Good Morning Campers,

I don’t remember why I used this header originally, but I like it so I figure it’s a good enough reason to use it again.  It is an awesome looking picture and the lair of the Dragon Queen is a demonically majestic affair … and a bitch to keep clean … but that is a story for another time.

Anyway, thanks to all of you who wrote in and told me it was quite alright for me to get some sleep.  I appreciate it and will copy you hear with some of the better ones further in this issue.

In the meantime, I think it best to just get to the laughter, don’t you?

 

Heaven forbid!  Don’t do that!!!

Why do celebrities always say they are moving to Canada?  What’s the matter with Mexico?  Are they racists?

Watching my daughter at the park earlier.  Another parent asked, “Which one’s yours?”  Just for fun I said, “I’m still choosing.” She looked horrified.

I’m sick of numbers defining me.  My GPA, My weight, My First Degree Murder Convictions, My Grades.  These things aren’t who I am!

I really, REALLY like this one:
Whatever you’re doing today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman T-Shirt!

2020: I’m not adding this year to my age.  I didn’t use it.

Three weeks ago I sent my hearing aids in for repair.

I’ve heard nothing since.

I have, as a former bomb loader, loaded bombs with messages on them, faces on them, pictures on them, personalized directions on them, and other things on them.  So, this particular picture, although not one of mine, still brings back fond memories.

Thank you Lynn, for this next one and I agree with you 100% that it should be shared over and over and over again:

 

After you turn 50 years old:  You can’t recognize letters up close, but you can recognize idiots from far away.

Although … this one is from Lynn too: 

Anybody have an owners manual for a husband?  Mine’s making a whining sound.

I really only included that joke for the Jameson reference, for it is indeed the Nectar of the Gods.  Otherwise, it’s a pretty old joke.

Leah D. writes: 

When I saw this, I got a big laugh out of it, and I thought of what you wrote in the message you sent today.

EXACTLY!!!!

And now is a good time to show you the comments from our loving campers:

Aussie Peter

HANG IN THERE MATE, WE’LL WAIT. AUSSIE PETE.

Joe L

thank you for the quick note. but……your sleep is always more important than letting us know. if you don’t take care of yourself, we don’t get any laffs! sleep well and may your body be revitalized!!

Thanks guys!  I appreciate your concern.  Truly.

nogardcimsoc

If dragons don’t get their proper sleep, they turn really vicious. Can’t be having that. Sleep well, Impish.

Donnie G

Get your sleep, Impish. Can’t be having sleep-deprived, cranky dragons flying about, wreaking havoc, causing chaos, devouring virgins, destroying civilization, (wait, is THIS was 2020 has been all about?!? Sleep deprived dragons?)

Don’t be blaming this shit on me and my mates!   Well, the devouring virgins part maybe, …. But none of the rest of that nonsense!!!

Well, now it’s Sunday night and I’m running out of time for this for Monday.  It’s been a lousy weekend with work.  I’ve had like zero time to do anything else.  So … Happy Holidays!!!!

Yeah, right!

We gotta laugh folks!  Cause this sucks.

Okay, I’m printing this next one as a public service for so many of you guys out there … I think I’ve gotten it from 20 or 30 of you, plus I’ve gotten it from about a dozen people who aren’t even Dragon Laffs readers.  So here it is… as a public service announcement:

Those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, would you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together? Every time I come around the corner, I think it’s the police and I have a panic attack. I have to brake hard, toss my beer out the window, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat. All while trying to drive.

It’s just too much drama, even for Christmas. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.

Now … all of you anxiety ridden people can settle down … just do like I do and ignore all of it… or shoot first.

People think I’m crazy because I talk to my dogs.  What am I supposed to do?  Just ignore them when they ask me a question?

Quite frankly, the “F” word can be the ONLY word in the English language that accurately describes some situations.

The word is “FEAR” of course!  What in world were you thinking?  Sometimes I truly worry about you!

Wise Advice from a Farmer’s Wife

Whenever you return a borrowed pie pan, make sure it’s got a warm pie in it.

Invite lots of folks to supper. You can always add more water to the soup.

There’s no such thing as a woman’s work on a farm. There’s just work.

Make home a happy place for the children. Everybody returns to their happy place.

Always keep a small light on in the kitchen window at night.

If your man gets his truck stuck in the field, don’t go in after him. Throw him a rope and pull him out with the tractor.

Keep the kerosene lamp away from the milk cow’s leg.

It’s a whole lot easier to get breakfast from a chicken than a pig.

Always pat the chickens when you take their eggs.

It’s easy to clean an empty house, but hard to live in one.

All children spill milk. Learn to smile and wipe it up.

Homemade’s always better’n store bought.

A tongue’s like a knife. The sharper it is the deeper it cuts.

A good neighbor always knows when to visit and when to leave.

A city dog wants to run out the door, but a country dog stays on the porch ’cause he’s not fenced-in.

Always light birthday candles from the middle outward.

Nothin’ gets the frustrations out better’n splittn’ wood.

The longer dress hem, the more trusting the husband.

Enjoy doing your children’s laundry. Some day they’ll be gone.

You’ll never catch a runnin’ chicken but if you throw seed around the back door you’ll have a skillet full by supper.

Biscuits brown better with a little butter brushed on ’em.

Check your shoelaces before runnin’ to help somebody.

Visit old people who can’t get out. Someday you’ll be one.

The softer you talk, the closer folks’ll listen.

The colder the outhouse, the warmer the bed.

Thanks to John S for this one … if I may say, it’s just fucking perfect:

And I’m afraid that I’ve run out of time and I have to end this here.  My love to you all.  I hope you’ve had a great weekend.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon