Dragon Laffs #1962


Good Morning Campers, 

Well I’m back at work after having had some time off.  And boy did that time off go by quick.  It seemed like I blinked and it was gone.  But, that’s okay, I guess.  Time flies when you’re … recovering from stress.  I have relaxed a bit, even though I’ve had more stress added to my life, but that is what life is, right?  Laughing through the stress. 

But I really need to stop watching the damn news.  The more I watch, the madder I get.  All the bullshit that’s going on with this administration is just crazy.  And I can’t believe the crap that’s going on with the Rittenhouse trial.  That seems to be WAY too much coverage on that.  

My hot flight attendant asked how I liked my coffee. 

Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women.  And that’s when she told me, “That’s cute honey, but the coffee’s free.  You don’t have to pay for it here!”

Okay, so I screwed up.  I got involved in some drama here at the lair, not mine, but that of a friend, but it was so engrossing that I lost track of time and missed Saturday’s deadline for this issue.  And then I was going to publish on Sunday instead and ended up having to teach a class on Saturday and twisted my left side and hurt myself a little bit and was too uncomfortable last night to do anything but drink (and I’m sticking to that excuse).  So, THIS morning (Sunday) I’m just going to catch up and put out a Monday issue (don’t Mondays ALWAYs have issues?) and get caught back up again. 

Anyway, that’s why you guys didn’t get an episode on Saturday and yes, everything is fine and all is well.  Oh, and by the way, I have a date for a pre-surgery appointment on Tuesday afternoon with a nurse to go over what blood tests and such I’ll need.  I still don’t have a date for the actual surgery, but I assume we’ll talk about that at this appointment. 

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programing.

No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn’t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn’t her grandmother.

How fitting is it, that Impish Dragon’s Birth falls under the month of ………DRAGON GOD!!!

To the thief who stole my glasses:

I will find you…I have contacts.

Actually, that’s my Aunt Sissy

I asked a train engineer how many times he’s derailed the train. 

He looked at me and said, “I honestly don’t know…it’s hard to keep track.”

4…3…2…1…Ready or not, here I come!

It’s not a bad likeness of me, but I am mostly blue …

I wanted to be a Gregorian Monk, but I never had the chants.

So, apparently RSVP’ing back to a wedding invite “maybe next time” isn’t the correct response.

I see what the problem is here…

I’m speaking in English, and you’re listening in Dumbass.

Sure, you can get your wife jewelry or an expensive purse or perfume for Christmas, but she will never forget the Christmas you got her a mop.  Never. 

Follow me for more holiday gift ideas.

Your Jameson, sir.

I watched a documentary on marijuana last night. 

That’s probably how I’ll watch all documentaries from now on.

I’m really getting into the Thanksgiving spirit. 

I’ve given the bird to lots of people in the last week or so.

I received this email Saturday

Dear Mr. Impish,

I wanted to write you a long time ago, since your message about offending some people with the political rants.

Your mails are one of the few islands of normality in this crazy world. Please don’t change anything. I see lately some good developments (the Rittenhouse verdict, the Virginia gubernatorial run, etc.)… It looks like people are getting to their senses, hopefully so. But the libs are going crazier by the day. F them.

Best wishes for your health and upcoming challenges!

All best,
Dan

Thanks Dan, that really means a lot.  It’s emails like yours that keeps me doing what I do.  Oh, and he sent this picture along with the email:

Thanks again, Dan

My friend to Pfizer vaccine.  He is saying that “I am pfeeling pfine and pfantastic.  I had no pfever so pfar.”

Wow!  My kinda woman!

We always had a password for our kids, for anyone to pick them up, if we couldn’t.  It actually came into play one time.  I had to send one of my guys at work to pick my daughter up at school.  Before she had a cell phone.  I forgot to give him the password.  I was on my way to the hospital, so you can understand me forgetting.  I did try to get ahold of the school to let them know that he was going to pick her up and I did think that she would remember him.  She kind of remembered him but would NOT go with him if he didn’t have the password.  He had to get ahold of me in the emergency room to get the password to pick her up (this was before Mrs. Dragon had gotten sick and she was working and teaching and couldn’t be reached by him).  Anyway, the process worked.  It worked really well.

Is there really anyone who DOESN’T know NOT TO MICROWAVE METAL?

Threw out my back sleeping and tweaked my neck sneezing so I’m probably just one strong fart away from complete paralysis.

God, sometimes I think this describes me to a T!

Holy crap!  Go to school!  Get an education!  Until then, stay off text and don’t embarrass yourself!

I don’t understand how a cemetery can raise it’s funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

An apple a day is bullcrap.  Apples are dangerous.  Just look at Eve, Snow White, or any pig at a luau…

When I was young I was scared of the dark.  Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.

Tablets were replaced by scrolls.  Scrolls were replaced by books. 

Now we scroll through books on tablets.

The most dangerous game is resting your eyes after you turned off the alarm clock in the morning.

That’s it my friends.  I hope you have a good week.  See you all on Thanksgiving.  Love and happiness to you all.

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1 Response to Dragon Laffs #1962

  1. Leah D says:

    The deal is . . . because you have access to far more information about what is really going on than any of us, I need you to post how you feel about people, incidences, the chance in hell we will ever see “normal” again.

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