Leprechaun Laffs #32 – Hump Day Edition


DL - Leprechaun Laffs

adult content below

It’s that terrible day of the week when you realize that you still have more week to go and Friday is NOT “just around the quitting whistle. It’s also the day we empty out our collections of things that might have been though too risky for the other days to help you push on through to the promised land of the wild weekend.

Maxine-Hump Day

50th Anniversary

On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her
wedding night and put it on.

She went to her husband, a retired Marine , and asked, Honey, do
you remember this?”

He looked up from his newspaper and said; “Yes dear, I do.. You
wore that same negligee the night we were married”

She said, “Yes, that’s right. Do you remember what you said to me
that night?

He nodded and said “Yes dear, I said: Oh baby, I’m going to suck
the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out.”

She giggled and said, “That’s exactly what you said. So now it’s fifty years later, and I’m in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight ?”

He looked her up and down and said, “Mission Accomplished.”

 

A little old guy is walking around in a supermarket calling out, Crisco, Crissssssscoooo!’

Soon an assistant manager approaches and says, ‘Sir, the Crisco is in aisle 3.’

The old guy replies, ‘Oh, I’m not looking for the cooking stuff. I’m calling my wife. She’s in here somewhere’

The clerk is astonished. ‘Your wife’s name is Crisco?’

The old guy answers, ‘Oh no, no, no. I only call her that when we’re out in public.’

‘I see,’ said the clerk. ‘What do you call her at home?’

‘Lard ass.’

You gotta love old people!!!

!cid_2B0D9E84FA314DC3A82F31D0665B7C83@leah593ae139dd

!cid_6EEE78A50F894D55AA5915AD29BBDEC3@leah593ae139dd

Now that’s the way I want to be executed!

 

I have decided on a new exercise program.

I am  walking with a neighbor every day.
I never knew walking with someone else was such an incentive.

We don’t talk much during the walk though.
Our neighbor walks about 10 feet ahead of me.

walking program

I only started this program two weeks ago.

So far, I have followed her for 10 miles … without even using my cane!

I am feeling better each mile and my heart condition, my blood pressure and my back seem to be improving too!

Thanks for your concern.


While working for a local volunteer ambulance corp, we were responding to a call with lights and sirens, when we approached an elderly woman in her car right in front of us. Much to our annoyance nothing we did would make her get out of the way, until my driver got on the PA and said, “Please pull over to the right side.”  Well, she pulled over quite quickly to let us by.

Several hours had passed when, returning to the base, we saw the lady still pulled over on the side of the road.  Thinking something was wrong, we jumped out and went to her.  She sat there just smiling at us.  When we questioned her as to why she was still sitting there, she explained, “God told me to pull over, and he hasn’t yet said I could go.”

We explained to her that it was us who had told her to pull over because we had gotten a call.  She was very insistent as to that it was God who told her. Seeing that we weren’t going to persuade her otherwise, we got back into the ambulance and pulled in behind her.  My driver got back on the PA and said, “Madam you may now continue on your way.”  She pulled off immediately and went on her way.

Due to intense mind fog all her thoughts have apparently been grounded!

!cid_X_MA1_1299093028@aol

Sheesh! I thought Impish and I were brutal! Thanks to Gailwynds for that one, I think.

Doctor Leprechaun, a noted Doctor of Quackery was known for his extraordinary common sense if unorthadox treatment of arthritis. One day he had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, almost
bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane.

When her turn came, she went into the doctor’s office, and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her head held
high. A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this rushed up to the little old lady and said, “It’s a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now
you’re walking erect. What did that Dr. Leprechaun do?”

“He goosed me with hands like ice and gave me a longer cane.”


 

DL Motivational Header

Motovational Nothing Says whore like

 

 

hugh

 

I Can't Cook

DL - Auto-Correct Attack

camel whore  autocorrect    cubicle cumming  autocorrect

DL - LastWord 2

Being that it IS hump day I figured a few words of encouragement mid-week were in order for you folks to help show you the light at the end of this weeks tunnel. Well a picture is always worth a thousand words ( and keeps us from having to think up profound stuff to  say) so here ya go, one inspirational thought in a picture…….

 

 

 

 

 

friggin special 

OK you’ve been inspired now get the heck out of here and  go back to slaving like the mindless minions and cubicle clones you all really are will ya? I’ve got coffee to drink and a Dragon to annoy!

DL Closing Credits

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ashamed of our President and think he is SO clueless and unqualified for the position as well as so much of an international embarrassment to the US as to warrant impeachment. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill I think its unconstitutional as it stands and will be challenged and found so by the Supreme Court. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice.
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