreciation Month, #2 for complaining that Pride got a whole month and we only got two days, now I just feel stupid about that, and #3 for MISSING MILITARY APPRECIATION MONTH!!!!
Thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU Don G. for pointing this out me (rubbing my nose in my ignorance as it were, but that’s how you learn, right?) and we will remember next time around. We need a secretary to remind Dragon Laffs, Inc. about these kinds of things. If only there was a device…LOL! Scott if you’re reading this you’re laughing right now. Anyway, onward and upward…
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’d rather it be snowing!!!, Or lightning!!! Or ANYTHING other than that. I’m SO allergic to mosquitos! I can’t see how she can just stand there and be bit while someone takes the picture! I want to scream and slap my face just thinking about it.
Tough it up, buttercup.
Harry Potter Dragon
On the examination paper the Professor demanded that the students sign a form stating that they had not received any outside assistance. Unsure of whether he should sign the form, a student stated that he had prayed for the assistance of God.
The Professor carefully studied his answer and told him, “You can sign it with a clear conscience. God did not assist you.”
And just because I’m curious…it translates as “Floor Grinding Machine Rentals”
Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn’t mind letting her boyfriend know it, too.
“A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry,” she told him.
“Really?” asked the boyfriend, “And just how many men are you intending to marry?”
A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time.
The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles.
All was quiet until the little girl started to sing in a loud voice, “Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you…”
So, it’s a little high-brow humor. But, if you are a fan of the Bard, it is funny.
I suddenly have a plethora of mermaid pictures…I don’t know what to say about them other than, I suddenly have a plethora of mermaid pictures.
All of Noah’s animals went on board the arc in pairs.
Except the worms.
They went in apples.
Ma and Pa were two hillbillies living in Arkansas out on the farm up in the hills. Pa has found out that the hole for the outhouse is full. He goes in the house and tells Ma he doesn’t know what to do to empty the hole. Ma says,” Why don’t you go ask the youngun down the road??? He must be smart because he is a college graduate.”
So Pa drives down to the neighbors. He ask him ” Mr. College graduate, my hole for the outhouse is full and I don’t know what to do to empty it.”
The youngun tells him, “Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Light them both under the outhouse. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. The second one will then go off and spread the poop all across your farm and fertilize your ground. The outhouse will then come back down to the same spot and you will have an empty hole for the outhouse.”
Pa thanks the neighbor and picks up two sticks of dynamite at the hardware store, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. He goes home and puts them under the corner of the outhouse. He lights them and then runs behind a tree.
All of a sudden, Ma comes running out of the house and into the outhouse!!
BOOM!!
Off goes the first stick of dynamite and shoots the outhouse in the air.
BOOM!!
Off goes the second stick of dynamite and spreads the poop all across the farm.
The outhouse comes crashing back down on the hole.
Pa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and asks, “Ma, are you all right??!!” As she pulls up her pants she says, “Yeah, but I’m sure glad I didn’t fart in the kitchen.”
The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient and possessed of a high sounding title like, “Official Interrogator” or “Town Registrar.”
“What is your occupation?” she probed.
What made me say it, I do not know… The words simply popped out. “I’m a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.”
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
“Might I ask,” said the clerk with new interest, “just what you do in your field?”
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, “I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn’t), in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out).
I’m working for my Masters (the whole darned family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day (24 is more like it).
But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.” There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk’s voice as she completed the form, stood up and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants — ages 13, 7 and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, a 6 month old baby, in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than “just another Mom.”
Motherhood…..What a glorious career! Especially when there’s a title on the door. – Does this make grandmothers “Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations” and great- grandmothers “Executive Senior Research Associates”? – I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts “Associate Research Assistants”.
What in the…????
“It’s funny,”says Samantha, “Peter’s balls are always cold as ice when I’m sucking his dick.”
“You know what?” replies Jenny. “It’s exactly the same with my Richard…”
They turn to the third blonde and ask, “When you blow Chris, are his balls cold, too?”
“Ugh! That’s disgusting! I never put Chris’s thing in my mouth!”
“You’re crazy,” one of the blondes pipes up. “A good blowjob is the best way to keep a guy. You should try it.”
She says she’ll think about it. The next morning, they meet at the cafe and the blowjob novice is sporting a wicked shiner.
“Whoa!” the first blonde asks. “How did you get that black eye?”
“Chris hit me when I was blowing him,” she says.
“What on earth for?” the second blonde asks.
“I don’t know,” she replies. “All I did was tell him how strange it was that his balls were so warm, seeing as how Pete’s and Richard’s are so cold.”
Teri was walking along pushing our newborn son in the carriage when an old friend approached her. The friend leaned over, peering into the carriage said, “What a beautiful baby boy, and he looks *just* like his father.” “I know.”, replied Teri, “I just wish he looked more like Pete”
Yup, you guessed it, alligator shoes.
A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She protested, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He replied, “That’s all right; we’ll learn about each other as we go along.
So she consented, and they were married and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple. This was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position before he again straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on his towel.
She said, “That was incredible!”
He said, “I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we’d learn more about ourselves as we went along.”
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps. She was moving so fast that the froth from her pushing off at one end of the pool would hardly be gone before she was already touching the other end of the pool. She did laps in freestyle, breast stroke, even butterfly! After about thirty laps, completed in mere minutes, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, barely breathing hard.
He said, “That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?”
No,” she said, “I was a hooker in Buffalo and I worked both sides of the Niagara River.”
Just a little history lesson…..
In 1621 a black man by the name of Anthony Johnson arrived from Africa to Virginia to be an indentured servant, not a slave. He was captured by Arab traders in his native Angola and sold as a slave. By 1635 he had completed his service contract, and by the late 1640’s he had acquired 250 acres of land. As a land owner he started using indentured servants himself, acquiring five. In 1654 one of his servants, a black man by the name of John Casor was due for release from his service. Johnson decided to extend his service and Casor left to work for Robert Parker who was a free white man. That year Johnson sued Parker in Northampton Court, and in 1655 the court ruled that Johnson could hold Cason indefinitely. The court gave sanction for blacks to hold slaves of their own race. This made Anthony Johnson the first American slave owner and John Cason the first slave in the American colonies. It was another 15 years before the colonial assembly granted free whites, blacks and Indians permission to own black slaves.
Most ”liberals” are like the dishwasher, always complaining in the back, spitting insults and harboring paranoia and frustration toward the owner – but they have no clue how to run the restaurant.
The objection to Liberals is not that they try to make us think as they do, but that they try to make us do as they think.
So cool!
That is AWESOME!!!!
If any woman ever says I was the one that got away …
She means from an asylum.
“Money, success and power don’t change people;
they merely amplify what is already there.”
Friggin’ Pete sends us some really bad news…
As I suspected, I was just diagnosed with apodyopsis, I guess I’ve had it for years now. I’ll be thinking of all of you as I go through this most difficult time…..
So very sorry to hear of your troubles, brother. But, if it’s all the same to you, think of somebody else!
Clint Eastwood was 41 years old when he debuted in the role of maverick Detective “Dirty” Harry Callahan in the action film Dirty Harry (1971). Reportedly, the part had been turned down by Paul Newman, John Wayne, Robert Mitchum, and Frank Sinatra. Eastwood insisted on performing his own action stunts, including the famous scene where he jumped from a bridge to the roof of a moving school bus.
I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.
How come “you’re a peach” is a compliment, but “you’re bananas” is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
I asked my surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic.
He said, “Go ahead, knock yourself out.”
People will question all the good things they hear about you but believe all the bad without a second thought.
Not sure who wrote this next piece, but it’s pretty right on.
Joe Biden has destroyed the LGBTQ+ movement
I hate to say positive things about the President but he has made the gays uncool.
Let’s start with Dylan Mulvaney. Biden invited Mulvaney to the White House. A couple months later Mulvaney began promoting Bud Light as a sponsor. This led to Bud Light imploding, with sales dropping over 30% to-date. Now conservatives refer to the beer as “transgender fluid” and the iconic brand may never recover.
Next up is Karine Jean-Pierre. She’s not only a Lesbian but black, too. Biden made her the White House Press Secretary. She’s one of the worst in recent memory. It would seem the only qualifications for the job she has is the fact that she’s black and gay.
We have Richard (Rachel) Levine. Levine is an obese transgender that was named as the United States Assistant Secretary of Health. Levine’s nomination is peak clown world.
Sam Brinton is transgender who worked at the US Department of Nuclear Energy. He was charged with felony theft for allegedly stealing a women’s bag at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. He’s famous for having an bald egg head, wearing too much make up, being a total pervert, working for Biden and of course he’s a thief.
These are just a few of Biden’s finest from the LGBTQ+ movement. Biden, with the help of these degenerates, has done more damage to homosexuals than any right wing Christian conservative could dream of. For that, major props to President Biden.
Fact Of The Day:
Bruce Lee’s First Movie
Bruce Lee’s first time on a film set was not “Enter The Dragon,” “Chinese Connection,” or even “Game of Death.” His first time was the 1941 film “Golden Gate Girl.” Bruce was a full 3 months old at the time. Not surprisingly, he played an infant and he had no fight scenes in this film.
That just might work…
Empathy is walking a mile in somebody else’s moccasins. Sympathy is being sorry their feet hurt.
“Go hang a salami, I’m a lasagna hog” is a palindrome.
Yeah, it was probably him and this is probably me…that’s it for today my friends. Tune in on Thursday for another exciting episode of your favorite ezine! And may the Good Lord truly Bless you all with Love and Happiness until we meet again!
Dragon Laffs 
Great issue, as always.
I was just wondering if the nurses on here got together to record some of the crazy stuff we have seen/heard/done, I bet we would have a best seller.
funny and great. U have the funniest site.