Leprechaun Laughs #242 for April 23rd 2014


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Yup its that time of year again, time for Spring cleaning. Yards, houses, cars, clothing basically nothing is immune from Spring Cleaning. Trash, recycling bins and compost piles capacities will be taxed for the next several weeks as that which collect over the winter is done away with.

For some of us that includes our computer systems and hard drives. Mine for example get cleaned out twice a year, old back ups discarded and new complete ones made. (Relax I back up the stuff which changes more often than that but even I can miss things).

Anyway, when it comes to my hard drive, I make an attempt to get out before I clean out and that brings us to todays issue as well as (with a few exceptions like May Day & Mothers Day etc.) the subject of the next month’s worth of issues. Namely getting all the stuff I’ve meant to use out before I delete it off my system. Just think of it as the virtual computer based idea of American Pickers with less traveling and better prices!

OK coffees and napkins at the ready here we go!

 

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breakfast

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Piquant Poems & Puns

No lewd lines of rhyme from our Lady of the Limericks this week. Her Naughtiness has instead focused her Punny Powers upon the  Squirrel.

Church Squirrels

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There were five houses of religion in a small town:

The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church , the Methodist Church ,

the Catholic Church and the Jewish Synagogue.

Each church and Synagogue was overrun with pesky squirrels.
One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

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In the BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

But — The Catholic Church came up with what was thought to be the best and most effective solution. They baptized and confirmed the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas, Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday and Easter.

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Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue, but they quietly took one squirrel and had a short service with him called Bris, (in which his circumcision occurred) and they haven’t seen a squirrel on the property since.

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Keep going….

For all who appreciate the outdoors … the rarely photographed South Florida Squirrel.

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Our Princess of Puns graces us further with this final piece of advice:

Life is too short for drama and petty things, laugh a lot, love truly and forgive quickly.

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I FINALLY got this concept through Impish’s head just about 4 years ago now when he took me on as his Administrative wing man back in June of 2010.

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I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built anywhere in the US (with the exception of w/in 1 mile of Ground Zero or any other 9/11 location). I think it should be the goal of every American to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs. Thus the mosques should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.

That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to every new mosque, thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, “The Turban Cowboy “, and the other a topless bar called “You Mecca Me Hot.”

Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called “Iraq o’ Ribs.”

Across the street there could be a lingerie store called, “Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret,” with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods.

Next door to the lingerie shop there would be room for an adult sex toy shop, “Koranal Knowledge,” its name in flashing neon lights, and on the other side a liquor store called, “Morehammered.”

All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us, so their mosque siting issues would not be a problem for others.

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Uhh…Impish the fonts blue so the door must be for you!  I’ll go call you an ambulance and get the First Aid kit!

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SCARCASM- Just one more service we offer here at DL/LL Electronic Media Enterprises!

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Don’t worry Impish I won’t tell anyone that’s actually why you wear one of these, I’ll just swear its because of your job!

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The Breast Fed Blues

Lyrics copyright by Lethal Leprechaun 2014 all rights reserved

Ain’t no boobies when she’s gone.
Now it’s Similac at least once a day.
Ain’t no boobies when she’s gone-
and she’s always gone to long
When Ma-ma takes my DD milk jugs away.

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‘I can still taste his blood’: Ft. Hood survivor pens open letter about colleague whose sacrifice saved 14 comrades but then blames fact soldiers have to be unarmed on base for the shooting

  • First Lieutenant Patrick Cook posted letter to Facebook which describes the heroism of Sgt. First class Daniel Ferguson
  • Ferguson stopped shooter Spc. Ivan Lopez from entering room and shooting 14 soldiers
  • Ferguson, 39, was fatally wounded barricading the doors – but held on until Lopez had left
  • His colleagues tried to resuscitate him for 20-minutes – but to no avail
  • Cook claims another tragedy will happen again if soldiers are banned from being armed on military bases

By James Nye Published: 18:04 EST, 8 April 2014 | Updated: 18:31 EST, 8 April 2014

Tribute: First Lieutenant Patrick Cox (left) posted his open letter onto Facebook on Monday night in which he praised Sergeant First Class Daniel Ferguson (right) and was deeply critical of authorities who insist on keeping military bases weapons-free zones  Tribute: First Lieutenant Patrick Cox (left) posted his open letter onto Facebook on Monday night in which he praised Sergeant First Class Daniel Ferguson (right) and was deeply critical of authorities who insist on keeping military bases weapons-free zones

Tribute: First Lieutenant Patrick Cox (left) posted his open letter onto Facebook on Monday night in which he praised Sergeant First Class Daniel Ferguson (right) and was deeply critical of authorities who insist on keeping military bases weapons-free zones


In a powerful, open-letter a soldier whose life was saved by a brave colleague during the Fort Hood shooting has described the desperate attempts of his fellow brothers-in-arms to resuscitate him after he had been fatally wounded.

In the letter posted to Facebook, First Lieutenant Patrick Cook hails the ultimate sacrifice of Sgt. First Class Daniel Ferguson as he barricaded closed a door that wouldn’t lock – crucially keeping shooter Spc. Ivan Lopez outside.

In one horrific passage, Cook recalls how one week on he can still ‘taste the blood’ of Ferguson in his mouth only to then rage and demand the ‘God-given-right’ for soldiers to be armed on base to prevent another massacre happening again.

The gripping and tragic account of the 20 minute siege written by Cook, is one part tribute and one part judgment of gun-laws on military bases.

Cook describes how Ferguson, a 21-year Army veteran who had served in both Gulf Wars and Afghanistan rushed to the aid of his comrades as 34-year-old Lopez began to unleash his rampage on Fort Hood on Wednesday which left three dead and 16 injured.

The 39-year-old wedged himself up against an door that wouldn’t lock as Lopez tried to enter – saving his colleagues and Cook.

Outlining how he found himself ‘trapped in an enclosed room with fourteen of my fellow Soldiers, one of whom was barricading the door against a madman with a .45 pistol when he was fatally shot,’ Cook reveals Ferguson to be a hero.

‘Through what I can only describe as a miracle, he somehow found enough strength to continue pushing against that door until the shooter gave up and went elsewhere, at which time he collapsed,’ Cook wrote.

‘Nearly a week later, I can still taste his blood in my mouth from when I and my comrades breathed into his lungs for 20 long minutes while we waited for a response from the authorities.

‘This Soldier’s name was Sergeant First Class Daniel Ferguson, and his sacrifice loaned me the rest of my life to tell this story.’

Using the last of his strength to prevent Lopez from entering the room, Ferguson’s colleagues tried in vain to save him.

However, Cook uses his letter not to simply praise his fallen comrade but to call for the repeal of regulations that disarm military personnel on military bases.

‘But I write to you today not to memorialize this brave Soldier, nor to tell a war story about how we made the best of a losing situation, but to express the part of that story that some in high positions of power clearly do not want told: I knew this was going to happen,’ he wrote.

‘I had been saying for five years that Fort Hood was a tinderbox of another massacre waiting to happen.

‘It had to happen, because our betters failed to learn the obvious lesson of five years ago. Worse yet, I know it will happen again.

‘More will die, more will be wounded, more families will be torn apart, needlessly. It happened again, and will happen again, because Fort Hood is a gun free zone.’

Gun-free-zone: Spc. Ivan Lopez opened fire in the Fort Hood Army base area in central Texas on April 2, 2014 injuring 16 people and killing three before turning the gun on himself

Gun-free-zone: Spc. Ivan Lopez opened fire in the Fort Hood Army base area in central Texas on April 2, 2014 injuring 16 people and killing three before turning the gun on himself


Cook described the ‘utter helplessness’ he felt that night when he reached for his belt ‘for something that wasn’t there.’

‘As the shooter kicked at the door, I remember telling myself, ‘oh well, this is it.’ It is beneath human dignity to experience the utter helplessness I felt that day. I cannot abide the thought that anyone should ever feel that again,’ he said.

Cook also said that another massacre will happen if things are not addressed and do not change.

‘It happened again, and will happen again, because Fort Hood is a gun free zone,’ he said.

‘To those of you who hold elected office, if you hear nothing else I have told you, hear this: you have the power to stop the next massacre from happening.

‘You have an opportunity to restore the sacred Right to bear arms, which has been either stripped entirely or unjustly relegated to the poor substitute of a probationary, government-issued privilege. For God’s sake, do the right thing.’

The letter was read Monday at the Texas Senate committee on Constitutional Carry, Mr. Cook said on Facebook.

ONE SINGLE PERSON, just ONE in that room armed even with a strictly defensive short range fire arm such as the .410 shot shell firing Taurus  Judge 5 round revolver [ http://www.taurususa.com/product-details.cfm?id=198&category=Revolver&breadcrumbseries=&search=Judge ] could have stopped that attacker cold and prevented the tragedy that occurred in that room and possibly prevented several other deaths.

Hell in all likelihood if the shooter knew prior to arriving on base that he was likely to face a cammo wall of armed and proficient shooters its doubtful even in his whacked out mind he’d think attempting it was a good idea.

Those 2 reasons right there are enough fore me to realize this policy is liberal bullshit designed to make the military easier to control and less likely to initiate a coup against an increasingly socialist government with no regard for the Constitution or the Bill of Rights.

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Finally one last thought. Once again the adage has been proven, ‘When you outlaw guns only the outlaws will have guns’. The government stripped our military forces of the right to protect themselves on military bases. While its bad enough that in a post Sept 11th terrorist attacks on US soil world that this  has not been readdressed what is even worse is that the Government once again has done things HALF ASSED. If you take away a persons right to protect themselves YOU  become responsible for their protection!

Show me the metal detectors, pass though or otherwise this shooter was checked with prior to being allowed to enter the base. Show me the vehicle search for weapon or the check for firearms residue with a sniffer and then a search if it was positive. SHOW ME ANY, even the MOST BASIC attempt to keep these people safe from those who would chose to ignore this law!

ANYONE who would tell you that depriving  people of their god given constitutionally assured right to self protect with their liberal ‘guns bad’ laws is not ONLY deluded and full of shit BUT OUTRIGHT LYING TO YOUR FACE AND CARES MORE FOR THEIR NOT FOUNDED IN REALITY BELIEF THAN YOUR SAFETY!

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Dragon Laffs #1381 (19 Apr 14)


Easter Header

1Good Morning Campers!

Welcome to another edition of your favorite on line media source.  Not your grandfather’s e-zine!  Okay, well…since at least one of the main characters and about half the mythical staff have grand kids, maybe it is your grandfather’s e-zine. 

When somebody says that such-and-such is not your grandfather’s – whatever, what they mean is that it is new and modern and hip and all those other buzz words that mean modern.  But we can do anything we200503131151290.bunnygif put our minds to.  I know we have at least a great-grandfather who reads our e-zine, anybody out there who can beat that?

So, tomorrow is Easter.  Our dear Lethal Leprechaun spent some time in his last issue telling us all about how the holiday came about and the history of the special day.  That means that I get to pick on the Easter bunnies, Easter dragons, Easter baskets and eggs and all the really non-serious stuff about this holiday.  As we go through today’s issue, you will learn how important dragons have been in the Easter history and tradition.  I want you to understand, right from the beginning, that the information I am bestowing upon you concerning the relationship between dragons and Easter is possible to get you into trouble in the mythical realm of suspicion and secrets.  Most mythical creatures are very secretive.  Lethal and I are amongst the small minority who believe that openness in human/mythological creature relations is not only warranted but important.  Granted, we know that many, many humans not only won’t believe but will molest those that do. 

Now, pull up a log, refill your coffee and I’ll tell you the true story of Easter and how it all really started.

Long ago, before Christendom hijacked this holiday,  when dragons ruled the world and had nothing more to fear than the occasional slayer sneaking into the lair whilst we slept or an unusually powerful wizard focusing his attention on us; actually wizards have never been much of a problem, dragons are unusually resistant to magic and wizards aren’t wizards if they wear any armor or use most physical weapons.  Normally, they would have this great plan, have this fantastic new spell, get into position to monologue, go on and on about how they were there to defeat the “evil dragon” and after an appropriate build up, they would fire off this great spell.  The spell in question  would harmlessly bounce off us or do something completely different then they thought and then they would be dragon snacks. 

Oh, and while I’m digressing, let me stray just a little more off track-evil dragons?  Not so much.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, there are evil dragons, but it’s nothing at all like what you’ve been told.  Smaug?  I’d eat the damn hobbit if he interrupted my sleep and then tried to rob me of what I’d rightfully earned!  Probably a damn democrat hobbit wanting to “share the wealth.”  And Thorn?  Completely misrepresented in the book Eldest, he wasn’t vicious or evil,  Paolini would twist his tail every single day before he started writing “to get everyone in the proper mood.” I’d have eaten him straight out, but Thorn, being a VERY young red, had no idea how to deal with the problem and ended getting a reputation he didn’t deserve.  Now, Puff on the other hand.  Yeah, Puff.  The one who played with “little Jackie Paper”?  One of the biggest drug pushers in the mythical realm!  I know you’ve heard the rumors how the song has a lot to do with smoking marijuana and such.  If that was the only thing he ever pushed he’d be an angel compared to what he really was.  Let’s just say that the Mexican cartels learned a lot from him.

But Easter. 

Easter started out as Ease-Her.  Yup, it was a day, just like it sounds, for male dragons to give female dragons the day off.  Ease-Her Day would start with the ladies putting their feet up, easing back in the lazy-boy while the guys would do the housework, take care of the kids, catch and make the meals, all that stuff.  Kind of like your Mother’s Day, but different…and for dragons. 

It was all designed to give her a relaxing day off, so we could talk them into the complete mating ritual the next day.  Normal dragon sex is, well, normal.  But, once a year we went through the whole ritual, which involves having sex while flying and trying NOT to crash into hard objects on the ground.  You know how men get, the get so involved and forget where they are and before you know it, your skull is buried in the side of a mountain while your manly parts are buried…well, let’s leave the rest of that to your imagination.  So, by giving the ladies the time off the day before, it helps them pay a little more attention, since they are so rested, so hopefully you don’t both end up a smoking hole in the granite.  How in Tiamat’s name the eggs and bunnies got involved is anybody’s guess.  But the original holiday was ours.

I lost a lot of good buddies after we lost that holiday!

Damn Christians.

Okay, so now I’m pissed off, so story time is over.  Grab another cuppa and …

Let's Laugh

Let’s start today with a different little Johnny…

Mohammad, an Arab child, entered his classroom on the first day of school. easter_dragon

“What’s your name?” asked the teacher.

“Mohammad” answered the kid.

“You are in America now. From now on, your name will be Johnny,” replied the      teacher.

That evening, when Mohammad returned home. “How was your day, Mohammad?”, asked his mother.

“My name is not Mohammad. I’m in America and now my name is Johnny.”

“Are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!” and she beat him. Then she called his father and he too beat him.

The next day Mohammad returned to school..

When the teacher saw him with all the bruises, she asked, “What happened to you, Johnny”?

“Four hours after becoming an American, I was attacked by two Muslims.”

 

 

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For all you Game of Thrones Geeks out there, here’s the smooth version of the theme song…

 

 

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Aww, ain’t that just the cutest thing ever!

 

 

This is just too good to pass up.  Thanks to Ginny for this one!

Can anyone tell me what movie this was originally from?

 

Impish Dragon, tired of being as round a dragon as he was, calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5 lbs weight loss program.

The next day, there’s a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, “If you can catch me, you can have me.”

Without a second thought, Impish takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, our rotund dragon weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10 lbs program. The next day there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, “If you catch me you can have me”.

Well, he’s out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10 lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program.

“Are you sure?” asks the representative on the phone. “This is our most rigorous program.” “Absolutely,” Impish replies, “I haven’t felt this good in years.”

The next day there’s a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, “If I catch you, you are mine.”

Impish Dragon lost 33 lbs that week…

But I didn’t get caught.

 

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After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin.

In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks into it. Not ever having seen
a mirror before, he remarked at the image staring back at him.
‘How ’bout that! he exclaims, ‘Here’s a picture of my Fadder ….’

He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn’t like his father, so he hung it in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing, he would go there and look at it.

His wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the shed. So, one day after
her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror. 
As she looked into the glass, she fumed, ‘So that’s the ugly bitch he’s running around with.’

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See under the picture for the translation…

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Translation:

“99.9% of males won’t notice the mouse on the donut !”

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This is a great demonstration of how precise the new big machines are:

 

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And yes, if you can’t tell, I am bashing Obama today.  I believe he has been the worst thing for our country since … well … ever!  Him and his administration should all be put in jail for treason!  Call it an Easter wish of mine.

 

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Motivational

And of course today, we bring you an Easter theme….
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Easter Jokes

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May you all have a wonderful Easter and truly celebrate it in whatever manner you find best.

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The headline from this article grabbed my attention immediately and the first thing I thought was, “Have you never raised teenagers?” And then as I read the article I got angrier and angrier!  As usual, my comments are in blue!

White House Counterterror Chief: “Confrontational” Children Could be Terrorists

(See what I mean?  Isn’t that the first thing that comes to mind?  ALL children, especially teens and pre-teens and tweens, are confrontational at times!  They are testing their limits and their boundaries, so for them to be called terrorists? Puh-leese!  Anyway, here’s the article:)

Obama adviser tells parents to be suspicious of their own kids

Paul Joseph Watson
Infowars.com
April 18, 2014

Image: Lisa Monaco (White House).

White House counterterrorism and Homeland Security adviser Lisa Monaco gave a speech this week in which she urged parents to watch their children for signs of “confrontational” behavior which could be an indication of them becoming terrorists.  (If that isn’t the dumbest statement I’ve ever heard in my life, then I’m a purple potato!)

During the speech at at Harvard University’s John F. Kennedy School of Government on Tuesday night, Monaco, who replaced John Brennan last year in overseeing the executive branch’s homeland-security activities, said that parents need to be suspicious of “sudden personality changes in their children at home.” (Okay, I agree with that last statement, 100%!!  But sure as hell, not for the reasons this bimbette is talking about!  Sudden personalities changes in kids is indicative of several things, things that ALL parents need to be well versed in spotting.  Drugs, bullying, peer pressure things of that nature.  Especially drug use.  But terrorism?  Are you out of your friggin’ mind?)

“What kinds of behaviors are we talking about?” she asked. “For the most part, they’re not related directly to plotting attacks. They’re more subtle. For instance, parents might see sudden personality changes in their children at home—becoming confrontational.”

Monaco lamented the fact that, “The government is rarely in a position to observe these early signals,” encouraging parents to act as watchdogs to detect radicalization in line with President Obama’s goal of combating homegrown extremism. (Okay, is it just me, or is that an oh so subtle hint that the government needs to be in more of a position to observe our children?  Of course they are rarely are in a position to observe signs in our children!  The government needs to stay the hell away from our children, and our children’s teachers!)

Over the last decade, the federal government has broadened its definition of what constitutes potential terrorism to such a degree that the term has lost all meaning and is clearly being used as a political tool to demonize adversarial political activism. (Clearly being used as a political tool…which just goes to show, NOTHING is sacred.  Now they are telling us that our children are terrorists.  Returning veterans, people who hang a flag, gun owners, supporters of Cliven Bundy, people who own gold, display political bumper stickers, and I love this one, which is coming up in the article, Americans who are suspicious of centralized federal authority” and “reverent of individual liberty”!!!!!!!!!  Are you kidding me???  The government is saying that it’s okay that they go against the constitution, that they lie, steal, cheat and if we question them or are even suspicious of them, WE are the terrorists!  What the hell, people?  How much of this crap are we going to take before it’s too much?)

Indeed, only yesterday Senator Harry Reid caused outrage when he labeled supporters of Nevada cattle rancher Cliven Bundy “domestic terrorists”.

Although such tactics pre-date the 2009 release of the MIAC report, the Missouri Information Analysis Center document was perhaps the most shocking in that it characterized a whole swathe of conservative Americans as domestic extremists, including Ron Paul supporters, people who own gold and people who display political bumper stickers.

A Homeland Security study leaked in 2012 upped the ante even further, demonizing Americans who are “suspicious of centralized federal authority,” and “reverent of individual liberty” as “extreme right-wing” terrorists.

Lisa Monaco’s speech and the federal government’s track record in assailing both banal behavior and political activism as potential “terrorism” serves as a reminder that the war on terror has now been focused inwardly against innocent Americans, making it all the more harder to detect actual terrorists.  (Quiet or activistic, we are potential terrorists.  Well, that pretty much includes everyone.  Folks, we are being set up.  You mark my words, that things are now only beginning.  The other shoe has yet to drop.  I don’t know that even voting out the incumbents this November will make a difference, because, if past evidence denotes future behavior, the vote is gonna be rigged anyway.  It may come down to this…it may cost us our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor to fix this problem.)

So, how many of you campers, are ready to act?

Ending

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Leprechaun Laughs # 241 for April 16th 2014


 

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Well we’re round to that time of year again, Easter, as I’ve said before- another stolen from the uld ways holiday in a ruthless attempt by Christianity to snuff out competition and assimilate the unwashed masses. Doubt me? Here proof from the mouths of one of early Christianity’s chroniclers himself:

E-ostre or Ostara (Northumbrian Old English: E-ostre; West Saxon Old English: E-astre; Old High German: *Ôstara) is a goddess in Germanic paganism who, by way of the Germanic month bearing her name (Northumbrian: E-osturmo-naþ; West Saxon: E-astermo-naþ; Old High German: Ôstarmânoth), is the namesake of the festival of Easter. E-ostre is attested solely by Bede in his 8th-century work De temporum ratione, where Bede states that during E-osturmo-naþ (the equivalent to the month of April) feasts were held in Eostre’s honor among the pagan Anglo-Saxons, but had died out by the time of his writing, replaced by the Christian “Paschal month” (a celebration of the resurrection of Jesus).

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Since I‘ve plans to go rabbit hunting for my Easter dinner table today let’s get moving shall we?

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EASTER YEAH! High Fives for the Holy Trinity!

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Woman calls police, complains about bad weed

Woman tells police drug dealer wouldn’t give her refund

Author: By Michael Wesp Published On: Apr 07 2014 07:54:26 AM CDT

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LUFKIN, Texas (KETK) – A Texas woman found herself behind bars Thursday after calling Lufkin, Texas, authorities to complain about bad weed.

The Lufkin Police Department received a call for help from the 200 block of Forrest Block Boulevard around 7:00 p.m. The caller, Evelyn Louise Hamilton, 37, of Lufkin, complained to dispatchers about a bad batch of drugs her dealer would not refund.

Responding officers asked Hamilton if she had any marijuana on her. She admitted to having some pot and turned over a small baggy hidden in her bra. She was then arrested for possession of marijuana. Her bail was set at $500.

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  Lep Movie Sage words

The staff of Dewy, Cheatum & Howe and I’ve spent considerable time reading through what is commonly known as the Obamacare law, which includes both the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (PPACA) and the Health Care and Education Reconciliation Act (HCERA).

Since these bills were signed into law by President Barack Obama in March 2010, various agencies in the administration have published 109 final regulations spelling out how they are to be implemented.

These 109 final regulations account for a combined 10,535 pages in the Federal Register, where the government officially published them.

After having read each page twice, consulting the Tome of High Political Gibberish & Double Speak on an uncountable number of occasions and a heavily regimented course of sedatives and anti-depressants, I am now in a position to boil the law down to a simple relatively easy to understand 3 sentences for you all-

In order to insure the uninsured, we first have to un-insure the insured.

    Next we require the newly un-insured to be re-insured. To re-insure the newly un-insured, they are required to pay an extra charge to be re-insured …

   The extra charge is so that the original insured, who became un-insured, and then re-insured can pay enough extra money so that the original un-insured can be insured for free.

There…Now you understand what is going on. !!!!

All you Need to Know About American Government Bureaucracy:

· Pythagorean Theorem………………………………………………….24 words.

· Lord’s Prayer…………………………………………………………………66 words.

· Archimedes Principle……………………………………………………67 words.

· 10 Commandments…………………………………………………….179 words.

· Gettysburg Address……………………………………………………286 words.

· Declaration of Independence…………………………………1,300 words.

· US Constitution with all 27 Amendments………………7,818 words.

· US Government regulations on sale of cabbage…26,911 words.

· US Government Affordable Care Act (Obama Care)……1,147,271 words.

SORT OF PUTS THINGS INTO PROPER PERSPECTIVE,  DOESN’T IT?

!cid_X_MA1_1303350236@aol

The Easter bunny a Fanshionista or Pimp? I can’t decide!

  Viral Videos

Magic Clerk – Easter Edition

 

Tiny dog vs big dog – who’s the boss?

 

Delightful story that happened in Ireland. 

Click on the site below…  I know that you will enjoy this video! (about 5 1/2 minutes long)

http://funnycatsgallery.com/mom-cat/the-cat-and-the-ducklings/

Besides there baby ducks, another Easter theme!

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Much like Christmas, the trappings of the Easter Holiday aren’t Biblical, they are a hodgepodge of Christian, pagan, culture, and circumstance.

Christians would have you believe that Easter is about the resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth from the dead, and to a large extent, that’s certainly true, but Easter is about more than that. In many ways Easter is a traditional pagan holiday, celebrating Spring and the renewal of life. Since Beltane and the Spring Equinox are not generally celebrated by our society as a whole, Easter fills the void of “secular Spring holiday.” I think we all know that eggs, plastic grass, and chocolate bunnies have nothing to do with Jesus, and everything to do with the ideas of renewal and fertility (along with crass commercial marketing, but I digress).

The word “Easter” is problematic for many reasons. In non-English speaking countries the commemoration of Jesus’s return from the dead is called something else entirely, we simply translate it as “Easter” out of laziness. In Greece for example, “Easter” is called “Lambros” which translates as “shining” or “bright.” This is problematic because many Pagans like to make the argument that Easter is a specifically pagan holiday, because of the alleged origins of the word Easter. According to the British historian Bede (673-735 CE) the word “Easter” comes from the name of a Germanic fertility goddess named Eostre, whose name was given to an entire month “Eostur-month,” and then eventually to one specific holiday occurring in that month, the one we now call Easter.

The problem with all of this is that the only source for the goddess Eostre is Bede. There aren’t any tales of Eostre throwing eggs to all of the good little Germanic pagans, or of her riding a giant rabbit, so it’s hard to say with certainty that she existed and is the source for the word “Easter.” The only thing really pointing towards her existence in Ancient History is that her name shares a linguistic origin with that of various Indo-European goddesses of the dawn (like the Greek Eos for example). The questions then becomes whether the dawn was named after the deities in question, or if the deities were named after the rising sun. The word Easter then could be linked directly to a pagan goddess, or simply mean beginnings.

So while the word “Easter” may or may not be pagan in origin, many of the trappings certainly are, and I’m not talking about eggs or that bunny either. The most pagan element of Easter is probably Jesus himself as the dying and resurrecting god. At Easter, Jesus has more in common with Dionysus, Tammuz, and Adonis than he does with Moses or the various apostles. The idea of a man or god overcoming death would have been alien to Second Temple Judaism, but not to the millions of pagans living in the Roman Empire.

I think it’s important to remember that Jesus was one of many deities on the “god buffet” during antiquity. To be taken seriously as a deity he had to match up with the other gods of the era miracle for miracle. I don’t think it’s honest to suggest that Jesus turned aside the grave because he was a vegetation god in the tradition of Tammuz, but his pedigree demanded equal power over life and death. [While] There are many unique elements in Christianity; the dead man walking is not one of them.

imageJesus as a dying and resurrecting god is a two thousand year old tradition, there’s no question of its connection to ancient antiquity. The other trappings of Easter, the egg and the bunny, are far more problematic. I’ve been conditioned to always think of them as ancient pagan practices, but researching this article has brought up more questions than answers in that regard. I can say with certainty that eggs as a symbol of fertility and rebirth have a long pedigree, but they were also very common items whose symbolism and role certainly could have changed and evolved over time.

In the Greek Orphic tradition the god Phanes was said to have hatched from a “world egg,” illustrating that the Ancient Greeks believed in the egg as a symbol of rebirth and new life. A direct link to Easter Eggs and Pagan Rome can be found in a legend surrounding the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius. The day when Marcus was born his mother’s red hen is said to have laid an egg spotted with red. That speckled egg was seen as a sign that young Marcus would become a great Emperor. When Marcus eventually assumed the throne colored eggs began to be passed around throughout the Empire as a symbol of congratulations. Later Christians adopted the custom. It’s hard to say with any certainty if that Marcus Aurelius legend is the origin of the Easter Egg, as it’s likely that eggs were being passed around before Marcus assumed the throne.

While colored eggs were shared in the Ancient World, there’s no continuous history linking the colored egg of pagandom to the Easter Egg. Eggs were relatively common in the Middle Ages, and an important source of nutrition in a society where meat was a rare treat. Monks and priests were often given “presents” (payment) on important Christian holidays, with Easter being one of those. Eggs were a common gift, and they were often given to priests in baskets. In Russia it was common for priests (and later, members of the nobility) to give out eggs as gift, especially around Easter. Eventually the eggs that were passed out were elaborately decorated, and the custom spread throughout the country. Eggs were also generally banned during the period of Lent, so people sometimes would decorate them as they waited on their Easter feast and the return to eating eggs.

Eggs were also begged for by children in Great Britain during the Seventeenth Century. Before important holidays it was common for the poor to “trick or treat” for food, and at Easter children begged for eggs.  It doesn’t take a whole lot of imagination to picture poor children begging for eggs to put in a basket transforming into the modern Easter basket full of sacred goodies like waxy chocolate bunnies and stale jelly beans.

Rabbits have been associated with fertility from pagan times into the present. (I have friends who like to say “they go at it like rabbits” when discussing the sexual habits of others.) It seems likely that the Easter Bunny is an ancient pagan tradition (though the association of the bunny with the myth-less Eostra is most certainly a modern invention), but the first references to the Easter Bunny only date back to the 1500′s. That doesn’t mean the Easter Bunny didn’t exist before those first references to the Germanic Oschter Haws (or Osterhase), it just can’t be documented.

There’s a part of me that believes human beings have a natural tendency to venerate “Pagan things,” and tend to be drawn to things in the natural world that correlate to what is going on in their own environments. Venerating a rabbit in April during the Earth’s annual period of rebirth makes complete sense. That doesn’t mean it’s pagan in the sense that people worshipped a rabbit in the year 100, but it’s Pagan in the sense that it taps into the natural rhythms of the Earth. It’s also possible that now forgotten myths transformed into now lost folk tales and then into the egg laying rabbit we now call the Easter Bunny.

No matter how pagan certain beliefs are at Easter, it’s a very difficult holiday to ignore. Many businesses are closed and millions of Americans celebrate it as both a Christian and/or a secular holiday. (I remember lots of Easter Baskets as a kid piled with candy and a toy or two, and my family certainly didn’t associate it with Jesus.) Instead of being bitter about the whole situation I prefer to celebrate it with food and egg hunts. Since many Modern Pagan traditions lack an April holiday, and I tend to think of April as the most “Spring-like” month, it’s nice to get an extra Spring holiday to celebrate, no matter what its origins.

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Everyone thinks bunnies are cute and cuddly, but where I come from they are downright dangerous!

Monty Python The Holy Grail – The killer bunny

See what I mean?

 

 

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These deaths actually occurred last week after my issue was already overfull and uploaded. While our Memorial might be ‘fashionably late’ our feelings over the loss of these two remarkable entertainers are no less sincere.

Mickey Rooney (1920 – 2014)

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LOS ANGELES (AP) – Mickey Rooney’s approach to life was simple: “Let’s put on a show!” He spent nine decades doing it, on the big screen, on television, on stage and in his extravagant personal life.
A superstar in his youth, Rooney was Hollywood’s top box-office draw in the late 1930s to early 1940s. He epitomized the “show” part of show business, even if the business end sometimes failed him amid money troubles and a seesaw of career tailspins and revivals.

Pint-sized, precocious, impish, irrepressible – perhaps hardy is the most-suitable adjective for Rooney, a perennial comeback artist whose early blockbuster success as the vexing but wholesome Andy Hardy and as Judy Garland’s musical comrade in arms was bookended 70 years later with roles in “Night at the Museum” and “The Muppets.”

Rooney died Sunday at age 93 surrounded by family at his North Hollywood home, police said. The Los Angeles County Coroner’s office said Rooney died a natural death.

There were no further details immediately available on the cause of death, but Rooney did attend Vanity Fair’s Oscar party last month, where he posed for photos with other veteran stars and seemed fine. He was also shooting a movie at the time of his death, “The Strange Case of Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde,” with Margaret O’Brien.

He was nominated for four Academy Awards over a four-decade span and received two special Oscars for film achievements, won an Emmy for his TV movie “Bill” and had a Tony nomination for his Broadway smash “Sugar Babies.”
“I loved working with Mickey on ‘Sugar Babies.’ He was very professional, his stories were priceless and I love them all … each and every one. We laughed all the time,” Carol Channing said.

A small man physically, Rooney was prodigious in talent, scope, ambition and appetite. He sang and danced, played roles both serious and silly, wrote memoirs, a novel, movie scripts and plays and married eight times , siring 11 children.

His first marriage – to the glamorous, and taller, Ava Gardner – lasted only a year. But a fond recollection from Rooney years later – “I’m 5 feet 3, but I was 6 feet 4 when I married Ava” – summed up the man’s passion and capacity for life.

Rooney began as a toddler in his parents’ vaudeville act in the 1920s. He was barely six when he first appeared on screen, playing a midget in the 1926 silent comedy short “Not to Be Trusted,” and he was still at it more than 80 years later, working incessantly as he racked up about 250 screen credits in a career unrivaled for length and variety.

“I always say, ‘Don’t retire – inspire,’” Rooney said in an interview with The Associated Press in March 2008. “There’s a lot to be done.”
This from a man who did more than just about anyone in Hollywood and outlasted pretty much everyone from old Hollywood.

Rooney was among the last survivors of the studio era, which his career predated, most notably with the lead in a series of “Mickey McGuire” kid comedy shorts from the late 1920s to early ’30s that were meant to rival Hal Roach’s “Our Gang” flicks.

After signing with MGM in 1934, Rooney landed his first big role playing Clark Gable’s character as a boy in “Manhattan Melodrama.” A year later, still only in his mid-teens, Rooney was doing Shakespeare, playing an exuberant Puck in Max Reinhardt’s “A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” which also featured James Cagney and Olivia de Havilland.
Rooney soon was earning $300 a week with featured roles in such films as “Riff Raff,” ”Little Lord Fauntleroy,” ”Captains Courageous” and “The Devil Is a Sissy.”

Then came Andy Hardy in the 1937 comedy “A Family Affair,” a role he would reprise in 15 more feature films over the next two decades. Centered on a kindly small-town judge (Lionel Barrymore) who delivers character-building homilies to troublesome son Andy, it was pure corn, but it turned out to be golden corn for MGM, becoming a runaway success with audiences.
“I knew ‘A Family Affair’ was a B picture, but that didn’t stop me from putting my all in it,” Rooney recalled.

Studio boss Louis B. Mayer saw “A Family Affair” as a template for a series of movies about a model American home. Cast changes followed, most notably with Lewis Stone replacing Barrymore in the sequels, but Rooney stayed on, his role built up until he became the focus of the films, which included “The Courtship of Andy Hardy,” ”Andy Hardy’s Double Life” and “Love Finds Andy Hardy,” the latter featuring fellow child star Garland.
He played a delinquent humbled by Spencer Tracy as Father Flanagan in 1938′s “Boys Town” and Mark Twain’s timeless scamp in 1939′s “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.” Rooney’s peppy, all-American charm was never better matched than when he appeared opposite Garland in such films as “Babes on Broadway” and “Strike up the Band,” musicals built around that “Let’s put on a show” theme.

One of them, 1939′s “Babes in Arms,” earned Rooney a best-actor Oscar nomination, a year after he received a special Oscar shared with Deanna Durbin for “bringing to the screen the spirit and personification of youth, and as juvenile players setting a high standard of ability and achievement.”

He earned another best-actor nomination for 1943′s “The Human Comedy,” adapted from William Saroyan’s sentimental tale about small-town life during World War II. The performance was among Rooney’s finest.

“Mickey Rooney, to me, is the closest thing to a genius I ever worked with,” ”Human Comedy” director Clarence Brown once said.
Brown also directed Rooney and Elizabeth Taylor in 1944′s horse-racing hit “National Velvet,” but by then, Rooney was becoming a cautionary tale for early fame. He earned a reputation for drunken escapades and quickie romances and was unlucky in both money and love. In 1942 he married for the first time, to Gardner , the statuesque MGM beauty. He was 21, she was 19.
They divorced a year later. Rooney joined the Army, spending most of his World War II service entertaining troops.

When he returned to Hollywood, disillusionment awaited him. His savings had been stolen by a manager and his career was in a nose dive. He made two films at MGM, then his contract was dropped.
“I began to realize how few friends everyone has,” he wrote in one of autobiographies. “All those Hollywood friends I had in 1938, 1939, 1940 and 1941, when I was the toast of the world, weren’t friends at all.”

His movie career never regained its prewar eminence. “The Bold and the Brave,” 1956 World War II drama, brought him an Oscar nomination as best supporting actor. But mostly, he played second leads in such films as “Off Limits” with Bob Hope, “The Bridges at Toko-Ri” with William Holden, and “Requiem for a Heavyweight” with Anthony Quinn.

In the early 1960s, he had a wild turn in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” as Audrey Hepburn’s bucktoothed Japanese neighbor, and he was among the fortune seekers in the all-star comedy “It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World.”

Rooney’s starring roles came in low-budget films such as “Drive a Crooked Road,” ”The Atomic Kid,” ”Platinum High School,” ”The Twinkle in God’s Eye” and “How to Stuff a Wild Bikini.”

But no one ever could count Rooney out. He earned a fourth Oscar nomination, as supporting actor, for 1979′s “Black Stallion,” the same year he starred with Ann Miller in the Broadway revue “Sugar Babies,” which brought him a Tony nomination and millions of dollars during his years with the show.

“I’ve been coming back like a rubber ball for years,” Rooney wisecracked at the time.
In 1981 came his Emmy-winning performance as a disturbed man in “Bill.” He found success with voice roles for animated films such as “The Fox and the Hound,” ”The Care Bears Movie” and “Little Nemo.”

“He was undoubtedly the most talented actor that ever lived. There was nothing he couldn’t do. Singing, dancing, performing … all with great expertise,” Margaret O’Brien said. “I was currently doing a film with him, “The Strange Case of Dr. Jeckyll and Mr Hyde.” I simply can’t believe it. He seemed fine through the filming and was as great as ever.”

Over the years, Rooney also made hundreds of appearances on TV talk and game shows, dramas and variety programs. He starred in three short-lived series: “The Mickey Rooney Show” (1954); “Mickey” (1964); and “One of the Boys” (1982). A co-star from “One of the Boys,” Dana Carvey, later parodied Rooney on “Saturday Night Live,” mocking him as a hopeless egomaniac who couldn’t stop boasting he once was “the number one star … IN THE WO-O-ORLD!”

A lifelong storyteller, Rooney wrote two memoirs: “i.e., an Autobiography” published in 1965, and “Life Is Too Short,” 1991. He also produced a novel about a child movie star, “The Search for Sonny Skies,” in 1994.

In the autobiographies, Rooney gave two versions of his debut in show business. First he told of being 1½ and climbing into the orchestra pit of the burlesque theater where his parents were appearing. He sat on a kettle drum and pretended to be playing his whistle, vastly amusing the audience.

The second autobiography told a different story: He was hiding under the scenery when he sneezed. Dragged out by an actor, the toddler was ordered to play his harmonica. He did, and the crowd loved it.
Whatever the introduction, Joe Yule Jr., born in 1920, was the star of his parents’ act by the age of 2, singing “Sweet Rosie O’Grady” in a tiny tuxedo. His father was a baggy-pants comic, Joe Yule, his mother a dancer, Nell Carter. Yule was a boozing Scotsman with a wandering eye, and the couple soon parted.

While his mother danced in the chorus, young Joe was wowing audiences with his heartfelt rendition of “Pal o’ My Cradle Days.” During a tour to California, the boy made his film debut in 1926′s “Not to Be Trusted.”

The Mickey McGuire short comedies that followed gave him a new stage name, later appended, at his mother’s suggestion, to the last name Rooney, after vaudeville dancer Pat Rooney. After splitting with Gardner, Rooney married Betty Jane Rase, Miss Birmingham of 1944, whom he had met during military training in Alabama. They had two sons and divorced after four years. (Their son Timothy died in September 2006 at age 59 after a battle with a muscle disease called dermatomyositis.)

His third and fourth marriages were to actress Martha Vickers (one son) and model Elaine Mahnken.

The fifth Mrs. Rooney, model Barbara Thomason, gave birth to four children. While the couple were estranged in 1966, she was found shot to death in her Brentwood home; beside her was the body of her alleged lover, a Yugoslavian actor. It was an apparent murder and suicide.

A year later, Rooney began a three-month marriage to Margaret Lane. She was followed by a secretary, Caroline Hockett – another divorce after five years and one daughter.
In 1978, Rooney, 57, married for the eighth – and apparently last – time. His bride was singer Janice Darlene Chamberlain, 39. Their marriage lasted longer than the first seven combined.

After a lifetime of carrying on, he became a devoted Christian and member of the Church of Religious Science. He settled in suburban Thousand Oaks, about 40 miles west of Los Angeles. In 2011, Rooney was in the news again when he testified before Congress about abuse of the elderly, alleging that he was left powerless by a family member who took and misused his money.

“I felt trapped, scared, used and frustrated,” Rooney told a special Senate committee considering legislation to curb abuses of senior citizens. “But above all, when a man feels helpless, it’s terrible.”

That year Rooney took his stepson Christopher Aber and others to court on allegations that they tricked him into thinking he was on the brink of poverty while defrauding him out of millions and bullying him into continuing to work. At the time, Aber declined comment on the suit except to say, “this lawsuit is not from Mickey Rooney – it’s from his conservators who are stealing from him.” The New York Times reported that the suit was settled last year.

 

John Pinette (1964 – 2014)

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PITTSBURGH (AP) – John Pinette, the chubby stand-up comedian who portrayed a hapless carjacking victim in the final episode of “Seinfeld,” has died. He was 50.

Pinette died of natural causes Saturday at a hotel in Pittsburgh, the Allegheny County Medical Examiner’s office said Sunday evening. Pinette’s agent confirmed his death.
The portly Pinette was a self-deprecating presence onstage, frequently discussing his weight on stand-up specials “Show Me the Buffett,” ”I’m Starvin’!” and “Still Hungry.”

Pinette had been working on another stand-up project when he died, his agent, Nick Nuciforo, said. “He should be celebrated for the amazing comedian he was,” Nuciforo said.

The Boston native appeared in movies including “The Punisher” and had a trio of stand-up shows released on DVD but was perhaps best known as the portly carjacking victim whose plight lands the “Seinfeld” stars before a judge for failing to help under a “good Samaritan” law. Pinette also appeared in the television series “Parker Lewis Can’t Lose.”
Pinette also appeared on state in a national tour of “Hairspray” as Edna Turnblad, the mother of the play’s heroine.

The medical examiner’s office said no autopsy was performed and Pinette’s own physician signed off on the cause of death.

Pinette had been preparing for a stand-up tour of the U.S. and Canada, Nuciforo said.

 

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With planning & problem solving skills like that it just has to be a Liberal Arts College division.

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Double Mustard and Herb Crusted Ham

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 Total Time: 3 hr 40 min

Prep: 15 min

Inactive: 30 min

Cook: 2 hr 55 min

Yield: 8 to 10 servings

 

Ingredients

One 8- to 10-pound bone-in, smoked, fully-cooked ham, butt or shank portion
1/2 cup Dijon mustard
1/2 cup whole grain mustard
1/4 cup honey
1/2 cup panko breadcrumbs
1/4 cup chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
2 tablespoons chopped fresh thyme leaves
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

Directions

Let the ham sit at room temperature 30 minutes. Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Trim off any skin from the ham if needed. Score the ham through the fat in a diagonal crosshatch pattern without cutting into the meat. Place the ham, flat-side down, on a rack in a roasting pan. Pour 1/4 inch of water into the bottom of the pan. Roast the ham until it reaches an internal temperature of about 130 degrees F, about 2 1/2 hours or 15 minutes per pound.

Meanwhile, mix the mustards and honey together in a small bowl. Mix together the breadcrumbs, parsley, thyme and olive oil together in another bowl.

Remove the ham from the oven when it has reached 130 degrees F internally. Increase the oven temperature to 425 degrees F. Spoon or brush the mustard mixture all over the ham.

Carefully pat the crumbs all over the ham. Add water as needed to the bottom of the pan. Return the ham to the oven and roast until the breadcrumbs are golden brown, about 25 minutes more.

Roasted Sweet Potatoes and Garlic with Rosemary

Ingredients

1 1/2 pounds sweet potatoes (4 medium), peeled and cut into 1/2-inch thick slices
6 garlic cloves
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon unsalted butter
2 teaspoons minced fresh rosemary, or 1 teaspoon dried, crumbled
Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Directions

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.

Arrange the sweet potatoes and garlic in a shallow flameproof baking dish large enough to hold them in a single layer. Add just enough water to cover the vegetables. Bring the water to a boil over medium high heat and simmer for 2 minutes. Drain in a colander.

In a baking dish, combine the oil and butter and melt the butter over medium heat.

Remove from the heat, add the potatoes and garlic, rosemary, and salt and pepper to taste and toss to coat. Spread the potatoes in a single layer and roast on the lowest rack of the oven, turning them occasionally, for 25 to 30 minutes, or until golden brown. Transfer to a heated serving bowl and serve at once.

Roasted Asparagus

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Total Time: 25 min

Prep: 5 min

Inactive: 10 min

Cook: 10 min

Yield: 4 servings

 

 

Ingredients

2 bunches medium asparagus
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
Freshly ground black pepper
Grated or shaved Parmesan, optional

Directions

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F.
Trim the woody ends from the asparagus, usually about 1 1/2 inches. Lightly peel the remaining stalks (not always necessary, but more of a personal preference). Spread the spears in a single layer on a baking sheet, drizzle with olive oil, sprinkle with the salt and pepper, and roll to coat thoroughly.
Roast the asparagus until lightly browned and tender, about 8 to 10 minutes, giving the pan a good shake about halfway through to turn the asparagus. Arrange the roasted asparagus on a serving platter and top with some Parmesan. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Worried about the salt in the Parmesan or cheese intolerant? Garnish with a little lemon zest, lemon peel slivers or a few lemon slices instead.

Easter Pie

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Total Time: 1 hr 15 min

Prep: 30 min

Cook: 45 min

Yield: 8 to 10 servings

 

 

Ingredients

3/4 cup powdered sugar, plus extra for garnish
3 large eggs
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 tablespoon orange zest
1 (15-ounce) container whole milk ricotta cheese
1/2 cup cooked short-grained rice
1/3 cup toasted pine nuts
6 sheets fresh phyllo sheets or frozen, thawed
3/4 stick (3 ounces) unsalted butter, melted

Directions

Blend 3/4 cup of powdered sugar, eggs, vanilla, orange zest and ricotta in a food processor until smooth. Stir in the rice and pine nuts. Set the ricotta mixture aside.
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.

Lightly butter a 9-inch glass pie dish. Lay 1 phyllo sheet over the bottom and up the sides of the dish, allowing the phyllo to hang over the sides. Brush the phyllo with the melted butter. Top with a second sheet of phyllo dough, laying it in the opposite direction as the first phyllo sheet. Continue layering the remaining sheets of phyllo sheets, alternating after each layer and buttering each sheet. Spoon the ricotta mixture into the dish. Fold the overhanging phyllo dough over the top of the filling to enclose it completely. Brush completely with melted butter.

Bake the pie until the phyllo is golden brown and the filling is set, about 35 minutes. Transfer the pan to a rack and cool completely. Sift powdered sugar over the pie and serve.

It’s Easter! Hit that thing with a little grated chocolate Easter bunny too or Pastel Sprinkles!

Lethal! We hate working with phyllo dough! Its hard and its time consuming you say? Don’t I have something simpler you say? Ok, here ya go, nothing is simpler or easier than dump cakes!

Cherry Pineapple Cabana Cake (Dump Cake)

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Ingredients

  • 1 20-ounce can crushed pineapple in juice (do not drain)
  • 1 21-ounce can Cherry Pie Filling
  • 1 18.25-ounce package yellow cake mix
  • 1 cup butter or margarine, melted
  • 1 7-ounce bag coconut, shredded
  • 1cup macadamia nuts, chopped

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350°F.

Lightly grease a 9×13-inch baking pan. In the prepared baking pan, layer undrained crushed pineapple, then Cherry Pie Filling. Sprinkle dry cake mix over the top, smoothing evenly and covering the top.

Pour the melted butter or margarine over the top, covering evenly. Top with the coconut and nuts.

Bake for 50 to 60 minutes or until brown on top and bubbly.

Let cool 30 minutes. Serve warm or cooled.

Don’t forget the ice cream!

Cherry Limeade

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Total Time: 35 min 

Prep: 5 min

Inactive: 30 min

Yield: 8 servings

 

 

Ingredients

2 -liter bottle lemon-lime soda
1 cup fresh squeezed lime juice
1 cup sugar
One 10-ounce jar maraschino cherries, with juice
Thin lime slices

Directions

Chill all ingredients before mixing.
When cold, combine the lemon-lime soda, lime juice, sugar, cherries with their juice and lime slices in a large pitcher and stir. Refrigerate for 30 minutes.
Serve with a ladle, getting cherries and limes in each serving.

I’ve found the less sweet the soda is the better this comes out. I use original flavor Fresca, instead of something like 7Up. I also cut the sugar back to a scant 3/4 of a cup unless the limes are really tart if forced to use 7Up.

KEEP THE FIZZ TIP: Follow the instructions above using only one 2- liter bottle of soda. Chill both the mixture and the second bottle. Then just before serving slowly add the second bottle of soda for maximum fizziness!

 

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[No the sequencing of these two graphics was not a coincidence!]

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No Parting Shot this week, at least not in the traditional sense. I often rail about how modern religion (ok so I specifically rail against Christianity as the largest offender) has made it a point to walk all over the old ways and beliefs in an attempt to stamp them out.

I thought given the subject matter of this weeks issue this would be a good opportunity to post a couple things showing how liberals and even Christians themselves are now doing the exact same thing to Christianity.

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Madison School bans the word ‘Easter’ citing religious tolerance or something

One person complains to the school and all of a sudden the word ‘Easter’ is banned because it sounds too Christian? It was an Easter egg hunt for crying out loud. No crucifixes, no praying hands – nothing. Just your run of the mill Easter egg hunt with a big fluffy bunny running around.

But hold everything! Somebody is offended so let’s change the freaking world to accommodate this idiot in the name of diversity or political correctness or whatever you want to call it.

[Video of local news report here: http://therightscoop.com/madison-school-bans-the-word-easter-citing-religious-tolerance-or-something/ ]

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The above is actually a Google Cached article dating back to the early 1990s.

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Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1380 (12 Apr 14)


Dragon Laffs 12
Good Morning Campers!

I gotta show you this first guys.  Tom with the Northwest weather sent us another update…

NORTHWEST WEATHER:  Spring has finally arrived! For the weekend we3d expect lows in the upper 40′s and highs in the mid to upper 70′s. Lots of sunshine and little wind. Thank you Mother Nature. The bees are buzzing and birds are singing and blossoms are blooming.

To update the disaster mudslide up north; The latest victim was a 17 year old and he was number 39. We don’t know if all the victims will ever be found.

Also, a gas price update; Today, up to $4.00 per gallon for regular. AN OREGON CHERRY TREE IN BLOOM 

 

That is one great looking tree.  Makes me really think that spring may even show up to Indiana soon!

Hey!  Guess what day it almost is????

Can you guess?

Shall I give you a hint?

Tax day
Yes, it’s almost the dreaded tax day!  April 15th rapidly approaches.  If you haven’t already filed your taxes  than you may not even be reading this.  You’re probably running around, getting receipts, roping up some loopholes and baking cookies for your accountant.  That’s why I file mine just as soon as possible.  I structure my withholdings so that I just about break even or get a small refund.  I don’t try for a high refund like a lot of people do, because I can’t see giving Uncle Sam an interest free loan all year long.  I’d rather pay a couple of bucks at the end of the year and have all my money up front.

But that’s me.

LetsLaugh

An elderly man had a massive stroke and the family drove him to the emergency room.

After a while the ER doctor appeared wearing a long face.  “I’m afraid Grandpa is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating.”

“Oh, Dear God,” cried his wife, “We’ve never had a liberal in the family before!”

 

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A student asked his English professor, “Sir, what is the definition of a ‘dilemma’?”

The professor said, “Well, there’s nothing better than an example to illustrate that.  Imagine that you are laying in bed with a beautiful naked young woman on one side and a gay man on the other side….who are you going to turn your back on?” 

 

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How do you manage to get fired on the first day in a Winnie the Poo costume?

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By putting your costume pants on backwards!

 

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A Child’s Eyesight is Saved by Facebook Picture
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(Memphis) Like most parents, Tara Taylor posted a picture of her 3-year-old daughter Rylee on Facebook to show friends.

She was proud because her daughter had fixed her own hair like a princess.

Taylor had no idea how that picture would end up helping her child.

In the picture Rylee’s left eye was glowing.

While most people would have thought it was caused by the flash, two of Taylor’s friends told her there might be something wrong with her eye.

“They said ‘Hey, I’m sure it’s nothing. It’s probably the lighting, but your daughter’s eye is glowing and you might want to have it checked out because it’s a sign there could be an issue with her eye,’” said Taylor.

Rylee was taken to her pediatrician and later to a retina specialist with Baptist Eye Clinic.

She was diagnosed with Coat’s disease, a rare condition that causes vision loss or blindness in one eye.

Dr. Jorge Calzada with the Charles Retina Institute and Baptist Eye Clinic said the earlier they can treat children, the better.

“The significant problem we have with children is that a child won’t say, ‘Mommy, I can’t see out of my right eye.’ It is usually caught in an expected way. When a child recognizes he cannot see or the parent recognizes they cannot see, it’s often because they’ve lost vision in both eyes,” said Dr. Calzada.

Taylor said she had no indication her daughter was having any trouble seeing.

In fact, she says it was quite the opposite.

“She didn’t sit close to the TV. She is actually in gymnastics and can walk on the balance beam,” said Taylor.

She’s grateful to the friends who pointed out the problem.

Baptist received a $550,000 grant from the Baptist Memorial Health Care foundation to open its ‘state of the art’ eye clinic at the Women’s Hospital.

The eye clinic treats children and even premature babies.

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Fantasy Pic

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Wheats

Okay, so these aren’t Wheats’ Words per se, but Impish Dragons words about something my buddy Wheats did for me.  We were roommates together when we were both stationed at Spangdahlem Air Base in Germany.  We were both in the Munitions Maintenance Squadron (MMS) which doesn’t exist anymore.  We were both Weapons Mechanics (Which of course, also doesn’t exist anymore, they are now called Aircraft Armament Systems Specialists-and yes, the acronym is AASS)  One of the things we have in common is that we loaded a lot of BDUs.  I mean, A LOT of BDUs.  What’s a BDU you may ask?  Well, it stands for Bomb Dummy Unit or Bomb Delivery Unit, depending on who you talk to.  Here’s a picture:
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They weigh 25 lbs. and are about 23 inches from nose to fin.  There were days when I, personally have loaded over 100 of these little guys.  That’s over 1 ton of bombs.  Here’s a REALLY OLD picture of me loading said bombs while stationed at Holloman AFB in New Mexico.
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I know it’s really difficult to see, but that’s me on the left in the white T-shirt.  Anyway, Wheats, in his artistic wonderment, made me a memento of those times we shared (and no, that’s not Wheats on the right) he lathed a BDU out of brass, made it all in detail and in scale, even making the plunger and the lug in the top and then put it in it’s on little case and mailed it to me.  This is like the most incredible piece of military art that I’ve seen.  This is what he sent me:
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Okay, so when I took the picture, it still had a few Styrofoam bits on it.  I had to use a can of compressed air to get it all clean.  But this little BDU is made of brass, is only a couple of inches long and looks way cool.  You kinda have to be a weapons troop yourself to fully appreciate how cool this is, but believe me…it’s WAY COOL!

Thanks Wheats!!!!!

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I think this is a tremendous rule of thumb to use for a multitude of situations.  Anytime the person in question needs to be judged on their ability to assess the real world or their ability to be a self starter or self motivator then the question should be asked, “Did you vote for Obama?”  Yes?  Then I’m sorry.  You can’t have the job, do the job or get the promotion, whatever.

01Dragon coffee 2

My Doctor told me to start killing people.
Well, not in those exact words…
He said I had to reduce the stress in my life.
Same thing really!

 

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01Dragon coffee
The older we get, the more we talk to ourselves.
It doesn’t mean we’re crazy.  We could just care less
what anybody else has to say anymore…

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If it wasn’t for royal-cluster-fucks,
I wouldn’t have any sex life at all!

 

Breaking News!

Okay, so this isn’t really “Breaking” news, since scientists have known about this for quite sometime now, but it is exciting none-the-less…
Total Lunar Eclipse Will Darken The Moon On Tuesday!

The April 15 total lunar eclipse is the first in a four-eclipse cycle called a tetrad.  Contrary to a popular novel out right now, it is NOT a harbinger of the Apocalypse.  total-lunar-eclipse-june-2011-namibia-reserve-tucker-2

Stargazers and lunar fans in the Western Hemisphere will have ringside seats for a total eclipse of the moon during the overnight hours of April 14 and 15.

This spectacle of celestial shadows will be the first of two total lunar eclipses in 2014 that will be visible from North America. Unlike an eclipse of the sun, an eclipse of the moon presents no hazards to the viewer. No precautions to protect the eyes are needed.

For the Western Hemisphere, the eclipse will “officially” begin on April 15 at 12:53 a.m. EDT (0435 GMT), when the moon begins to enter Earth’s outer, or penumbral shadow. But even in clear weather, skywatchers will not notice any changes in the moon’s appearance until about 50 minutes later, when a slight “smudge” or shading starts becoming evident on the left portion of the moon’s disk.

The first definitive change in the moon’s appearance will come on its upper left edge. At 1:58 a.m. EDT (0558 GMT), the partial phase of the eclipse will begin as the Earth’s dark shadow, called the umbra, starts to slowly creep over the face of the full moon.

total-lunar-eclipse-visibility-april-2014This NASA graphic shows where the total lunar eclipse of April 14-15, 2014 will be visible from. The lunar eclipse coincides with April’s full moon and is the first of four total lunar eclipes (a tetrad) between April 2014 and September 2015.

At 3:06 a.m. EDT, the eclipse will reach totality, but sunlight bent by our atmosphere around the curvature of the Earth should produce a coppery glow on the moon. At this time, the moon, if viewed with binoculars or a small telescope, will present the illusion of seemingly glowing from within by its own light.

At 3:46 a.m. EDT, the sun, Earth and moon will be almost exactly in line and the light of the moon will appear at its dimmest. “Totality” ends at 4:24 a.m. EDT, and the moon will completely emerge from the umbra at 5:33 a.m. About 20 minutes later, the last vestige of the fainter penumbral shadow will disappear from the moon’s upper right edge, and the body will return to its normal brilliance.

I am going to try to get up and view and possibly take pictures of the eclipse.  If I do and they come out, I’ll share next week.

3h

Impish Dragon was really drunk and walking along the street one day.

 

He was staggering quite a bit, and made two nuns that were approaching him very nervous.

 

The two nuns split apart — one walked to Impish’s left, one walked to the his right.

 

After the nuns were past him, Impish turned around and said, “Now how in the hell did she do that?”

Mini Dragon Rant

This one is on Obamacare and is done in pictures!  Have fun!
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Praying Dragon

A PRAYER REQUEST

Jeannie, one of our long time readers, frequent contributor, fellow camper and friend of the e-zine has sent us a letter that I truly hopes she doesn’t mind my sharing with you. 

Hi ya,

I’m so so soooo sorry I haven’t been here for a long time.  Please keep my Dad in your prayers.  I don’t think he’s going to make it this time.  He’s been in and out of the hospital and last night we had to call an ambulance again.  He says he wants to die at home.  Mom looks like hell.  Ok, I’m getting ready to go up to the hospital.  Miss you all and I’ll be back later.

Love, Jeannie

Please take a moment in your busy day to offer up a quick prayer for Jeannie, her Dad and her family.  Thank you fellow campers and travelers through this sometimes dark and lonely world.  The path is always easier when you have someone to share the road with.  And that is truly, all we are trying to do with this little publication.

Impish

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I stopped by the Ford Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new F-150 pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new “feel” before they become extinct.

The salesman (a man wearing an Obama “change” lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its “wonderful”options. The seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat. Feeling like messing with him, I mentioned that this must be a  Republican truck.

Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck. I explained that if it were an Obama truck, the seats would just blow smoke up your ass year-round.

I had to walk back to the dealership.  Damn guy had no sense of humor.

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Thriller 1903

 

Public

The National Institutes of Health has just released the results of a $200 million research study completed under a grant to Johns Hopkins.  The new study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

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Last Word2

Today’s Last Word starts with a really good letter to the editor by Reis R. Kash, to what I am gathering is a well known Liberal newspaper in Eugene, Oregon.

Letter to the Editor: Obama is no ordinary weakling

Those who compare the bare-chested conqueror of the Crimea with the metrosexual ruler of the United States and find our emperor weak to the point of deserving ridicule, miss the essential strength of President Obama.

It’s no ordinary weakling who can turn a once-respected country into an international joke; reduce Congress to a gaggle of sniveling sycophants; turn the world’s finest medical system into a failed third-rate socialist nightmare with a stroke of his pen; shatter our Constitution without attempted recourse by the sons and daughters of frontiersmen and pioneers whose blood was used to write that inspired document; and turn the people of our once-united states into a herd of competing minorities who, like suckling pigs, are each afraid to lose his place on the government teat should he raise his voice to protest the ruin of our country.

So don’t denigrate the nonentity ruler who has overcome his uncertain ancestry and ludicrous incompetence to do what no other king or dictator has been able to do in our 237-year history: He has destroyed America.

Reis R. Kash

Springfield, OR

Bravo!  Mr. Kash, Bravo!

And to wrap up today’s issue, this one from our own Diaman:

Welcome to 2014:

 

• Our Phones   – Wireless
• Cooking         – Fireless
• Cars              – Keyless
• Food              – Fatless
• Tires              –Tubeless
• Dress             – Sleeveless
• Youth             – Jobless
• Leaders         – Shameless
• Relationships – Meaningless
• Attitudes         – Careless
• Babies            – Fatherless
• Feelings         – Heartless
• Education       – Valueless
• Children         – Mannerless
• Country          – Godless

 

We are SPEECHLESS,

Congress is CLUELESS,

and our President is WORTHLESS !

GOD HELP US !

Cheers2

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Leprechaun Laughs #240


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<Lethal appears passing the doorway to the conference room dressed head to toe in what appears to be a high voltage insulating suit pushing a handcart with several long handled white wash brushes, a 25 pound tub of lard and a bucket labeled “Carpet Tacks Qty: 5000”. He stops and looks in>

Ah yes, almost forgot about you guys. I’m a wee pressed for time at the moment so you’ll have to get yourselves started on your own this mornin’. Now give me nae grief about it, you know where the bloody coffee and pastries are and if ya don’t, well just be following your nose or the soon ta be ensuing stampede for them. I should be back in plenty of time ta meat up wit’ the like o’ ya for me Leprechaunish Rant in a wee while.

Right now I’m off ta grease the down slope on this side of the Bifrost Bridge to Midgard and spread these tacks about the area where some Asgard arses are sure ta’ be landing. Ya see Thor opened a can of whoop ass and I’m for covering him in it because, <Pulls out a small gong and hammers it several times> IT’S ON NOW!

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Just because I had to make reference to it and now half of you are now distracted trying to remember the song, how it went and who sang, it here it is to get you back on track with your attention on the issue not early 70’s tunes

 

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Nope not a Rangers fan Thor, but can’t fault you bolting them they do suck and you do bet the hell out of them.

Cows, the Constitution, and the Ten Commandments

COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington. And they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.


CONSTITUTION

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don’t we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it’s worked for over 200 years and we’re not using it anymore.

TEN COMMANDMENTS

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse: You cannot post “Thou Shall Not Steal”, “Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery” and “Thou Shall Not Lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment.

Important Notice

PSA Recall

Tyson Foods recalls chicken nuggets sold at Sam’s Club

According to the Tyson Foods Inc. website, the company is recalling 5lb. bags of chicken nuggets sold at Sam’s Club.

A press release posted by the company states: “Tyson Foods, Inc. has announced it is voluntarily recalling 5-pound bags of frozen Tyson® white meat chicken nuggets that were sold at Sam’s Club locations nationwide. A small number of consumers who contacted the company indicated they had found small pieces of plastic in the nuggets, prompting the company to issue the recall. The affected product lots were produced on two days on a single line at one of the company’s 40 chicken production facilities.

Products sold in smaller packages or at any other retailer are not affected by this recall.”

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Best Shift Ever – Waitress Receives Life-Changing Tip

 

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Seriously? Taking pot shots at the USS Texas? WW I nearly sinking on its own Battleships are a threat to you huh? You’re getting colder!

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Mexicali Hashbrown Taco Casserole

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Shepherd’s pie has moved south to Mexico! 
The base of this casserole is a creamy taco-flavored ground beef mixture.  You can leave the taco seasoning out or use other spice blends if you’d like.  My recipes are never carved in stone…make them your own.
Top all this off with a crunchy-cheesy-peppery layer of hash browns and you’ve got a complete dinner in a dish!

Ingredients

  • 1 lb lean ground beef (80%)
  • 1/2 cup diced green bell pepper, divided
  • 1/2 cup diced red bell pepper, divided
  • 1/2 cup corn
  • 1 pkg taco seasoning
  • 1 can (10.5 oz) tomato soup
  • 1 pkg (3 oz) low-fat cream cheese*
  • 1/2 cup chopped onion, divided
  • 2 cups Mexican-style shredded cheese, divided
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1/2 tsp pepper
  • 1/2 bag (30 oz bag) frozen hash brown potatoes, thawed

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.  Lightly grease or spray a 2 or 2 1/2 oblong casserole dish.

Brown ground beef and onion in a heavy skillet over medium-high heat.  Drain fat from pan, reduce heat.

Add the undiluted tomato soup, corn and the cream cheese. Stir until well combined and no chunks of cream cheese are visible.  Stir in taco seasoning and 1 cup of the shredded cheese.  Turn mixture into prepared pan, spreading mixture evenly across the bottom.

In a separate bowl, combine the defrosted hash browns, the peppers, salt, pepper and remaining 1 cup shredded cheese.

Top ground beef with potato mixture, pressing it down slightly.

Bake at 350 degrees F for 30-35 minutes or until topping is browned and crispy on top.

Serves 6

 

Because this is supposed to be TexMex/Mexicali recipe I substitute a well drained can of Rotel (fine diced tomatoes & green chilies) for the red & green bell peppers. However if you don’t want to got that route I suggest looking for a frozen OreIda Hash Brown product called ‘Potatoes O’Brian which already has the peppers in it. Also I use green onions in this, the white in the meat mixture and the green in the potatoes.

Need the dish to serve a few more people? No problem! Just toss a can of drained rinsed Pinto Beans into the meat mixture! Or use only 1.2 the can of tomato soup and toss in a can of chili beans sauce and all.

Hummingbird Cake

Here is another Easter Dinner Recipe for you to consider.

Full of delicious banana, pineapple, and roasted pecans, Hummingbird Cake is one of those cake recipes that is just a Southern classic.

As with so many Southern recipes, I’m not certain where the name of this cake originated. Although it is certainly filled with such sweetness that you can only enjoy just a little bit of it at a time, which makes it perfect for serving at large gatherings like church socials and potluck dinners. Thankfully though, no birds are harmed in its making or consuming. [However a few diets and waistlines might bite it!]

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Hummingbird Cake is perfect for serving at so many special occasions or when entertaining. Get this heirloom Hummingbird Cake recipe for your next event.

Prep time: 10 mins

Cook time: 25 mins

Total time: 35 mins

Serves: 12

 

 

 

Ingredients

  • 3 cups all-purpose flour
  • 2 cups granulated sugar
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1½ teaspoons ground cinnamon
  • 3 eggs
  • 1 cup vegetable oil
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
  • 1 (8-ounce) can crushed pineapple, undrained
  • 3 (about 2 cups) ripe bananas, mashed
  • 1 cup roasted pecans, finely chopped
  • Cream Cheese Frosting [see below]

Instructions

  1. Preheat oven to 350º F. Prepare three 9-inch cake pans by spraying with baking spray or buttering and lightly flouring.
  2. Whisk together the flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, salt, and ground cinnamon in a large bowl. Set aside.
  3. Cream together the eggs, oil, vanilla extract, pineapple, mashed bananas, and finely chopped pecans in another large bowl. Stir the egg mixture into the flour mixture until just combined. Evenly divide the batter between the three prepared pans and bake for about 20 to 25 minutes, or until a toothpick or skewer inserted in the center of the cake comes out clean.
  4. Remove from the oven and allow to cool for about 10 minutes. Turn cakes onto a wire rack and allow to cool completely before frosting with cream cheese frosting.

Cream Cheese Frosting

Prep time: 5 minutes

Ingredients

  • 1/2 cup of butter (1 stick), room temperature
  • 8 oz of Philly cream cheese (1 package), room temperature
  • 2 – 3 cups of powdered sugar
  • 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

Method

1 With an electric mixer, mix the butter and cream cheese together, about 3 minutes on medium speed until very smooth. Scrape down the sides and bottom of the bowl to ensure even mixing.

2 Add the vanilla extract and mix. Slowly add the powdered sugar. Keep adding until you get to desired sweetness and thickness.

3 Either spread on with a blunt knife or spatula, or spoon into a piping bag to decorate your cake or cupcake.

Lemon Blueberry Cornbread Muffins

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Prep time: 5 mins

Cook time: 15 mins

Total time: 20 mins

Serves: 6

Lemon Blueberry Cornbread Muffins have just the perfect amount of sweetness for an easy and delicious breakfast.

 

 

 

 

 

Ingredients

  • ¾ cup milk
  • juice of 1 lemon
  • 1 (6-ounce) package of buttermilk cornbread mix, I use Martha White
  • 1 tablespoon sugar, stevia or honey
  • ½ cup blueberries, fresh or dried
  • zest of 1 lemon

Instructions

  1. Preheat oven to 425º F. Spray muffins tins with non-stick cooking spray. Set aside.
  2. Pour milk into measuring cup. Add lemon juice to milk and allow to sit while preparing other ingredients.
  3. Pour buttermilk cornbread mix into medium bowl. Add sugar, blueberries, and lemon zest. Slowly pour milk mixture into bowl with dry cornbread mixture and stir slowly and gently until well combined.
  4. Fill muffin tins ¾ full and bake for 15 minutes or until golden brown and cooked through.
  5. Allow to cool slightly before removing from muffing tin. Serve warm.

Here is a tip for you- See how all the blueberries sank to the bottom of the muffin while baking?  I use 2 Tablesp0ons of flour and 1 teaspoon of confectioners sugar or super fine sugar mixed together and I toss my fresh blue berries in it then remove them with a slotted spoon or one of those wire ladles  you use for draining stuff you fried in hot oil so I get just the coated blueberries. DO it just before you add them to the mix. The dry coating on the out side of the blueberries will grip the batter and prevent them all from going to the bottom. IF your blueberries are not real tart or you have sugar issues you can forgot the sugar in the mix plain flour works fine.

Double Chocolate Cereal Balls

A new update twist on the old Rice Krispy Squares recipeimage just in time for Easter and easy sure to please homemade treat that also solves the problem of what to put in those little plastic eggs! 

Just wrap one is a little colored cellophane for a sure to be welcome egg hunt surprise.

Prep Time: 30 min | Total Time: 30 min |# Servings: 12

Ingredients:

3   cups miniature marshmallows

2   tablespoons light whipped butter or light butter spread

4   cups Multi Grain Cheerios Dark Chocolate crunch cereal

3   tablespoons miniature semisweet chocolate chips

12 paper lollipop sticks, if desired

Directions:

Step 1: Line cookie sheet with waxed paper or cooking parchment paper.

Step 2: In large microwavable bowl, microwave marshmallows and butter uncovered on High 45 seconds to 1 minute. Stir until smooth.*

Step 3: Immediately stir in cereal and chips until evenly coated. Let cool for 10 minutes, or until mostly cool. Press mixture firmly into 12 two-inch balls (if necessary, lightly spray hands with cooking spray to prevent sticking; wash hands occasionally, and re-spray). If desired, insert paper lollipop sticks into center of each cereal ball, pressing firmly around each stick. Store loosely covered. Best if served the same day.

Expert Tips:

  • *You can make the marshmallow mixture on the stovetop. In 3-quart saucepan, melt marshmallows and butter over low heat, stirring until marshmallows are melted and mixture is smooth. Remove from heat and continue as directed in step 3.

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Shit dude that’s what 4? 5? cliffs off target? I even left the place lit up for you! Seriously? Odin has only one eye and his aim is better than that! You couldn’t hit the backside of a dragon!

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OK nice rebuttal Thor and point taken but even a blind dog occasional manages to find a bone!

Good Girls …and Bad Girls

Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie.
Bad girls know they could do it better.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it’s hot.
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it.
Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.

Good girls pack their toothbrush.
Bad girls pack their diaphragms.

Good girls prefer the missionary position.
Bad girls do too, but only for starters.

Good girls say, “No.”
Bad girls say, “When?”

Good girls think they’re not fully dressed without a strand of pearls.
Bad girls think they’re fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.

Good girls wax their floors.
Bad girls wax their bikini lines — or more….

Good girls wear high heels to work.
Bad girls wear high heels to bed.

Speaking of ‘Bad Girls’…

Limerick 2

Singing to the tune of Auld Lang Sine:

Be true, my love, be true my love,
It’s only for an hour.
Don’t screw, my love, don’t screw, my love,
And the ship and cargo’s ours.

She sang back to him:

Too late, my love, too late, my love,
He’s got me round the middle,
He’s screwed me once, he’ll do it twice,
And you’ve lost your damned old fiddle!

There was a young lady named Gay,
Who was asked to make love in the hay.
She jumped at the chance
And took off her pants,
She was tickled to try it that way!
 

A woman who spent her last pound
Bought a plaything to tickle her mound.
When the batteries failed
“La Dee Da,” she exhaled.
“For the milkman will soon be around.”

There was a young woman in Dee
Who stayed with each man she did see.
When it came to a test
She wished to be best,
And practice makes perfect, you see.

There once was a man from Boston
Who drove around in a green Austin
He had room for his ass
And a gallon of gas
But his balls hung out and he lost them.
 

A fellow would frequently play
The field, to his girlfriend’s dismay.
So she got him a date
With a transvestite mate,
And thus made him a queen, for a day.
 

There once was a lady from Wooster
Who dreamt that a man had seduced her
She awoke with a scream
To find it was a dream
And a bump in the mattress had goosed her.

 
She gave the poor doctor a kick
That laid him out flat as a brick.
She completely forgot
He was giving a shot
When he said, “You may feel a small prick.”

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OK while I admit you at least found the right airport- judging by the wind turbine, you still missed. Looks like you need a hint…Shamrock One is EMERALD GREEN with GOLD METALLIC LETTERING. Cheer up though hothead at least all this practice is getting you closer…more or less.

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand.  He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.

   Two Blonde Genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes.  The guy makes his three wishes and the Blonde Genies disappear.

   The next thing the guy knows, he’s in a bedroom in a golf course mansion and surrounded by a dozens of beautiful women.  After he finally makes love to all of them, he begins to explore this fabulous mansion.

   Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet and he looks down and all the floors are covered in $100 bills several inches deep.

   Then there’s a knock at the door.  He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits.  They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he’s dead.

   As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods.  It’s the two Blonde Genies.  One Blonde Genie says to they other one, “I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to    make love to….I can also understand him wanting to be a multi millionaire….but why he wanted to be hung like a black guy is beyond me.”

Response and Follow Ups

OK there has been a lot of speculation (at least in my Inbox) regarding who was the front runner to have replaced Impish as my Sidekick and Chief Minion.

I know Impish has been trying to figure it out as well (I know this because I watched him burgle my office on 3 separate occasions looking for clues).

While the speculation on the part of those readers asking, to say Impish’s fruitless antics have proven quite interesting (to say nothing of having given me a few new candidates I had never considered approaching) ‘tis high time to end the torment for all of you.

I give you Impish’s Almost Replacement- Audrey 2!

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Yuppers- Impish was almost replaced by a blood guzzling, sentient, talking potted plant!

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What makes Fort Hood a target again?

(CNN) – It’s a scene that’s becoming all too familiar at Fort Hood: flag-draped caskets for soldiers who’ve survived war, only to be killed at home.

A shooting Wednesday left four people dead, including the gunman, who committed suicide. It also sent ripples of fear across a military installation still on edge following a previous massacre.

Maj. Nidal Hasan killed 13 people and injured dozens in November 2009.

Two years later, an Army private tried to detonate explosives at fellow soldiers from the same facility — but was foiled.

Now authorities say Spc. Ivan Lopez opened fire at Fort Hood last Wednesday, killing three people before fatally shooting himself. Sixteen more people were injured. .

What is it about Fort Hood that makes it a target for soldier-on-soldier attacks? Is it more dangerous? More vulnerable than most?

Not so, experts say.

“First of all, when it comes to a military base, this is where a nation’s war fighters are being trained. So, by nature, they’re being prepared for combat or they’ve returned from combat zones around the world,” said Thomas Fuentes, a former FBI assistant director.

“So they come back and you’re asking people to turn that switch on or off,” he said. “To now return to a peaceful civilian life — you know get along with your neighbors and your families — that’s often easier said than done with some people.”

The large Fort Hood population makes it susceptible to gun violence, just like any other city in the U.S., Fuentes said. Fort Hood is the nation’s largest Army post.

“You’re talking about a small city with a population of about 50,000 people,” he said. “So there are acts of violence that occur in cities and towns … by sheer population. You hope it doesn’t occur at a controlled environment like a military base, but unfortunately it does.”

Changes after 2009

In the wake of the 2009 massacre, authorities launched various investigations and reviews.

“The tragic shooting of U.S. military personnel at Fort Hood in November 2009 underscored the need for the Department of Defense to thoroughly review its approach to force protection,” Defense Secretary Robert Gates wrote in a memo shortly after that shooting.

Authorities put in place a series of changes.

They included creating a kind of “neighborhood watch” to teach the Army community to recognize and report suspicious behavior.

Gates also called for a plan to educate commanders on signs of workplace violence and an enhanced 911 systems on military installations to enable emergency dispatchers to effectively determine a caller’s location.

Other recommendations included upgraded health care to service members and the hiring of additional providers especially in mental health to help meet that goal.

The Army must transform how it protects its soldiers, collects information about internal threats and communicates with the FBI and terrorism experts, investigators said at the time.

But some residents said there have been no major changes.

“There hasn’t been a whole lot of extra protection on base,” said Lynn Adams, a Fort Hood resident.

Adams said authorities check identification and other things, but there has been no visible extra security.

While why does Ft. Hood seem to be a continual target for this sort of thing is the question most oft being asked right now.  I have a better question which addresses the root issue not the branches of the problematic tree which has sprung forth from it.

Who Is To Blame For This Never-ending Woeful Fiasco?

Pres. Geo. H.W. Bush, Sec Def. Richard B. Cheney, Dep. Sec Def. Donald J. Atwood – All architects of the original D.o.D. order disarming specifically the Army but not the other Branches of the military while on base.

(See the original order here:  http://www.dtic.mil/dtic/tr/fulltext/u2/a272176.pdf )

Arguably former Sec Defs Leslie Aspin, William J. Perry, William S Cohen, & Donald Rumsfeld as well as former Presidents WIlliam Jefferson Clinton and George W. Bush bear some degree of culpable guilt and responsibility for failing to even attempt to revisit/redress the issue of this grievously bad policy during their time in the office.

However I find that in addition to the original homegrown threat enhancing trio that instituted this ridiculously absurd ban in the first place, former Sec Defs Robert M. Gates, Leon Panetta, current Sec Defs Chuck Hagel & President Barrack Hussein Obama, all of whom have held their office since the 2009 Ft. Hood shooting rampage of would be Jihadist Maj. Nidal Hasan killed 13 people and injured dozens in November 2009, bear the preponderance of the blame and guilt for culpable negligence in failing to do anything to undo this policy after it has (on multiple occasions in multiple military facilities) shown to be a bad and dangerous policy to deprive our military personnel of the ability to protect themselves on duty on base.

For more on the ludicrousness of this ban I refer you to this excellent editorial in The Washington Times:

EDITORIAL: End Clinton-era military base gun ban

Aside from the common misconception that it was Clinton who ordered the gun ban when it was in fact:

A change in U.S. Army regulations issued in March 1993 (just two months after President Clinton assumed office) did affect the issue of personnel carrying firearms on military bases, but that change in regulations was issued by the Department of the Army and was not implemented by President Clinton via an executive order. Moreover, that change in regulations came about in response to a U.S. Department of Defense directive issued in February 1992, during the presidency of George H.W. Bush, and not at the sole behest of President Clinton.
Read more at http://www.snopes.com/politics/clintons/baseguns.asp#qH0h6mJfHcPYFRZB.99

I think you’ll find the editorial makes spot on well supported arguments why in our current geo-political climate of terrorism this ban unduly places military personnel in harm’s way.

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ALMIGHTY GOD, We humbly beseech thee, in thy mercy protect our troops as they protect us. Especially from the politicians and our own military and gun hating liberal Government! Amen.

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OK now you’re just being a prissy lil bitch Thor! That’s not even close to anywhere hear where I am! Do you REALLY want to take on the Elder Fae by zapping a Major Faire Circle and pissing them off?

I’ve got to tell you their idea of what constitutes a practical joke is way meaner and probably much more deadly than mine. They don’t have an business interests with your Father or Honor Debts holding them back either Thunder brains!

Viral Videos

HOUSTON (KABC) — A daring rescue was caught on video during a massive fire that destroyed an apartment complex under construction near downtown Houston, officials said.

Strong winds rapidly spread a small rooftop fire across the 396-unit, 4 1/2 acre Axis Apartments project in the city’s Montrose district [a week ago] Tuesday. A construction worker was saved just before the blaze took down a portion of the roof and eventually much of the large structure.

 

And here is the same structure 1/2 hour later-

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All construction workers were accounted for, and no injuries were reported.

More than 200 emergency personnel fought the fire for 2.5 hours before bringing it under control, fire officials said.

How to Scramble Eggs Inside Their Shell

A perfect mind blowing prank just in time for Easter Egg making!

Works pretty well with a clean tube sock too, you just might have to do it a few more times.

Bumper Snickers 2

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US tech giants knew of NSA data collection, agency’s top lawyer insists

Underlining, highlighting and any comments in green colored text and this font are mine for the purpose[s] of emphasis, clarification or additional information.

NSA general counsel Rajesh De says big tech companies like Yahoo and Google provided ‘full assistance’ in legally mandated collection of data

Spencer Ackerman in Washington theguardian.com, Wednesday 19 March 2014 14.40 EDT

The senior lawyer for the National Security Agency stated on Wednesday that US technology companies were fully aware of the surveillance agency’s widespread collection of data.

Rajesh De, the NSA general counsel, said all communications content and associated metadata harvested by the NSA under a 2008 surveillance law occurred with the knowledge of the companies – both for the internet collection program known as Prism and for the so-called “upstream” collection of communications moving across the internet.

Asked during a Wednesday hearing of the US government’s institutional privacy watchdog if collection under the law, known as Section 702 or the Fisa Amendments Act, occurred with the “full knowledge and assistance of any company from which information is obtained,” De replied: “Yes.”

When the Guardian and the Washington Post broke the Prism story in June, thanks to documents leaked by whistleblower Edward Snowden, nearly all the companies listed as participating in the program – Yahoo, Apple, Google, Microsoft, Facebook and AOL – claimed they did not know about a surveillance practice described as giving NSA vast access to their customers’ data. Some, like Apple, said they had “never heard” the term Prism.

De explained: “Prism was an internal government term that as the result of leaks became the public term,” De said. “Collection under this program was a compulsory legal process, that any recipient company would receive.”

After the hearing, De added that service providers also know and receive legal compulsions surrounding NSA’s harvesting of communications data not from companies but directly in transit across the internet under 702 authority.

The disclosure of Prism resulted in a cataclysm in technology circles, with tech giants launching extensive PR campaigns to reassure their customers of data security and successfully pressing the Obama administration to allow them greater leeway to disclose the volume and type of data requests served to them by the government.

Last week, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg said he had called US president Barack Obama to voice concern about “the damage the government is creating for all our future.” There was no immediate response from the tech companies to De’s comments on Wednesday.

It is unclear what sort of legal process the government serves on a company to compel communications content and metadata access under Prism or through upstream collection. Documents leaked from Snowden indicate that the NSA possesses unmediated access to the company data.

The secret Fisa court overseeing US surveillance for the purposes of producing foreign intelligence issues annual authorizations blessing NSA’s targeting and associated procedures under Section 702.After winning a transparency battle with the administration in the Fisa court earlier this year, the companies are now permitted to disclose the range of Fisa orders they receive, in bands of 1,000, which presumably include orders under 702.

Passed in 2008, Section 702 retroactively gave cover of law to a post-9/11 effort permitting the NSA to collect phone, email, internet and other communications content when one party to the communication is reasonably believed to be a non-American outside the United States. The NSA stores Prism data for five years and communications taken directly from the internet for two years.

While Section 702 forbids the intentional targeting of Americans or people inside the United States – a practice known as “reverse targeting” – significant amounts of Americans’ phone calls and emails are swept up in the process of collection.

In 2011, according to a now-declassified Fisa court ruling, the NSA was found to have collected tens of thousands of emails between Americans, which a judge on the court considered a violation of the US constitution and which the NSA says it is technologically incapable of fixing.

Renewed in December 2012 over the objections of senate intelligence committee members Ron Wyden and Mark Udall, Section 702 also permits NSA analysts to search through the collected communications for identifying information about Americans, an amendment to so-called “minimization” rules revealed by the Guardian in August and termed the “backdoor search loophole” by Wyden.

De and his administration colleagues, testifying before the Privacy and Civil Liberties Oversight Board, strongly rejected suggestions by the panel that a court authorize searches for Americans’ information inside the 702 databases. “If you have to go back to court every time you look at the information in your custody, you can imagine that would be quite burdensome,” deputy assistant attorney general Brad Wiegmann told the board.

De argued that once the Fisa court permits the collection annually, analysts ought to be free to comb through it, and stated that there were sufficient privacy safeguards for Americans after collection and querying had occurred. “That information is at the government’s disposal to review in the first instance,” De said.

De also stated that the NSA is not permitted to search for Americans’ data from communications taken directly off the internet, citing greater risks to privacy.

Section 702 is not the only legal authority the US government possesses to harvest data transiting the internet.

Neither De nor any other US official discussed data taken from the internet under different legal authorities. Different documents Snowden disclosed, published by the Washington Post, indicated that NSA takes data as it transits between Yahoo and Google data centers, an activity reportedly conducted not under Section 702 but under a seminal executive order known as 12333. 

[This order signed by Regan prior to the advent of the Internet has since been amended multiple times, most recently and on point with this discussion in 2008 under Executive Order 13470 by Obama. The complete revised version of 12333 can be found here: https://www.fas.org/irp/offdocs/eo/eo-12333-2008.pdf ]

De and his administration colleagues were quick to answer the board that companies were aware of the government’s collection of data under 702, which Robert Litt, general counsel for the director of national intelligence, told the board was “one of the most valuable collection tools that we have.”

“All 702 collection is pursuant to court directives, so they have to know,” De reiterated to the Guardian.

Rather than going through the effort of writing up my opinion of this issue which will wind up being either preaching to the choir or largely ignored by the close minded Obama is our God shadow skulking liberals, I’m going to express my opinion with a few choice graphics I came across.

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Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1379


Dragon Laffs 28
Good Morning Campers!  Welcome to another edition of your all time favorite e-zine.  Grab yourselves a cup of 1acoffee, pull up a log by the fire, grab a seat at one of the picnic tables, donuts are over by the coffee under the pavilion.  Okay, so granted, it’s not Lethal Leprechaun’s “Brown-Gold” but it is good coffee, and the pastries come right from the Entenmann’s Bakery.

I’ve taken time out from Ark building to bring this issue to you today.  We’ve had almost 4 inches of rain over the last 3 days and the flooding is pretty bad.

Here’s a little example of the intersection down the street from my cavern.  The little thing is the fluorescent yellowish-green shirt and maroon pants is my littlest dragonette.  And yes, she doesn’t really have a fashion sense right now (thank goodness).

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At the time the picture was taken, Thursday afternoon, we only had about 2 inches of rain.  You can imagine what it looks like now, if they haven’t gotten it drained off. And now the damn wind is blowing gusts of over 50 mph!  And this was in my back yard:
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The lousy spring weather is here…

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Fun Fact: Humans are deuterostomes, which means that when they develop in the womb, the anus forms before any other opening.  Which means at one point, you were nothing but an asshole…sadly, some people never develop beyond this stage.

 

This is too funny to pass up.  Nice way to start the issue:

 

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If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. 
~Jay Leno~

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. 
~Henry Cate, VII~ 
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. 
~Aesop~ 
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven. 
~Will Rogers~ 
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. 
~Nikita Khrushchev~ 
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it. 
~Clarence Darrow~ 
Why pay money to have your family tree traced;  go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. 
~Author unknown~ 
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. 
~John Quinton~ 
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich,  by promising to protect each from the other. 
~Oscar Ameringer~ 
I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. 
~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech,  1952~ 
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. 
~ Tex Guinan~ 
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. 
~Charles de Gaulle~ 
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. 
~Doug Larson~ 
There ought to be one day — just one — when there is open season on Congressmen 
~Will Rogers~

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Battle for Dominance

This is an AWESOME wallpaper that was given to me by a very special friend.  It is called “Battle for Dominance” and it’s rapidly becoming one of my favorite dragon pix.

 

For all you Star Wars Geeks…okay, okay … for all of US Star Wars Geeks, here’s a featurette on the birth of the light saber.  Pretty cool and special thanks to Kim Komando for brining this one out.

And here’s one just for the excitement!

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Recently our U.S. Military found an Al Qaeda barracks and like all barracks everywhere they found pinups.  Unlike OUR barracks where there are pinup girls and such, these were…well…disturbing.  See for yourself:

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Emergency Management

I’m sure that all of you have heard about the second active shooter at Ft. Hood, in Texas.  First of all, let me say that my heart and prayers go out to the wounded and the families of the wounded and killed.  If you’ve been under a rock for 3 days, let me tell you that, as of this writing, there were 4 killed (including the shooter) and 16 wounded.  While I sit on top of Lethal Leprechaun to keep him from grabbing his guns and heading off to right this wrong, and the direction he goes in is probably not what you would think,  I won’t try to guess as to the reasoning behind the shooting, so far I have seen or heard about 4 different reasons behind this, but until I hear a definitive explanation, I won’t muddy the waters further by offering my own opinions.  I will say, that the way that I’m leaning is logical and a very, very sad state of affairs for our government and their financial butchering of our military.

No, my mission today is to talk to you about Active Shooters and the best way to make sure you are one of the ones that walks away rather than gets carried away. 

I know, I can hear you out there saying, “But Impish, I don’t work on a military base or a school.”  I know none of you think that active shooters only occur on Military Bases or schools.  It can and has happened in office buildings, post offices, malls, grocery stores, all kinds of different places.  Even out on the sidewalk. 

“Okay, Impish, so what am I supposed to do if someone starts shooting out on the sidewalk?”  Well, I’ll tell you.  You do the same first step that you would do no matter where you are. 

ACTIVE SHOOTER STEPS TO SURVIVAL
You basically have 3 choices when it comes to an active shooter situation:
1.  Run
2.  Hide
3.  Fight back
Which choice you make is going to depend on your situation.  And the best way to make that decision is to think about it and have a plan in mind BEFORE it happens!  Yes, I said BEFORE it happens.  Something that you’ve thought about and decided upon while it’s calm and you have time to weigh your options is much easier to enact under stress than when you have to make the decisions at the time.  Just like the Fire Dept. cautions families to have an emergency fire plan and practice it, you should do the same thing for an active shooter emergency.  Maybe not with your family (although I firmly urge you to talk about this subject with your kids and your spouses, (okay, so is it just me, or should the plural of spouse be spice? You don’t think that would spice up your life?  Anyway, I digress…)  but definitely where you work, go to school, or spend any significant amount of time.

So… the option to run.  If you hear the shots or see the shooter, or can tell where he is at, escape is a viable option.  Move away from the sound of gun fire, put as many solid objects between you and the shooter as you can.  That’s pretty easy and probably your only option if you are outside and hear or see something.

But, if you’re in a building, you’re best bet might be to hide.  If you’re in an office and are able, lock the door.  Move as far from the door as possible and put as many solid objects between you and the door.  Turn off the lights, mute your cell phone and BE QUIET.  Hide under desks, in closets, or any other place that you can’t be seen from the doorway.  If the shooter is just selecting random targets it’s much easier for him to proceed down an open hallway then to try and break down your door.  If you have information or don’t believe anyone has notified the authorities, then you can try to make a phone call.  Again, QUIETLY!  But, your best bet is to be as invisible as possible.

Finally, if you have no other choice, you might have to fight.  If you or you and your mates believe that is your best bet, then be prepared to go all in.  Find something solid to use as a weapon (lamps, coat rack, lap top) anything you can find.  Prepare yourself mentally to get hurt.  Very rarely is a gunshot wound immediately fatal.  Prepare yourself mentally to take a life. Do not stop fighting.  Once in, you’re ALL IN.

If you are able to move towards the good guys, the police or security, keep your hands up and visible.  Do not yell and scream.  Do not stop to give information unless they stop you.  Remember, they have no idea if you are the shooter or not.  Don’t do anything stupid to get yourself injured by friendly forces.  Move in the direction they are coming from and proceed until you reach safety.

These instructions are  not meant to be all encompassing, they are meant to get you thinking.  Where are you right now?  What would you do right now if an Active Shooter Situation developed?  When you move to another location, ask yourself that question, “What would I do right now if an active shooter started firing?  What would I do right now if I heard gun shots?  It’s really no different than being a good driver.  A good driver is always asking himself questions about what he’s seeing.  “If that car ahead of me suddenly slams on his breaks, what is the best action to take right now?”  If that car approaching the stop sign on my right decides not to stop, where can I go and be safe…” You get the idea.

Practice, practice, practice.  Get used to asking yourself scenario based questions.  If a fire breaks out, what are my options for getting out of here?  If a shooter is firing, where can I hide? Or would it be better to run? Or might I have to fight back?  If I fight back, what is close to me that I can use as a weapon?  You’ll find that as you do this over and over it will become second nature and you will find yourself noticing exits and possible hiding spots barely without even thinking.

Above all and most importantly, remain calm.  You may not be able to calm those around you, but your chances of surviving a really crappy situation increase exponentially the calmer and more rational you are.

Thanks for sticking with me through this.  I felt it was something that I could offer.  I’m very willing to answer questions or even to provide information to anyone who might want something to show or talk about at the office or wherever. 

Cheers! ~ Impish Dragon

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I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn’t what they had in mind. 

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My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.

Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in. 

I’ve been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.

 

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Damn Lethal!  What the heck did you do to piss Thor off??!!

EDITORS NOTE: (Impish never has figured out how I’m able to editorialize his issues between the time he sets it to the printers and the time it publishes… and I’m NOT going to tell him!) Of COURSE he does! I win all our bets and he’s a well known hot head and sore loser! Oh no! Another rusty iron potful of Iron Pyrite (aka Fool’s Gold) bites the electrified big one!
 
Besides, the only way he can’t even come close to targeting a leprechaun is to wait for a rainbow. He’s always shaking with rage so bad when he fires off those lighting bolts he’s lucky if he could hit the backside of a Jötunn bent over and mooning him!
 
He’s got no bloody tolerance for April Fools pranks either! Which never would have been necessary if he hadn’t welshed on our last bet and hooked me up on a date with Lady Sif! Norse god or not I’ve a reputation to uphold!
 
You’d think a little crazy glue on the handle of his hammer would be no biggie! How the hell was I to know he’d choose that moment grab it to fling the thing at Loki? It’s not like he can’t regenerate the skin on the palm of his hand while in Asgard or that he’s not used to being towed in flight by the damned hammer!
 
Finally I should point out this is all your fault Impish! I never would have even gotten involved with Thor if it wasn’t for my having to hide you with Odin when your own kind was trying to kill you. After that I owed Odin an honor debt which he chose to have me pay off by attempting to show Thor that he had a gambling problem, specifically that he sucks at it.
 
Now thanks to you, every time a leprechaun is forced to show support for the faire faction by displaying the rainbow, we’ve got an angry uptight unreasoning hothead firing lighting bolts at our decoy pot stashes! IS it then
any wonder we’re bloody reluctant to allow them to march with us on St.Patrick’s Day? Think of all those rainbows on display and all those poorly aimed lighting bolts! All those innocent bystanders! The carnage! The havoc! The loss of beer, whiskey and Corned Beef!

A boy asks his granny, ‘Have you seen my pills, they were labeled LSD?’
Granny replies, the hell with the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!
 

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My sentiments exactly!

 

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That is too, too funny!  I would LOVE to see this guys expression when he finds the pictures on his phone!  Classic!  Tom, I dip my tail to you!  You are a GREAT guy!!

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AGREED!

This issue just keeps giving and giving and giving….

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Hey! No complaining!  It’s just a joke!

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Okay, one more…

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Granted, it should have gone under the groaner category, but there it is!

Last Word4

This is a fantastic piece written on November 20, 2013 by Professor Laura Hollis, an Associate Professional Specialist at Notre Dame in the Department of Accountancy.  It was found posted on the Town Hall Website.  Everyone should read this essay.  As usual, you can find my comments in blue.  (And since I just noticed that some of her stuff is in blue, mine are in blue and in parenthesis.)

We Are Not SUBJECTS (and Other Observations About Obamacare)

3dThe unveiling of the dictatorial debacle that is Obamacare absolutely flabbergasts me. It is stunning on so many levels, but the most shocking aspect of it for me is watching millions of free Americans stand idly by while this man, his minions in Congress and his cheerleaders in the press systematically dismantle our Constitution, steal our money, and crush our freedoms.

The President, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid (with no small help from Justice John Roberts) take away our health care, and we allow it. They take away our insurance, and we allow it. They take away our doctors, and we allow it. They charge us thousands of dollars more a year, and we allow it. They make legal products illegal, and we allow it. They cripple our businesses, and we allow it. They announce by fiat that we must ignore our most deeply held beliefs – and we allow it.

Where is your spine, America?

Yes, I know people are complaining. I read the news on the internet. I read blogs. I have a Twitter feed. So what? People in the Soviet Union complained. People in Cuba complain. People in China complain (quietly). Complaining isn’t the same thing as doing anything about it. In fact, much of the complaining that we hear sounds like resignation: Wow. This sucks. Oh well, this is the way things are. Too bad.

Perhaps you need reminding of a few important facts. Here goes:

1. The President is not a king 
Barack Obama does not behave like a President, an elected official, someone who realizes that he works for us. (That’s right campers.  He works for us!  Our Employee!  He needs to be fired!!) He behaves like a king, a dictator – someone who believes that his own pronouncements have the force of law, and who thinks he can dispense with the law’s enforcement when he deigns to do so. And those of us who object? How dare we? Racists!

And while he moves steadily “forward” with his plans to “fundamentally transform” the greatest country in human history, he distracts people with cheap, meaningless trivialities, like “free birth control pills”! (In fact, let’s face it: this administration’s odd obsession with sex in general – Birth control! Abortion! Sterilization! Gay guys who play basketball! — is just plain weird. Since when did the leader of the free world care so much about how people have sex, who they have it with, and what meds they use when they have it? Does he have nothing more important to concern himself with?) 

2. It isn’t just a failed software program; it is a failed philosophy
People are marveling that Healthcare.gov was such a spectacular failure. Well, if one is only interested in it as a product launch, I’ve explained some of the reasons for that 
here. But the larger point is that it isn’t a software failure, or even a product failure; it is a philosophy failure.

I have said this before: Obama is not a centrist; he is a central planner. And this – all of it: the disastrous computer program, the hundreds of millions of dollars wasted, the lies, the manipulation of public opinion, the theft of the public’s money and property, and freedom (read insurance, and premiums, and doctors) — IS what central planning looks like.

The central premise of central planning is that a handful of wunderkinds with your best interests at heart (yeah, right) know better than you what’s good for you. (Like insurance companies overruling the doctors because they know better than the doctors do about what’s best for your health!) The failure of such a premise and the misery it causes have been clear from the dawn of humanity. Kings and congressmen, dictators and Dear Leaders, potentates, princes and presidents can all fall prey to the same imperial impulses: “we know what is good for ‘the people.’

And they are always wrong. (Always!  Wrong!)

There is a reason that the only times communism has really been tried have been after wars, revolutions, or coups d’état. You have to have complete chaos for people to be willing to accept the garbage that centralized planning produces. Take the Soviet Union, for example. After two wars, famine, and the collapse of the Romanov dynasty, why wouldn’t people wait in line for hours to buy size 10 shoes? Or settle for the gray matter that passed for meat in the grocery stores?

But communism’s watered-down cousin, socialism, isn’t much better. Ask the Venezuelans who cannot get toilet paper. Toilet paper. ¡Viva la Revolución!

Contrary to what so many who believe in a “living Constitution” say, the Founding Fathers absolutely understood this. That is why the Constitution was set up to limit government power. (Memo to the President: the drafters of the Constitution deliberately didn’t say “what government had to do on your behalf.”) They understood that that was the path to folly, fear, and famine.)

3. Obama is deceitful
Just as the collapse of the computer program should not surprise anyone, neither should we be shocked that the President lied about his healthcare plan. Have any of you been paying attention over the past few years? Obama has made no secret of his motivations or his methods. The philosophies which inspire him espouse deceit and other vicious tactics. (Don’t take my word for it: read Saul Alinsky.) Obama infamously 
told reporter Richard Wolffe, “You know, I actually believe my own bullshit.” He has refused to be forthcoming about his past (where are his academic records?). His own pastor, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, told author Ed Klein, that Obama said to him, “You know what your problem is? You have to tell the truth.”

Did Obama lie when he said dozens of times, “If you like you plan, you can keep it”? Of course he did. That’s what he does.

4. The media is responsible
And had the media been doing their jobs, we would have known a lot of this much, much earlier.

The press is charged with the sacred responsibility of protecting the people from the excesses of government. Our press has been complicit, incompetent, or corrupt. Had they vetted this man in 2008, as they would have a Republican candidate, we would have known far more about him than we do, even now. Had they pressed for more details about Obamacare, Congress’ feet would have been held to the fire. Had they done their jobs about Eric Holder, Fast and Furious, Benghazi, the IRS scandal, NSA spying – or any of the other myriad betrayals of the public trust that this administration has committed, Obama would likely have lost his 2012 reelection campaign. (A fact which even the Washington Post has tacitly acknowledged. Well done, fellas! Happy now?)

Instead, they turned a blind eye, even when they knew he was lying, abusing power, disregarding the limits of the Constitution. It was only when he began to spy on them, and when the lies were so blatant that the lowest of low-information voters could figure it out that they realized they had to report on it. (Even in the face of blatant, deliberate and repeated lies, the New York Times has the audacity to tell us that the President “misspoke.”) They have betrayed us, abandoned us, and deceived us.  (Treasonous?  Sounds that way to me, but maybe I’m just deceived.)

5. Ted Cruz was right. So was Sarah Palin. 
The computer program is a disaster. The insurance exchanges are a disaster. What’s left? The healthcare system itself. And this, of necessity, 
will be a disaster, too.

Millions of people have lost their individual insurance plans. In 2015, millions more will lose their employer-provided coverage (a fact which the Obama administration also knew, and admitted elsewhere).

The exorbitant additional costs that Obamacare has foisted on unsuspecting Americans are all part of a plan of wealth confiscation and redistribution. That is bad enough. But it will not end there.

When the numbers of people into the system and the corresponding demand for care vastly exceed the cost projections (and they will, make no mistake), then the rationing will start. Not only choice at that point, but quality and care itself will go down the tubes. And then will come the decisions made by the Independent Payment Advisory Board about what care will be covered (read “paid for”) and what will not.

That’s just a death panel, put politely. In fact, progressives are already greasing the wheels for acceptance of that miserable reality as well. They’re spreading the lie that it will be about the ability of the dying to refuse unwanted or unhelpful care. Don’t fall for that one, either. It will be about the deaths that inevitably result from decisions made by people other than the patients, their families, and their physicians. (Perhaps it’s helpful to think of their assurances this way: “If you like your end-of-life care, you can keep your end-of-life-care.”)

6. We are not SUBJECTS (or, Nice Try, the Tea Party Isn’t Going Away) We have tolerated these incursions into our lives and livelihoods too long already. There is no end to the insatiable demand “progressives” have to remake us in their image. Today it is our insurance, our businesses, our doctors, our health care. Tomorrow some new crusade will be announced that enables them to take over other aspects of our formerly free lives.

I will say it again: WE ARE NOT SUBJECTS. Not only is the Tea Party right on the fiscal issues, but it appears that they are more relevant than ever. We fought a war once to prove we did not want to be the subjects of a king, and the Boston Tea Party was just a taste of the larger conflict to come. If some people missed that lesson in history class, we can give them a refresher.

The 2014 elections are a good place to start. Call your representative, your senator, your candidate and tell them: “We are not subjects. You work for us. And if the word “REPEAL” isn’t front and center in your campaign, we won’t vote for you. Period.”

Listen up campers!  This election may be our LAST chance to protect our freedoms from tyranny.  Lethal and I have been preaching, pleading, screaming, pounding our fists and trying to make you laugh about it in any and all ways possible.  It’s reaching the end.  Our children’s future is at stake.  It’s up to all of you, now.

Ending

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Leprechaun Laughs #239 for April 2nd 2014


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Spring has Sprung, the Flower is done riz, I wonder under how much snow Impish Dragon still is.

Been nigh on a week now that we not seen a day time temp below 70 or a night time one below 50. Seems as though Spring may have finally made it to the Gulf Coast.

Today we’re rumored to see 80 and some of them famed April showers which we could dearly use.

As for those flowers that done riz, why here at least they are all over. Wild flowers. Particularly Blue Bonnets and Indian Paintbrushes, seen here:

As with much about Texas however, all is not as it seems! See these fields of beautiful wild flowers oft hide a deadly threat, Rattlesnakes  love to sun bathe hidden amongst the flowers!

 

Opening Logo 6

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Dear God

Supposedly true excerpts of kids’ Sunday School letters to God.

Dear God:

  • In Sunday School they told us what you do. Who does it when you are on vacation?
  • How did you know you were God?
  • I read the Bible. What does begat mean? Nobody will tell me. Love, Allison
  • On Halloween I am going to wear a Devil’s costume, is that all right with you?
  • Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
  • Is it true my father won’t get into Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?
  • Did you mean for giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
  • Who draws the lines around the countries?
  • Do animals get to use you too or is there someone else for them?
  • I went to this wedding and they kissed right in the church … is that OK?
  • I like the Lord’s Prayer the best of all. Did you have to write it a lot or did you get it right the first time? I have to write everything I ever write over again.
  • God, it’s OK that you made different religions but don’t you get mixed up sometimes?
  • Did they really talk that fancy in Bible times?
  • I would like to know why all the things you said are in red?
  • Is Reverend Coe a friend of yours or do you just know him through the business?
  • Did you really mean do unto others as they do unto you, because if you did then I’m going to fix my brother.
  • My grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back DO you go?
  • I know all about where babies come from. I think. From inside mommies and daddies put them there. Where are they before that? Do you have them in Heaven? How do they get down here? Do you have to take care of them all first? Please answer all my questions…I always think of you. Yours Truly, Susan
  • Thank you for the baby brother but what I prayed for was a puppy.
  • Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now.
  • Why is Sunday School on Sunday? I thought it was suppose to be our day of rest.
  • I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had 3 stitches and a shot.
  • If we come back as something, please don’t let me be Jennifer Horton, because I hate her. Thank You. Love, Denise
  • Please send Dennis Clark to a different camp this year.
  • Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
  • I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over.
  • I keep waiting for Spring but it never comes yet. Please don’t forget.
  • I think the stapler is on of your greatest inventions.
  • I bet it is very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.
  • Of all the people who work for you, I like Peter and John the best.
  • My brother told me about being born but it sure doesn’t sound right.
  • If you watch in church on Sunday, I will show you my new shoes.
  • I like the story about Chanuka the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones!!
  • I would like to live for 900 years like the guy in the bible.
  • We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said you did it. So, I bet he stole your idea.
  • If you would of let the dinasour not exstinct we would not have a country…I think you did the right thing.
  • It is great the way you always get the stars in the Right places.
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    Gun Control Works

    With the exception of the part about the need for an explanation of the ammunition bought by DHS, (every time I hear this the quantity rises) which has been discussed here in Leprechaun Laugh previously where it was IMO adequately explained as a consolidated Purchasing for all of the departments using firearms in the the aegis of the DHS and therefore proven to be an All Natural Organic Bovine Waste Product, I agree with everything said in this video 110%!

    Hey you

    A Difference between Men and Women

    On Friendship between women:

    A woman didn’t come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend’s house.

    The man called his wife’s 10 best friends.

    None of them knew about it.

    On Friendship between men:

    A man didn’t come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house.

    The woman called her husband’s 10 best friends.

    Eight of them confirmed that yes, he had slept over. And two claimed that he was still there!

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    Easter, for those Catholics among us, is practically right around the corner. I’ve had a comment about my holiday recipe ideas being good but coming too close to the holiday to be of help. SO starting with Easter I’m going to start including a couple more upscale holiday type recipes in each issue starting 2 weeks before I normally would. Today’s Breakfast and Dessert recipes would be great Easter ones.

    The breakfast can go right from fridge into a cold oven (never ever put cold Pyrex, Corningware or glass into a hot oven…un less you like explosions with razor sharp shrapnel) just allow a little extra cooking time for everything warming up. This allows you to have a hot breakfast despite all those extra Church preparations resulting from everyone ‘wearing their Easter finest’.

    Skip the nuts on top of the icing on the dessert substituting candied flower petals, tinting it or sprinkle pastel confections of some kind or if you’re artistic some holiday themed decoration in icing jellies and you’ll get rave reviews for sure.

    Overnight French Toast Casserole

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    Molly loves breakfast on Sundays but I hate slaving in a kitchen over it for an hour before she can enjoy it. Plus when I wake up I ain’t got eyes for nuthin’ but my coffee!

    IHOP & Denny’s require getting dressed, being civil and talking in more than Cave Leprechaun grunts. Breakfast delivery is a business model that sadly hasn’t caught on as yet – Lord only knows why!

    That’s why I love any breakfast I can prep the night before and just pop it into a cold oven in the morning while I enjoy a big old mug of Brown Gold and the paper.

    Prep Time: 20 minutes | Cook Time: 1 hour | Total Time: 1 hour, 20 minutes

    Ingredients

    French Toast

    • 1 loaf sourdough bread, tore into pieces
    • 8 eggs
    • 2 1/2 c. milk
    • 1/2 c. heavy whipping cream
    • 2 bananas, sliced
    • 3/4 c. caramel ice cream topping
    • 2 c. Golden Butter Yellow cake mix
    • 2 tsp cinnamon
    • 2 tsp Vanilla Extract

    • Topping

    • 1/2 c. All-purpose Flour
    • 1/2 c. Firmly Packed Brown Sugar
    • 1 tsp Cinnamon
    • 1/4 tsp Salt
    • 1/2 c. butter

     

    Instructions

    1. Spray a 9×13″ glass baking dish with non-stick spray.
    2. Layer 1/2 of bread in baking dish. Top with bananas and caramel. Then top with the rest of the bread.
    3. Whisk together eggs, milk, heaving whipping cream, cake mix, cinnamon and vanilla extract in a large bowl. Pour mixture over bread.
    4. Cover baking dish and store in the fridge overnight or for several hours.
    5. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
    6. For the topping in a small bowl add flour, brown sugar, cinnamon and salt, stir until combined. Cut in butter to mixture.
    7. Remove french toast casserole from fridge, uncover and drop topping by the spoonful randomly across french toast casserole.
    8. Bake for 1 hour until the center is set and edges are browned.
    9. Serve with syrup if desired.

     

    Chicken Cacciatore

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    Multigrain pasta adds fiber to this classic family favorite.

    PREP TIME: 9 minutes

    TOTAL TIME: 25 minutes

    SERVINGS: 4

     

     

    Ingredients

    8 oz multigrain rotini pasta
    2 tsp olive oil
    1 lb boneless, skinless chicken breast tenders, cut into ½” pieces
    1 pkg (8 oz) brown mushrooms (cremini), quartered
    ½ med red bell pepper, cut into strips
    1 sm onion, chopped
    2 cloves garlic, minced
    ¼ tsp salt
    ¼ tsp black pepper
    1 can (14.5 oz) no-salt-added basil-garlic-oregano diced tomatoes
    20 lg pitted black olives
    1 Tbsp finely chopped fresh parsley

    Directions

    1. PREPARE pasta per package directions.
    2. HEAT oil in large nonstick frying pan (with cover) over medium-high heat while making pasta. Add chicken and cook, turning occasionally, until browned on all sides, about 4 minutes. Transfer to bowl.
    3. COMBINE mushrooms, bell pepper, onion, garlic, salt, and black pepper in pan. Reduce heat to medium, cover, and cook, stirring occasionally, until mushrooms exude liquid, about 3 minutes. Uncover and cook until most of the liquid evaporates, about 8 minutes.
    4. STIR in tomatoes (with juice) and reserved chicken with any accumulated juices from bowl. Reduce heat to a simmer.
    5. ADD drained pasta to pan. Add olives and toss gently to combine. Serve sprinkled with parsley.

    Since there are only 2 of us here in the Keebler Towers Penthouse, there are usually leftovers from this which I look forward to almost more than eating it for dinner. To make a fantastic next day soup all you need is a quart of good chicken stock and a can of condensed Tomato w/ Basil soup. Just bring the two of those to a boil add in your left over Chicken Cacciatore and serve as soon as it returns to the boil sprinkled with a little Parmesan or Mozzarella and a piece of garlic bread for dipping .

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    In my kitchen, browning bananas are a recurring eye sore. So, determined to put the bananas to good use, I’ve finally pinpointed my ultimate banana dessert for those over-ripened bananas. These Banana Nut Brownies with browned butter frosting are nothing short of sinful!

    By creating a batter that is more brownie than bread, this recipe will stun your taste buds. Moist and flavorful, the brownie is a treat in itself. But then there’s the browned butter frosting that knocks this dessert out of the park.

    Ingredients

    Brownie Batter:

    1 1/2 cup sugar
    1cup sour cream
    1/2 cup butter, softened
    2 eggs
    3 ripe bananas, mashed
    2 tsp vanilla extract
    2 cup all purpose flour
    1tsp baking soda
    3/4 tsp salt
    1 cup chopped walnuts

    Browned Butter Frosting:

    1/4 cup butter
    1/4 cup light brown sugar
    3 tbsp milk

    Instructions

    1. 1. Heat oven to 375F. Line a 15×10 inch cookie sheet (jelly roll pan) with parchment paper, or grease and flour, set aside. In a large bowl, beat together sugar, sour cream, butter, and eggs until creamy. Blend in bananas and vanilla extract.
    2. 2. In separate bowl, add flour, baking soda, salt, and whisk (or sift) together. Add this to the banana mixture in two parts. Stir in walnuts. Spread batter evenly into pan and bake 20 to 25 minutes or until golden brown.
    3. 3. Prepare the frosting as the brownies bake by heating butter in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the brown sugar to the melted butter and bring to a boil, stirring continuously for about 2 minutes. Remove from heat immediately.
    4. 4. Add powdered sugar, vanilla extract and milk. Whisk together until smooth (note: it will be thinner than frosting). Using a spatula, spread the brown butter frosting over bars. This is best done when both ingredients are warm. Serve warm, room temperature or even cold!

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    Absence Excuses

    These are supposedly actual excuse notes from parents (including original spellings) collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University of Texas Medical Branch (Galveston) during a study of parental psychology.

    • My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
    • Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
    • Dear School: Pleaseekscuse John being absent on Jan.28,29,30,31,32, and also 33.
    • Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
    • John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
    • Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
    • Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
    • Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
    • Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
    • Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diahre dyrea direathe the shits.
    • Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
    • Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.
    • I kept Billie home to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wear.
    • Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
    • Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
    • My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
    • Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
    • Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
    • Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
    • Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

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    Viral Videos

    Just a flaming tornado of tumbleweeds, nothing to see here! (Video)

    This fiery dust devil began as a prescribed burn but quickly got out of control when the dust devil swept that fire in with hundreds of tumbleweeds…

    http://cdnapi.kaltura.com/index.php/extwidget/openGraph/wid/0_ondnda4g

    10 Life Hacks You Need To Know For Summer!

    see-weekend-dgaf-10

    see-weekend-dgaf-19

    If you’re lucky enough for your experience with this type of Pop Rocks to be with a Leprechaun you’d find out we’re magically delicious!

    Advanced Pain Control

    A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the father.

    He asked if they were willing to try it out, and they were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go head and kick it up a notch.

    Surprised, the doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.

    The husband was still feeling fine.

    The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

    At this point they decided to try for 50%.

    The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer all the pain to him.

    The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

    But when they got home, the mailman was lying dead on the porch.

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    Ok, so a couple weeks ago I railed about those 2 reported instances of disrespect by National Guard Troops.

    [ Leprechaun Laughs #235 for March 5th 2013 ]

    One was concerning rendering final honors in less than optimal weather conditions, the other concerned avoiding the simple act of standing at attention and saluting the Flag during Retreat.

    What most of you don’t know is how angry about this I was and how I rallied others than those here to place pressure on the Commanding Officers in both cases to ‘’definitive action for these instance of breech of UCMJ’ (UCMJ = Uniform Code of Military Justice). In short I wanted these people punished and in the case of the Final Honors Squad removed from it.

    Impish often tells me that I just do not understand the reality of Reserve &/or Guard Units with regards to attitude even of those who serve in it full time as a primary occupation. To be honest some of what he relates baffles me. In this case however I didn’t see where the distinction held any significance or merited leniency. I was pissed and in true Marine fashion I wanted some butts chewed and hung from the nearest yardarm. Preferably by their most intimate parts…with barded wire…in a hurricane.

    A lot of support for my attitude exists on military boards and other blog sites where patriotism and support of your troops runs high. However so far nobody I know of has gotten any response from anyone in the command structure that e-mails were sent to.

    I was getting a pretty bad attitude about the entire thing and starting to think that some of the things I read about the quality of our soldiers and their attitudes were not isolated incidents but reflective of the prevalent attitude. Along with my bad attitude I was rapidly growing disgusted with our Military over it.

    That is, until Impish e-mailed me the link (What? He counts as a reader of my and I of his posts!) to this video.

    Enter video caption here

     

    Thanks Impish, as long as we have children who have this level of respect and pride in our Flag and Country I can hang on to the hope/belief  that instances such as the two viral ones are not the norm for attitude and behavior.

    God Bless those Corps members who can find the time in their day to teach and instill this level of pride and honor in their children.

    Bravo Zulu you Devil Dog Pups! Semper Fi!

    In the course of taking a break to review emails excreta while writing this I came across a related bot that not only brought the faint beginnings of a smile to my lips and twinkle to my eye but a faint glimmer of hope to my heart that these disrespectful duty shirking idiot will be getting what they so richly and justly deserve, at least in one of the cases.

    Soldier’s Disrespectful ‘Selfie’ Gets Her in Major Trouble​

    http://www.cafemom.com/articles/technology/168908/soldiers_disrespectful_selfie_gets_her?utm_medium=sem2&utm_campaign=prism&utm_source=outbrain&utm_content=0

    No matter how many people either get arrested or at least get a heap of scorn for posting stupid selfies, well, people are gonna keep on doing it! There is just something about showing off your antics, be they criminal or just inappropriate in nature, that seems to be irresistible for many. It’s almost like it didn’t happen if other people don’t see it! The latest person to join the ranks of selfie stupidity is Army private Tariqka Sheffey, who posted a pic of herself on Instagram hiding in her car so she wouldn’t have to salute the flag.

    Sheffey captioned the pic:

    This is me laying back in my car hiding so I don’t have to salute the 1700 flag. KEEP ALL YOUR ‘THATS SO DISRESPECTFUL/HOWRUDE/ETC.’ COMMENTS TO YOURSELF cuz, right now, IDGAFFFF.

    Well, I hope she doesn’t give a FFFF about the buttload of trouble she’s gotten herself into. Reportedly, her superiors are investigating her lack of respect, not to mention the lack of actually doing her job. Yeah, maybe you don’t want to salute the flag, but then why sign up for a job where you have to salute the flag? This would be like me refusing to type.

    Also being investigated is Staff Sgt. Cherish Byers, whose picture of herself tongue kissing a POW MIA symbol also went viral recently.

    [Thank God and the Corps I missed that one! –L.L.]

    Over at the Gorgeous Active Duty Females Facebook page, however, most who posted on a thread about Sheffey admitted to shirking flag duty occasionally or running from the barracks to avoid saluting a superior. But no one could seem to understand why she had chosen to brag about it on social media. Wrote one commenter:

    Why would you snitch on yourself????

    Why indeed? I have a few theories when people do these kinds of things on social media: 1) They want to get caught. People on the whole generally feel safer with boundaries, and sometimes they test them. They actually want to see if anyone is paying attention. 2) They have the “I’m special” mentality and think that somehow they are above it all and no one will actually dare to discipline them. 3) They are just generally unthinking and live in a kind of bubble where only the people they want to see things will see them.

    I’m honestly thrilled that I didn’t grow up in the age of social media because I can only imagine what teens and early 20s idiocy of mine would be floating around the web right now.

    Apparently somewhat humbled — or at least worried — about the uproar the pic caused, Sheffey apologized in a video, saying:

    I seriously just want to say thank you to everybody who stood up to me today, like seriously. That shit to me was not serious. I am not a disrespectful soldier, and I really appreciate you all.

    [<Coughing> BULLSHIT!]

    Maybe she was just having a little bit of a laugh and everyone has overreacted. But this is what growing up is about. Taking your knocks and dealing with the consequences of your actions.

    I’ll go one better than that, growing up is about learning to think before acting and considering all the consequences of an action then weighing those consequences against any possible benefit. It’s about not shirking duty and responsibility just because its inconvenient. It’s about doing the right thing always because like it or not it is the right thing. Finally its about learning that when you fail to do all these things and wind up looking like a feckless idiot via your own dumbass action that people are going to take shots at you and that you deserve those shots and any associated punishment.

    So that’s one disrespectful military moron down, now what about that Final Honors Squad?

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