Dragon Laffs 1421


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Good Morning Campers,
It’s been a difficult week.
I was busted out of GITMO and immediately had to go into hiding.  Seems that the Acronym Agencies didn’t want me, per se, they wanted information that I had on Santa and his transportation and shipping abilities.  They figured, since I was one of the ones that helped him deliver the toys (for all the good girls and boys) that I would be able to give up the goods on how he does it.  So, as soon as I got back to HQ, I immediately went into the hidden underground grotto.  I got a chance to watch on closed circuit video when they showed up at the entrance to gain entry to our headquarters.
Here’s this guy in a suit giving Lethal  a hard time
FBI FUGITIVE TASK FORCE!  SEARCH WARRANT!
The guy looks around and says, “Oh wow.  That’s a real lot of armed robots!  Excuse me Mr. Leprechaun, but we have a search warrant to look for Impish Dragon signed by the AG himself.” In the video you can see some movement as Lethal takes the document from the suit’s hand.  “OH MY Bureaucratic God!  Tell me you didn’t just blow your nose in the DoJ search Warrant!”
The Acronym Suit continues, “Sir, if you’re going to make this difficult I have authorization to bring in our entire QRT force to execute this warrant…Wait!  Are those cameras?
Media Coverage?
Live Internet Streaming?
Civil Rights Violation Lawsuit Evidence?
I really love it when they start to see how well prepared Lethal is…
The suit is starting to back up now…
Foreign soils?  As in plural?
Embassies?  Sir, it seems I haven’t’ been properly briefed on the nuances of this situation.  Sorry for creating a disturbance during your gathering.  We’ll show ourselves out and return later.  I would remind you however that Diplomatic Immunity doesn’t extend to Threats against National Security and if you are harboring a suspected global terrorism conspirator…
It’s impossible to hear Lethal Leprechaun’s side of the conversation.  He probably has done that on purpose, but the silly suit now continues, “Excuse me?!  His council of record?  You’re a lawyer, sir?  I thought…. THAT FIRM??!!  YOU ARE THE OWNER?!?!
I’m very sorry to have bothered you sir.  We’ll be leaving right away.  The AG can execute his own damn warrant!”
As the suits leave the lobby, Lethal turns back around and heads back inside as the iLethal robots split back up to patrol while several of them can be seen escorting the federal friends back to the parking lot.
It’s now possible to hear Lethal’s voice over the recording again.  He leans forward and calls up the stairs.
“Friday, they’re gone like field mice with a flock of hawks on their asses.  Use that Vegas Facial recognition software and the government employee database and find out who all the suit and ties were.  Then zero out their bank accounts, over extend their credit cards and buy up any loans or mortgages they have.  Ruby Ridge is going to look like a good day poolside when I’m done with the local FBI office.”
Now, think about this…it scares me that Lethal Leprechaun has that much reach and can do all those things so easily, but that his assistant Friday can do everything he asks on her own is incredible!  Campers, I would definitely stay on Mr. Leprechaun’s good side.

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I prefer to start out each issue with a joke.  That helps set the pace for the rest of the issue.  It’s really hard today because there are so many crappy things going on with our stupid administration that it’s going to be hard to find the room for everything that I want to do.  As I’m writing this, it’s Sunday.  I’m in mourning because my belovedPackers1 Green Bay Packers just gave away the playoff game to Seattle.  The Colts, my other beloved team, fumbled the first punt and the evil Patriots scored a couple of plays later.  So, coming up with something to be cheerful about right now is a little problematic.  Anyway, not to belabor the point, so here’s my opening joke…

A car full of Irish Nuns  is sitting at traffic lights, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls up alongside of them. 

“Hey, show us your tits, yer bloody penguins!” shouts one of the drunks. nun dancing 

Quite shocked, Mother  Superior turns to Sister Immaculate, “I don’t think they know who we are, Quick, show them your cross.” 

Sister Immaculate rolls  down her window and shouts, “Screw off yer fookin little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!” 

Sister Immaculate looks  back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and  asks, “Mother, was that cross enough?”

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Where’s Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and Obama?  Shouldn’t they be screaming about this?  What the hell is going on?

And  speaking of people screwing up our country, here’s the first article I was telling you about.

Obama Moves to Advance U.N. Gun Ban Treaty
To read the whole article, click here: http://townhall.com/postrelease.html?prx_t=SKcBAxDgCAT+8DA 

4a1When Barack Obama signed the U.N. Gun Ban Treaty last year, he invited global gun banners to carve up our constitutional freedom. (Treason!  Does nobody else but me see this?)

Now Obama is using the full force of the international community to pressure our U.S. Senators into replacing our Second Amendment rights with U.N.-style gun control.

Earlier this year, Obama conspired with the European Union to issue an international declaration demanding immediate “disarmament and arms control” under the United Nations Gun Ban Treaty.

Obama and his anti-gun European allies vowed to ensure every nation’s “entry into force of the Arms Trade Treaty.”

And that’s not all.

In a meeting of non-governmental organizations and U.N. officials, Obama’s Assistant  Secretary of State declared that the White House is “already implementing the treaty” without Senate ratification! (Why shouldn’t he?  Nobody has done anything to make him follow the rules up to this point!  He does whatever the Young thug dragon riflehell he wants and all of America sits on their hands afraid that if they say anything they will be accused of being racist.  It Is Not Racist To Defend The Constitution Of The United States.  It is what you put your hand on the bible or held your hand up and swore to do!  Why is nobody in Congress or the Senate or the Supreme Court doing so?)

Very tiny copy

As an aside…at this point in time, my Colts are losing 14-0 to the evil incarnate New England Patriots. Pats suck smile I’ve got to take a few minutes out to start packing and gathering weapons and ammo.  You guys keep reading the issue and I’ll check back in with you in a few minutes.

 

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Well, probably improved his attitude, if not his outlook.

 

24-7 Patriots.  Time for me to go.  All weapons loaded, with lots of extra magazines.  I’m all set.

 

The lawyer says to the wealthy art collector tycoon, “I have some good news and, I have some bad news.”

The tycoon replies, “I’ve had an awful day, let’s hear the good news first.”

The lawyer says, “Your wife invested $5,000 in two pictures today that she figures are worth a minimum of $5 million.”

The tycoon replies enthusiastically, “Well done.  Very good news indeed!  You’ve just made my day.  Now, what is the bad news?”

The lawyer answers, “The pictures are of you having sex with your assistant.”

 

Okay, this is just cool.  A hermit crab changing his shell…

 

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morning coffee

I love reading.  Do it all the time.  There are many pictures of me reading.  This is just one of them.

 

Here’s a fun video prank.  Something only a full grown boy would think of:

 

 

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when

he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby

cemetery.

 

       A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet

behind the first one.  Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man

walking a dog on a leash.

 

       Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in

single file.

 

       The Jewish man couldn’t stand the curiosity.

 

      He respectfully approached the Italian man walking

 the dog and said:

 

“I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but

I’ve never seen an Italian funeral like this.  Whose funeral is it?”

 

       “My wife’s.”

 

       ”What happened to her?”

 

       “She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her.”

 

      He inquired further, “But who is in the second hearse?”

 

       My mother-in-law. She came to help my wife and the dog turned on her

and killed her also.

 

       A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian

brotherhood and silence passed between the two

 men..

 

       The Jewish man then asked, “Can I borrow the dog?”

 

       The Italian man replied, “Get in line”.

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Another one of the teachers in our school.  This is our art teacher.  She’s very good at what she does.

 

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Watch this and try to follow as the forms disappear.  It’ll drive you crazy.

 

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There’s an old sea story about a ship’s Captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad.  The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally.

The first mate responded, “Aye, aye sir, I’ll see to it immediately!”
 
The first mate went straight to the sailors’ berth deck and announced, “The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear.”
 
He continued, “Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, and Brown, you change with Schultz.”

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
 
Someone may come along and promise “Change“, but don’t count on things smelling any better.

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hello kitty

Hello

Helmets

Help Desk

Here Kitty

Here Mom

 

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Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Leprechaun Laughs # 282 for January 21st 2015


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Wadda ya think? Too subtle? Impish saw a copy I sent him and he went back to whimpering and sulking where ever he is currently hiding amidst his dashed hopes that either of his teams (Packer & Colts) might ,snicker> make the Super Bowl. I tried explaining the Pats had a record of two-peating the Super Bowl to protect but he wasn’t hearing it.

<Lethal strangely raises his amplified voice> Ok I see the cheap black suits and Ray Bans contingent who have somehow wormed their way into a nonpublic area already stirring at the mention of my contact with Impish so let me address the issue of Impish’s where abouts post his alleged illegal escape from allegedly legal custody. First I am his lawyer of record I cannot be compelled to tell you where he is even if I knew his exact location which I do not.

Second as both the Chief Operating Office of Lepreconia and as Impish Dragons personal assistant in his role as Draconian Ambassador I have full Diplomatic Immunity.

Third my client is following prearranged protocols with regard to contacting me via untraceable methods and at staggered times. Couldn’t help you guys even if I was so inclined which I’m not.

Lastly this is a private gathering on private property and I have posted notice that you are no longer welcome in this facility ergo you are in fact committing trespass.

CYBERLETHALS! Remove the Federal Agents from the premises immediately via the shortest possible route. If they attempt to resist see that their removal is as painful as they made Impish’s confinement!

<Lethal pauses a moment for their removal and watches his tablet intently suddenly smirking and smiling>  Oh you got to love the literalism of computers! Ok sorry about that folks as I was…huh?! T

he screen above Lethal has suddenly come to life. Strains of ‘Can’t Touch Dis!” waft from speakers about the room to an image of Impish broad backside replete with a trunk full of junk in his tail wiggling and bouncing at the camera in time to the music. The sound of Lethal’s head hitting the podium can be heard over the music. Then he appears to be looking skyward and either praying or carrying on a one sided conversation with the Almighty.

<Lethal quickly works some controls on the podium. The sound dies and the screen starts rolling up> As soon as the laughing dies down he proceeds, Ahem…All righty then! Sorry about that little display too! Seems Impish needs a few more lessons in how not to butt/tail Skype accidentally. Brain bleaching additives will be made available for those of you needing help with removing that image from your memories.

I think at this point for all our sakes I better just start the issue.

Let's Roll 28

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Going to the Super Bowl! Happy Dance! Shake it girls!

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News of the Weird

Race car driver: Ex-girlfriend is a ‘trained assassin’

Woman accused driver of domestic violence

By The Sports Xchange Published On: Jan 13 2015 08:55:30 PM CST

NASCAR driver Kurt Busch’s four-day hearing on a protection order filed by ex-girlfriend Patricia Driscoll ended Tuesday in Dover, Del., and a decision on the strange proceedings will come after additional transcripts and the closing summations from both attorneys, which are due in two weeks, are reviewed.

Driscoll accused Busch of slamming her head three times against the bedroom wall of his motor home on Sept. 26 at Dover International Speedway.

Busch and his attorney, Rusty Hardin, denied the accusations and cast Driscoll, who runs the Armed Forces Foundation and her own defense company, as a jilted lover who wants to destroy Busch’s reputation. In a strange twist in the case, Busch claimed Driscoll is a trained assassin deployed on many missions, was never physically abused.

According to a report in the Wilmington (Del.) News Journal, Busch offered up specific examples of her returning from missions, sometimes with bruises. Once, he said, they were in El Paso, Texas, where Driscoll left that night in camouflage and boots. She returned later to the hotel at which he was staying wearing a trench coat. Under it she was wearing an evening gown splattered with blood and other matter.

“Everyone on the outside can tell me I’m crazy, but I lived it on the inside …,” Busch testified. “Sorry I’m the last one to the party.”

Neither Driscoll nor her attorney refuted the claims during the hearing.

Richard Sniffen, a music minister who did work with NASCAR and was close to the relationship, testified Tuesday that Driscoll called him the night of the alleged incident and said Busch pushed her and she hit her head.

Busch and his legal team countered that Driscoll and her 9-year-old son showed up uninvited and unannounced. Busch said he cupped her face in his hands as if he were going to kiss her while telling her to leave, and her head bumped the wall.

In November, Driscoll reported the incident to police. She filed the protective order around the same time, saying that she feared for her safety.

The police investigation concluded in December, and the Delaware Attorney General’s office is currently reviewing the findings.

It gets weirder (if that’s even possible)

Kurt Busch’s ex-girlfriend says screenplay inspired assassin story

http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nascar/2015/01/14/patricia-driscoll-statement-kurt-busch-protective-order-hearing-assassin/21758367/

But he says…

Kurt Busch denies assault allegations; chaplain backs driver

http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nascar/2015/01/12/kurt-busch-court-protection-order-hearing/21630993/

Even her supposed witness backs him

Musician Testifies NASCAR Driver Kurt Busch’s ‘Assassin’ Ex-Girlfriend Was Out For Revenge

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2015/01/13/musician-nascar-kurt-busch-assassin_n_6464282.html

But she says…

Kurt Busch’s ex describes him as alcoholic, depressed

http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nascar/2014/12/16/kurt-busch-ex-girlfriend-hearing/20480195/

But people have no business saying anything until all the facts are in and the investigation is completed say…

NASCAR chairman Brian France addresses Kurt Busch case

http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nascar/2015/01/06/nascar-brian-france-kurt-busch-domestic-violence-dover-delaware/21365595/

At least someone in all this is keeping an objective view point

Sponsor on Busch: ‘We support Kurt 110%’

http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nascar/2014/12/17/kurt-busch-sponsor-stands-by-him-panic-switch-army-gene-haas/20554735/

 

 

Lep Movie Sage words

Diaman sees the glass as half empty.
A Impish sees the glass as half full.
Ginny drinks straight from the bottle
An Lethal adds two shots of Whiskey, two cubes of ice & says Slainte!

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Funny and Famous Last Words

In life these funny fellows kept us laughing for decades – but, if their tombstone epitaphs are any indication, they may be the ones having the last laugh. We invite you to take our quiz. Match these five icons of comedy with their famous funny epitaphs. 

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Known as the “man of 1,000 voices,” Blanc was the actor behind beloved cartoon characters from Bugs Bunny to Marvin the Martian… and, of course, Porky Pig.

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Like his Police Squad and Naked Gun alter ego Frank Drebin, deadpan comedy actor Nielsen was ready for anything.

Gleason was one of the biggest television stars of the 1950s with his eponymous variety show and, of course, The Honeymooners. His catchphrase “And away we go!” appears on his monument.

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Known for his “no respect” stage persona and his turns in Caddyshack and other films, Dangerfield got the last self-deprecating word on his gravestone.

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Mervyn Edward “Merv” Griffin, Jr. was considered one of the premier talk shows in the history of television, musician, actor, and media mogul. He began his career as a radio and big band singer who went on to appear in film and on Broadway. His gravestone makes it plain his last commercial break is a permanent one.

John Uhler “Jack” Lemmon III was an American actor and musician. Lemmon was an eight time Academy Award nominee, with two wins. He starred in more than 60 films, which probably goes a long way to explaining his epitaph.

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“Jeez, he was just here a minute ago.”
Widely regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comedians of all time, Carlin found fame on stage with his infamous “7 dirty words” bit and later in film and television with roles in everything from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure to Thomas the Tank Engine

 

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Valentines Day is under a month away fellas. That means three things, especially if you expect to be getting any the entire rest of the year, namely Flowers, Cards, Chocolate.

Flowers- my suggestion is put your order in now and try to pay for them now. Not only will you be assured of getting them you should (in theory get them at a better price. If something happens and you don’t get them or they are crap you can show your receipt to prove how long in advance you planned for them and plead that its not your fault because you did it well in advance to prevent problems. This might not save your nookie but it should mean you’re not sleeping on the couch.

Card[s]- Good luck you’re on your own with this. Know your woman before picking cards. Again my advice- go to the card store NOW you’ll beat the rush have a better selection and you might run into one of her friends who will be sure to let her know where you were seen, doing what and how early. A few brownie points with the Super Bowl around the corner can come in handy.

Chocolate- yeah you can go the store bought route, but even Godiva won’t hold a candle you your actually making her something chocolate. 2 pointers here, First use the best quality coco powder chocolate and spices you can find, it makes a huge difference. Trust me if your woman is 25% of the Chocoholic Molly is she’ll be able to identify the quality and brand by taste. Second, Practice. Don’t expect you first attempt to be presentation worthy. Make a batch and seek criticism. No not from your beloved use other female family members or coworkers. I’ve never known a woman to turn down a chance to sample chocolate while criticizing something a man did.

Your ego might take a few dings but you’ll learn where you’re going wrong and gain experience and confidence in making the dish before it really counts.

Oh yeah, almost forgot something important….

Recipe Warning

Chocolate Mason Jars

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Total Time: 30 min
Prep: 20 min
Cook: 10 min
Yield: 6 servings
Level: Easy

 

 

 

Ingredients

1 cup whole milk
2/3 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup heavy cream
3 tablespoons sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons instant coffee
1 cup dark chocolate chips
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Fresh berries, for serving

Directions

Combine the milk, mayonnaise, cream, sugar and coffee in a medium saucepan. Whisking, bring to a simmer over medium heat and cook until thickened, 4 to 5 minutes. Remove from the heat, add the chocolate chips and vanilla, and whisk until the chocolate is fully melted. Divide evenly between six 4-ounce mason jars. Chill in the refrigerator until set, about 3 hours. Garnish with berries (don’t forget the whipped cream!) and serve.

Chocolate Bread Pudding

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Total Time: 1 hr 5 min
Prep: 25 min
Cook: 40 min

 

 

 

Ingredients

2 1/2 cups cut-up stale bread
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 eggs
2 tablespoons cocoa
2 cups milk
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup chocolate chips
Salt

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place bread in a round, buttered, deep dish pie plate. In a medium bowl whisk together eggs, milk, sugar, a dash of salt, vanilla, cocoa, and cinnamon . Add chocolate chips. Pour over bread and gently mix. Let sit for 15 minutes, so bread can absorb mixture. Bake for 30 to 40 minutes until firm but not dry.

Peanut Butter Espresso Brownies

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Total Time: 1 hr
Prep: 20 min
Cook: 40 min
Yield: 24 small brownies
Level: Easy

 

 

 

Ingredients

Nonstick vegetable oil spray
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 large egg
2 tablespoons espresso powder
One 17.6-ounce box brownie mix, such as Duncan Hines
3/4 cup peanut butter chips
1/4 teaspoon coarse flake salt

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
Spray an 8-by-8-inch baking pan with nonstick spray. In a large bowl, whisk together 1/3 cup water and the oil, egg and espresso powder. Add the brownie mix and stir until well blended. Stir in the peanut butter chips. Transfer the batter to the prepared baking pan. Sprinkle the salt evenly over the top. Bake until a toothpick inserted into the center of the brownies comes out with a few moist crumbs attached, 35 to 40 minutes. Cool completely before cutting into squares. Arrange the brownies on a platter and serve.

Suddenly the speakers inexplicably blare back to life. Lethal can be heard whimpering at the podium as he frantically works the controls there. Finally unable to quell the music he screams seemingly at the ceiling “ I SWEAR TO ST. PATRICK I’LL HAVE YOU DELIVERED BACK TO GITMO!” Just as abruptly as it started back up the music stops once again. Lethal pulls a flask from his jacket and pours a healthy measure of what ever it is into his coffee then after contemplating his cup a moment adds the remainder of the flask’s contents to his cup and imbibes of the mixture heavily.

“Bloody sore loser fecking ungrateful Dragon!”

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Can you beat a computer at Rock-Paper-Scissors?

Rock-Paper-Scissors: You vs. the Computer

Computers mimic human reasoning by building on simple rules and statistical averages. Test your strategy against the computer in this rock-paper-scissors game illustrating basic artificial intelligence. Choose from two different modes: novice, where the computer learns to play from scratch, and veteran, where the computer pits over 200,000 rounds of previous experience against you.

The New York Times wanted to play around with this notion, and have set up a page where you can play a friendly game of rock, paper, scissors against a computer. Think you can win?

In Rock-Paper-Scissors: You vs. the Computer, you can play novice, which means the computer has no previous experience and learns to play based on your own personal tendencies as the game progresses, or you can play as a veteran, where the computer uses data from thousands of games played against other people.

Now I know what you’re thinking, “How does the computer know what to throw?” Well, computer use simple statistics to mimic human reasoning. The computer learns your patterns over time and will use these predictive patterns to gain an advantage over you.

Can you beat the computer? A random game would mean that each person would win, tie, and lose a third of the time. But this isn’t a random game. How will you fare? Let us know by posting your W/T/L in the comments section. I played the computer a dozen times and came up a winner. Here’s my score & proof:

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Yeah you’re damned right I quit while I was ahead!

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>> All bold print underlining highlighting or other emphasis is strictly mine. <<


Obama gives you a taste of his Internet and Cybersecurity proposals

Yeah because his ideas for healthcare worked out so fantastic for all of us  that he’s moved on to applying the same model to college education to dumb us all down. Why not allow him to screw with the Internet now too? Maybe be can get it’s inventor Al ‘Global Warming’ Gore involved too. What could the two dumbest most unqualified for their positions/jobs in the history of the DNC libatards possibly do to screw up one of the most important tools of instant communication, information dissemination and learning (to say nothing of source of cat mimes gif and of course Impish favorite –porn) of the Twenty First Century?

Cybersecurity Proposals

The first is called The Personal Data Notification & Protection Act. If you’ll remember all of last summer’s breaches, then you’ll probably also remember how slow that affected companies were in admitting that they were hacked.

President Obama wants to impose a 30-day limit on hacked companies to inform customers who were affected by a data breach.

As of now, there are 47 state laws governing what companies should do in the event of a data breach. It’s impossible for companies to keep up with the legislation.

A 30-day limit could mean that consumers would know when their data is compromised. The 30-day limit also helps companies around the nation build an in-case-of-emergency playbook for data breaches.

The Student Digital Privacy Act is another attempt to lock down Americans’ online privacy. The legislation forbids selling student data for non-educational purposes.

If you’ve lived in a house with someone who turned 18, then you’ve probably seen the flood of “pre-approved” credit cards that start showing up in the mail. The massive amount of information floating around online could mean that more targeted advertisements and financial offers could start showing up.

Finally, the president suggested writing a new bill of rights. This time, the bill would focus on digital privacy.

Ok as much as it pains me to admit this (and you have no idea how bad that is) These appear to me (at least on the surface sans more information) to be fairly decent ideas who’s time has certainly come.

My concerns however are three fold;

  1. Will Congress enlist the help of experts in each case to draft reasonable and effective rules? Or (like usual) will some committee of self professed expert sound bite grabbing career politicians simply write another ineffective and incomprehensible law that will be largely ignored in favor of business as usual. Why would it be ignored? That’s my second concern-
  2. Both the law that created the Do Not Call List and the CANNED SPAM Act are largely ignored in favor of business as usual because the penalties written in are ineffective, impractical to enforce and go largely unenforced. I am concerned that these laws will be the same old story all over mileage for self back patting politicians, meaningless for the afflicted masses.
  3. What agency will be tasked with enforcing these new laws? Presumably these new laws would fall under the aegis of the FTC given the area(s) with which they deal. However historically the FTC prefers to occupy it self with Antitrust issues (often to the detriment of the people- think the breakup of AT&T and how much of a head ache the phone system is now). Quite frankly and honestly the FTC IMHO has been doing a totally ineffectual job of ‘enforcing’ (I use that term as loosely and laughably as possible) both the Do Not Call List and the CANNED SPAM Act.

A recent article in the San Jose Mercury News investigated the matter and found that the FTC had actually imposed $117 million in fines over the past 10 years on violators.  Given the constant and continuing barrage of calls I personally receive, this seems to be hardly enough to make a dent in the problem.  The article also shows that only 101 cases have been brought against violators in the 10 years of the registry’s existence, or about 10 cases every yearIf we assume that every household in the US (about 100 million) receives the same 3-4 calls a day, 365 days a year, that I receive, then this amounts to 10 cases per 100-120 billion calls!

The Mercury News article tells us that 3.8 million complaints were filed on the Do Not Call List website last year, which sounds impressive until you consider that it covers only about 1% of the offending calls.

There is a way that this can be stopped.  Readers may be surprised to learn that it is no longer technically challenging to trace a call, even one with a falsified caller ID (as many Spammers do).  Residential telephone service customers could be given a special number to key in (for example *99) during a Spam call to automatically file a complaint.  That would be considerably easier than entering a complaint on the Do Not Call Registry’s website, so the number of people who would voice their concerns might increase from 1% to 20% or more.

If the government aggressively prosecuted any offender who received perhaps 5,000 such complaints, even with a modest $10,000 fine, these calls would dry up almost overnight.

Source: http://www.komando.com/happening-now/291676/obama-gives-you-a-taste-of-his-cybersecurity-proposals/all

Obama on  faster and cheaper Internet for everyone

Who wouldn’t want to pay less for faster Internet? I sure would. That’s what President Obama hopes to deliver with his new plan to improve our Web infrastructure. It’s all about choices. But the big question is will it work?

If you live in an area where slow Internet is expensive, and not-as-slow Internet is even more expensive, then you’re in the same boat as millions of Americans. The U.S. is ranked 24th in the world for average Internet speeds.

After calling for a Bill of Rights for personal privacy and a 30-day limit for companies to report data breaches, the president continued his push for legislation in the digital world. Obama has announced that he plans on revealing new measures that could make the Internet cheaper.

He plans to write the FTC about state laws that block governments and smaller communications company from launching competing companies to established, local Internet Service Providers.

He hopes to offer grants and loans to rural ISPs to encourage competition. (Grants and Loans do not magically appear, this will undoubtedly be added to the deficit and you, your kids and you kids great great grand children will be paying for these grants and loans to start up, the vast majority of which will fail and default on them)

Depending on when you’re reading this, Obama may or may not already have announced the details for his plan to make the Internet cheaper. His announcement will come from Cedar Falls, Colorado, and that’s for a very good reason.

Cedar Falls Utilities is an ISP that serves Cedar Falls’ 40,000 residents with Internet speeds starting at $45.50 per month with download speeds of 50 Mbps. The national average, for reference, comes out to about 32.1 Mpbs. (and the National average price is a lot higher than $45/mo. too)

If you live in a rural area, then chances are good that your Internet options might be very limited. That might be because your state might be 1 of 20 with laws that ban, or heavily roadblock, small-scale Internet providers from getting started.

Source: http://www.komando.com/happening-now/291827/obama-unveils-his-plan-to-make-internet-faster-and-cheaper-for-everyone/all

Allegedly, this legislation would level the competitive playing field for startup ISPs. What I’m not so sure about, however, is whether or not the federal government should be telling businesses how to operate after the healthcare.gov disaster. If that isn’t enough to convince you I again offer as evidence of the inadvisability of this what happened when the FTC’s Anti Trust people took aim at AT&T. Neither of these things can be called a success story since they have historically pretty much proven to have the opposite from their intended effect (you pay more for less and are unhappier than you were before).

Further if the big players suddenly loose significant revenue which in turn means a drop in earnings their stock holders will scream bloody murder at them. Therefore to avoid this and protect their jobs they will naturally find a away to pass this loss on to us, their remaining customers. Further increasing Internet speed in many areas will mean replacing lines and infrastructure never meant to deal with Broadband data at considerable expense since the most logical upgrade would be from copper to fiber optics. Such upgrades (necessary both to achieve higher speeds and/or allow more bandwidth to be carried to support these start ups in rural areas can only be achieved as significant capitol outlay. The sort of money that companies just used to invest in their future but now demand their current customers subsidize via surcharges pushed through Public Utilities Commissions and that lobbyist get the government to sanction or mandate (think 911 Federally mandated surcharges).

Hell, in all likelihood the Telecom lobbyists will see to it that such charges are permissible right in the new ‘Faster-Cheaper Internet Law and that they can start charging them before we customer see any significant benefit from the law because we are all ‘locked in’ to a contract that states what speeds we’re to see for paying how much.

Make no mistake Obama isn’t giving you anything or simply fixing modern digital age issues. He’s playing Robber Hood again . He’s taking from your pocket and giving to the poor and rural people to make you grateful to the Democrats so they can potential have another 8 years to destroy and bankrupt us!

Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1420


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Good Morning Campers,
I’m sorry that you’re getting this written down rather than with me being there.  As of the writing of this missive, I’m incarcerated in Guantanamo Bay Detention Center, Cuba.  At least, that’s where Lethal Leprechaun thinks I am.  To the best of my knowledge, this is what happened.
You remember last week, when I had to leave the presentation, well as it turns out, members of the different acronym groups, i.e. FBI, CIA, etc., came to me for information about Santa Claus.  What I really think they wanted is his technology for moving around the world to every single house in a single night.  Now, you know these stiff suit and tie guys couldn’t possibly believe that magic was involved, although, come to think of it, I have no idea what they thought they were doing talking to a dragon?  How could you interrogate a dragon and not believe in magic?
But I digress.
I told them in no uncertain terms that any negotiations or interrogations had to go through Mr. Leprechaun.  They weren’t happy about that, but we whiled away the time waiting for Lethal to show up.
I’m not sure who suggested it, but suddenly there was pie.  Mmmm.  A nice dutch apple with raisins, my favorite.  I offered pieces around the table, but no one wanted one so I ate the whole thing and we went back to playing poker.  Things start to get a little foggy around this time, but then I remember more pie.  Mmmmm.  A nice pecan pie with whipped cream, my favorite.  I offered pieces around the table, but no one wanted one so I ate the whole thing and we went back to playing darts.  I vaguely remember after that more pie.  Mmmmm. A really nice blueberry pie with a crispy crust.  My favorite!  I don’t think I offered anyone any this time but just ate it myself.
The next thing I knew I was strapped down on this table with these bright, flashy lights and someone telling me to talk.  So I talked and talked and talked, but I don’t think the finer points of pie and lasagna was what they wanted to talk about, because they kept getting mad and asking about Santa.  So I told them that Santa delivered me pies and lasagna and that Santa liked pies and lasagna and that EVERYONE liked pies and lasagna, but that still didn’t make them happy.
So the lights got brighter and they started playing really loud hard rock music.
I jumped up, started singing on stage and playing air guitar.  They got really mad when they came back in the room and I tried to put the leather straps back on my arms and legs before they found out, but they were completely broken.
Anyway, they tried all kinds of things to make me talk, but I didn’t say what they wanted me to say.  I don’t think they were asking the right questions.
Finally, Lethal sent me my laptop…but shhhh!  It’s a secret how he did that…and some ear plugs so I didn’t have to hear the disco music and Gregorian chants they started playing and he told me that if I could get this issue out he could escape me.  So, if you’re reading this I still don’t know whether he managed to do that or not.
I HAVE to get back in time to watch the football games on Sunday.  Both the Packers and the Colts are playing and I have some really heavy progressive bets down on both of them.  And if I’m not there to cheer them on they don’t have a chance of winning.
So, everyone, please ask Lethal to get me out of here before Sunday!!!
Now, on with the show.

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St. Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when two guys wearing dark hoodies and sagging pants arrive.
St. Peter looked out through the Gates and said, “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
St. Peter goes over to God’s chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.
God says to Peter: “How many times do I have to tell you? You can’t be judgmental here. This is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in!”
St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh. He returns to God’s chambers and says, “Well, they’re gone.”
 
“The guys wearing hoodies?” asked God.
 
“No. The Pearly Gates.”

 

 

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A man approached a female clerk in the department store. “Excuse me,” he said, “but do you have notions?”

“I do,” she replied, “but I try to suppress them until 5:00 pm.”

“Oh, no,” stammered the embarrassed shopper. “You misunderstood. I need to know if you keep stationery.”

“Just until the very end,” she replied. “Then I just go wild!”

 

 

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So, this came around again and it is one of my favorite performances and songs of all time.  It’s also my ring tone on my phone.

 

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Going through emails at work.  If it looks like I’m not very thrilled, it’s because I go through a lot of garbage every week to find the gems that I present here to you guys.

 

Last Saturday afternoon, in Washington, DC, an aide to Nancy Pelosi visited the Bishop of the Catholic cathedral in DC. He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day’s
Mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.  Pelosi’s aide said, “Look, I’ll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your church if you’ll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint.
The Cardinal thought about it and said, “Well, the church can use the money, so I’ll work your request into tomorrow’s homily.”
As Pelosi’s aide promised, Nancy Pelosi appeared for the Sunday worship and seated herself prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle.  As promised, at the start of his sermon the Cardinal pointed out that Ms. Pelosi was present. The Cardinal went on to say to the congregation “While Ms. Pelosi’s presence is probably an honor to some, the woman is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of her most egregious views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and she tends to flip-flop on many other issues.”
The Cardinal continued. “Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker, and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. I must say, Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a faithful Catholic I have ever personally witnessed.  She married for money and is using her wealth to lie to the American people.
She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington, and in California. The woman is simply not to be trusted.”
The Cardinal concluded, “but, when compared with President Obama,  Ms. Pelosi is a saint.”

 

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Papa Dragon Most Senior sent this test to me, let’s see how you do:

New Senior’s Exam, you only need 4 correct out of 10 questions to pass.

1) How long did the Hundred Years’ War last?

 

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of?

 

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI’s first name?


8) What color is a purple finch?


9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?


10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Remember, you need only 4 correct answers to pass.
Check your answers below
….

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years

 

2) Which country makes Panama hats?Ecuador

 

3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses

 

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?November

 

5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of? Squirrel fur

 

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?Dogs

 

7) What was King George VI’s first name?Albert

 

8 ) What color is a purple finch? Crimson

 

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand

 

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Orange (of course)

 

What do you mean, you failed?

The email goes on to say, “ME, TOO!” But I had to delete that part, because actually I got 6 of them right.  Can any of you beat that?  I’m curious to know since it’s all a huge bit of really obscure trivia.

 

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I like this one.  It’s really good, from the Daily Caller Website…dailycaller.com   Read on dear camper, read on…

‘A PETULANT CHILD’: Former Secret Service Agent Blasts Obama For Blaming Service For Skipping Paris March

4aFormer Secret Service agent Dan Bongino blasted President Obama’s decision to blame security concerns for his decision not to attend an anti-terrorism rally in Paris.

The White House blamed security concerns for Obama’s decision not to attend the “March Of Unity” in Paris after a deadly Islamic terrorist attack on the satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo in Paris. The Secret Service said that it was never asked to prepare for a presidential visit to Paris.

Bongino, who served in the Secret Service under presidents Clinton, Bush and Obama before galvanizing conservative voters with recent Maryland Senate and congressional runs, told The Daily Caller that Obama blamed the Service because he knew they couldn’t fight back against him in the press.

“He knows there’s nothing the Secret Service can say. They don’t want to hurt the relationship so as a matter of decorum they can’t say anything,” Bongino said. “I imagine what they’re really thinking is, ‘Is this guy serious?’ It’s not an easy job. After the fence-jumper, morale’s not great over there now, but he still says something that is so obviously not true.”

“Just look at the Mandela funeral which was geometrically worse when it comes to threat and he went to that because he wanted to go. If the president wants to go he goes. The Secret Service doesn’t tell him he can’t go. That’s only in movies.”

“It’s not the first time. We had the White House tours incident. I’m not going to say he’s the first president to blame someone outside of his own executive office, but does he take responsibility for anything? Incorrigible is really the word for him. He acts like a child and no one outside of conservative media holds him to account. These people are forfeiting their lives for you… This guy is just acting like a petulant child.”

“My experience with his staff is they are just amateur hour,” Bongino added. “They don’t know what’s going on. There’s really only one channel to him: Valerie Jarrett. This doesn’t function like a regular White House…Instead of just doing what a responsible White House would do and say we blew it, they are completely incapable of acting like adults. It’s infuriating.”

And what do other Secret Service agents think about it, according to Bongino?

“I think they’re so used to it at this point. I don’t think they’re capable anymore of being pissed off with this president. They do their jobs and just keep all this garbage out of it. You start to realize these guys are really getting screwed. They have no voice at all. The president tosses them around like a red-headed stepchild. Most of them know what’s going on but just block it out and put up a wall around it.”

 

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You know, we have a school on our premises…well…more like teaching child care…for our employees who prefer to have their children close to them.  It has got to be the most unusual school anywhere!  Fairy children in class with Dwarven Children, sitting next to troll children, in the same class as….well, you get the idea.  Our teachers can’t teach ALL subjects, since there are some purely racial ones that are very specialized, but the normal Math, Science, Grammar, Magic studies are all covered.  Anyway, long story cut short, above is a picture of one of our Magic instructors and one of her students in the background.    One of the random shots from our yearbook last year.

 

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1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog’s parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk – and don’t get annoyed when you start stroking them whilst you are drunk!!

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died, would you get another dog?”

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just think it’s interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

14. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.

 

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You don’t think Zombies are real?  What do you think that is crossing the street?

 

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There are so many laws of physics being proven in this little animation that it’s amazing.  For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction…what goes up, must come down, also known as the the law of gravity…an object in motion will stay in motion until acted upon by another object or force…I’m sure there’s more that I’m forgetting, but one of the biggest ones is a law postulated by Robert Heinlein: “Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.”

 

Animal Chatter 2

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You know this is a BIG week in football.  Both of my teams are in the finals.  The Colts and the Packers.  But before we get to that, I have to share this picture with you, sent to me from my brother the owl…
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I know that there are probably some Dallas fans out there who won’t think this is very funny and for that…
You know, I’m really not that sorry.

Hmmm. 

 

And how about another Pearls Before Swine cartoonery?  Okay, here we go:
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And of course we have to have:

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any Caption

any dad

forget romeo and juliet

Frustration

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Oh shit…someone’s coming.  I have to go.  Wish me luck!

 

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The following is a copy of the after action report written by the Lethal Leprechaun team.  The report has been augmented with copies of the radio recordings, personal observations and by hacking into the video surveillance system.

You’re being subjected enhanced coercion. Chained out side the mess hall after 5 straight days of tofu and decaffeinated coffee while being questioned and physically harassed you are forced to watch as pies are baked.

In addition, the exhaust from the mess hall has been attached to a blower and is vented into your cell. The placemat on the tray you receive each night is the mess halls menu for that day.

Suddenly there are some sirens in the distance and a great deal of activity. You are unchained after having what you originally thought was a large cattle prod which turned out to be a Klingon Pain Stick brandished meaningfully in your face.

“Just remember what happened that time you tried to fly off with us hanging on your leashes Dragon” one of your captors says as he gestures at a third guard some distance behind with what looks like a loaded RPG with a glowing tip the same color as the Pain Sticks. Who knew you could launch a pain stick that far? You hope Lethal never gets wind of these things, his damned magical shillelagh might hurt like hell and leave bruises sure but these things make you feel like your blood has turned to acid and causes your muscles to forget what they do. If Lethal ever got ahold of one of these and back engineered it your antics and adventures would soon come to an abrupt painful halt. You make a mental note for the tenth time, once you get free, to use your influence as the Draconian ambassador to the Mundane Realm to have these things outlawed rounded up and destroyed. Hell you plan on driving the vibrating compactor that crushes them all and personally flaming the remnants into slag.

As you’re herded and prodded in the direction of your cell, you lumber and plod as slow as possible without giving them reason to use those Pain Sticks while desperately looking for a chance to escape.

You’re starting to wonder if that  E & E course Lethal made you take for 3 weeks in the swamps of Florida with those Green Berets was just his idea of a joke because these guys seem to know every move you were taught and have at least 4 counter moves for each one you try. Suddenly the radio on a captors hip crackles to life. Part of the message is unintelligible but you manage to make out the words “is down”, “found under a dozen frozen mackerel” and finally five words that give your heart hope if you heard them right “bound and gagged with yarn”.

Just as your two captors trade glances of incredulity at this report comes a loud arcing sound followed by the distinct odor of burnt ozone and the loud cluck of relays dropping out followed a split second later by darkness.

You are immediately prodded with an activated Pain Sticks causing the wings you were unfurling to snap back closed in spasm. You hear the hum or the Pain Sticks increase which you are pretty sure means they are now set at or close to maximum level just as the captor to your rear says “Use of lethal force is now authorized to control Mythical prisoner Impish Dragon.”

“You heard it garbage breath- just give us a reason, you got any idea how much mileage I’d get out of killing a Dragon with one of these, career wise? Hell at the very least I’d never buy another drink again in my life just from retelling the story. Now hurry up stop trying to delay us or I’ll break this thing off in your ass just to see you dance around like Barney.”

You notice a few shadows that seem to be flowing in the same direction you are. Is it your deprived physical state or your tortured mind that make some of those shadows appear to have tails?

Your cell block is lit by emergency lighting but the power to all the cell doors seems to still be on as the Guard behind the security booth opens the door to your cell as you and your escort enter the building.

He’s too eager to pass his latest bit of gossip on to your minders to notice the 4 shadows that skulk down the sides to the corridor, soundlessly disappear into your cell and disperse.

“Did you hear? The whole camp’s power grid is down! Reports claim it was a localized snow storm of glittering glowing snow flakes. AL Gore was right this Global Warming thing is really getting out of hand! Who’d ever believe snow in Cuba!”

Despite the rough treatment and encouragement to speed up your pace despite the shackles you begin to smile. Unless God has a seriously warped sense of ironic humor or this is the Apocalypse, you figure your liberation is at hand. You enter your cell and turn around reentering the narrow area which you enter and exit through which seriously restricts your ability to move to have your shackles removed.

One guard reaches to do so but the other frowns.

“Better leave those for now until this alert is over. We got to come back for him it will save time. From what I hear Holder told the Base Commander that he has orders from the Obama and DNC that either the Dragon talks and tells us where to find Santa and his Christmas Travel & Delivery Technology and starts spying on the Leprechaun or he gets fed to the Towelheads. CLOSE CELL 3!”

The cell door slide across the opening with a crash reminding you of a guillotine blade coming down and you hear the eight locking bars engage the door. You hastily back up as the red beacon above the door starts rotating indicating the anti-personnel mines which prevent you from approaching the door other than when they want you to enter or exit are about to arm themselves. Considering all the fail safes that are built into the cell you suspect that Lethal may well have had some sort of a Think Tank consulting contract to help design it. As you clear the opening backing into your cell something at the edge of your vision detaches itself from the beacon and lands on you snout startling you. Reflexively you start to shake you head and open you’re mouth to yell when a sharp piercing pain erupts suddenly in your ear lobe and 2 glowing red eyes appear in front of your now watering ones and a semi familiar strident voice hisses “Merr…NO!” this is followed by a face slap with a tail that feels like it’s wearing body armor.

You hear noise behind you and start turning around rapidly only to have you snout erupt in 10 points of paint and another insistent “Merrr…NO!” hissed at you followed by a furious tail lashing to your head.

Yup that tail is definitely armored somehow, your sure of it now. As you remain perfectly still in the menacing glare of the 2 red eyes you’re pretty sure you hear the faint sound of sleigh bells in the distance followed by more shouts and several explosions. Also the air in your cell is decidedly colder. Is that frost you see forming on the window bars out of the corner of your not daring to move eye?

As you stare at the glowing red eyes trying to make out the face they are attached to you feel something furry winding around your ankles followed by the distinct SNICK of  the locks  on the leg shackles and a CLUNK each time one hits the floor. Once the sounds of the shackles being dragged out of the way stops the ten points of pain have retracted from your snout and you feel your tormentor carefully make its way up your face over and/or though your horns where it turns around, literally in its own foot prints only to circle around the back of your head to your right side and begin tickling your ear with a cold wet nose and an apparently prodigious set of whiskers. Suddenly you faintly hear a crackling and a familiar voice.

“Rescue 1 to Impish…you order a pie delivery? Come on Chai! Get Impish that ear wig- we’re having a way harder ON YOUR RIGHT BLITZEN! ROLL OUT LEFT! ROLL! ROLL! DASHER CHECK YOUR SIX! Break! Break! Lethal to all Ninja units- Expedite Extraction. If you don’t have him in 2 minutes follow exfil plan Delta 3. I say again, 2 minutes or Delta 3 and we’re out of here he’ll have to hang on until we come up with something better. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD BEJESUS! WAS THAT MIG CLOSE! Lethal to Chai- I need a SITREP! We good to go or not?!”

You feel a sudden swat to the ear followed by a tail swat to the back of the head. As you are about to complain you didn’t do anything you hear an emphatic “Merr…NOW!” just before you feel Chai leave your back while at least 2 other cats climb up it trailing something.

“Impish Dragon to Rescue 1- COMMs up! Response code: No I ordered the All White Eggplant and Anchovy Pizza with extra Pistachio Ice Cream.” NOW GET ME THE FUCKING HELL OUT OF HERE!”

“Rescue One to all Rescue elements- Contact made Identity confirmed Extraction in progress. All ground elements execute plan 4 at 30 seconds from my mark, then head for your exfil locations. Reindeer flight- form up on us, we’re going to have to make a low and slow over the compound. We’ll need your protection before you break off for exfil pick ups. Lethal to Impish: cats have an accessory for you put it on fast then try very hard to understand what they want you to do and do it very fast we’re…RUDOLPH PULL UP HARD! ”

As Lethal directs what sounds like an aerial battle that is quickly turning against them, two of the cats are carefully climbing all over you periodically whacking you to direct your attention to what they are doing.

Quickly you recognize a modified version of your Christmas Santa’s Sleigh pulling flying harness and begin rapidly as possible securing it to yourself. As soon as it is, 3 cats begin head butting your tail in an attempt (you hope) is an effort to turn you around. As you start to you feel sharp fangs nip the end of you tail causing you to raise it quickly and just as quickly lower it again where it is nipped harder.

“Ok! Ok! I get it! Tail up! I’m not a cat you know  mine drags!” This gets you 4 glares, 3 sets of scratches in the stone floor and another tail whap up side the head where the 4th cat now sits between your horns.

The cat on you head leans towards your ear with the earwig and yells “MEOW! Purr….purr meroowww….NOW!” Apparently this comment is not meant for you but rather for Lethal because he almost immediately responds:

“Rescue One- message received and understood. ALL RESCUE ELEMENTS EXECUTE PLAN 4 IN 30 SECONDS….MARK! Break! Vixen those 2 HUMMVES on the Dock! That’s where the Optically Guided Fire is coming from you’ve got to take them out or we’ve toast when we make our low and slow! WE’RE HIT! WE’RE HIT! RESCUE ONE IS TAKING TRIPLE A FIRE! VIXEN, PRANCER TAKE OUT THOSE BLOODY HUMVEES NOW! Break- Chai! We’re at our IP making our inbound turn now, light them up and get Impish centered- we can only make one try at this; it’s getting absurd up here with the Cubans, Russians and the US all pissed at our showing up unannounced and throwing this surprise party.”

You see the cats are urging you into the center of a partially erected circle of candy canes that smell anything but like peppermint, in fact they smell a lot like a combination of fresh powder snow lavender, sage gingerbread and Lethal’s workshop if such a thing is possible. A  grey stripped foreleg terminating in one of the largest paws tipped with a set of the most terrifyingly long and sharp claws you’ve ever seen that close to your eyes extends from above your brow and points to the center of the circle as a tail repeatedly whaps the back of you head to the repeated chant on “Mrrow! Now! Now! Nooow!”

As you enter the circle you’re aware of scurrying behind you. Suddenly the candy canes all start glowing and their spiral strips revolving like barber poles. Simultaneously you feel 12 paws scampering up your tail and burrowing under your furled wings to a spot where one of the modifications were made with a large patch of the fuzzy side of velcro. You’re aware of slightly more weight between your wings now, not a lot maybe 50 or so pounds.

As you hear Lethal in your ear say “10 seconds from pick up, IMPISH! No pressure but the second you feel weightless- start flying or we’re going to crash and either die or live the rest of our tortured existence in your cell block! 5 seconds out”

You hear the observation port on your door slam open followed by cursing and swearing. You gather there is some difficulty with the security controls and possibly the guard in the booth as well. You hear a chime presumably from one of the candy canes and as you turn your head back to see what it’s about two things occur, first you see a large ball of yarn appear above your vision and arc towards the restricted entryway where the proximity sensing AP mines are. As you start to yell “NOOOO! “ Suddenly everything shimmers, your stomach drops and simultaneously you feel both weightless and pushed quite fast from behind. By the time all these things register you hear Lethal screaming over the wind

“ I said start flying you bloody Dragon! FLY NOW OR WE DIE!”

As you start flapping your wings frantically you realize you are in the traces of Santa’s sleigh while half of his reindeer are not. Comet, Cupid, Donner and Dancer are helping to pull the sleigh while Rudolph, Vixen, Prancer and Blitzen are flying a diamond escort formation around you. Each of them appearing to have some extra bumps on their harnessed backs and a much large weaponish looking one slung under them. Rudolph catches you looking at him winks and executes a barrel roll, apparently much to the consternation of the 3 lumps on his back because he momentarily seems to be in pain almost dropping out of formation before recovering. The grey striped foreleg emerges above your brow again gesturing to your left. You can barely make out a wind blown “Merrome Now!” from its owner.

Lethal chuckles in your ear and after letting out a deep breath says “SC is quite right Impish, home is to your left. While its only 78 miles to US territorial waters and 12 more to Key West I suggest if you’re up to it we turn harder left and head for Keebler Towers and the safety of the Lepreconian Embassy. I do believe every water craft, refugee raft, airplane, weather balloon and parasail between here and Florida is going to be on the look out for us otherwise. I’m afraid we’ll have to do this the old fashion way too, as those hits we took rendered us structurally unsafe for Santa Speed. We can slip back to Headquarters later tonight or early tomorrow while everyone is distracted with betting on the Patriots to beat the Colts like a herd of rented mules.

Note: At this point the transcript ends, we have discovered that the escape was successful, the dragon is back under the protection of the Leprechaun and the mythological community.  It is recommended most strongly that attempts to acquire the information by possessing either the dragon or the leprechaun be put on hold until such time as a more restrictive holding facility can be built.

On a personal note, Mr. Obama has threatened to remove me from all further duties unless this situation is resolved favorably.

~ E. Holder

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Leprechaun Laughs # 281 for Wednesday Jan 14th 2015


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Hi cat staff hoomans, I’z da Chai Amese.

I iz Chief of Ninja Kitties wut works for Lepercon who iz also muh Daddy.

Since he’z workin (and can’t pet me which so not fair cause he gots the warm fuzzy stuff on again) I tell’d him I be helps wiff dis blogging thing he do. Dis way more kitty petting time & treats come to mes after he stops sayin duh bad words at udder one diz thingie he hollars at me for laying on the warm clicky parts  of. I not knows dis ‘dumb ass’ peoples hes’ hollar at (he not even on the thing from his pocket makes the funny noises he talks to) but they must have been real bad, cause he only makes hollar like dat when we kitties do da bad things and won’t stop or when da big blue lizurd Daddy sez is a Dragon makes da really stoopids and Lepercon haz to makes fixes it.

I not think dis blogging fhing iz too hardz. I helps Daddy Lepercon do it al times by  chasin off dat big blue lizurd by make sharps muh claws on his tender parts keeps him from steal materials. Dats kinda fun cause he makes duh funny noises and jumps around lots when I do it. Sumtime he even take mes flying wiff him when I duz it to him. No do dat today dough cause dem peeps wiff da flashy lights took Dragon lizurd aways after they yelled at him for say da ‘NO!’s.

Friday wuz gibed me da ear scratches and say the flashy lights peoples putted him in da big time outs box sumplace secret. I ask Lepercon if Ninja Kitties should go get him back but Daddy say just to gets him his lap top and tell da Dragon if he wants outs before the game dis weekend Dragon gots write his next issue first. Den Lepercon will get him free but no befores. Dragons cry ober dis news da lots, got muh paws all wet! Bad lizurd! I not understand why Dragon lizurd makes duh cries, dis Cuba  place warmer than here right now.

I fhink da hards part is learn howz dis typin fhing works wiff claws and da no fumbs.

OK Lepercon sez I no gots be too talky here,  just get da izzue fhing started. I go take sun bath and have naps now in Daddy’s fleece lap blanket on da couch. Be be back for pets and treats later.

Merrow!

LEt's Roll 25

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When I’z sez ‘jus da cream peas’ dis not wut I means!

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Wut? You fink this wasn’t gonna be kittytastic issue? Silly hooman!

Since Daddy Lepercon is da bizzies try find where they hided the Dragon lizurd I gonna meet you some kitties today dat works for him. You bes nice, give lots of treats & pettin and nobody feel da pains ok?

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Daddy sez YouTube is like treats for hoomans. Mommy Molly give us lots of treats so I give you some YouTubes hooman treats.

The Bottle Boys on Britain’s Got Talent 2013

Michael Jackson on Beer Bottles

 

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Lepercon sez kitties are sum fhing… ohs! dats it – ‘Natural Disaster’. Accords him if you upset a kitty then naturals there bes a disaster (or Ninja Kitties!). Lepercon knows kitties too good I fhinks!

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Dat’s Brutus da Brutal. He be in charge da Ninja Kitty Complainers Department. You gots ‘plaints bout dis issue den you go see him. His office bes next to where they put the sticky things on hooman bleedy parts to sab time. Here wut sign his door hab:

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Play more than 2,000 old computer games for free in your browser

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Ready for a blast from the past? Long before the days of Call of Duty and Grand Theft Auto, there were simpler computer games that tons of people loved. Now, the Internet Archive has made over 2,000 of these MS-DOS games available to play absolutely free.

MS-DOS is an old personal computer operating system, and the games made for it will definitely have you feeling nostalgic. But, you don’t need to dust off that old computer to play them. The Internet Archive has made them all available to play right through your Web browser. The people over at Internet Archive are still working out the kinks, so you might notice a bug in some of the games.

The Internet Archive’s MS-DOS games are a great way to share a bit of the past with your kids and grandkids. Some of the games are even educational. The catalog includes classics like Master of Orion, SimCity and The Oregon Trail.

Note: Some of the games listed on the site are intended for mature audiences and are not appropriate for your children or grandkids.

To get started, just visit the Internet Archive’s MS-DOS game page and find one you want to play. Then, all you have to do is click on it to start loading the game in your browser.

Source: Washington Post

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Dat’s duh SC. She bes my birth Mommy. Molly no think SC funny when SC say dis. Called SC bad names!

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SC got da bit of a ‘nip problem. Dis is her sleep off da nip under Lepercon’s blanket. Be da cutes while you sleepin’ a good way to get out of trubles wiff Molly.

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See? Dis me when I wuz little. Mommy Molly sez I wuz ‘adorkable’. I not kno wut dat is but it gots me lots of belly rubs and out of lots of trubles.

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Kitties luv Calvin and Hobbs cause Calvin gets in da trubles jus like a kitty and Hobbs our big kitty cousin!

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Ob courses we like da Garfield best of all- eben if he likes da lasagna more than toona casserole.

Lep Movie Sage words

I finded dis already starts for da issue and Daddy sez I better uses it no make da wastes.

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  • When did it change from “We the people” to “screw the people”?
  • I don’t have gray hair.  I have “wisdom highlights”.  I’m just very wise.
  • My people skills are just fine.  It’s my tolerance to idiots that needs work.
  • Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.

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Ut ohs! I fhink da smack is being talked heres!

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Yups! Dat some serious smack da Lepercon bes talk. No wonder he leff da Dragon Lizurd in da time out box flashy lights hoomans put him in until he makes da next DragonLaffs. Any buddy know wut dis ‘Gitmo’ fhing Lepercon talks about means?

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Said no kitty ebers!

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Kitties like da soups cause hoomans get da warms from them. It’s nice to sleep on a full warm hooman tummy. Toona Casserole is muh fav hooman food cause kitties get tuna water in our dishes when Daddy Lepercon makes it!

Lentil Soup

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Total Time: 1 hr. 10 min
Prep: 10 min
Cook: 1 hr.
Yield: 6 servings
Level: Easy

Ingredients

2 tablespoons olive oil, plus extra for drizzling
1 medium onion, chopped
2 carrots, peeled and chopped
2 celery stalks, chopped
2 garlic cloves, chopped
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 (14 1/2-ounce) can diced tomatoes
1 pound lentils (approximately 1 1/4 cups)
11 cups low-salt chicken broth
4 to 6 fresh thyme sprigs
2/3 cup dried elbow pasta
1 cup shredded Parmesan

Directions

Heat the oil in a heavy large pot over medium heat. Add the onion, carrots, and celery. Add the garlic, salt, and pepper and sauté until all the vegetables are tender, about 5 to 8 minutes. Add the tomatoes with their juices. Simmer until the juices evaporate a little and the tomatoes break down, stirring occasionally, about 8 minutes. Add the lentils and mix to coat. Add the broth and stir. Add the thyme sprigs. Bring to a boil over high heat. Cover and simmer over low heat until the lentils are almost tender, about 30 minutes.
Stir in the pasta. Simmer until the pasta is tender but still firm to the bite, about 8 minutes. Season with salt and pepper, to taste.
Ladle the soup into bowls. Sprinkle with the Parmesan, drizzle with olive oil, and serve.

Minestrone Soup

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Total Time: 45 min
Prep: 15 min
Cook: 30 min
Yield: 6 servings
Level: Easy

 

 

 

Ingredients

2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 large onion, diced
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 stalks celery, diced
1 large carrot, diced
1/3 pound green beans, trimmed and cut into 1/2-inch pieces (about 1 1/2 cups)
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 teaspoon dried basil
Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper
1 28 -ounce can no-salt-added diced tomatoes
1 14 -ounce can crushed tomatoes
6 cups low-sodium chicken broth
1 15 -ounce can low-sodium kidney beans, drained and rinsed
1 cup elbow pasta
1/3 cup finely grated parmesan cheese
2 tablespoons chopped fresh basil

Directions

Heat the olive oil in a large pot over medium-high heat. Add the onion and cook until translucent, about 4 minutes. Add the garlic and cook 30 seconds. Add the celery and carrot and cook until they begin to soften, about 5 minutes. Stir in the green beans, dried oregano and basil, 3/4 teaspoon salt, and pepper to taste; cook 3 more minutes.
Add the diced and crushed tomatoes and the chicken broth to the pot and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to medium low and simmer 10 minutes. Stir in the kidney beans and pasta and cook until the pasta and vegetables are tender, about 10 minutes. Season with salt. Ladle into bowls and top with the parmesan and chopped basil.

Per serving (2 cups): Calories 260; Fat 8 g (Saturated 2 g); Cholesterol 5 mg; Sodium 560 mg; Carbohydrate 37 g; Fiber 10 g; Protein 15 g

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SC likes helps Lepercon in da kitchen wefher he wants helps or not!

Mexican Tortilla Breakfast Casserole

An udder kitty fav is breakfast casseroles ‘cause we kitties get to lay in front of da warm oven while it cooks and get a happy from da warms on cold mornings. No touch da ovens doh cause dat gives kitties an maowie!

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Total Time: 1 hr. 25 min
Prep: 35 min
Cook: 50 min
Yield: 12 Servings

Ingredients

2 packages (12 ounces, each) Breakfast Sausage Links
1 cup chopped onion
½ cup chopped sweet red bell pepper
1 tablespoon olive oil
4 garlic cloves, minced
2 teaspoons chili powder
2 cans (4 ounces, each) diced mild green chilies
2 cups shredded Cheddar cheese
1 cup shredded pepper-jack cheese
½ cup chopped green onion
¼ cup chopped fresh cilantro
4 cups coarsely crushed tortilla chips
10 eggs
2 -½ cups milk
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon hot pepper sauce

Directions

1. Cook sausages according to package directions; cut into ¼-inch slices; set aside.
2. In a skillet, sauté onion and bell pepper in oil until almost tender.
3. Stir in garlic and chili pepper; cook for 1 additional minute.
4. Add sausage and chilies; set aside.
5. In a bowl, combine cheeses, green onion and cilantro.
6. In a greased, 13-in. x 9-in. x 2-in. baking dish, sprinkle one third of tortilla chips.
7. Follow with one-half of the sausage mixture and one-half of the cheese mixture; repeat.
8. In a bowl, beat eggs, milk, salt and pepper sauce; pour over layered ingredients.
9. Sprinkle with remaining tortilla chips.
10. Bake, uncovered, at 350°F for 45-50 minutes or until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean.
11. Let stand for 10 minutes before cutting.

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Anuffer of da Ninja kitties, Scowler Southpaw practices da kitty-fu arts. Dis death of a thousand scratchings opening stand. Scowler sumtimes helps Brutus wiff Complaints Department.

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The Cup Song – Pitch Perfect WITH GUNS!!! (Jim Huish from Amber’s Drive)

Shootin stuff give muh Daddy a happy but no ask him sing- hurts kitty ears and makes doggies howl!!

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OK PAY ‘TESIONS HOOMANS! I might be da cutes sleepin wiff Daddy’s pistol (no, he no gived me loaded one) but dis da real importants!


New Tick-Borne ‘Bourbon Virus’ Is Deadly And Unlike Anything Previously Seen In U.S

Researchers have identified the cause of a Kansas farmer’s mysterious death this summer as Bourbon virus.

Thought to be transmitted by ticks, the virus “was fast-moving and severe, causing lung and kidney failure, and shock,” The New York Times reported, killing the previously healthy man after only 10 days in the hospital.

Together, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and University of Kansas Hospital researchers identified the virus as a thogotovirus, part of a larger type of viruses called orthomyxoviruses, Dana Hawkinson, M.D., an infectious disease specialist at The University of Kansas Hospital said in the video statement above.

Bourbon virus, named after Bourbon County, Kansas, where the only known patient lived, is similar to viruses seen previously in Eastern Europe, Africa and Asia, said Hawkinson, but nothing like it had ever been identified in the Western Hemisphere before.

He called the experience of working with a never-before-seen virus frustrating, as the lack of understanding of the illness left many questions unanswered for both the patient’s family and the researchers. “We don’t know the full spectrum of disease because it’s the first case,” he said. For example, no one knows whether or not the disease is usually deadly or if there could be more mild cases from which future patients could recover.

Symptoms include fever, loss of appetite, muscle aches and a general feeling of malaise. But while similar tick-borne illnesses typically are treated with antibiotics, this disease is transmitted by a virus, and therefore won’t respond to the medication. Indeed, the Kansas patient did not respond to traditional therapies after testing negative for typical tick-borne diseases at the University of Kansas Hospital, New York Daily News reported.

Lyme disease is the most common tick-borne illness in the U.S., with over 27,000 confirmed cases in 2013, the most recent year from which data is available. Cold weather typically keeps ticks and disease-transmitting insects at bay, but from roughly April to September, Hawkinson said, be sure to protect yourself by wearing long clothes and insect repellent when you could be exposed, and to do a thorough tick check after returning home.

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GO AWAYS! I needs muh naps! Hab a big Ninja kitty job tonight get Dragon Lizurd his lap top!

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1419


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Good Morning Campers,

It’s been a cold week here in Northern Indiana and for a lot of you elsewhere.  It’s been the main topic of conversation for most of the news programs, water coolers, and lunch rooms.  So, it would be silly for it not to be a portion of the opening of today’s issue.

Lethal Leprechaun has been busy with his clients and the tax year and all that business stuff, so I’ve been left to my own devices for the last couple of days.  I’ve tried really hard to stay out of trouble and I think I’ve done a damn good job of it for the most part.

I’ve had a couple of close…

There erupts an explosive knocking at the door.

Hang on a second while I find out who that is.

Diaman rises from her couch and goes over to the closed door leading to the back area of the ice castle, the same place the meetings have been for the last couple of issues.  She rapidly returns to our little blue dragon and whispers in his ear.  Neither of them realize that the small microphone, that Impish sometimes uses for these casual conversations before presenting the issue on Saturday morning, is still on and picks up her every word.

Imp, there are a few members of law enforcement at the door who’d like a word with you.  They were very polite, but I don’t think they will stay that way for very long.

Local LEOs?  From where?  We provide local security.  Who are they?

Um…I didn’t say local.  There is at least one representative from the FBI, CIA, DEA, FT&A, Secret Service, OSI, FEMA, and Homeland Security.  Plus a couple of guys in military uniform that I couldn’t identify and wouldn’t give me any ID.  What should I do?

I’ll work it out.  Ask them to wait in the small conference room.  That’s a love. 

Impish pats Diaman on the bottom and sends her on her way and returns to the rest of you.

Well my friends, it seems as though I’m wanted elsewhere.  So, I’ll leave you to today’s issue and check back in with you later.  So for now…

 

 

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It’s been bloody cold here!  Colder than Hell.  This morning, in Hell, Michigan, it was 7 degrees.  Here in northern Indiana, it was –1.  It was colder than hell.

Jean had something to say about the cold.

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Yup. It’s been cold.  It’s been cold for a lot of us.  Those of you who are living in warmer climes are more comfortable, but you don’t get this:

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My view from work yesterday.  Beautiful.  Friggin’ cold!  But beautiful

 

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Yup, it sucks getting old.  LOL!

But, something else that sucks and will piss you off is this next article.  I’m warning you now to sit down and take a deep breath before reading this essay from the Common Constitutionalist.

Race Industry’s Dream Has Come True

Well folks – we may have hit rock bottom on the political correctness scale. Please make sure you are seated, belted in and your head is tightly wrapped with duct tape before reading any further. You’ve been warned.

Idaho, 2013: James D Kirk (no, not the Starfleet Captain – that was James T Kirk) was tried and convicted of “committing lewd conduct against a 17-year-old girl and sexually battering a 13-year-old girl,” reports the Associated Press.

In April of that year, he was sentenced to 20 years. Not enough, in my opinion, but such is life. The case appeared to be rather open and shut, be that both victims ID’d him, as did two other witnesses.

During the trials closing arguments, the prosecuting attorney, Canyon County deputy prosecutor Erica Kallin, stood in front of the jury and evidently felt compelled to sing, or rather quote a little ditty.

The AP wrote that Kallin said “I always think of this song. Some people know it. It’s the Dixie song. Right? Oh I wish I was in the land of cotton. Good times not forgotten. Look away. Look away. Look away. And isn’t that really what you kind of been asked to do? Look away from the two eyewitnesses. Look away from the two victims. Look away from the nurse and her medical opinion. Look away. Look away. Look away.”

Oh, did I forget to mention that the then defendant, now convict, is black?

Well, that particular song didn’t sit well with public defender Eric Fredrickson who “filed an appeal, saying that Kallin may have unfairly affected the verdict.”

During the appeal, Kenneth Jorgensen, the deputy Attorney General, claimed that prosecutor Kallin’s use of the “Dixie”

lyrics did not taint or sway the jury toward a guilty verdict.

However, the three judges who ruled in the appeal said that “enough doubt has been raised as to whether Kirk’s conviction had been tainted.”

Yet the judges wrote: “Nothing in the record suggests that the jurors harbored any racial prejudice or that they were actually influenced by the prosecutors recitation of Dixie, but the risk of prejudice to a defendant is magnified where the case is as sensitive as this one, involving alleged sexual molestation of minors.”

Still seated? Head still taped?

And with that, the three judges threw out Kirk’s conviction.

Yes, you really did read that right. Three judges overturned the conviction of a vicious sex criminal due to an appearance of racism, after publicly admitting that none of the jurors were likely influenced.

This is an absolute travesty of justice, even if the appeal is overturned. The fact that the prosecuting attorney, Ms. Kallin, was an idiot and possibly even a racist had no bearing on this particular case.

But this is the country we live in today – one where true justice will be turned on its head to mollify racialists. This appeal is a dream come true for the race baiting industry, and if allowed to stand will set a very dangerous precedent.

All over the country, black defendants and their attorneys will be advised to cry racism in the courtroom in an effort to induce liberal judges to see racial bias where there is none.

It will, in effect, become a black get-out-of-jail free card.

Okay, so can everyone say Bullshit at the same time?  This is completely over the top!  Get a new prosecuting attorney, and get his ass back in jail!  This whole racism garbage is getting completely out of control.  I’m overwhelmed at the stupidity of our country at the moment.  And it all starts with the Whitehouse and the administrations attitude that continues to compile this bullshit on our country.  Lethal, it’s time to buy our island.

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Diaman steps back up to the podium and interrupts today’s presentation.

I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve got to know what’s going on.  Let’s see if we can’t peek in on the dragon.  Lethal taught me a little bit about the controls for this… yeah, that ought to do it.

One of the screens on the stage blurs and when it comes back into focus we can see into the small conference room where Impish is seated at one end of the table and the members of “law enforcement” are spread out around the table.  The long, highly polished wooden table looks to seat about 40 or so people.  You wonder if this is the “small” conference room, what the large one must be like.  You can see the men and women arguing with Impish, several of them pounding their fists on the table, but there is no sound.

Wait just a second, I can get this….

Then voices come out of the speakers

…open to debate!  I will not give in to your demands, I don’t care how much my country “needs me.”  The last two words emphasized with finger air quotes.  Any parlaying of this type WILL go through Mr. Leprechaun, but as far as I’m concerned…

Impish looks directly up into the camera and smiles ruefully, wagging one finger back and forth warningly at the camera while reaching under the table with his other hand, he continues

…the current administration can suck my …

Suddenly the picture goes black.  Impish having obviously flipped a switch under the table that shut off the camera and microphone.

Well, let me see what else I can do, but for now, why don’t you folks go back to today’s issue.

And with that, Diaman leaves the podium and exits the room.

 

So how about a little good news?  And it’s cool, too!  From our dear friend Kim Kommando…

In 2013, 37% of American drivers admitted falling asleep behind the wheel, according to the National Sleep Foundation. Several studies have shown that being seriously tired behind the wheel is worse than drinking and driving when it comes to reaction time and judgment.

Even worse, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration says that driving while drowsy is behind 100,000 crashes a year with 1,500+ deaths. Still, in the next week you’re probably going to be driving when you should be taking a nap, because you need to be somewhere. What’s the solution?

Self-driving cars are the obvious answer, but those aren’t ready for daily use quite yet. There are still some legal, technological and financial hassles to overcome.

In the meantime, Mercedes-Benz is teaming up with electronics-maker LG to keep tired drivers – and those around them – safe. This is a good step because technology introduced in Mercedes cars – side airbags, adaptive cruise control, automated parking, etc. – usually ends up in less expensive cars within 10 years.

Mercedes’ new system is called the Advanced Driving Assistance System. Scanners keep an eye on you as you drive. If the system notices that your eyes are closing too much, you aren’t focused on driving or you’ve actually nodded off, it can do a few things.

First, it takes over driving to keep you in your lane and at a safe distance from other cars. It can even brake if you’re about to hit something.

The car will use a stereo camera sensor to tell where everything is. It also uses this sensor during normal driving to dim the headlights for oncoming cars.

Once it has control, the system hits you with sound and light to wake you up. Once you’re awake, you can take back over from the car by moving the steering wheel or tapping one of the pedals. Hopefully, at that point, you’ll pull off the road to take a nap.

The ADAS package is part of a concept car Mercedes is showing off at the Consumer Electronics Show this month.

So, how many of us can use this car?  I know I could!!!

 

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Sometimes it’s harder to clean up after some pets than it is for others.  But, this picture is so misleading!  This blue guy wouldn’t have any problems, just show him to the dragon restroom.

 

And here we have four wise sayings from one of our wise(-ass) campers:

1. We all love to spend money buying new clothes, but we never realize that the best
moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.

2. Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot
friend on a cold night after a few drinks – PRICELESS.

3. Breaking News: Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex any more.  A friend of mine was
wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman’s husband.

4. Arguing over a girl’s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Carlsberg,
and Budweiser.  Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

K2

 

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I’m really enjoying these wonderful animated gifs.  But, I’m about out.  So send me more folks!

 

Saint Peter visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and sex if she wants to get into heaven.

The woman said she would try her best.

Saint Peter visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on.

“Not bad,” said the woman, “I’ve given up smoking and drinking but then I bent over the living room suite and when my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs, he pulled up my skirt, pulled my knickers to one side and made love to me right then and there!”

“They don’t like that in Heaven,” said Saint Peter. .

The woman replied, “They’re not too happy about it in Sears either!”

 

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For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
 His father said, ‘Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $289,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.’ 
The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, ‘Son, where are you going?’
 Little Joseph told him, ‘I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mum you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be damned if I’m staying here by myself with a $289,000 mortgage and no f**kin’ bike.’

 

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Boy, that’s not true anymore.  Even the kid’s shows are using language that is embarrassing.

 

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Here’s an artist’s rendition of our new, proposed headquarters in South America.  Now, I’m not saying we ARE moving, or to which particular small South American Island we are considering overtaking acquiring purchasing, but suffice it to say, that if the conditions in this country don’t change, it’s time to look for a new place to call home.  Cops not making arrests for fear of being assassinated, rapists getting released because of supposed racial prejudice, and all kinds of other stupid shit. So…there it is…

And just now, this bullshit:

BlackLivesMatter protesters are trying a new protest tactic. They are going to restaurants filled with mostly white people that have nothing to do with police or any case of brutality and disrupting everyone’s brunch.

On Saturday, January 3, protesters in UC Berkeley dreamed up an effort they called#BlackBrunch. With this new protest tactic, protesters decided to begin wandering through the “mostly white upscale neighborhoods” in Berkeley and disrupt their breakfasts, brunches, and lunches.

Organizers promised it would be an effort to disrupt any random business, none of which have any connection to police or cases of brutality, in a specific effort to attack white people as they go about their daily business. It is to be “no business as usual,” the protesters proclaimed.

In the words of one agitator, “We’re approaching our last brunch spot! #blackbrunchnyc interrupting white supremacy one brunch at a time.”

The #BlackBrunch protesters in Berkeley relied heavily on the claim that a black person is murdered by police in then USA every 28 hours. But even the usually left-leaning PolitiFact said this claim was false.

The BlackBrunch tactic was also seen in New York on Sunday where one protester claimedthat white people have no right to go out to breakfast.

Protesters in New York also used the “every 28 hours” claim in reasoning for the brunch disruption.

But one Twitter user challenged the protesters, claiming that one of them threatened her boss. Before resetting her Twitter account to private, Twitter user “Steph A” said “1 of your party of 30 made a death threat on my boss leaving me terrified in my place of work and unable to finish my shift.”

There is no indication exactly why “Steph A” suddenly deleted her website and set her Twitter feed to private.

If you can’t figure out why she changed her Twitter feed to private, you have your head stuck up your ass.  I’m so damn tired of this bullshit.

 

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Diaman comes back on stage and without a word starts fiddling with the controls.  She looks up at the screen and back to the controls.  Back and forth she goes until quite suddenly…

Aha!

The picture comes back on again with no volume and you get a very quick look at Impish dragon holding up one of the men in a suit and tie over his head.  He twirls the man twice around over his head and rears back to throw him at a group on the other side of the table when the picture cuts out again.

Damn!

Diaman continues to fiddle with the controls

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I got home from work today (Tuesday) and found an envelope in the mail from the Publisher’s Clearinghouse.  The outside of the envelope said I had won a prize!  I won!  I won!  I was a little worried that it might be another one of those “you’ve WON the chance at …” type things.  And then I saw where it said “Check Enclosed”. 

Holy crap!  Maybe I didn’t win the $5,000 a week for life, because there were no camera crews and stuff hanging around, but a couple of thousand dollars would sure come in handy!

I quickly opened the envelope and this is what I saw:

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Ten bucks.  Dang, I spent more than that on postage sending back all those stupid envelopes!  Oh well, it’s ten bucks more than I had before, but at least now, I can honestly say,

I WON THE PUBLISHERS CLEARING HOUSE SWEEPSTAKES!

 

 

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Suddenly the speakers cut in again and you can hear the very distinctive voice of Impish Dragon:

…with pepperoni and sausage…

before the sound cuts back out again.

 

A State Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highwayAt nearly midnight, he sees a couple in a car, in lovers’ lane, with the interior light brightly glowing.
 
He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine.
 
He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.
 
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the trooper walks to the car and gently raps on the driver’s window. The young man lowers his window. ‘Uh, yes,Officer’?
 
The trooper asks: ‘What are you doing?’
 
The young man says: ‘Well, Officer, I’m reading a magazine.’
 
Pointing towards the young woman in the backseat the trooper says: ‘And, her, what is she doing?’
 
The young man shrugs: ‘Sir, I believe she’s filing her fingernails.’
 
Now, the trooper is totally confused.  A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a lover’s lane and nothing obscene is happening!  The trooper asks: ‘What’s your age, young man?’
 
The young man says: ‘I’m 22,sir.’
 
The trooper asks: ‘And her, what’s her age?’
 
The young man looks at his watch and replies: ‘She’ll be 18 in 11minutes.’

 

The picture cuts back in for just a second and you get a glimpse of Impish on one side of the table with two of the military men on the other side of the table, their jackets off.  Each of them have one of Impish’s hands in a classic arm wrestling stance.  They are both sweating hard and you can see the little blue dragon with his head back laughing, although again, no sound comes out of the speakers.

 

We’ve run many “specials” here at Dragon Laffs before, Calvin and Hobbs, Animal Chatter, all kinds of different picture blasts.  And today is one of my favorites and new.

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P1

p2

p3

p4

p5

 

 

This is pretty cool.  I’ve seen similar from the climbers perspective, where the guy had a camera on him while he climbed, this one is done from either a helicopter or a drone…  Nice idea.

 

Diaman stands up from the controls with a frustrated look on her face.  She glares at the screen and the speakers.  Taking a deep breath she turns to the rest of you,

Well, that’s all I can do.  I wish Lethal were here, he knows all the tricks and the override codes and all that.  This piece of junk, just doesn’t want to cooperate with me.

And with a loss of control, she hauls off and kicks the bottom of the podium and rattles it but good.  The speakers burst into life one final time and you hear.

No, I don’t have any Kings…Go Fish!

And another voice says, Mr. Dragon you have to …

No sir.  No I don’t “have to” anything.  You come into MY house and threaten my family, THEN you want my help?  Now you’re going to tell me what I HAVE to do?  That’s just bullshit and you can take THAT back to that ass-wipe you call a boss!

Um… I was only going to say that you still have to discard.

And the speakers cut out again.

So yeah.  I’ve got no idea what’s going on.  But, stay tuned for more.  Hopefully more answers.  Enjoy the rest of the issue.

Motivate

How about a special motivational (Demotivational) run on “Have you ever been so…”  This should be fun, right?
Um…right?
Have you ever been so angry

Have you ever been so drunk

I’ve been angry enough to flip some desks, but never a tank, no.

Oh, and never drunk enough to flip anything…other than other people off.

Have you ever been so mad

Nope.  Never, ever been that mad.

Have you ever been so mad2

No….but I have been so mad that I’ve attacked a house with my fists….

I lost, by the way.

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Well, not cause I was angry, that’s for sure.

And how about one for the road?

guts

 

10

and here’s another one…

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And how about a couple of the dragon…

9n

9o

9p

4a

Now this!  This is the wine that needs to be on my wine rack!

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So many, many categories that fit!  My oh my.

 

4f

 

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And that’s the perfect feeling and aspect to lead into today’s finale…

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Rather than a rant, let’s go with another GeeWiz, ain’t this interesting one.  This one will be familiar to most of you old vets out there.  Especially, if you’ve been around long enough to remember World War II.

KILROY WAS HERE!

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6a

He is engraved in stone in the National War Memorial in Washington, DC, back in a small alcove where very few people have seen it. 
For the WWII generation, this will bring back memories. 
For you younger folks, it’s a bit of trivia that is a part of our American history. 
Anyone born in 1913 to about 1950, is familiar with Kilroy. 
No one knew why he was so well known, but everybody seemed to get into it.  

So who was Kilroy?

6b

In 1946 the American Transit Association, through its radio program, “Speak to America,” sponsored a nationwide contest to find the real Kilroy, offering a prize of a real trolley car to the person who could prove himself to be the genuine article. 
Almost 40 men stepped forward to make that claim, 
but only James Kilroy from Halifax, Massachusetts, had evidence of his identity. 

6c

‘Kilroy’ was a 46-year old shipyard worker during the war who worked as a checker at the Fore River Shipyard in Quincy. His job was to go around and check on the number of rivets completed. Riveters were on piecework and got paid by the rivet. He would count a block of rivets and put a check mark in semi-waxed lumber chalk, so the rivets wouldn’t be counted twice. 
When Kilroy went off duty, the riveters would erase the mark. 

Later on, an off-shift inspector would come through and count the rivets a second time, 
resulting in double pay for the riveters. 

6d

One day Kilroy’s boss called him into his office. 
The foreman was upset about all the wages being paid to riveters, and asked him to investigate. It was then 
he realized what had been going on. The tight spaces he had to crawl in to check the rivets didn’t lend themselves to lugging around a paint can and brush, so Kilroy decided to stick with the waxy chalk. He continued to put his check mark on each job he inspected, but added 
‘KILROY WAS HERE’ 
in king-sized letters next to the check, and eventually added the sketch of the chap with the long nose peering 
over the fence and that became part of the Kilroy message. 

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Once he did that, the riveters stopped trying to wipe away his marks. Ordinarily the rivets and chalk marks would have been covered up with paint. With the war on, however, ships were leaving the Quincy Yard so fast that there wasn’t time to paint them. As a result, Kilroy’s inspection “trademark” was seen by thousands of 
servicemen who boarded the troopships the yard produced.

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His message apparently rang a bell with the servicemen, because they picked it up and spread it all over 
Europe and the South Pacific.

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Before war’s end, “Kilroy” had been here, there, and everywhere on the long hauls to Berlin and Tokyo. 
To the troops outbound in those ships, however, he was a complete mystery; all they knew for sure was 
that someone named Kilroy had “been there first.” 
As a joke, U.S. servicemen began placing the graffiti wherever they landed, claiming it was 
already there when they arrived.

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Kilroy became the U.S. super-GI who had always “already been” wherever GIs went. It became a challenge 
to place the logo in the most unlikely places imaginable it is said to be atop Mt. Everest, the Statue of Liberty, 
the underside of the Arc de Triomphe, 
and even scrawled in the dust on the moon.

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As the war went on, the legend grew. Underwater demolition teams routinely sneaked ashore on Japanese-held Islands in the Pacific to map the terrain for coming invasions by U.S. troops (and thus, presumably, were the first GI’s there). 
On one occasion, however, they reported seeing 
enemy troops painting over the Kilroy logo!

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In 1945, an outhouse was built for the exclusive use of Roosevelt, Stalin, and Churchill at the Potsdam conference. Its’ first occupant was Stalin, who emerged and asked his aide (in Russian), “Who is Kilroy?” 

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To help prove his authenticity in 1946, James Kilroy brought along officials from the shipyard and some 
of the riveters. He won the trolley car, which he gave to his nine children as a Christmas gift and set it up as a 
playhouse in the Kilroy yard in Halifax, Massachusetts.

6m

And The Tradition Continues…

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EVEN Outside Osama Bin Laden’s House!!!

 

As you are walking out of the room, the speakers crackle one time and you hear:

42!

Which as everyone knows is the answer to Life, The Universe and Everything.

Until next time my friends…

cheers3

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Leprechaun Laughs #280 for Wednesday January 7 2015


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As you arrive on the lift outside the Conference room this week all traces of the holidays recently past are now absent. In fact the wall opposite the lift now sports a large chalkboard counting down to what is apparently the next big event of Lethal:

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As you enter the Conference room you see the dais is set with multiple workstation tables. Power, data and phone cables are strategically routed to leave safe walking zones. All the work stations are manned by pasty complexioned pocket protector bedeck geeks typing on keyboards at impressive speeds, made more so by the fact its being done one handedly while they alternately using the other hand to talk on phones, slurp coffee or beckon for Lethal’s attention. Lethal in rarely seen rolled up shirt sleeves and his bevy of quintuplet administrative vixens alternate between attending to geek queries and tapping away on tablets. One of the quints taps his shoulder and points to the assembled crowd. He nods finishes answering the questions of the Geek he’s been working with and then steps up to the podium.

Please excuse the hub bub up here folks. January 2nd sound the start of my busy season for my business as many of the businesses I deal with are on a calendar fiscal year. This means closing out of books, getting data to and from accountants recovering corrupted files dealing with virus and malware infected files preventing data mining by unauthorized sources and a myriad of other tasks in a rather compressed time frame. In the remaining 97 day I expect to bill roughly 2/3rds of my income from my primary business for 2015. As you can imagine I really don’t have much time to waste which is part of the reason I didn’t go back to school this semester. It appears after several years of rather anemic business I’m going to be (thankfully) very busy this year. Unfortunately the room I normally use seasonally here to house my temporary help and visiting clients has been appropriated by Impish to house his overflowing stock of pies. So I have been forced to use the Conference Room in part.

However, since the geeks have agreed to be paid partly in (Impish’s) pies and pizza pies, plus all the brown gold they can swill I expect to regain use of the other room shortly once Impish realizes pies are disappearing from is over stock and he moves them someplace else as equally inconvenient to someone lese.

In last weeks issue you might have noticed 2 things, one there were no opening remarks and Impish making mention of a fairly potent Holiday Punch I make effecting him. I have to confess that over sampling of the punch well before quitting time was responsible for my forgetting the opening remarks. As you can see from the opening banner, the sole mortal who managed to score a glass of it is still flying quite high.

 

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5 Ways You’re Drinking Coffee Wrong

 

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322 Days until next Thanksgiving

 

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Sleeping with the Dragon

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room
with Impish, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t
fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they
voted to take turns.
 
The first guy slept with Impish and comes to breakfast the next
morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
 
They said, “Man, what happened to you?”
He said, “Impish snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.”
 
The next night it was a different guy’s turn. In the morning, same
thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

They said, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful!”

He said, ‘Man, that Impish shakes the roof with his snoring.
I watched him all night.”

The third night was Lethal’s turn. Lethal was a wise, older
fellow, with a reputation for not taking crap. The next morning
he came to breakfast  bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. “Good morning!” he said.
They couldn’t believe it.  They said, “Man, what happened?”

He said, “Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Impish
into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. After
that, Impish sat up and watched me all night.”

With age comes wisdom.

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351 Days until Christmas 2015

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We all ate really good for the holiday…and if you’re like Impish and I you’ve been eating good since Thanksgiving (hey it’s the holidays right?). Now with all those holiday bills coming to your mailbox any time now you’ll be trying to tighten you belt a notch (to make up for the 3 you let it out over the holidays). That can make January meals as cold and unappealing as the winter weather. So here are a couple of recipes that will feel holiday like but without all the holiday fuss and lengthy prep for those cold winter days ahead!

Sweet Potato Gratin with Shallots & Thyme

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Ingredients:

3 large sweet potatoes, peeled and cut into 1/8″-thick slices (about 2 pounds)
5 Tbsp. unsalted butter
2 large shallots, thinly sliced
3/4 cup Swanson chicken broth
3/4 cup heavy cream
2 Tbsp. fresh thyme leaves
1/8 tsp. cayenne pepper
1/4 cup Japanese bread crumbs, (panko)
1/2 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese
Salt
freshly ground black pepper

Directions:

1. Heat oven to 375 degrees. Brush bottom of a 9x13x2″ baking dish with 1 Tbsp. butter. Stir the bread crumbs, cheese and 2 Tbsp. butter in small bowl.
2. Heat remaining butter in a 10″ skillet over medium heat. Add shallots and cook 5 minutes or until tender and lightly browned. Remove skillet from heat.
3. Arrange half the sweet potatoes in the baking dish, overlapping slightly. Sprinkle with half the shallots. Season with salt and pepper. Repeat with remaining sweet potatoes and shallots. Season with salt and pepper.
4. Stir broth, heavy cream, thyme, and cayenne pepper in medium bowl. Pour broth mixture over sweet potatoes. Cover baking dish.
5. Bake 20 minutes. Uncover baking dish. Sprinkle with bread mixture.
6. Bake uncovered for 40 minutes or until sweet potatoes are tender. Let stand 10 min before serving.

Roast Pork with Green Apples & Golden Squash

Pork tenderloin is roasted with butternut squash and apple wedges and are served with a savory sauce with a hint of cinnamon.

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Prep 20 min.

 Total 1 hr. 5 min.

Serves 8

 

 

What You’ll Need

1 1/2 pounds (2 tenderloins 3/4 pound each ) whole boneless pork tenderloins
1 teaspoon olive oil
1/4 teaspoon coarsely ground black pepper
3 large Granny Smith apples, cored and thickly sliced
1 butternut squash (about 1 1/2 pounds), peeled, seeded and cut into cubes
2 tablespoons packed brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 medium onion, chopped (about 1/2 cup)
1 3/4 cups  Chicken Stock or Unsalted Chicken Stock
2 teaspoons all-purpose flour

How to Make It

  • 1 Heat the oven to 425°F. Spray a roasting pan with vegetable cooking spray.
  • 2 Brush the pork with the oil and season with the black pepper. Place the pork in the pan. Stir the apples, squash, brown sugar, cinnamon, onion and 1/2 cup stock in a large bowl. Add the apple mixture to the pan.
  • 3 Roast for 25 minutes or until the pork is cooked through, stirring the apple mixture once during roasting. Remove the pork from the pan and keep it warm. Roast the apple mixture for 15 minutes or until it’s browned. Remove the apple mixture from the pan.
  • 4 Stir the remaining stock and flour in a small bowl until the mixture is smooth. Stir the stock mixture in the pan. Cook and stir over medium-high heat until the mixture boils and thickens, scraping up the browned bits from the bottom of the pan. Serve the stock mixture with the pork and apple mixture.

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Today’s Geography Lesson

I know that we are getting older and have short attention spans,
so this lesson will be kept short and sweet.

Geography Lesson of the day.

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That concludes our Geography Lesson of the Day!

Thank you.  Take a nap and try not to hurt yourself.

Please pass on this valuable information to another old codger.

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You’ll never love anything like this cat loves his spray bottle

Have you ever heard of cat owners using a spray bottle to deter their kitty from bad behavior? That definitely wouldn’t work on this cat! For some reason, he LOVES getting sprayed in the face by water. You have to see this wild cat video!

 

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The year in review ~ for a Blonde

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February- Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…..
“duh”….. bottles won’t fit in typewriter ! ! !
March - Got excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…..box/said “2-4 years !”
April - Trapped on escalator for hours…..power went out ! ! !
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid…..8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets ! ! !
June - Tried to go water skiing…..couldn’t find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast-stroke swimming competition…..learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms ! ! !
August - Got locked out of car in rainstorm…..car swamped, because top was down.
September - Lost a TV quiz show. The capital of California is “C”…..isn’t it ? ? ?
October - Hate M&M’s…..they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4-1/2 days…..instructions said 1 hour Per pound and I weigh 108 ! ! !
December - Couldn’t call 911…..”duh”…..there’s no “eleven” button On the phone ! ! !

WHAT A YEAR !!!!!

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Smartest prank ever – from Brazil

 

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Recently the CIA in the apparently role of the original classifying authority Admitted that roughly 1/2 of the UFO sightings in the 50’s & 60’s that caused such a frenzy and near panic was in fact what many had claimed all along, observed tests of secret US aircraft being tested.

Obviously this big reveal should have been a huge blow to the Alien Conspiracy/Area 51 theorist sects one would think. Nay! Nay! I say! It seems those same conspiracy theorist whom have never encountered a fact in evidence they couldn’t warp with their twisted logic/beliefs have simply added this to their beliefs unbelievable as that might seem.

It seems that half of them take this admission as proof that the 50% the CIA are not claiming responsibility for are therefore somehow legitimatized by this admission of the governments. The other half on the other hand seem to be of the opinion that as technology to examine evidence has become increasingly advanced another cover story and round of government roadblock to their truth seeking was required, hence the false and intentionally misleading confession of the CIA.

See what you think.

CIA admits: All those UFO sightings in 1950s? ‘It was us’

CIA admits: All those UFO sightings in 1950s? 'It was us'

In an Aug. 4, 1955 photo provided by the CIA, the prototype U-2 spy plane is tested at what became known at Area 51 in Nevada. (AP Photo/CIA)

As far as “best of 2014″ lists go, the CIA has a pretty irresistible one: On Dec. 22 it started tweeting links to the 10 most popular articles of the year that it shared on Twitter, and the agency arrived at No. 1 yesterday, tweeting: “Reports of unusual activity in the skies in the ’50s? It was us.” The accompanying link directs readers to The CIA and the U-2 Program, 1954-1974, a 272-page document from 1998 the CIA tweeted a link to in early July, reported KAKE at the time.

The upshot of the report is that the CIA was the culprit behind more than half of the UFO sightings logged in the 1950s and 1960s.

As VentureBeat reports, the CIA tested its U-2 spy planes at 60,000 feet, an altitude that seemed impossible for man to reach at the time—leading observers, specifically pilots, to suspect it wasn’t man up there at all.

VentureBeat highlights a portion of the report that explains that in the mid-1950s, most commercial airliners stuck below 20,000 feet; military aircraft kept it below 40,000 feet.

“Consequently, once U-2s started flying at altitudes above 60,000 feet, air-traffic controllers began receiving increasing numbers of UFO reports.” The CIA actually cross-checked the UFO reports with its flight records, it noted in the document, but in instances when it verified the UFO was really a U-2, it stayed mum.

The report was part of documents declassified in 2013 that famously detailed the existence of Area 51 in Nevada.

For my part I’m not sure which I am more upset about;

The dogged disbelief by these conspiracy theorist in light of the admission and apparent collaborating evidence when coupled with a perfectly believable explanation.

The fact that all the ‘UFO’ sighting reports cannot be as easily explained (yet?) by records of other man made airborne objects either experimental or clandestine in origin.

Or finally that despite scientific and mathematical proof of the unlikelihood of our being alone in the cosmos, that any hope of proof that our sorry asses are not the only intelligent life in the Universe has just been made 50% less likely.

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Dragon Laffs #1418


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Good Morning Campers
Lots of good stuff in today’s issue.  Jam packed full.

I think everyone will find something to enjoy in today’s issue.

I don’t have a big lead in for today’s issue.  You could say that I’m still recovering from my New Years…you could say that I’m so busy on my time off that I’ve not the time that I want to put into this…you could also say that I’m just so knackered that I’ve not the mind to write coherently and put funny lines together.  You could say a lot of those things.  The fact is…there all mostly true.  LOL!

It’s been a GOOD holiday at the dragon household and I’m enjoying the hell out of myself.  So, I’m going to continue on in that vein for the next two days and get back to the grindstone on Monday.

Have a great weekend my friends.  Enjoy the issue.

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It’s winter time and it may not be snowing here in the corn fields of northern Indiana yet, I know it’s snowing somewhere out there for you guys…
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Or my father in Florida.  Whenever I talk to either one of them.  Talked to dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior, the other day, and he said it had gotten a little cold.  So cold, in fact, that he had to put a sweater on.  I asked him how cold it had gotten?
His response? “Geez!  All the way down to 70!”

 

This is pretty cool.  What happens when you step on lava…

 

5d

 

You know we love to give you “life hacks” and this is one of the coolest.  Did any of you out there know you could do this?  I sure didn’t!

 

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DNA for snowmen?

Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner.
He lives with a female roommate, Maria.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty Anthony’s roommate is.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mother’s thoughts, Anthony volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.”

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?”

“Well, I doubt it, but I’ll email her, just to be sure.” So he sat down and wrote an email:

Dear MaMa, I’m not saying that you “did” take the sugar bowl from my house; I’m not saying that you “did not”… But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Your Loving Son
Anthony

Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his MaMa which read:
Dear son,  I’m not saying that you “do” sleep with Maria, and I’m not saying that you “do not” sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving MaMa

Don’t mess with MaMa!  Just because we’re old doesn’t mean we’re stupid.

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I really like this one for wallpaper on my computer.  Turns out really good.

 

Okay, this is a way cool article by our dear friend Kim Kommando.  Did you know that you might be changing your brain (and not necessarily for the better) by the use of touch screen technology?  Check it out!

Did you know that every time you use your smartphone you actually change your brain? A recent study by the University of Zurich in Switzerland shows that as technology has advanced, our brains have adapted to it.

If you use a smartphone or tablet, you probably have an enlarged somatosensory cortex. Scientists have found physical differences in the shape and function of brains that used touch screens.

Over a 10-day test, the Swiss team monitored 37 volunteers, 27 of them using smartphones and 11 of them using traditional phones with fixed buttons. “Writing in the journal Current Biology, the scientists said those who used smartphones had changed the way their thumbs and brains worked together, with a larger effect seen with those who had used their phones more.”

It turns out that using fixed buttons only requires simple hand movements, whereas smartphones require a more complex use of the fingers and thumbs.

Have you ever seen a teenager or young adult using a phone? More than likely, they predominantly use their thumbs to access anything on the screen. By contrast, older adults that have older model phones will be seen using their index finger to access anything on their phone.

The use of smartphones has actually caused an increase in plasticity in the somatosensory cortex of the brain. This is the part of the brain that registers the way touch is used in relation to the body. You can see it in the pinkish area at the top of the brain.

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“The part of the brain controlling the sense of touch in the thumbs and fingertips saw much more activity – increasing the connection between them and speeding up reaction time and sensitivity.”

A similar change is observed in musicians. However, this change is not necessarily for the better. Scientists have linked an elastic somatosensory cortex with chronic pain, spasms and movement disorders.

“Worryingly, there is some evidence linking excessive phone use with motor dysfunctions and pain. More research is still needed to unravel the consequences of the altered sensory processing linked to the use of touchscreen devices.”

I know many professional musicians, my own dear father included, who have hand pain.  It’s a new and exciting…and sometimes dangerous…world we live in.  And then there’s this guy…who’s just an idiot.

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Okay, how about another way cool article from Kim?  For those of us who’ve been space nuts for a long time and know that it is imperative for the species to eventually move off planet, here’s a really cool concept from NASA courtesy of Kim Kommando. 

You have to see NASA’s vision for a Cloud City on Venus
5f

It’s one of the most famous environments in all of Star Wars: Cloud City. That scene where we first meet Lando with the sunset in the background is a truly epic science fiction moment! If there’s one place in that galaxy far, far away I’d like to visit, it’s Cloud City.

Now NASA is making plans to build its own floating colony much closer: on Venus. We typically think of the planet Venus as an uninhabitable greenhouse wasteland complete with sulfuric acid storms and crushing atmospheric pressure. That’s all true, but above the clouds of deadly acid, it’s actually a balmy, earth-like planet.

In fact, Venus is often called our sister planet. It has a similar size and gravity, and even at altitude, the atmosphere is sufficient to shield humans from harmful solar radiation. It’s also much, much closer than Mars, which makes travel there far more feasible.

That’s why NASA’s proposed floating cloud base is such an exciting idea. Trying to land a spacecraft on the surface is ridiculously hard. But an airbase could hang permanently above and allow humans and robots to study the unique atmosphere in relative safety.

The project is called HAVOC, which stands for High Altitude Venus Operational Concept. CNN reports:

The HAVOC model involves placing the astronauts inside an ‘aeroshell’ that would enter the atmosphere at 4,500 miles per hour. Decelerating during its descent to just 450 meters per second and then deploying a parachute, the shell would fall away to reveal a folded airship. Robotic arms would unfurl the blimp which would be inflated with helium to allow the airship to float 30 miles above the planet’s fiery surface.

This is what the end result would look like:

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At this time, the mission is just a concept, and NASA has no plans to fund it. But one day, a Venus airbase could allow astronauts to settle there permanently. Here’s hoping! Maybe we can even get a lovable scoundrel to administrate the facility: is Lando Calrissian available?

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I’m not sure, but this could be Lethal’s personal assistant Friday…or maybe one of her sisters, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday.  If I had to guess, I’d say she was directing clean up after the Christmas Party.  The red fire in the background is probably the disposal of all the gift wrap that was about waist deep on the premises.  What a party!

 

The Bugs Bunny Story

 

This one is from Kim Kommando and in her words…

FIVE MASSIVE JETLINERS FLY IN CRAZY TIGHT FORMATION

Jumbo jets are getting bigger and bigger. Good thing they’re also becoming more agile, too. The new Airbus A350-900 prototypes are the latest wide-body jetliners. The company decided to show them off with some old-fashioned military formation flying. You’ve got to see these epic aerial maneuvers.

 

Dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior, sent me this video that he got from his buddy Vito, another Floridian with the perfect explanation as to why they both moved down south….and watching this video, I can’t say as that I blame either one of them. 

I’ve been in a couple of those spots before with the ice and the sliding of the cars….not fun.  It sucks to crash at like 2 miles per hour and there’s not a damn thing you can do to stop it.  You actually feel like you have a enough time to jump out of the vehicle and run around the front and push the car to a stop.  LOL!  Not that I’ve ever tried it.

 

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There are so many explanations that could go along with this one….and they are all funny.

 

One day I accidentally overturned my golf buggy. 

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out,  “Are you okay, what’s your name?”

“Its Jack , and I’m Okay thanks,” I replied.

“Jack , forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I’ll help you get the cart up later.”

“That’s mighty nice of you,” I answered,but I don’t think my wife would like it.” 

“Oh, come on,” Elizabeth insisted.

She was very pretty, very sexy and persuasive…. I was weak.

“Well okay,” I finally agreed, and added, “but my wife.won’t like it.” 

After a restorative brandy, and some creative putting lessons, I thanked my host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be. really upset.” 

“Don’t be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile, “She won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?”

“Under the cart!” I said….

 

1

a1

a35

a36

Jersey cats.  Guido will get Lebowski to talk, don’t you worry.

 

a37

That is, indeed, the normal compromise.  At least if you want to keep a happy relationship.

a38

I know a lot of people like this.

 

We are under a winter weather advisory while you are reading this.  Snow, sleet, freezing rain, the whole shebang!  As I’m writing this it hasn’t happened yet, do whether it turns out to be true or  not, we shall see.  But, this is what sparked my interest in this one.  What happens when you run a water sprinkler in minus 57 degree weather…

 

 

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Hard work

Hardware Specialist

harry potter

Has Anyone

 

Having it all

He

Firefox?  Oh geez.  Even the motivationals are being groaners.

 

 

9k

Yeah, I know it’s an old sentiment, but true none-the-less.

 

1229

 

9l

Said from Impish to Lethal just about every friggin’ day!

 

1230

Okay, this is just wrong on so many levels…You gotta admire the cat for hanging in there.

 

9m

1231

 

 

1233

1232

 

 

last word3

Again, one of the things we like to do is to pass on to you the year in review that Word Press sends to us.  The report can be read here: http://dragonlaffs.com/2014/annual-report/
It’s actually quite interesting.

Enjoy yourselves.  Have a wonderful weekend, a wonderful week and a wonderful year.

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