Dragon Laffs #1814


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Good Morning Campers,

0aa1Welcome to Saturday and the weekend!  While you guys are reading this I’m off teaching my GIs CBRN Defense class.  Granted, it is the BEST part of my job, but I still would rather be at home, relaxing and laughing.  But, somebody’s got to do it and if it’s got to be done, I’d rather it be done by me because I know it will be done correctly. 

So, without further ado, let’s get right to the laughter and we’ll do more catching up later.

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No kidding!  Not only would she be fair, but there wouldn’t be any bullshit going on, either.

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Like that could be overlooked.

Here is a great take on the “… walks into a bar” joke.  Thanks to Stephanie for sending these along.  There’s enough of them that I’m going to spread them out a little bit.

bar was walked into by the passive voice.

An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

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MY EYES!  MY EYES!  OH DEAR GOD!!!

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A question mark walks into a bar?


A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out — we don’t serve your type.”

A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

Yes, some of them require you to think!

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A synonym strolls into a tavern.

At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

A figure of speech literally walks Into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

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Absolutely marvelous!

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An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

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Definitely the kind of person  we need running the greatest country in the world (I really need need to find that sarcasm font)

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A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

And sadly that’s it.  Some of them were bloody brilliant!  Thanks again, Stephanie.

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This is us last weekend … we had a few too many beers and decided to pick on the neighbors.

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I’m sorry, it’s mean, but I laughed like hell at this one.

And hey!  God a letter from Joe in NJ! 

Impish,

 

I had two firsts today.

1.   A throbbing headache woke me at 3am. Ibuprofen time!

 

2. I did not stay up and read your latest issue. (Mainly because the pain was behind my right eye and it hurt to read.)

 

About the picture of the hangar full of foam…

My Navy time (Also had Air Force time) was the end of 1962 thru 1966. I was in an anti submarine squadron (VS-36) at Norfolk NAS. We had S-2D’s.

All of our cruises except for one lousy one on the USS Intrepid, was on the USS Randolph. During one cruise, the fog foam system went off in hangar bay #3. Besides messy, it smelled horrible! Don’t think they ever stopped the stink.

The liberty launches, both enlisted and officers were hit. The Admiral’s launch was not spared.

 

     …Joe in NJ

 

Another day without needing algebra!

 

Joe,

 

I’m not sure about the smell.  I think I would have remembered it if it were that bad.  So, I’m going to assume that it wasn’t.  So not sure if yours was different than mine or if my memory is just failing me in my old age…or maybe the Navy just used different foam than the Air Force.  Who knows, but thanks for the story.

 

Impish

 

And another quick one from Joe …

 

Q: What kind of birds stick together?
A: Vel-crows!

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Fantasy Pic

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Mother Nature relaxing at home

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I have huge trash bags full of plastic bags…because I use them at work.  In fact, I have an entire locker full of them.  Any military members out there remember what the plastic grocery bags are used for in my world?  Think MOPP gear. 
Think I’m kidding?  This is me getting ready for work tomorrow:
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Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell.  Like, hey you,  I love you so much, I’m gonna get the government involved so you can’t leave.

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Be careful when you blindly follow the masses … sometimes the “M” is silent.

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Man has made it to the moon, but we still haven’t figured out how to actually prevent a hangover.

Priorities people!  Come on!

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The Basement

The big guns

The bikini

The birds never

The Boss

The Concrete

The economy

The Empire

The First cup of coffee

The First Cup

The Floor

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The reason that all Star Trek spaceships meet each other the same way up is because there is a universally decided ‘down’ direction.

Every warp capable vessel has a piece of buttered toast suspended in an antimatter containment unit.  It is picked up and dropped automatically by little robot arms, within the unit, four times a minute.  The orientation of the buttered side tells the onboard computer which way is down, even when light years from any gravitational field.

Klingon ships use a slice of K’gacch spread with T’kr’lagg but the effect is the same.

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I end a lot of my sentences with “just saying” because ending the sentence with “dumb ass” would probably be considered offensive.

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It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside…

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And … out of time dear friends.  Working tomorrow, so gotta call it a night early tonight.  Lots of laughs to all of you.  Love and happiness, too.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1814

  1. Don Graves says:

    When I was in the Navy back in the 70s and 80s we used a “protein foam” for firefighting, and believe me it stank. So much so that when I was assigned to take firefighting classes I always wore old dungarees, so I could dispose of them after the class. There is more on foams, here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Firefighting_foam

  2. Leah D says:

    Time to give up?
    I got really scared when I woke Friday to a cold. If after all the isolation, spraying everything with alcohol, etc. I catch a cold . . . how am I hiding from Covid?
    I was doing some research, came across a website for the professionals . . . as in doctors, scientists, etc. It said a group was in Antarctica, in total isolation, for 17 weeks, had a breakout of the common cold.

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