Good Morning!  I hope that everyone is doing well. 

Thursday…from the early Latin Thirsty or Thirst Making. 

Thursday was the traditional day, back in ancient times, for the fighters to gather at the neighbor’s garage and prepare (drink mead) for the community barbeque / cook out on the week end.  Hours were spent under the pretense of preparation, drunken debauchery would naturally follow and invariably they would be one or two members short the next Thursday due to head and face trauma.  You must remember that all the frying pans were made out of cast iron and the little woman usually had some muscles on her and wasn’t as little as one might expect.  The reason the tradition hasn’t died out though, is that for every “wounded soldier” there would be an equal number of newly married young Padawans eager to step up and take their place around the garage door, mead in hand, and with a story to tell.

You gotta love and respect tradition! 

Now, let’s get the day started with a laugh or three!

Jay Leno:

Election Day saw a record turnout Tuesday thanks to beautiful weather and a massive GOP turnout. The shoe was clearly on the other foot. After the congressional election result was posted, Indonesia offered the Democrats millions in tsunami relief.

The Old Country Boy’s:

DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE?

~ The first patent for chewing gum was issued in 1869 to
William F. Semple, a dentist from Mount Vernon, OH.

~ In the early 1900s, William Wrigley Jr. was one of the
first to promote the sale of branded goods through
advertising. Wrigley’s new spearmint gum quickly
became a best seller.

~ Cinnamon, spearmint and peppermint are among the
most popular flavors of chewing gum today.

~ The first bubble gum cards were issued in the 1930s.
The pictures ranged from war heroes to wild west figures
to professional athletes. The Topps Company became
famous by offering baseball cards in packages of gum
and sponsoring bubble gum blowing contests among
ball players.

~ Why is bubble gum pink? The color of the first success-
ful bubble gum was pink because it was the only color the
inventor had left. The color “stuck” and today bubble gum
is still predominantly pink.

Sign?  What sign?

President Obama met with reporters Wednesday, one day after the American voters gave him a terrible beating. In two years he’s gone from Jesus to Rodney King. Last night Johnnie Cochran appeared to Barack Obama in a dream and told him he’s got a case.

Okay, we REALLY aren’t poking fun, but this is a GREAT line:

Election Day saw a record turnout Tuesday thanks to beautiful weather and a massive GOP turnout. The shoe was clearly on the other foot. After the congressional election result was posted, Indonesia offered the Democrats millions in tsunami relief.

Okay, so we ARE poking fun.  LOL!

Yes, I know this next one has been run before, but the editorial staff here at Dragon Laffs Industries, feel the message is important enough that it deserves and needs to be run more often.  Thank you for your understanding.

ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger.  When you notice this, try not to yell at them.  Some are oversensitive, and there’s nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Ron.  Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Carol Anne.  When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Carol Anne to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.  Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age.  I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner.  I don’t yell at her.  Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.  I generally have lunch in the Men’s Grill at the club, so eating out is not an option in the evening.  I’m ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.  She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating.  But now it’s not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won’t clean themselves.  I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think.  For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour.  But, boys, we take ’em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement.  I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days.  That way, she won’t have to rush so much.  I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t hurt her any (if you know what I mean).  I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.  She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard.  I try not to make a scene.  I’m a fair man…  I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while.  And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Carol Anne.  I’m not saying that showing this much patience & consideration is easy.  Many men will find it difficult.  Some will find it impossible!  Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.  However, Guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile.  After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

EDITOR’S NOTE:

Ron died suddenly on January 31 of a perforated rectum.  The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby.  His wife Carol Anne was arrested and charged with murder.  The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Ron, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

General Motors and Toyota are working together to build a new car model.  The new vehicle will be built in the factory that was used for the old Chevette.
       It will be called the Toyolette.  It will feature bucket seats and automatic wipers.

 

Dear Auntie Sue,

What’s a Calorie?

Love, Impish

Dear Impish,

Calories are the little bastards that get into your wardrobe at night and sew your clothes tighter!
MY CLOSET IS INFESTED WITH THE LITTLE SHITS!

Love, Auntie Sue

Leprechaun says: “Years ago, it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away.  But since almost all the doctors are now Muslim, I’ve found that a bacon sandwich works best.”

DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE?

Pigs are considered by many experts

to be more trainable than dogs or cats.

 

You’ll wish you had a friggin club and a spade….. 

Ain’t that just like the insurance industry!