Dragon Laffs #1959


Good Morning Campers,

So, you may be asking yourself, why is it that Impish is Jumping For Joy?  Well…not for any real good reason.  You could call it a sarcastic jump.  That would be fitting.  Got back from the surgeon’s office this morning (Thursday) and it was just like I said, the first words out of his mouth were, “So we are going to try and schedule your surgery for before the end of the year to get the insurance to pay for as much of this as possible.”  Gotta love that man.  So, there was no question even that I need a hip replacement.  When I mentioned my shoulder pain, he asked me which was bothering me more, I said the hip was probably more important since I stand on it most of the time and he agreed.  He moved my shoulder around a little bit and when I squeaked in pain he said, “Rotator cuff.  Want a shot?”  I said, “When?”  He said, “Right now.” I said, “Hell yes!”  So, I did come home with a little bit of relief today.

Anyway, the last time I had the right hip done, I was off for two weeks, and then on telework from home for four more weeks.  That wouldn’t break my heart at all right now.  So … we’ll see what happens.  The only truly bad part is the expense.  Not sure how I’m going to pay for it, but I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.  They’ll have to set up a payment plan for us or something, right?

Merry Christmas!  LOL!  Oh well, if it wasn’t this, it would be something else.  Let’s move on to the fun stuff, and not worry about tomorrow.  It will certainly come soon enough and take care of itself.

This is going to end very, very badly for someone.

I used to just crastinate, but I got so good, I went pro.

Someone said my clothes were gay.

I said, “Yeah, they came out of the closet this morning.”

Money

The most popular labor-saving device is still money. – Phyllis George

Successful investing takes time, discipline, and patience. No matter how great the talent or effort, some things just take time: You can’t produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant. – Warren Buffet

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it. – Stephen Leacock

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age I don’t even buy green bananas.” – Claude Pepper

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy. – Pike Mulligan

There were times when my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails. – Spencer Tracy

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me. – Warren Buffet

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work. – Robert Orben

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. – Oscar Wilde

An accountant is someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand. – Anon

Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position. – Christopher Marlowe

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. – Anon

Hell, I’d be IN the race!

ESPECIALLY in the face of evil!

I went line dancing last night. 

Well, it was a roadside sobriety test…same thing.

Dammit!  They spotted another one of us!

More guardians.  It takes an awful lot of them to protect this business.

The First Rule of Passive Aggressive Club is…

You know what, never mind, it’s FINE.

This is AWESOME!!!  It’s called 34 Epic Wins to Restore Faith in Humanity, but what it really is is just a bunch of really cool … stuff.  Flip through these pictures and you won’t be sorry you did.  Thanks for sharing with us Stephanie.  https://www.smartnews.com/p/4348262477193029653

 

“Come.  Sit.  Let us talk.”

I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger’s cat and Pavlov’s dog team up for a cross country adventure… 

So, I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my ten year old daughter. 

The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not.

Don’t call me lazy until you’ve walked a couple of steps in my slippers.

Always love a woman for her personality. 

They have 10, on average, so you can choose.

You know a girl is mad when she starts a sentence saying, “I just find it funny how…” 

Because there’s a 99.9% chance she did not find it funny.

I really love these garage doors!!

I may not have a hot body, but I have a hot bucket of fried chicken, so who’s the real winner here?

And some more garage doors, just because they are so neat.

This one would have to be my favorite. And probably what mine will look like upon retirement.
Or maybe this one

Lie all you want on social media, lie to your family and friends, but that mirror in the bathroom is cold blooded.

It’s actually the voices outside my head that bother me the most!

You are going to get a few more of these than normal today, both because there is so much to say and because you guys have given me SO MANY political memes that my space for them is about full and I need to make room for more.  So, what do you say we be politically incorrect for a little while, shall we?

No shit.  Come and try and take them.

And boy do we miss those prices now.

And when it’s anthem is played, you stand respectfully, with your hand over your heart or (if you are allowed) render a salute.  You DO NOT kneel.

And I don’t understand why the American people don’t see that?

Can we please sing that one a little louder!  Everyone of you elected people, you work for us!  You are our employees!  You are the hired help!

Yes you do!  Please, Mr. and Mrs. America and all the little Americans out there: Please, please, please get it through your heads.  These elected people are nothing special.  They are only in charge because we put them in charge.  They are supposed to act in OUR interests.  As soon as they stop acting in our interests we are supposed to get rid of them and put someone else in their place who WILL act in our interest.  That’s the democratic process.  Would you take this crap from the kid who mowed your lawn?  Would you let that drunken Nancy Pelosi babysit your kids?  Would you trust Biden to protect your house at night?  Then why are we trusting them with our most important asset?

 

It’s well past time.

I don’t know if that’s true or not.  It could be photoshopped.  But either way it’s funny as hell.  So, let’s end with one more, only because it follows on with the last one so perfectly.

That’s enough being politically incorrect for now.  Believe it or not, that’s not even half of what you guys have sent me.  Don’t stop.  I love them all and they make me laugh, which I really need right now.

Well, it seems the monsters under my bed are afraid of the skeletons in my closet.

I’m taking care of my procrastination issues; 

Just you wait and see.

Ain’t that the truth

Pro Tip:  Yell out exactly what you want for Christmas near your partner’s cell phone and just wait for Facebook to send pop-up ads their way.

The most common national celebration on Earth is actually a holiday shared by 65 different countries, on different days in each country, on an annual basis averaging out to being celebrated somewhere on the planet once every six days: 

Independence from the British.

Am I the only one who has questions here?

A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor. “Is Fred home?” he asked the woman who answered the door.

“Sorry,” the woman replied. “Fred’s gone for cotton.”

The next day the collector tried again. “Is Fred here today?”

“No, sir,” she said, “I’m afraid Fred has gone for cotton.”

When he returned the third day he questioned, “I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again?”

“No,” the woman answered solemnly, “Fred died yesterday.”

Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and investigate the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there was poor Fred’s tombstone, with this inscription: “Gone, But Not for Cotton.”

And Imma just end right here while the youngsters try to figure out the last one and I tell the rest of y’all to have a wonderful weekend.  I hope to hear from the surgeon’s office soon about the hip surgery and I’ll pass that on to you guys for prayers and such and in the meantime we will continue to get together to laugh and joke and poke fun at stuff.  May love and laughter bless you and yours until we next sit down and share a cup.  

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1959

  1. Bob Mink says:

    My doc said I would need hip surgery next year, I told them to forget it. I live alone, am 88 years old and have not intention of going to a convalesent home, that would be like jail to me and also my dog would not like it.

  2. Leah D says:

    You are one lucky fella to get a surgery done so fast . . . . believe me, the docs here are booked out to Feb & Mar of 2022.
    But then, Utah is one of the 5 states with the highest covid numbers, so maybe it’s not like that in other states.
    Another benefit of getting it done before the end of the year, means you can claim the expenses on your taxes, get your money back faster.
    Of course, to do that you need to have paid for it in 2021 . . . so, I think we need to start a pay it forward account, which I don’t know how to do, so is there anyone out there who can?
    Or maybe, start a pay per laff tax?

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