Dragon Laffs #1813


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Good Morning Campers and Happy Thursday to you,

 What an issue we have for you today!  Full of laughter and 0aaexcitement.  After a long week, that’s exactly what we all need, I know.  So, if you could all grab your coffee or beverage of choice, make yourselves comfortable and let’s get to the laughter.  That is what you are all here for after all, right?  If you are here for something else … then I’m afraid you might be in the wrong place.

Let's Laugh 4

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Good Morning boys and girls, today we’re going to learn about hypocrites…

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Did you know that Sitting Bull’s mistress was known as Spread Eagle?

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Man!  That’s one of those great things that I wish I had written!

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Can you say it with me?

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A little poetry from Vincent:

There was a young girl of Darjeeling,
Who could dance with such exquisite feeling.
There was never a sound,
For miles around,
Save of fly-buttons hitting the ceiling.

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Song Hit:  I used to kiss her on the lips, but it’s all over now.

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This one is from Lynn:

Apparently, two iPhone users can text each other the words “pew pew” (the sound that lasers make, of course), and they will receive a laser show on screen.

And I tried it and it works

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Good Lord that’s enough political stuff for now, don’t you think?!

Anger Management

Justin Anthony Garcia, 30, of Lehigh Acres, Florida, landed in the Lee County Jail on Sept. 27 on charges of aggravated battery following a heated argument over which is better: whole milk or almond milk, reported Fox 23 News. Deputies of the Lee County Sheriff’s Office were called to the scene after the disagreement between two cousins escalated from verbal to physical, according to court documents, eventually ending with Garcia drawing a pocketknife and chasing his cousin through the front yard, cutting him on the torso. An uncle intervened and separated the two until deputies arrived, but the arrest complaint does not say which type of milk Garcia prefers. [Fox 23 News, 9/27/2020]

 

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Entrepreneurial Spirit

Two young men soliciting residents in Covina, California, for donations for the Covina High School football team ran into a problem when they appeared at the door of a resident who quickly questioned them: “It’s funny you bring that up, because I know for a fact that you guys don’t go to Covina because I teach there … I’m a football coach.” When neither of the alleged scammers could name the head coach, they left, Fox11 reported on Oct. 7, and the football team tweeted confirmation that the two were not with the program. [Fox 11, 10/7/2020]

 

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I love this time 0f year when you can dig grave in your front yard and people think it’s just a cute display.

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They say it is better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody?

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Pence: “Trump and I trust the American people to make choices for themselves and their families – Harris and Biden want to mandate how you care for yourself.”

Harris:  “The American people aren’t equipped to make these decisions for themselves.”

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My one goal in life is to piss off one person each day.

I’m currently four hundred years ahead of schedule.

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I’ve always wanted to walk up to a stranger, hand them a briefcase and whisper, “You know what to do.” and walk away.

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You don’t see that every day.

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A 5-year old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.  While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting the furniture, he looked up and said, “Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend?”

Grandma replied, “Honey, my TV is my boyfriend.  I can set in my bedroom and watch it all day long.  The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feels so good.

The comedies make me laugh.  I’m so happy with my TV as my boyfriend.”  Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible.  She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus.  Frustrated, she started hitting on the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.  The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door.

When he opened the door, there stood Grandma’s minister.  The minister said, “Hello son, is your grandma home?”

The little boy replied, “Yeah, she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her boyfriend.”

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History is not there for you to like or dislike.  It is there for you to learn from it.  And if it offends you, even better.  Because then you are less likely to repeat it.  It’s not yours to erase.  It belongs to all of us!

Sadly, those who need to learn THIS history lesson, won’t.

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Another thing you haven’t rarely seen.

So a couple years I moved out of state with a boyfriend. Was super excited about it but with reason had anxiety about being so far from friends and family. One of the ways my anxiety was coming out was with nightmares and night terrors. I’d wake up violently sitting up in a cold sweat, gasping and whatnot. On one particular night I had woken up the sound of our doorbell ringing. Which at 4 in the morning is nerve wracking. So I shook my boyfriend fully awake and told him I heard the doorbell and to go check it because I was scared. He quickly jumps up. Puts on clothes and grabs a bat. Goes all the way to the front door and opens it. I, scared shitless, am peeking around the corner watching it all go down. I see him step outside and I nervously await the verdict of the situation when I hear him call out to me. “Babe?” And I respond real shaky, “Yes?” He stands in the doorway with a real frustrated tired look in his eyes and says, “We don’t have a doorbell.”

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Untitled-02

Mornings come in 3 sizes

That Look

That Look2

that reminds me

That's a nice

that's not hard

The 2nd Ammendment

The 70s

the 80s

The 90's

The A Team

The Armadillo

There’s an armadillo?

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A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called ‘Yam’.

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn’t get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like ‘Hot Potato,’ and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!

But on the other hand she wouldn’t stay home and become a Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring Cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland .

And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries.

And when she went out West, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn’t get scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn’t associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, ‘Frito Lay.’

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that’s Potato University ) so that when she graduated she’d really be in the Chips.

But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw!

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn’t possibly marry Tom Brokaw Because he’s just……

Are you ready for this?

Are you sure?

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OK!

Here it is!

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A COMMONTATER

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Some days I astound myself, other days I put the laundry in the oven.

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This is just so wrong!

Okay, here’s one you have to try!  It works.

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And another one…and it’s perfect for Halloween!

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The sad thing is that there are those of you out there who are sitting there going, “What’s a Tribble?”  And it’s sad … so very, very sad.

Did you hear about the guy who started chirping after a one night stand?  They think he caught a canarial disease.

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And with that, we’ll end it here for today.  It’s been a week for all of us.  Can’t wait for the weekend to get here.  Have a great day my friends.

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1813

  1. Stephanie says:

    I’m voting in person as it’s all my family with the exception of my in-laws who are 89 and 90 and neither one can drive

  2. Leah D says:

    I am curious, is there anyone else out there who wants to vote in person? In Utah, they have made it what I consider to be extremely difficult to do so.
    My friend got her ballot, trouble is, she can’t see well enough to fill in the circles, so I guess I get to vote twice?!

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