Dragon Laffs #1686–Day 1


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Good Morning Campers,

Day 1 and I’m up and running.  Here’s an idea of what my dining room table now looks like:
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I know, right?  Mrs. Dragon is pretty pissed off.  And to think that this could last for several weeks.  I could definitely be in the
Dog house and bowl with a bone vector illustration

 It’s a damn good thing she loves me…although for the life of me, there are times that I really don’t know why she does.

Let’s jump in a do a little humor while I get things together for the day.

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Some people aren’t shaking hands because of the Coronavirus.  I’m not shaking hands because everyone’s out of toilet paper.

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How long is this social distancing supposed to last?  My wife keeps trying to come in the house.

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Does anyone know how long toilet paper will last if you freeze it?

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Day 4 of social distancing: Struck up a conversation with a spider today.  Seems nice.  He’s a web designer.

Heard today that there are scammers that are emailing people and threatening them that if they don’t send $4,000 in bitcoin they will infect their families.  And people are falling for it because they are scared. 

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Relationship Tips:

When your woman is acting up just tell her: “Less Bitchin’ More Kitchen’”
Trust me, women love it when men Rhyme.

slap1

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I never called you stupid.  But when I asked you how to spell Mississippi, and you asked if I was talking about the river or the state, it just kind of caught me off guard.

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Can you possibly imagine Calvin being on home school like the kids are right now?

Just got sent this from our dear friend Suzy, who also happens to be our Realtor, who sold us our house and that’s how she became our dear friend:

Here, hold my beer:

The reports are that the truckers are getting supplies to the stores.  People are stocking the shelves all night and letting old people shop first.  Carnival Cruise Line told Trump, “We can match those big Navy Hospital Ships with some fully staffed cruise ships.”  GM said hold our cars and watch this; we can make those ventilators where we were making cars starting next week.  Women and children are making homemade masks and handing out snacks to truckers.  Restaurants and schools said, “We’ve got kitchens and staff, we can feed kids.” Churches are holding on-line services and taking care of their members and community.  NBA basketball players said, “Hold our basketballs while we write checks to pay the arena staff.”  Construction companies said, “Here are some masks for the medical staff and doctors.” Breweries are making sanitizer out of leftover ingredients.
We thought we couldn’t live without Baseball, NASCAR, NBA or going to the beach, restaurants or a bar.  Instead, we’re trying to keep those businesses open by ordering take-out.
America is saying, “Hey, hold my beer and watch this!”
I think a Japanese Admiral in the middle of the Pacific said it best in 1941, “I think we have awakened sleeping giant.”
Give us a few more weeks (maybe months) and we will be doing much better!  And stop listening to the hysterical media!

Amen baby!  This here’s America! Here, hold my beer whilst I fuck up this Coronaviruses’ ass!

Seriously though, it’s posts like that one that just swells my heart with pride.  Thanks Suzy.

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Amen!

You know you’ve been married a long time when “In the mood” means

… we’re getting brownies.

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I don’t remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome.

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When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

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It’s the start of a brand new day and I’m off like a herd of turtles.

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If you get an email that says, “DING DONG”
DON’T OPEN IT!
It is from Jehovah’s Witnesses
Working from Home

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Guess I’m not from Louisiana, cause I don’t have a freakin’ clue!

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Oh, that’s just wrong!
Funny as hell!
But just wrong!

So, day one is going well, pretty slow really.  I’ve maintained connectivity throughout, which is nice.  My guys haven’t been as lucky.  So, let’s go to some comments from yesterday’s issue, shall we?

Maggie

Love the unexpected suprise I’m a Jerseyite so no need to explain the PORK ROLL SAMMIE!!I I’m in the OLD catagory also, so only go out to doc as necessary and food store.
Stay safe and well and I look forward to the next issue

Maggie

Thanks Mags!  Gotta love the Pork Roll!  Don’t know why your name is crossed out, but be well Jersey Girl!  Stay safe, stay home and wash your hands!

Love, Impish

kris

Thanks for making us laugh during these weird & trying times. May you & yours (and everyone else out there reading this) stay healthy!

Thanks Kris!  That’s my job!  Laughter and a calming and caring attitude!  AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Spider!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh…….. sorry…. just a dust bunny.   I’m gonna have to talk to Mrs. Dragon about dusting this place…well … maybe not.  Anyway, thanks for the kind words.  And remember, Stay home, stay safe, and wash your hands!

Love, Impish.

Well, that’s all the mail for now.  We’ll check back in on the mail box later.

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Yes, it is an old joke.  (I can hear you haters out there) but it is funny.  And quite an accurate gauge to see who loves you more.

Mail Call 1

And another one:

Brenda Camp

Got a question I have a cute comic you might like how do i do that

Hi Brenda, it’s easy.  Send it to impishdragon@gmail.com and that will come straight to me in my underground lair.

Love, Impish

Oh, and Stay Safe, Stay Home, and Wash Your Hands

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Okay, so I would’ve laughed.

So listen… Not sure how it is in your state and I know that an awful lot of you campers are in my range and considered at risk (that means that you’re old) but here in Indiana one person who died was in their 50s and everyone else was 60 or older.  That means that we’re at risk.  So, stay at home if at all possible.  You got grandkids, or most of you do, send them brats to the store ( I know, their not brats, their adorable, it’s the other grand parents grandkids that are brats, yours are great!) Or send your rotten kids to the store.  Yes, I know your kids are rotten and your grandkids are awesome.

Anyway, I NEED you guys to take care of yourself.  I don’t have enough readers as it is, I can’t afford to lose any of you, so listen to me, please.  I know what it is I’m talking about.  Social distancing is the ONLY thing that’s going to kick this thing in the butt.  STAY AT HOME.  Take the time off.  Watch TV.  Play games.  Write to your favorite dragon. (I better be your favorite dragon!  You better NOT be two-timing me with another dragon!)

Anyway, that’s it for today.  Write to me and let me know how you’re doing and I’ll share it with the group.

Cheers!

Impish

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1686–Day 1

  1. Leah D says:

    “Off like a herd of turtles”….when I was young, and at home, there were 8 kids, my mother was twice widowed, so there wasn’t much money. When we all loaded up in the old station wagon, that had one door wired closed because the thingamajig that kept it closed was broken, one of us would always call out Off like . . . One day, my brother, not on purpose, said, “Off like hurdle turtles”, we all died laughing, and it became a family joke.
    Thanks for bringing back the memory

  2. Dale says:

    Impish…hope you and your love ones are safe and healthy. I am in Las Vegas and have stayed in my house for the past week…and probably will be this way for awhile too. Casino’s, schools, etc. are all shut down here. I have only left the house to just drive around my neighborhood for a while and to drop off mail in a box in front of the post office….so exciting!!! Take care sir!!!

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