Dragon Laffs #1766


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Good Morning Campers!

It’s Saturday, Saturday!  Although God only knows when you guys will be reading this!  Hopefully on Sunday!

It’s Saturday Morning before work, I have an afternoon class, small one, so I’m going to work on this for a little bit, go teach my class and then come back.  Supposed to storm all day anyway so we’ll see what happens after that.  So what do you say we jump into the fun stuff and get right to it?

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Yeah … it’s really kinda embarrassing when us older guys try to pick up on those younger women … we tend to really make fools of ourselves.  Not that that stops us or nothing … but it is still embarrassing.

I HAD A LOT OF STUFF TO DO TODAY.

NOW I HAVE A LOT OF STUFF TO DO TOMORROW.

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[My first day as a crime scene investigator]

Detective:  How did this man drown?

Me:  He couldn’t breathe underwater.

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Me:  [whispers] “Don’t tell my wife I made bacon in the toaster.”

My Wife:  [getting out of the car] “What the hell happened!?

All 6 Firemen:  “He made bacon in the toaster.”

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Men have called me mad; but the question is not settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest of intelligence …~ Edgar Allan Poe  (1809 – 1849)

Only 40 years old when he left us … just think what he could have contributed had he stuck around.

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A belly button is basically a scar from when you got into a knife fight with a guy in a mask after being evicted from your first place.

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I’ve found that most banks are like that anyway.  Not mine.  I belong to a Credit Union and those guys are GREAT!!

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Got this fitness advice from Lynn …

Eggs are fantastic for a fitness diet.  If you don’t like the taste, just add cocoa, flour, sugar, butter, baking powder, and cook at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.

I’m not sure Lynn … but isn’t that a recipe for chocolate cake?

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In the daily briefing for the weather the weather man suggested with 100% certainty that the forecast for the afternoon call for heavy rains.
Assistant: “Are you positive, sir?”
Weatherman: “Yes indeed. I’ve lost my umbrella, I got my car washed on the way in, I’m going golfing, and my wife’s giving a lawn party.”

I’d go with 100% certainty as well!

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If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

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When I was told I was having a girl, I couldn’t wait until we could sit together bonding while I brushed her hair and gave her cute little hair styles … turns out it’s less of a cute, bonding moment and more like a priest trying to perform an exorcism. 

When I read the above to Mrs. Dragon she just rolled her eyes and said that she remembered doing anything like that with Izzy … the baths and the washing of the hair and then I remembered the screams … and how I thought one or the other of them was being drowned or disemboweled … so yeah.

I have to say, that this next one … I love.  I love the whole idea of …

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When I showed it to Izzy, she thought it was more appropriate for Gen Z (which is her generation) (and which kinda made me proud) but you know, thinking about the physics and the engineering of this whole thing, it would heat up, probably pretty quickly, and depending on what it’s made of, you may even be able to get it to melt inside the kid’s nose!  I think that would be friggin’ awesome!!!  Yup, I REALLY like this picture!  No matter which generation you are trying to jump start!

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The most astute thing I think I’ve read all week …

There are two types of tired:  one that requires rest, and one that requires peace.  ~ unknown

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I’m at the place in my life where errands count as “Going Out”

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I’m so sick and tired of my friends who can not handle their alcohol.  Last night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.

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You have no friggin’ idea how badass he was.

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We’re deeply into the N’s and we’re going to see a lot of Ninjas today …

Nice Rack

nice try

Night light

Night Vision

Ninja Convention

Ninja Dogs

Ninja Kitten

Ninja Roo

Ninja

Ninjas with guns

ninjas

Ninjas2

Ninjas3

ninjas4

nipples

It’s a strange male infantile reaction, but yes … yes they do make us happy.

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This one is from Aussie Peter … Not sure really what kind of day he’s having … 

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $300 to a poor guy.  You wouldn’t believe the immense happiness and relief I felt as he slid the pistol back into his waistband.

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Just been to Pick n Pay and watched someone buy all the mussels, crabs, prawns, and crayfish and I thought, “You shellfish bastard!!”

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There are two rules in life:

1.  Never give out all the information

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Human Logic:

Cut down the trees

Make paper with the trees

Write on the paper “SAVE THE TREES”

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Mail Call 2

 

Danny

Thanks again for all the good stuff. Your page rocks.

Thanks Danny, I deeply appreciate your comments…they mean a lot.  Cheers.

 

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Subtle, very subtle … or not.

Are we purchasing school clothes or more alcohol in August?

Asking for a friend.

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Okay kids, this is starting to get stupid now.  Can we still order black coffee?  Are brownies being taken off the shelf?  Is White Castle changing its name?  I’m sure Cracker Barrel is screwed!  Can we still play Chinese Checkers?  Is it still called an Indian Burn?  What about an Italian Sausage, are they gone now?  Damn, I really like them.  How about Polish Sausage?  But, we can call those Kielbasa.  How far are we going to go with this foolishness?  Are French Fries no longer French Fries?  We called them Freedom Fries for awhile, but that was for a different reason.  What about White Out, but I’ll bet you like that name.  How about Black Beans, Black Tea, or Black Eyed Peas? 

Can someone still be black balled?  Black listed?  How about writing a white paper?  What about using a black light?  Although that’s an ultra-violet light, I suppose we could say that, instead.  Can I order a Black Russian when I go to the bar?  Oh shit, what are we going to call the shopping day on the day after Thanksgiving?  We can’t call it Black Friday anymore … and what about all the January White Sales?  Are we still allowed to have Black History Month?  But, can’t we just have all inclusive History Month?

ARE WE TIRED OF THE STUPID SHIT YET?  Let me try this again …

ARE WE TIRED OF THIS STUPID SHIT YET?!?! 

These are fucking words … and if you are going to get yourselves wrapped around the axle over something so damn dumb, like the name of an ice cream bar, then you don’t have a life to begin with.

And I’m the Impish Dragon and those are my thoughts!

Cheers!

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1 Response to Dragon Laffs #1766

  1. Leah D. says:

    The Houston Association of Realtors (HAR) is dropping the word “master” from bedroom and bathroom listings and replacing it with the word “primary,” according to KPRC.
    Several HAR members called for the association to change the way it describes master bedrooms and master bathrooms due to the word “master,” which has been linked to sexism and slavery.
    people respond;
    why don’t we throw the dictionary out along with the constitution and history …. this is getting ridiculous people
    So “Masters Degrees” will be next to go I guess.
    What about “master cylinder” or “slave cylinder”?….we gonna fire all the mechanics that work on brake systems?
    I guess then we must eliminate master carpenter, master electrician, masterpiece? Where does the stupidity end?
    What am I gonna do with my master key
    And my favorite: white bread will now be called “privilege loaf”.

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