Another Hump Day arrives, oh the joy. As if that’s not bad enough I have the Dragon inciting you all to get me electrocuted by doing something that will get you arrested if it happens in public (see Introspection below) and the weather guessers are guessing T-storms for me today. I’ve got some heavy copper braided grounding cable here. Think its time I wired myself to the Dragon’s chair, stepped off the rubber mats, take off me rubber Wellies stand in a puddle of salt water and see how funny he thinks it bloody well is when its his arse getting shocked by a couple of teravolts of static electricity!

Here’s something for ya ta be thinking on while you are all trying to get me lightening bolted, your dear Mothers all told you I’m sure if you didn’t stop that you’d go blind. Since we don’t offer a braille version of DragonLaffs, how do you expect to read it once you do go blind from trying to get me fried and making that demented dragon happy?

Now pardon me while I run some heavy cable under the carpets before he gets in and do me a favor- stay away from any TSA Agents until I get this set up please. Mean while you people amuse yourself… NOT LIKE THAT!

BY LAUGHING!

A Dragon size thank you to K-squared for todays coffee banner as well as the following not so humorous and all too real graphic. K-square comments:

With the ever-increasing price of gasoline for my vehicles, I’ve been forced to revised the readout on my truck’s fuel gauge:

.

Ain’t it the sad (and expensive) truth?

And MORE proof that TRUTH is stranger’n FICTION!

       A 47-year-old gay man was arrested at San Francisco International Airport after ejaculating while being patted down by a male TSA agent.  Percy Cummings, an interior designer from San Francisco, is being held without bail after the alleged incident, charged with sexually assaulting a Federal agent.
       According to Cummings’ partner, Sergio Armani, Cummings has “multiple piercings on his manhood” which were detected during a full body scan.  As a result, Cummings was pulled aside for a pat-down.  Armani stated that the unidentified TSA agent spent “an inordinate amount of time groping” Cummings, who had apparently become sexually aroused.  Cummings, who has a history of sexual dysfunction, ejaculated while the TSA agent’s hand was feeling the piercings.  The TSA agent, according to several witnesses, promptly called for back up.  Cummings was thrown to the ground and handcuffed.
A TSA spokesperson declined to comment on this specific case, but said that anyone ejaculating during a pat-down would be subject to arrest.

Seems to me if the TSA agent groped him long enough and well enough for Sergio to “rocket” the wrong person is being charged with sexual assault! For both their healths sake’s I hope it was safe sex!

The typewriter has joined the ranks of obsolete technology, as the last company on earth to produce the typewriter – Godrej and Boyce – has shut down it’s production plant in India. (Oh goodie, more telemarketers, help desk employees & 7-11 operators just hit the “I Can’t Understand A Fecking Word You are Saying Cheap Outsourced Labor” Job Market!)

I wonder if we can find a “green” use for all those old manual typewriters floating around, like say manual full sized keyboards for iPads?

What do you think? Uses no batteries to pollute landfills and you never have to recharge it. Combines the function of desktop stand and keyboard into one handy small footprint unit too. Not your style? You don’t have an iPad  you say?! (How’s Steve Jobs supposed to afford all those cashmere turtlenecks? Well maybe we can recycle them into desk top computer keyboards like these examples instead!

How about an “All in One”  made from a Lap Top that fits entirely in a manual typewriter?

And before you ask YES they are ALL fully functioning works of art. Each one took an enormous amount of ingenuity craftsmanship,technical know how and some serious scrounging and one dedicated hobbyist to create!

If he has to get it ALL in there its likely to take a while so the rest of you get comfy! I Hope the Doctor capable of treating electrical burns of an arse that’s the size of a bloody short bus! Bloody well sodden conspire to get me fecking lightening bolted on a regular basis will ya?

World’s Oldest Man Dies In Montana At 114

Breuning Was 26 Days Younger Than Besse Cooper, World’s Oldest Person

MATT VOLZ, Associated Press Posted: 7:43 pm EDT April 14, 2011Updated: 7:02 am EDT April 15, 2011

GREAT FALLS, Mont. — Walter Breuning’s earliest memories stretched back 111 years, before home entertainment came with a twist of the radio dial. They were of his grandfather’s tales of killing Southerners in the Civil War. Breuning was 3 and horrified: “I thought that was a hell of a thing to say.”

But the stories stuck, becoming the first building blocks into what would develop into a deceptively simple philosophy that Breuning, the world’s oldest man at 114 before he died Thursday, credited to his longevity.

Here’s the world’s oldest man’s secret to a long life:

– Embrace change, even when the change slaps you in the face. (“Every change is good.”)

– Eat two meals a day (“That’s all you need.”)

– Work as long as you can (“That money’s going to come in handy.”)

– Help others (“The more you do for others, the better shape you’re in.”)

Then there’s the hardest part. It’s a lesson Breuning said he learned from his grandfather: Accept death.

“We’re going to die. Some people are scared of dying. Never be afraid to die. Because you’re born to die,” he said.

Breuning died of natural causes in a Great Falls hospital where he had been a patient for much of April with an undisclosed illness, said Stacia Kirby, spokeswoman for the Rainbow Senior Living retirement home where Breuning lived.

He was the oldest man in the world and the second-oldest person, according to the Los Angeles-based Gerontology Research Group. Besse Cooper of Monroe, Ga. – born 26 days earlier – is the world’s oldest person.

In an interview with The Associated Press at his home in the Rainbow Retirement Community in Great Falls last October, Breuning recounted the past century – and what its revelations and advances meant to him – with the wit and plain-spokenness that defined him. His life story is, in a way, a slice of the story of the country itself over more than a century.

To read more about this man’s incredible memories of a life time spanning a century plus:

Sex Study…

It has been determined that the most used Sexual position for married couples is the doggie position.

The husband sits up and begs.

The wife rolls over and plays dead.

In Impish’s case there’s even some panting, whining and a really pathetic look to accompany the begging! He told me that recently he and his wife had finally achieved sexual compatibility…seems they both had headaches on the same night and didn’t want any!

I think old Rin Tin Tin there wants some gum!

This was in the Waco Tribune Herald, Waco, TX 18 Nov 2010 and  was apparently from what I can tell a “Letter To the Editor” authored by Alfred W Evans 1SG, USA(Ret) Gatesville, Texas. It comes to us courtesy of reader Paul Bader. Thanks Paul I had this once before in my files but I think I lost it before I got to post it. It comes with a disclaimer that we at DragonLaffs are very serious about.

Paul writes: This was in the Waco Tribune Herald in Waco, TX on 11/18/10 . . .  does it
make sense??

Put me in charge of food stamps.  I’d get rid of Lone Star cards; no cash for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho’s, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away.  If you want steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.

Put me in charge of Medicaid.  To get it the first thing women would have to do is get a Norplant birth control implants or tubal ligation.  Then, we’ll test recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine and document all tattoos and piercings.  If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, and smoke or get tats and piercings, then get a job.

Put me in charge of government housing.  Ever live in a military barracks? You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair.  Your “home” will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be inventoried…  If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your own place.

In addition, either you will present a check stub from a job each week or you will report to a “government” job.  It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting, and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you.  We will sell your 22-inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo and speakers and put that money toward the “common good.”

Before you write that I’ve violated someone’s rights, realize that all of the above is voluntary.  If you want our money, accept our rules.  Before you say that this would be “demeaning” and ruin their “self-esteem,” consider that it wasn’t that long ago that taking someone else’s money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self-esteem.

If we are expected to pay for other people’s mistakes, we should at least
attempt to make them learn from their bad choices.  The current system
rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.

Alfred W. Evans, Gatesville, TX

At some point someone had clearly tacked on the comment: “AND while you are on Government subsistence, you no longer can VOTE!”. While the rest of the letter is certainly not only well though out but feasible and legally defensible, public assistance is not prison and these people are not by and large convicted criminals. Hence you cannot take their constitutionally assured and protected right to vote away from them.

Let me add a few additional thoughts to this with a single picture. I think you’ll all take my meaning from it. For the record this point of view does not stop or is it strictly limited to those of the ilk in the picture but to everyone. Those who chose to act and dress like this regardless of race, with facial piercings, excessive tattoos, weird haircuts or other manners of dress designed to raise eye brows or provoke a reaction. If its possible you are on the dole because you cannot seem to find a job, even one flipping burgers then this comment is especially for you!

WE are not holding YOU back, rather YOU are holding YOU back and YOU are expecting that WE will pay the freight for YOU until YOU finally decide to wise up straighten up and grow up! Personally I say its HIGH time we ALL say “OH HELLS NOT!” and make “dressing for reasonably successful expectations” part of the Welfare Reform Act this country is WAY over do for.

Infringes on their right to free speech and personal expression you say? Oh nay nay say I! On the contrary, ‘tis simply a matter of timing and appropriateness of their expression. You want to dress like that at home or on weekends while not working, ‘tis your Constitutionally mandated choice to do so. HOWEVER, when you are out trying to get a job or working at that job you dress like you are out trying to get one or lucky you have one and want to keep it! Insist you have the right to dress in an anti-socially acceptable manner 24/7? Not a problem you have that choice but then I should have the choice of not paying for your belligerent, entitlement minded, anti-social attitude, the world owes me and can kiss my ass minded ass too.

We invite your polite, civil, courteous comments on this issue either in the comments section or the the e-mail address shown in the closing credits.

SPEAKING of the closing credits, as Porky would say…”Duh…..duh…DAT’s ALL FOLKS!” Catchya on Friday!