Good Saturday Morning!  I hope you all have a wonderful day and a terrific, safe weekend.  Now, let’s laugh!

A soldier from Lake Station, Indiana, has suffered horrific injuries. He has lost both legs and an arm. I do not know him personally, but learned of his situation from the newspaper.  According to his friends, interviewed in the local paper, he is facing some very hard times.

Please…. thoroughly check out the web site they have put together to help him and his family.
http://www.johnmasson.com http://www.johnmasson.com

Thanks for your time,

(Leanne)

You got it Leanne!  Thanks for writing in!

One of my favorites!

• According to a new poll, 51 percent of Americans feel that their lives were better two years ago before President Obama took office. To which President Obama said, “Join the club.”  Jay Leno

• The Nobel Prize for fiction went to “It Was an Allergic Reaction to Medication,” by Charlie Sheen.  David Letterman

• George W. Bush’s daughter, Jenna, just put her home in Baltimore on the market for $500,000. The real estate agent said, “I just want to warn you that offers have gone way down ever since the economy was ruined by . . . someone.”
• A couple in Toronto had their Facebook friends vote on the name of their newborn daughter. So congratulations to the couple and their baby girl, “Like.”

Jimmy Fallon

• When Miley Cyrus’ dad, Billy Ray, found out that his daughter was taking drugs, he kicked her out of the house — until he realized she owns it.
• Johnny Depp recently said he’s very anti-Hollywood. He said it from his trailer on the set of “Pirates of the Caribbean 4.”

Craig Ferguson

I always hang mistletoe in the same spot…the middle belt loop on the back of my jeans!

A GREAT Story submitted by our dear camper friend

An Italian Merry Christmas

I thought it would be a nice idea to bring a date to my parents’ house  on Christmas Eve. I thought it would be interesting for a non-Italian girl to see how an Italian family spends the holidays. I thought my mother and my date would hit it off like partridges and pear trees.

So, I was wrong.   Sue me.

I had only known Karen for three weeks when I extended the invitation. I know these family things can be a little weird,” I told her, “but my folks are great, and we always have a lot of fun on Christmas Eve.” “Sounds fine to me,” Karen said. I had only known my mother for 31 years when I told her I’d be bringing Karen with me. “She’s a very nice girl and she’s really looking
Forward to meeting all of you.”

“Sounds fine to me,” my mother said.

And that was that. Two telephone calls. Two “sounds-fine-to-me”. What  more could I want? Christmas was set!

I should point out, I suppose, that in Italian households, Christmas Eve is the social event of the season – an Italian  woman’s raison d’etre.
She cleans. She cooks. She bakes. She orchestrates every minute of the entire evening. Christmas Eve is what Italian women live for.

I should also point out, I suppose, that when it comes to the kind of women that make Italian men go nuts, Karen is it. She doesn’t clean. She doesn’t cook. She doesn’t bake. And she has the largest breasts I have ever seen on a human being.

I brought her anyway.

7p.m. – we arrive .
Karen and I walk in and putter around for half an hour waiting for the other guests to show up. During that half hour, my  mother grills Karen like a cheeseburger and cannily determines that Karen does not clean, cook, or bake.

My father is equally observant. He pulls me into the living room and notes, “She has the largest breasts I have ever seen on a human being!”

  7:30p.m. – Others arrive.
Uncle Antonio walks in with my Aunt Mafalde, assorted kids, assorted gifts.! We sit around the dining room table for antipasto, a symmetrically composed platter of lettuce, roasted peppers, black olives, salami, prosciutto, provolone, and anchovies.

When I offer to make Karen’s plate she says, “Thank you.  but none of those things, okay?” She points to the anchovies.

“You don’t like anchovies?” I ask.

“I don’t like fish,” Karen announces to one and all as 67 other varieties of foods-that-swim are baking, broiling and simmering in the next room.
My mother makes the sign of the cross. Things are getting uncomfortable.

Aunt Sophia asks Karen what her family eats on Christmas Eve. Karen says, “Knockwurst.” My father, who is still staring in a daze, at Karen’s chest, temporarily snaps out of it to murmur, Knockers?” My mother kicks him so hard he gets a blood clot. None of this is turning out the way I’d hoped.

8:00p.m. – Second course.
The spaghetti and crab sauce is on the way to the table. Karen declines the crab sauce and says she’ll make her own with butter and ketchup. My mother asks me to join her in the kitchen. I take my “Merry Christmas” napkin from my lap, place it on the “Merry Christmas” tablecloth and walk into the kitchen.

“I don’t want to start any trouble,” my mother says calmly, clutching a bottle of ketchup in her hands, “But if she pours this on my pasta, I’m going to throw acid in her face.”

“Come on,” I tell her.  “It’s Christmas. Let her eat what she wants.”

My mother considers the situation, then nods. As I turn to walk back into the dining room, she grabs my shoulder. “Tell me the truth,” she says,”are you serious with this tramp?”

“She’s not a tramp,” I reply. “And I’ve only known her for three weeks.”

“Well, it’s your life”, she tells me, “but if you marry her, she’ll poison you.”

8:30p.m. – More fish.
My stomach is knotted like one of those macramé plant hangers that are always three times larger than the plants they hold.

All the women get up to clear away the spaghetti dishes, except for Karen, who, instead, lights a cigarette.

“Why don’t you give them a little hand?” I politely suggest.

Karen makes a face and walks into the kitchen carrying  three forks.

“Dear, you don’t have to do that,” my mother tells her, smiling painfully.

“Oh, okay,” Karen says, putting  the forks on the sink.

As she reenters the dining room, a wine glass flies over her head, and smashes against the wall. From the kitchen, my mother says, “Whoops.” I vaguely remember that line from Torch Song Trilogy. “Whoops?” No. “Whoops is when you fall down an elevator shaft.”

More fish comes out. After some goading, Karen tries a piece of scungilli, which she describes as “slimy, like worms.”

My mother winces, bites her hand and pounds her chest like one of those old women you always see in the sixth row of a funeral home.

Aunt  Sophia does the same. Karen, believing that this is something that all Italian women do on Christmas Eve, bites her hand and pounds her chest also.

My Uncle Antonio doesn’t know what to make of  it. My father’s dentures fall out and he almost chews a six-inch gash in the tablecloth with his fingernails.

10:00p.m. – Coffee, dessert.
Espresso all around. A little anisette. A curl of lemon peel. When Karen asks for milk, my mother finally slaps her in the face with a cannoli.
I guess it had to happen sooner or later.

Karen, believing that this is something that all Italian women do on Christmas Eve, picks up a cannoli and slaps my mother with it. 

“This is fun,” Karen says. Fun?  No. Fun is when you fall down an elevator shaft.

But, amazingly, everyone is laughing and smiling and filled with good cheer – even my mother, who grabs me by the shoulder, laughs and says, “Get this bitch out of my house.”

Sounds fine to me.
THE END

(If you aren’t in stitches by now, you don’t
know Italians!)

For you space buffs (Wheats?  You listening?) and those of you interested in GREAT wallpapers, here is a FANTASTIC site sent into us by our dear camper Lynn.  Some really fantastic, once in a lifetime, high quality photos….Enjoy!

Don’t click on the CLICK TO START bar – just scroll down and see these stunning photos

http://triggerpit.com/2010/11/22/incredible-pics-nasa-astronaut-wheelock/

So this one really brought a tear to my eye…

Twas a Night in December — from our Troops to us!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=1j_icz3ZEHw

Servicemembers stationed from Antarctica to Afghanistan lent their talents and time to craft, “Twas a Night in December,” based on the popular holiday story, but rewritten with a military twist. More than 40 commands around the world, representing every branch of the military service, participated. Along with the military people who contributed to this creative effort, country music star, Toby Keith introduced the video, reinforcing his long-term support for military and their families stationed around the world.