Dragon Laffs #1403


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Good Morning Campers

There has been a lot of discussion about pizza over the last several weeks.  Including a very nice dissertation by Lethal Leprechaun that was printed in the comments section and should be mandatory reading for anyone who thinks they know something about pizza.

Now, I do happen to know a little something about pizza, having run several pizza restaurants, been a training manager for one chain that at one time used to make the very best pizza in the business…at least my restaurants did, but has now given over to the dark side of being more concerned with making a buck than making a product you could be proud of.  I used to teach people how to make home-made dough from scratch, a sauce that you would die for, hand toss a crust for the lightest, crispiest, chewiest crust you could ever wrap your lips around and was recognized by said company as making the very best pizza in the country…so yeah.  I know a little bit about pizza.

Having said all that, I have to humbly say….

Man, this is really hard to do. 

I know I couldn’t force my throat to say these words out loud, but I really thought I would be able to write them…

I think…

Lethal Leprechaun…

was …

rrrrrrrrrr…..

(damn!)

rrrrrrrr…..

(shit!)

rrrriiiightttt!

Damn it.  He may have been right.  But I have to qualify that statement by saying, He may have been right when he said it’s more important to decide where bad pizza is and to find the best in the region you happen to be in. 

Yes, there’s something to be said for Chicago Style, Sicilian,  Pan Pizza, and even super thin crust.  I will chalk up my own personal opinion to the fact that I grew up in pizza heaven so my feelings may be a little tilted.  And we’ll leave it at that. 

Besides, we only got like three votes from you people so this topic probably isn’t as important to you as it seems to be to us.

On to other things.

I’m about out of time here before I have to give over my stage to the rest of the issue, but I wanted to bring up the fact that people have been commenting on Diaman’s picture so I thought I’d show you the picture of her tattoos of myself and Lethal that we had put on her while she was recovering.  So, here you go:
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There you go Paul…and you said that I wouldn’t share!

LOL!

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Let’s start today out with one of my favorite topics…tornadoes.  This video is from Russia.  Like all russian videos, it is filmed from a dash cam.  Probably a good idea he pulls out of his garage, and you’ll see why by the end.

So, this is an old one, but it made me laugh and that is the main requirement for inclusion in dragon laffs

In the hospital where a family member lay gravely ill, the relatives gathered in the waiting room.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. “I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,” he said as he surveyed the worried faces. “The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It’s an experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain.”
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, “How much will a brain cost?”
The doctor quickly responded, “$5,000 for a Democrat’s brain; $200 for a Republican’s brain.”
The moment turned awkward. Some of the Democrats actually had to try not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the Republicans.
A man unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, “Why is the Democrat’s brain so much more than a Republican’s brain?”
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, “It’s just standard pricing procedure. We have to price the Republicans’ brains a lot lower because they’re used.”

You gotta love it when the truth comes out.

 

This next one is from my brother the Owl, again.  Thanks bro, you always pass on the best stuff!

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And this one is from Papa Dragon Most Senior…aka…my Dad.  Thanks dad.
Empathy For A Homesick Snowbird

I was in Scottsdale , AZ the other day. I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read:   ” I miss Chicago . “

So I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires, added an Obama bumper sticker  and left a note that read, “Hope this helps.”

 

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Another family photo out of my album.  Children and women have always been our soft spots in our hearts.

 

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, 5Dtrouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

“Well, what are you gonna do about it?” he says,menacingly, as I burst into tears. “Come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY.  I can’t stand to see a man crying.”

 
“This is the worst day of my life,” I say.  “I’m a complete failure.  I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me.  When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance.  I left my wallet in the cab I took home.  I found my wife with another man… and then my dog bit me. 

So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!
 
But, hell, enough about me.  How are you doing?”
 

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What a great prank.  Dad and son and some toilet paper.

 

To a girl who couldn’t say “can’t” who is now a woman who still won’t give in.  What an uplifting video this next one is:

 

Fantasy Pic Green

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So, this is someone else’s rant…not mine.  But, he has been ranting in signs outside his place of business for quite some time.  But, has he gone too far this time?  I don’t think so, but my opinion has been well documented in these pages.  Here’s the story from Mad World News at http://madworldnews.com.  I’d love to know what you think.

Business Hangs Controversial Obama Sign, Did They Go Too Far This Time? 

Tactical Firearms in Katy, Texas has displayed many political messages on its outside marquee, but the latest seems to be more controversial than usual.

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The weekly message is changed every Wednesday, and this week’s message is a question. In the wake of two American journalists being beheaded by ISIS militants, CEO Jeremy Alcede thinks it’s a fair question.

The sign reads: “Does one of Obama’s family members have to be beheaded for ‘change’ to happen?”7

The marquee has been getting mixed reviews. KHOU reported that one area resident, Marco Romero, thinks that even though Alcede is exercising his right to free speech, the sign wording is in poor taste. At the same time, Shelly Dewey says that Alcede is taking a stand and saying what others are afraid to say.

Even though Alcede is facing a possible foreclosure, he vows to continue to exercise his First Amendment rights as long as his business remains open.

Here is a look at some of the messages he has put up in the past:7a

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So, I’ll ask my first question one more time…has he gone too far this time?

 

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Groaner warning

And this issue’s vote for biggest GROANER of the issue goes to…

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I do so ever apologize for that one.

 

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life together, Frank was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: “Kris, Kris, can you hear me?”
“Is that you, Frank?”
“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”
“That’s wonderful! What’s it like?”
“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.. Then I have lunch (and Kris, you’d be proud — lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it’s back to the golf course again. Then it’s more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again”.

“Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?”
“No — I’m a rabbit somewhere in Arizona!5

 

 

 

 

 

It doesn’t matter if you have a fear of bees or not.  This is one HELL of a Wasp’s Nest!!!!

A little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her.

 
After following along for a while, turns to her and asks, “Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?”
 
“NO!” says the little girl as she keeps on walking.
 
The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks, “Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back.”
 
“NO!” says the little girl again as she hurries down the street.
 
The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says, “Okay kid, my last offer! I’ll give you 20 bucks and a big bag of candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride.”
 
Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and screams out… “Look, Dad!  You’re the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley …YOU RIDE IT!”

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As many of you know, I would say most of you by now, if you’ve been following along with the great pizza debate raging…okay, so maybe raging isn’t the best of words to use since very few of you have weighed in with your opinions…in the pages of Dragon Laffs and Leprechaun Laffs.  Here is an incomplete list of New Jersey’s many wonders…

 

New Jersey is a peninsula. 

Highlands, New Jersey has the highest elevation along the entire eastern seaboard, from Maine to Florida.

New Jersey is the only state where all of its counties are classified as metropolitan areas.

New Jersey has more race horses than Kentucky.

New Jersey has more Cubans in Union City (1 sq mi.) than Havana, Cuba.

New Jersey has the densest system of highways and railroads in the US.

New Jersey has the highest cost of living.

New Jersey has the highest cost of auto insurance.

New Jersey has the highest property taxes in the nation.

New Jersey has the most diners in the world and is sometimes referred to as the “Diner Capital of the World.” 

New Jersey is home to the original Mystery Pork Parts Club (no, not Spam):
Taylor Ham or Pork Roll. 

Home to the less mysterious but the best Italian hot dogs and Italian sausage w/peppers and onions. 

North Jersey has the most shopping malls in one area in the world, with seven major shopping malls in a 25 square mile radius. 

New Jersey is home to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island.

The Passaic River was the site of the first submarine ride by inventor John P. Holland

New Jersey has 50+ resort cities & towns; some of the nation’s most famous: 

Asbury Park, Wildwood, Atlantic City, Seaside Heights, Long Branch, Cape May 

New Jersey has the most stringent testing along its coastline for water quality control than any other seaboard state in the entire country.

New Jersey is a leading technology & industrial state and is the largest chemical producing state in the nation when you include pharmaceuticals. 

Jersey tomatoes are known the world over as being the best you can buy.

New Jersey is the world leader in blueberry and cranberry production

Here’s to New Jersey – the toast of the country!

In 1642, the first brewery in America, opened in Hoboken.

New Jersey rocks! The famous Les Paul invented the first solid body electric guitar in Mahwah, in 1940.

New Jersey is a major seaport state with the largest seaport in the US, located
in Elizabeth. 
Nearly 80 percent of what our nation imports comes through Elizabeth Seaport first. 

New Jersey is home to one of the nation’s busiest airports (in Newark), Liberty
International .

George Washington slept there.

Several important Revolutionary War battles were fought on New Jersey soil,
led by General George Washington. 

The light bulb, phonograph (record player), and motion picture projector, were invented by Thomas Edison in his Menlo Park, NJ, laboratory.

New Jersey  also boasts the first town ever lit by incandescent bulbs.

The first seaplane was built in Keyport , NJ.

The first airmail (to Chicago) was started from Keyport, NJ. 

The first phonograph records were made in Camden, NJ

New Jersey was home to the Miss America Pageant held in Atlantic City . 

The game Monopoly, played all over the world, named the streets on its
playing board after the actual streets in Atlantic City .


And, Atlantic City has the longest boardwalk in the world, not to mention salt water taffy.

New Jersey has the largest petroleum containment area outside of the Middle East countries.

The first Indian reservation was in New Jersey, in the Watchung Mountains .

New Jersey has the tallest water-tower in the world. (Union, NJ!!!)

New Jersey had the first medical center, in Jersey City 

The Pulaski SkyWay, from Jersey City to Newark, was the first skyway highway.

New Jersey built the first tunnel under a river, the Hudson (Holland Tunnel).

The first baseball game was played in Hoboken, NJ, which is also the birthplace
of Frank Sinatra. 

The first intercollegiate football game was played in New Brunswick in 1889 (Rutgers College played Princeton). 

The first drive-in movie theater was opened in Camden, NJ, (but they’re all gone now!).

New Jersey is home to both of “NEW YORK’S” pro football teams!

The first radio station and broadcast was in Paterson, NJ.

The first FM radio broadcast was made from Alpine, NJ, by Maj. Thomas Armstrong.

All New Jersey natives:

Corey Bale (Mayor of Baleville) Sal Martorano, Amy Joaquin, Jack Nicholson, Bruce 
Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Jason Alexander, Queen Latifah, Susan Sarandon, Connie Francis, Shaq, Judy Blume, Aaron Burr, Joan Robertson, Ken Kross, Dionne Warwick, Sarah Vaughn, Budd Abbott, Lou Costello, Alan Ginsberg, Norman Mailer, Marilynn McCoo, Flip Wilson, Alexander Hamilton, Zack Braff,  Whitney Houston, Eddie Money,
Linda
 
McElroy, Eileen Donnelly, Grover Cleveland, Woodrow Wilson, Walt Whitman, Jerry Lewis, Tom Cruise, Joyce Kilmer, Bruce Willis, Caesar Romero, Lauryn Hill, Ice-T,
Nick Adams, Nathan Lane, Sandra Dee, Danny DeVito, Richard Conti, Joe Pesci, Joe Piscopo, Joe DePasquale, Robert Blake, John Forsythe, Meryl Streep, Loretta Swit, Norman Lloyd, Paul Simon, Jerry Herman, Brian Roselle, Gorden McCrae, Kevin Spacey, John Travolta, Phyllis Newman, Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Eva Marie Saint, Elisabeth Shue, Zebulon Pike, James Fennimore, Cooper, Admiral Wm.Halsey,Jr., Norman Schwarzkopf, Dave Thomas (Wendy’s), William Carlos Williams, Ray Liotta, Robert Wuhl, Bob Reyers, Paul Robeson, Ernie Kovacs, Joseph Macchia, Kelly Ripa, and, of course, Francis Albert Sinatra!


The Great Falls in Paterson, on the Passaic River, is the 2nd highest waterfall
on the East Coast of the US. 

You know you’re from Jersey when:

You don’t think of fruit when people mention “The Oranges.”

You know that it’s called Great Adventure, not Six Flags.

A good, quick breakfast is a hard roll with butter.

You’ve known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.

You’ve eaten at a diner, when you were stoned or drunk, at 3 A.M. 

You know that the state isn’t one big oil refinery.

At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen, and you know the town Jon Bon Jovi is from.

You know what a “jug handle” is.

You know that WaWa is a convenience store. 

You know that the state isn’t all farmland. 

You know that there are no “beaches” in New Jersey–there’s the shore–and you don’t go “to the shore,” you go “down the shore.” And when you are there, you’re not “at the shore”; you are “down the shore.” 

You know how to properly negotiate a circle.

You knew that the last sentence had to do with driving.

You know that this is the only “New” state that doesn’t require “New” to identify it (try Mexico . . . York ..! . Hampshire–doesn’t work, does it?). 

You know that a “White Castle” is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a fast food sandwich. 

You consider putting mayo on a corned beef sandwich a sacrilege. 

You don’t think “What exit?” is very funny. 

You know that people from the 609 area code are “a little different.”
Yes they are! 

You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton–that’s for out-of-staters. 

The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar. 

You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.

You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers. 

Every year you have at least one kid in your class named Tony. 

You know the location of every clip shown in the Sopranos opening credits. 

You’ve gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of the mall. 

You know that people from North Jersey go to Seaside Heights, and people from Central Jersey go to Belmar, and people from South Jersey go to Wildwood. It can be no other way. 

You weren’t raised in New Jersey–you were raised in either North Jersey, Central Jersey or South Jersey.

You don’t consider Newark or Camden to actually be part of the state. 

You remember the stores Korvette’s, Two Guys, Rickel’s, Channel, Bamberger’s and Orbach’s. 

You also remember Palisades Amusement Park.

You’ve had a boardwalk cheese steak and vinegar fries. 

You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February. 

And finally . . 

You’ve NEVER, NEVER NEVER, EVER pumped your own gas!

Thanks to the Jersey Girl Ginny for this list.  And I haven’t actually lived in Jersey in more than 37 years, I still consider myself a Jersey Boy, I still have the accent when I get angry or excited and the list above, from my experience, is about as accurate as can be.
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I thought you’d all like to see the new military patch for the next operation in the Arab Countries under the Obama Administration:
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He was in ecstasy, with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forwards then backwards, forward then backward, again and again.

Back and forth, back and forth, in and out, a little to the right, a little to the left, she could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts, and trickling down the small of her back, she was getting near to the end. Her heart was pounding, her face was flushed, she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.
 
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted, “OK, OK, so I can’t parallel park, you smug SOB. You Do It !

Generosity

genetic engineering

Genius

Genres

German Girls

 

 

The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it, they got one. They named it Danny.

 
Two months later, when Mom found herself responsible for cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective new home for it.
 
The children took the news of Danny’s imminent departure quite well, though one of them remarked, “He’s been around here a long time. We’ll miss him.”
 
“Yes,” Mom replied, “But he’s too much work for one person, and since I’m that one person, I say he goes.”
 
Another child offered, “Well, maybe if he wouldn’t eat so much and wouldn’t be so messy, we could keep him.”
 
But Mom was firm. “It’s time to take Danny to his new home now,” she insisted. “Go and get his cage.”
 
With one voice and in tearful outrage the children shouted, “His cage?! Oh, no! Danny?!! We thought you said Daddy!”
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This is crazy.

Throughout the week, I picked out several articles to feature in my Last Word today.  Every time I’d pick one out, another one would pop up that was worse or I felt stronger about.  At one point I had seven different articles that I was going to try to balance together in one smooth essay…well, I couldn’t do it. 

There were so many different things that went on this week that involved both the Looney left and the supposed conservative right that I have no idea what to say other than I’m pissed off at ALL of them!!

Stop the friggin’ campaigning, stop the bullshit where all you are doing is stuff to stymie the other party and do the damn job we are paying you to do!!!! 

Folks, we need to vote every single one of these incompetents out of office.  EVERY ONE OF THEM!  And start over.  We need to do that in every election that comes up over the next ten years until we can the slate and get some people in there who are willing to work for the money we’re paying them.

Get your butts out there and vote folks.  That’s the only way we’re going to get anything changed.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

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Leprechaun Laughs # 264 for Wednesday 9/17/2014


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Ok folks please grab it and park it please so we can get this show on the road. I’ve got 6 lengthy and some what touchy-feely essays to do of my Interpersonal Communications Class. Apparently my Professor thinks she’s the next Oprah and the key to good Interpersonal Communications is dredging up and sharing personal experiences from your past with a bunch of snot nosed kids and other assorted people you don’t know. Having to fabricate complete fantasies which satisfy the essay requirements is quite time consuming as my past is just that MINE and I’ll be the one to decide who I trust enough to bloody well share it with.

Moving on- there are 2 sort of house keeping announcements today but I’ve chosen the place them in the issue where they are likely to get more attention from you. You’ll know them and they come up as you’ll see me green comments and not be laughing, (at least I hope not).

Finally a word about today’s header and issue theme. Today is the 227th Anniversary of the signing of the U. S. Constitution.

On September 17, 1787, the U.S. Constitution was signed by thirty-nine brave men who changed the course of history. Now Constitution Day is a time for us to continue their legacy, develop habits of citizenship in a new generation of Americans and object the the hoards of illegal aliens flooding into and seeking to take over our country through sheer weight of numbers and financial drain on our economy.

OK that’s it if you kind folk will excuse me, I’m off to write about my personal life while attempting not to start out each essay with..”A long time ago when the Earth was green…”

 

 

Let's Roll 28

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Last Thursday marked the 13th Anniversary of the tragedy of the Terrorist Attack on the Twin Towers, the Pentagon and Heroes of Shanksville Pa. who’s courage and bravery saved the White House as well as the selfless sacrifice of those who lost their lives in the ensuing aftermath. Sadly due to somewhat hurriedly preparing these issues way in advance, as my work & school load permit, I missed the fact it was the day after my last issue, something I have considerable regret over.

This is a day that is permanently etched  deeply into my memory forever as it should be for every American who bore silent witness to the horror of that day. Sadly this is not so for those not directly effected or suffering a loss because of it the observances diminish with each passing year as memories fade or are ignored because they are uncomfortable in an attempt forget- something that must never be allowed.

When people ask why we wage a war on terror I point to Sept 11th and to beheaded Journalists and Aid Workers and respond because they declared war on us first and all that is needed for them to win is for those of good conscious to do nothing. The US is the lone candle holding back the darkness that is Fundamentalist Islamic Terrorism while the rest of the world chooses rather to simply curse the encroaching darkness. As American citizens we cannot just stand idly by while this happens. It goes against the  American  Patriotic/Citizenship Gene each one of us receives at birth as a legacy of those who came before and made this nation great by upholding the principles of the Founding Fathers set forth in our Constitution, which we celebrate the signing of today.

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School House Rock – The Constitution

 

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!cid_3F7EBE8C639540A282B74F4161A7EC5D@LaptopJeff

In Memoral Stone

Unfortunately folks again this week we find ourselves gathered grave side

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FILE – In this Sept. 21, 2012 file photo, from left, Britt Ekland and Richard Kiel attend a photocall for the “Bond 50” anniversary in London. Kiel, the towering actor best known for portraying steel-toothed villain Jaws in a pair of James Bond films, has died. He was 74. (Photo by Jonathan Short/Invision/AP, file)

Richard Kiel, actor who played Bond villain ‘Jaws,’ dies

FRESNO, Calif. >> Richard Kiel, the towering actor best known for portraying steel-toothed villain Jaws in a pair of James Bond films, has died. He was 74.

Kelley Sanchez, director of communications at Saint Agnes Medical Center, confirmed Wednesday that Kiel was a patient at the hospital and died. Kiel’s agent, Steven Stevens, also confirmed his death. Both declined to provide further details.

The 7-foot-2-inch performer famously played the cable-chomping henchman who tussled with Roger Moore’s Bond in 1977’s “The Spy Who Loved Me” and 1979’s “Moonraker.” Bond quipped of the silent baddie: “His name’s Jaws. He kills people.”

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Despite appearing in several other films and TV shows, such as “The Man from U.N.C.L.E.” and “The Longest Yard,”  [Pale Rider w/ Clint Eastwood] the role of Jaws was an iconic one Kiel could never escape.

“To this day, I go out in sunglasses and a hat because people will shout ‘Hey, Jaws!’ at me from across the street,” he told the Daily Mail earlier this year. “The only way I can explain it is that he’s like the Road Runner, which Coyote keeps trying to blow up, but he keeps going.”

Kiel’s other memorable roles included bullying golf spectator Mr. Larson in “Happy Gilmore,” lethal Dr. Loveless’s assistant Voltaire in “The Wild, Wild West” and extraterrestrial Kanamit in “The Twilight Zone.” He also reprised the character of Jaws for several James Bond video games and voiced the thug Vlad in the animated Disney film “Tangled.”

Born in Detroit, Kiel began appearing in TV shows and films in the 1960s, debuting in an episode of the Western series “Laramie.” He published an autobiography in 2002 titled “Making It Big in the Movies.”

We the People (Constitution Song)

appology

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Impish called for votes via comments in his last issue to help settle the troubles his somewhat emphatic and overly definitive opinion on what the best pizza was caused him. I can’t say the response rate has risen even to the level of being underwhelming. While I too am guilty of not responding as yet I hope to be able to properly address the issue in the next day or so as soon as I can find 10 unspoken for minutes to collect and properly express my thoughts on the subject.

Just because you didn’t see the dark suits at today’s opening comments doesn’t mean they aren’t still around, it just means they annoyed the hell out of me by leaning about as far over the line of the rules of Accordance of Neutral Territory as they could get without actually toppling over in their attempts to get to Impish and rough him up/threaten him I MEAN present their case one too many times and I got tired of all the violence and collateral damage. [Read that last line as I blew my stack when someone opened up with a Thompson on my full freshly brewed urn of Brown Gold to emphasis he was in no mood to be told he and his couldn’t see Impish. Impish will be the first to tell you that a stackless Leprechaun is NOT something you ever want to see or experience as even some dragons become weak in the knees over the sight.]

Since these gentleman seem to have so much restless energy to burn and desired physical ways to express it, I’ve had what remained of their numbers after the Coffee Urn incident quartered over in the adjacent mountain where Ginny has talked Santa into building Impish’s giant fancy azzed practically a water park swimming pool/grotto in conjunction with our own indoor party center. Now they are working off all that restless energy in 16 hour a day shifts until such time as Impish is ready to finish his debate with them.

PLEASE take a moment to get register your vote and/or make your pizza thoughts known in the comments section or via mail to

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so we can lay this thing to rest and get rid of these mob guy I MEAN pizza promoting factions and get back to what passes for normal around here ASAP!

Bacon-Powered Motorcycle

<Sniffling> God Bless American Innovation!

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That bacon bike made me hungry! I’m still on a tailgating kick however since Molly is such a college football fan. I think if I could come up with tailgate food even for breakfast on Saturdays & Sundays she’d be happy. Here are 3 more easy to make sure to be a hit tailgating partying or anytime recipes.

Mini Muffin Philly Cheesesteak Bites

Mini Muffin Philly Cheesesteak Bites

Ingredients

  • 2 pounds ground sirloin (1 pound per muffin tin)
  • 1 small yellow onion, finely chopped
  • 1 red bell pepper, finely chopped
  • 1 green bell pepper, finely chopped
  • 1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
  • 1 1/2 cups all-purpose biscuit mix
  • 1/2 cup milk
  • 2 cups shredded provolone cheese, divided
  • Salt and pepper
  • Nonstick cooking spray

Serves 4-6 as a snack (fills 2 mini muffin tins)

Preparation

Pre-heat the oven to 400ºF. Put two mini muffin pans into the hot oven for a few minutes until hot.
While the mini muffin pan is pre-heating, prepare the Philly cheesesteak mixture.
In a medium size skillet over medium-high heat, brown the meat. Once brown, add the onion, peppers and Worcestershire sauce and cook for 1-2 minutes. Remove from the heat and cool.
In a medium size bowl, mix the biscuit mix, milk, cooled meat mixture and 1 1/2 cups of the cheese. Season with salt and pepper.
Pull the hot pan out of the oven and spray the muffin cups with the cooking spray. Use a small scoop to evenly scoop heaping scoopfuls of the biscuit mixture into all of the mini muffin cups. Top each scoop of mixture with a little sprinkle of the remaining cheese.
Bake for 15 minutes, or until golden on top.

 

Spinach Artichoke Potato Skins

Your favorite spinach-artichoke dip inside a potato skin. Touchdown!

Spinach Artichoke Potato Skins

Serves 6-8 snack-size servings

Ingredients

  • 3 pounds Idaho potatoes 
  • 1/4 cup white onion, small diced
  • 2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
  • 1 box frozen chopped spinach (10 ounces), defrosted and squeezed of excess water 
  • 1 box frozen artichokes, defrosted, drained and finely chopped 
  • 8 ounces cream cheese, softened 
  • Zest of 1 lemon 
  • 1/2 cup white cheddar cheese, divided
  • 1/2 cup grated Parmigianino Reggiano cheese, divided 
  • Salt and ground black pepper

Preparation

Pre-heat the oven to 400ºF.
Place the potatoes on a baking sheet and roast until tender, about 25-30 minutes. Remove and set aside until cool enough to touch. Cut each potato in half and scoop the insides out into a medium size mixing bowl. Place the skins, cut-sides up, back onto the baking sheet.
In a sauté pan, cook the onion and garlic until translucent, about 5 minutes. Add the spinach and season with salt and pepper. Place the softened cream cheese into the mixing bowl with the potato flesh. Add the spinach mixture, artichokes, lemon zest, 1/4 cup cheddar, 1/4 cup Parmigianino Reggiano, salt and ground black pepper to the mixing bowl and mix well.
With a small spoon, scoop the spinach-artichoke potatoes into the little potato skins. Top with the remaining Parmigianino and cheddar, and place back in the oven until the cheese is lightly browned, about 10 minutes.

I’ve made smaller ones for buffet lines out of the 3# bag of potatoes you get for including with clams in a steamer or crabs in a boil. You can even make one bite ones out of new or fingerling potatoes. I’ve even taken the filling added bacon to it and piped it into cleaned out Crimini mushrooms brushed the top w/ garlic butter and baked as a stuffed mushrooms.

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Grab a seat Ginny and the rest of you dessert/ recipe fans!

CHOCOLATE CARAMEL CAKE BARS

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Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 1 hour, 30 minutes
Yield: 16-20 bars

 

 

 

Light and airy, with a decadent crumb and a hint or caramel, this chocolate caramel cake makes a great accompaniment to a cup of coffee in the afternoon or after dinner.

Ingredients

1/2 cup butter, room temperature
1 & 1/4 cups sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup Greek yogurt
1/4 cup International delight caramel macchiato coffee creamer
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/s teaspoon salt
1 & 1/2 teaspoons baking soda

Icing
4 oz vanilla caramels
1 tablespoon International delight caramel macchiato coffee creamer
1. Heat the oven to 350°F. Line a  13×9”  baking pan with parchment paper. Set aside.
2. In a mixing bowl, add the butter and sugar. With the paddle attachment on, beat on low speed until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes.
3. Add eggs and vanilla, beat well.
4. Stir in the yogurt and coffee creamer.
5. In a separate bowl, stir together flour, cocoa, salt and baking soda. Gently fold the dry ingredients into the wet ones.
6. Pour the batter into prepared pan.
7. Bake 28-30 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean.
8. Remove from the oven and cool completely in pan on a wire rack.
9. Cut into 16 or 20 bars
10. To make the caramel icing, place the caramels and coffee creamer in a small saucepan and cook over low heat until melted.
11. Cool slightly and pour over the cake bars

stew

Rights Rights Baby

 

DETROIT HS GRADUATION

A student who played HS football in Detroit (MI) was a great running back, but a very poor student. At graduation, he didn’t have enough credits. But he was such a great football star that the students held a rally & demanded the principal give him a diploma anyway. They were so insistent that the principal agreed if Darqueeze could answer one question correctly, he would give him a diploma.

The one-question test was held in the auditorium & all the students packed the place. It was standing room only. The principal stood on the stage & told Darqueeze to come up. The principal had the diploma in his hand & he said, “Darqueeze, if you can answer this question correctly, I’ll give you
your diploma.”

Darqueeze said he was ready & the principal asked him the question.

“Darqueeze,” he asked, “How much is three times seven?”

The student looked up at the ceiling & then down at his shoes, just pondering the question.

The other students began chanting, “Graduate him anyway! Graduate him anyway!”

Then Darqueeze held up his hand & the auditorium became silent.
He said, “I think I know the answer. Three times seven is twenty-one.”

A hush fell over the auditorium until all the students began another chant.

“Give him another chance! Give him another chance!”

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Curley, Moe, Larry &The Fourth Stooge, Schmuck

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God Bless the U.S.A. by Lee Greenwood

 

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Keep laughing Impish- I figure you got about 2 or 3 years until that’s you pal!

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Diaman I’d like to thank you for posing for that picture!

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Constitution Day (or Citizenship Day) is an American federal observance that recognizes the adoption of the United States Constitution and those who have become U.S. citizens. It is normally observed on September 17, the day the U.S. Constitutional Convention signed the Constitution in 1787 in Philadelphia.

When Constitution Day falls on a weekend or on another holiday, schools and other institutions observe the holiday on an adjacent weekday. This was the case in 2005 and 2011, when Constitution Day was generally observed on Friday, September 16,and 2006 when the holiday was observed on Monday, September 18.

The law establishing the present holiday was created in 2004 with the passage of an amendment by Senator Robert Byrd to the Omnibus spending bill of 2004.[4] Before this law was enacted, the holiday was known as “Citizenship Day”. In addition to renaming the holiday “Constitution Day and Citizenship Day,” the act mandates that all publicly funded educational institutions, and all federal agencies, provide educational programming on the history of the American Constitution on that day. In May 2005, the United States Department of Education announced the enactment of this law and that it would apply to any school receiving federal funds of any kind. This holiday is not observed by granting time off work for federal employees.

On September 17, 1787, the U.S. Constitution was signed by thirty-nine brave men who changed the course of history. Now Constitution Day is a time for us to continue their legacy and develop habits of citizenship in a new generation of Americans.

  • But what of these brave men who affixed their names and basically signed their own death warrants by doing so as traitors to the British Crown? We know they signed, some we know became our first Politicians and leaders of our fledgling democracy. There are many false stories about what became of these men so for the straight dope I went to Snopes.

    In the waning years of their lengthy lives, former presidents (and Founding Fathers) John Adams and Thomas Jefferson reconciled the political differences that had separated them for many years and carried on a voluminous correspondence. One of the purposes behind their exchange of letters was to set the record straight regarding the events of the American Revolution, for as author Joseph J. Ellis noted, they (particularly Adams, whom history would not treat nearly as kindly as Jefferson) were keenly aware of the “distinction between history as experienced and history as remembered”:

    Adams realized that the act of transforming the American Revolution into history placed a premium on selecting events and heroes that fit neatly into a dramatic formula, thereby distorting the more tangled and incoherent experience that participants actually making the history felt at the time. Jefferson’s drafting of the Declaration of Independence was a perfect example of such dramatic distortions. The Revolution in this romantic rendering became one magical moment of inspiration, leading inexorably to the foregone conclusion of American independence.

    Evidently Adams was right: So great is our need for simplified, dramatic events and heroes that even the real-life biographies of the fifty-six men who risked their lives to publicly declare American independence are no longer compelling enough. Through multiple versions of pieces like the one quoted above, their lives have been repeatedly embellished with layers of fanciful fiction to make for a better story. As we often do, we’ll try here to strip away those accumulated layers of fiction and get down to whatever kernel of truth may lie underneath:

  • Five signers were captured by the British as traitors and tortured before they died.
    It is true that five signers of the Declaration of Independence were captured by the British during the course of the Revolutionary War. However, none of them died while a prisoner, and four of them were taken into custody not because they were considered “traitors” due to their status as signatories to that document, but because they were captured as prisoners of war while actively engaged in military operations against the

    British.
    George Walton was captured after being wounded while commanding militia at the Battle of Savannah in December 1778, and Thomas Heyward, Jr., Arthur Middleton, and Edward Rutledge (three of the four Declaration of Independence signers from South Carolina) were taken prisoner at the Siege of Charleston in May in 1780. Although they endured the ill treatment typically afforded to prisoners of war during their captivity (prison conditions were quite deplorable at the time), they were not tortured, nor is there evidence that they were treated more harshly than other wartime prisoners who were not also signatories to the Declaration. Moreover, all four men were eventually exchanged or released; had they been considered traitors by the British, they would have been hanged.
    Richard Stockton of New Jersey was the only signer taken prisoner specifically because of his status as a signatory to the Declaration, “dragged from his bed by night” by local Tories after he had evacuated his family from New Jersey, and imprisoned in New York City’s infamous Provost Jail like a common criminal.

  • Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned.
    It is true that a number of signers saw their homes and property occupied, ransacked, looted, and vandalized by the British (and even in some cases by the Americans). However, as we discuss in more detail below, this activity was a common part of warfare. Signers’ homes were not specifically targeted for destruction — like many other Americans, their property was subject to seizure when it fell along the path of a war being waged on the North American continent.
  • Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army, another had two sons captured.
    Abraham Clark of New Jersey saw two of his sons captured by the British and incarcerated on the prison ship Jersey. John Witherspoon, also of New Jersey, saw his eldest son, James, killed in the Battle of Germantown in October 1777. If there was a second signer of the Declaration whose son was killed while serving in the Continental Army, we have yet to identify him.
  • Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War.
    This statement is quite misleading as phrased. Nine signers died during the course of the Revolutionary War, but none of them died from wounds or hardships inflicted on them by the British. (Indeed, several of the nine didn’t even take part in the war.) Only one signer, Button Gwinnett of Georgia, died from wounds, and those were received not at the hands of the British, but from a fellow officer with whom he dueled in May 1777.
  • Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts, and died in rags.
    Before the American Revolution, Carter Braxton was possessed of a considerable fortune through inheritance and favorable marriages. While still in his teens he inherited the family estate, which included a flourishing Virginia tobacco plantation, upon the death of his father. He married a wealthy heiress who died when he was just 21, and within a few years he had remarried, this time to the daughter of the Receiver of Customs in Virginia for the King. As a delegate representing Virginia in the Continental Congress in 1776, he was one of the minority of delegates reluctant to support an American declaration of independence, a move which he viewed at the time as too dangerous:

    [Independence] is in truth a delusive Bait which men inconsiderably catch at, without knowing the hook to which it is affixed … America is too defenseless a State for the declaration, having no alliance with a naval Power nor as yet any Fleet of consequence of her own to protect that trade which is so essential to the prosecution of the War, without which I know we cannot go on much longer.

    Braxton invested his wealth in commercial enterprises, particularly shipping, and he endured severe financial reversals during the Revolutionary War when many of the ships in which he held interest were either appropriated by the British government (because they were British-flagged) or were sunk or captured by the British. He was not personally targeted for ruin because he had signed the Declaration of Independence, however; he suffered grievous financial losses because most of his wealth was tied up in shipping, “that trade which is so essential to the prosecution of the War” and which was therefore a prime military target for the British. Even if he hadn’t signed the Declaration of Independence, Braxton’s ships would have been casualties of the war just the same.
    Although Braxton did lose property during the war and had to sell off assets (primarily landholdings) to cover the debts incurred by the loss of his ships, he recouped much of that money after the war but subsequently lost it again through his own ill-advised business dealings. His fortune was considerably diminished in his later years, but he did not by any stretch of the imagination “die in rags.”

  • Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward.
    As one biography describes Thomas McKean (not “McKeam”):

    Thomas McKean might just represent an ideal study of how far political engagement can be carried by one man. One can scarcely believe the number of concurrent offices and duties this man performed during the course of his long career. He served three states and many more cities and county governments, often performing duties in two or more jurisdictions, even while engaged in federal office.

    Among his many offices, McKean was a delegate to the Continental Congress (of which he later served as president), President of Delaware, Chief Justice of Pennsylvania, and Governor of Pennsylvania. The above-quoted statement regarding his being “hounded” by the British during the Revolutionary War is probably based upon a letter he wrote to his friend John Adams in 1777, in which he described how he had been “hunted like a fox by the enemy, compelled to remove my family five times in three months, and at last fixed them in a little log-house on the banks of the Susquehanna, but they were soon obliged to move again on account of the incursions of the Indians.”
    However, it is problematic to assert that McKean’s treatment was due to his being a signer of the Declaration of Independence. (His name does not appear on printed copies of that document authenticated in January 1777, so it is likely he did not affix his name to it until later.) If he was targeted by the British, it was quite possibly because he also served in a military capacity as a volunteer leader of militia. In any case, McKean did not end up in “poverty,” as the estate he left behind when he died in 1817 was described as consisting of “stocks, bonds, and huge land tracts in Pennsylvania.”

  • Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton.
    First of all, this passage has a couple of misspellings: the signers referred to are William Ellery (not “Dillery”) and Edward Rutledge (not “Ruttledge”). Secondly, this sentence is misleading in that it implies a motive that was most likely not present (i.e., these men’s homes were looted because they had been signers of the Declaration of Independence).
    The need to forage for supplies in enemy territory has long been a part of warfare, and so it was far from uncommon for British soldiers in the field to appropriate such material from private residences during the American Revolution. (Not only were homes used as sources of food, livestock, and other necessary supplies, but larger houses were also taken over and used to quarter soldiers or to serve as headquarters for officers.) In some cases, even American forces took advantage of the local citizenry to provision themselves. Given that many more prominent American revolutionaries who were also signers of the Declaration of Independence (e.g., Samuel Adams, John Hancock, Benjamin Franklin, James Wilson, Benjamin Rush, Robert Morris) had homes in areas that were occupied by the British during the war, yet those homes were not looted or vandalized, it’s hard to make the case that the men named above were specifically targeted for vengeance by the British rather than unfortunate victims whose property fell in the path of an armed conflict being waged on American soil.
  • At the battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson, Jr., noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt.
    The tale about Thomas Nelson’s urging or suggesting the bombardment of his own house is one of several Revolutionary War legends whose truth may never be known. Several versions of this story exist, one of which (as referenced above) holds that Nelson encouraged George Washington to shell his Yorktown home after British Major General Charles Cornwallis had taken it over to use as his headquarters in 1781:

    Cornwallis had turned the home of Thomas Nelson, who had succeeded Jefferson as governor of Virginia, into his headquarters. Nelson, a signer of the Declaration of Independence, had led three Virginia brigades, or 3,000 men, to Yorktown and, when the shelling of the town was about to begin, urged Washington to bombard his own house. And that is where Washington, with his experienced surveyor’s eye, reputedly pointed the gun for the first (and singularly fatal) allied shot. Legend has it that the shell went right through a window and landed at the dinner table where some British officers, including the British commissary general, had just sat down to dine. The general was killed and several others wounded as it burst among their plates.

    Other versions of the story have Nelson directing the Marquis de Lafayette to train French artillery on his home:

    The story goes that the new Virginia Governor Thomas Nelson (who’d been held at Yorktown but released under a flag of truce) was with American forces that day. Lafayette invited Nelson to be present when Captain Thomas Machin’s battery first opened fire, as both a compliment and knowing Nelson lived in Yorktown and would know the localities in the riverport area. “To what particular spot,” Lafayette reportedly asked Nelson, “would your Excellency direct that we should point the cannon.” Nelson replied, “There, to that house. It is mine, and … it is the best one in the town. There you will be almost certain to find Lord Cornwallis and the British headquarters.”
    “A simultaneous discharge of all the guns in the line,” Joseph Martin wrote, was “followed [by] French troops accompanying it with ‘Huzza for the Americans.'” Sounding much like the Nelson legend, Martin’s account added that “the first shell sent from our batteries entered an elegant house formerly owned or occupied by the Secretary of State under the British, and burned directly over a table surrounded by a large party of British officers at dinner, killing and wounding a number of them.”

    Still other accounts maintain this legend is a conflation of two separate events: Thomas Nelson, acting as commander in chief of the Virginia militia, ordered a battery to open fire on his uncle’s home, where Cornwallis was then ensconced. Later, Nelson supposedly made a friendly bet with French artillerists in which he challenged them to hit his home, one of the more prominent landmarks in Yorktown.
    Whatever the truth, the Nelson home was certainly not “destroyed” as claimed. The house stands to this day as part of Colonial National Historical Park, and the National Park Service’s description of it notes only that “the southeast face of the residence does show evidence of damage from cannon fire.”

  • Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months.
    Francis Lewis represented New York in the Continental Congress, and shortly after he signed the Declaration of Independence his Long Island estate was raided by the British, possibly as retaliation for his having been a signatory to that document. While Lewis was in Philadelphia attending to congressional matters, his wife was taken prisoner by the British after disregarding an order for citizens to evacuate Long Island. Mrs. Lewis was held for several months before being exchanged for the wives of British officials captured by the Americans. Although her captivity was undoubtedly a hardship, she had already been in poor health for some time and died a few years (not months) later.
  • John Hart was driven from his wife’s bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year, he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished. A few weeks later, he died from exhaustion and a broken heart.
    John Hart’s New Jersey farm was looted in the course of the Revolutionary War (possibly due his status as Speaker of the Assembly), and he did have to remain in hiding in nearby mountains for a short time, but the rest of the above passage is gross exaggeration. When the British overran the area of New Jersey where Hart resided in late November of 1776, he was not “driven from his [dying] wife’s bedside,” as his wife had already died several weeks earlier (and most of his thirteen children were adults by then). He certainly didn’t spend “more than a year” on the run living “in forests and caves,” as the Continental Army recaptured the area within a month (through General George Washington’s famous crossing of the Delaware River on Christmas night). Hart also did not die “from exhaustion and a broken heart” a mere “few weeks” after emerging from hiding — in 1778 he was re-elected to the New Jersey assembly, and he invited the American army to encamp on his New Jersey farmland in June 1778 before succumbing to kidney stones in May 1779.
  • Norris and Livingston suffered similar fates.
    Lewis Morris (not Norris) indeed saw his Westchester County, New York, home taken over in 1776 and used as a barracks for soldiers, and the horses and livestock from his farm commandeered by military personnel, but he suffered those initial deprivations at the hands of the Continental Army, not the British. Shortly afterwards his property was appropriated, looted, and burned by the British when they occupied New York. (Morris and his wife were eventually able to reclaim their property and restore their home after the war.)
    Philip Livingston lost several properties to the British occupation of New York and sold off others to support the war effort, and he did not recover them because he died suddenly in 1778, before the end of the war.
    Read more at http://www.snopes.com/history/american/pricepaid.asp#bl9MrQKEp27GFW4v.99
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  • Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments

    Dragon Laffs #1402


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    As you round the compound that is DL&LL Electronic Media Enterprises, you come across a brand new fence surrounding the campground area.  Patrolling along the fence are all manner of dragons.  Reds, greens, blues, silvers, golds, and some colors you’ve never seen before.  There are big dragons, small dragons, dragons that fly and dragons that swim.  As you approach the line forming at the only entrance to the campground, you see a smallish tough looking fairy standing at a large toadstool and checking each person in against a list she has on her cell phone.
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    Suddenly, the personnel gate transforms widens magically as a vehicle races through at top speed.  It’s so fast you can’t really tell what it is, but you do hear the strains of Bad To The Bone playing very loudly.  As it approaches the the campground it skids to a stop and Thor steps out first to hand out Diaman and Ginny.  Ginny pokes her head back in the door and blows a kiss to the driver while Thor helps Diaman to her lounger.  The muscle car spins in a donut and heads back out through the gate which quickly shrinks down to personnel size again.

    As you enter the campground you can see a very special area set off to the side.  It’s set up into two separate areas that look just like a comfortable den set out in the campground.  You can see two very large red dragons watching the men in each of the two special areas.  The men are all dressed in dark suits, white shirts, plain ties, wingtip shoes and sunglasses.  They are being served coffee in very small cups by several punkish looking fairies that could be sisters to the one at the personnel gate.  They are busy flitting around, serving, sitting on laps and smiling at everyone.

    As everyone gets checked in and sits down, with coffee, pastries, breakfast sandwiches, or what ever they like for an early breakfast, there is a huge roar in the distance.  You see a huge winged beast cross the sky in the early morning light.  Another roar rips the air as a terrible gout of flame leaps from the monsters mouth lighting the surrounding countryside in it’s brilliance.  An overwhelming fear permeates the campground and you feel like you should run, but you are too frozen in fear to move.  As quickly as the feeling comes upon you, it’s gone.  The monstrous creature disappears behind the tree line.  After a lud thump, you can see a form approaching from the woods.  You realize you recognize him as Impish approaches the slight rise in the campground where he normally starts things off.

    Good Morning Campers

    First of all, let me apologize for the confusion and extra security this morning.  It seems some comments I made last week have ruffled some feathers and it’s time to set some records straight.  But, more about that later.  First, I’d like to make a couple of housekeeping type comments.

    Thanks to everyone who sent birthday wishes to my littlest dragon, Izzy.  She is now officially a teenager and the only babies I have left now to bounce on my knee are those of my grandchildren.  Yes, dragons are very long lived and I have kids old enough to have kids as well as a little one of my own still at home.  Now that she is a teenager, I’ll have to start teaching her about her dragon heritage and help her in her first Young thug dragon (3)changes.

    See, something that isn’t very well known is that dragons usually have at least two different forms they can take.  In my case it’s 3.  There is the little blue guy that you are all used to seeing that I’m wearing now.  This is my favorite form because it allows me to interact in the human world while still retaining my dragon magic and form.  Dragons are VERY magical creatures…with very tough hides that protect us from almost every non-magical weapon imagined and most of the magical ones as well.  There are some things that can do a lot of damage to us, that Lethal seems to have cornered the market on, but I’ll no go into that here, nor will I share my other magical abilities with you at this point, but I’m sure if you’ve been paying attention to the blog for any length of time, you probably have figured some of them out.

    My second form is human and I’ll not show you that one, although Lethal did catch and show a picture of me in his last issue.  I need to have one form that I can be anonymous in so as to interact without drawing attention to myself.

    My third form is my true blue dragon form.  You may have noticed my entrance earlier.  I’m sorry if my inborn dragon fear frightened you.  My entrance was not for you, but for our special guests who you see in the leather furniture over there.  You see, when I expressed my opinion that New Jersey pizza was the best in the world, I suppose I may have been a little forceful in my opinion.  It seems that the gentlemen over there, representing the families…I’m sorry … the pizza coalitions of Chicago and California took offence to ME expressing MY opinion in MY ezine.  They actually threatened physical harm to me Impish laughs at this point in a deep friendly laugh and then wipes tears from his eyes.   I’m sorry.  As if the likes of them could hurt the likes of me in my full form.

    Anyway, Lethal had to actually apply for and get granted Sellie Accord status to not only our buildings and properties, but all the surrounding land in order for them to behave themselves.  This is now neutral ground and neither side can cause harm, intentional or accidental, while on these properties.

    When the dragons who follow me found out about it, they insisted on coming to today’s presentation.  The only way I could get them to promise not to cause trouble was to assign them duties.  That  is why there are four of them guarding the two groups and all the dragons patrolling the perimeter.  These are my friends who feel they owe me enough good will that they wanted to be here.

    You’ll also notice that the fairies are here, they too wanted to be here, but for different reasons.  See, they heard that there was going to be pizza and they wanted in.  I did promise them some pizza, but there is always enough of that around here to satisfy most everyone.

    Lethal was a bit…reticent to accept my qualifications as a pizza expert.  But, I will tell you that I’ve had pizza from east coast to west coast, north to south and all over the world.  I’ve eaten German, Spanish, French, Italian and even Belgium pizza, as well as places I can’t even pronounce.  But, he still believes that I don’t have the qualifications to make a decision.  But, that’s alright, I’m a good guy.  I’ll let you decide.

     Okay, I really thought that I could add a poll here, but I guess I don’t know enough about wordpress to do that.  So instead, you’ll have to use the comments section to cast your vote for the best pizza.  Please let us know in the comments if you think that the best pizza comes from:
    The East Coast (New Jersey type pizza)
    The West Coast
    Chicago
    Somewhere else.

    Please feel free to expound on your choices and we’ll talk about the results next week.

    Until then…

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    We gotta start with this one from my brother the Owl…
    Why the hate?
    5d

    You guys know that this is right up my alley.  So, I couldn’t help but present this to you here:

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    How about a pictorial called, Fun with Statues! Thanks to our own Jersey Girl for this one.  Some of them we’ve seen before but most of them seem to be new.
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    7a

    7b

    7c

    7d

    7e

    7f

    7g

    7h

    7i

    7j

    7k

    7l

    7m

    7n

    7o

    I’m still laughing at these.  They were great!

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    Didn’t I tell you how much dragons love to be read to?  Daiman and I spending some time together.

    Dr. James D. Manning on Obama!

    Written by chuck on September 20, 2013 – 4:12 pm - 

    Watch it closely and pay attention to the end where there is a short pause, then 4 words. Listen for those words! It could not be put more bluntly! Be prepared!!

    I’m tellin’ ya, it’s only 44 seconds – Priceless.

    (A white guy could NOT say this.)

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    A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his model 1911 Colt .45 caliber pistol with an 8 round magazine, and yelled, “Who in here has been screwing my wife?”

     
    A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, “You need more ammo!”

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    Impish Dragon walks back up to the microphone, taps it several times to get your attention and says, “I wish to make a quick announcement.  We just learned that Lethal Leprechaun’s Law Offices of Dewy, Cheetum and Howe, have just acquired a new law office to add to the fold.  Making his the 3rd largest legal conglomeration in the country.  Congratulations Lethal.  Can I get a round of applause for our dear friend?”

    A loud applause ripples through the campground as one young pundit in the back yells out, “What kind of law office is it?”

    “That’s a great questions…

    5e

    Are there any other questions?”

    1047

    Thanks to Dad for this one…

     

    Smart kid – STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM
     
    I would have given him 100%! Each answer is absolutely grammatically correct, and funny too. The teacher had no sense of humor.
     
    Q1.. In which battle did Napoleon die?
    * His last battle
     
    Q2.. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
     
    * At the bottom of the page
     
    Q3.. River Ravi flows in which state?
     
    * Liquid
     
    Q4.. What is the main reason for divorce?
     
    * Marriage
     
    Q5.. What is the main reason for failure?
     
    * Exams
     
    Q6.. What can you never eat for breakfast?
     
    * Lunch & dinner
     
    Q7.. What looks like half an apple?
     
    * The other half
     
    Q8.. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
     
    * Wet
     
    Q9.. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
     
    * No problem, he sleeps at night.
     
    Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
     
    * You will never find an elephant that has one hand.
     
    Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
    * Very large hands
     
    Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
     
    * No time at all, the wall is already built.
     
    Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
    * Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
    1049

    Motivate

    if

    science

    Seniors

    WHISKEY

    YES IT IS

    1050

    1051

    Yeah, I believe about half of those….but I believe that the world is just crazy enough for them all to be true.  So what does that make me? 

    coollogo_com-9566296

    Today’s Last Word is all in pictures.  Yes, I know, but basically I’m just worn to out so I can be lazy.  LOL!

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    cheers3

    Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

    Leprechaun Laughs # 263 for September 10th 2014


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    As you enter you catch a receding roar and faint smell of brimstone exhaust from an infernal combustion engine along, with a couple bars of Bad to the Bone as Ginny makes her way to her reserved seat. Diaman is walking under her own power abet slowly  using Thor’s arm and a spectacularly designed custom cane to a special recliner which offers leg massage to increase the circulation in her legs and aid in healing. On either side of the room are 2 groups of gentlemen in dark suits and fedoras glaring alternately at each other and around the room. They appear to be looking for someone or something. Several Cyber Lethals enter and take up strategic positions near the 2 groups of suits causing  to visibly blanch. You are just in time to hear Lethal say in an uncommonly threatening voice which he usually reserves for a certain wayward (and currently absent) dragon-

    “Gentleman I said this neutral territory UNDERSTOOD? I’ll not be saying it again or standing for another incident like what occurred in the executive dining room. I hope I’ve made myself and my ability to have my way in this clear?”

    You think you hear one gentleman on one side mumble something that sounds like ‘Mia maxima culpa Don Lethal, con il nostro massimo rispetto’ in what might be heavily accented Brooklyn Italian.

    One of the men from the other side takes his hat off “My Bad Don Lethal we wuzn’t expecting no udders would be here. My associate is outside now watching our ride. He won’t be making no trouble wid dat broken shoulder your tin goons done gived him”

    Lethal give cut nods to both side al turns his attention to you folk.

    Good Morning Readers! As you can see we have some unexpected guests this morning, well technically they are Impish’s unexpected guests but he seems to have momentarily stepped out just about the time they arrived. The gentlemen on my right are from the New York City Pizza Promoters Council and represent the five families I MEAN boroughs while the gentleman on my left are from Chicago’s Deep Dish Pizza Defense Coalition and represent the West Coast Mob I MEAN pizza styles interest! Both are rather unhappy with some publically made comments by Impish in his last issue and wish to break a foot off in his I MEAN lodge their protests and physically vigorous voice their displeasure with his comments. My apologies for agreeing to host this meaning gentleman and then have the Impish bolt like a rabbit being chased by a pack of hungry hounds. I’m sure security will locate his hiding hole shortly. Mean time please help yourself to the cannoli and espresso.

    You know folks as I started laying this issue out I was starting to feel badly about all the jokes which were finding there way in at Impish’s expense, especial;y in light of a promise I made to him privately to lighten up on picking on him. However then Saturday’s issue came around where not ONLY did he blow a once in a life time shot to get rid of all the Welfarian’s to say nothing of negate the effects and embarrassments of Obama’s Presidency in their entirety, but he had the unmitigated gal and poor taste to try talking smack on the subject of pizza and tout New Jersey pizza as the best.

    NOW I don’t feel bad about the fact the Maniacal Dragon Targeting Bus Driver has apparently returned with a vengeance. Impish deserves it and besides he needs to waddle off all that pizza and beer! Speaking of pizza the gentleman have kindly bought Dragon sided quantities of their respective products and I am informed by a text message that the 1st ones are on their way up from the kitchen as I speak. I can stick around just long enough to grab a slice of each then I have to jet off to class.

    Enjoy the issue, class dismissed.

    Opening Logo 8

    ed8f9919746aee47df7bf330

    Before we get to all the Laughing (most of it this issue at Impish’s expense) I have a happy announcement. Today is a very special day for a member of our Dragon Laugh’s Family, one that causes Impish’s chest to rightfully puff out in pride. Please join with me in saying…

    image

    Izzy, here’s a tip for you, if you expect to be driving shortly after your 16th birthday, the time to start conditioning your Dad for that is now. Especially if it’s your own car you’ll be wanting (and given you’re a single car family TRUST ME you WILL want your own).

    Lastly start by shooting for the moon- look at sporty fast convertibles. That way when compromise time rolls around you’ll not wind up with an on its last legs has 6 but runs on 4 calendars soccer Mom van but something a little less embarrassing and more fun.

    Happy Birthday Littlest Dragon!

    Uncle Lethal.

    divorce lawyer

     

    Maxine

     

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    I really don’t see there ever being much of a danger of that buddy! Now, on the other hand, looking back and thinking “Good Lord! WHAT was I thinking when I ate that?”…might be an entirely different story all together. Inferior (to New York City) New Jersey shore pizza and beer from a genie in a lamp being a point in case.

    pizzz delivery

    Well I see Impish ordered pizza for dinner! His usual Extra Extra Extra Large with Double Extra Everything  (hold the anchovies) no doubt…and a diet coke of course! The genie must not have had enough magic for conjuring up one of these!

    spicerack5

    Spicy Chipotle Beef Bites

    Easy to make, sure to please, great football food at home or tailgating the big game.

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    Prep Time: 30 minutes

    Cook Time: 20 minutes

    Makes: 24 appetizers

     

     

     

     

     

    Ingredients

    Filling:,

    1tsp. Extra Light Olive Oil,

    1/2lb. Lean Ground Beef,

    1c.  Chipotle Salsa,

    2 garlic cloves peeled, crushed & chopped

    1/3c.crumbled  Cotija cheese * (see below)

    Beef Bites:,

    2c.corn masa mix, ** (see below)

    1/4c. All Natural Purpose Flour,

    1tsp.s alt,

    4Tbsp. Extra Light Olive Oil,

    2c.warm water,

    Directions

    1 Heat a heavy bottom skillet over medium high heat 2 minutes. Add oil and ground beef. Cook until crumbly and brown. Add chipotle salsa. Reduce heat to low, cook 15 minutes. Place cooked meat mixture in a food processor, pulse a couple of times to a chunky texture. Set aside.

    2 Combine remaining ingredients in a mixing bowl. Knead dough 1 minute. Divide into 24 balls. Place a dough ball between 2 sheets plastic wrap or wax paper. Use tortilla press or bottom of plate to press dough into 3-inch round. Place 1 tablespoon meat mixture in center, top with 1/2 teaspoon Cotija cheese. Bring three sides together and pinch corners almost closed. Spray with olive oil non-stick spray, place on a sprayed baking sheet.

    3 Heat oven to 450°F. Bake Spicy Chipotle Beef Bites on center rack 20 minutes or until golden.

    Nutritional Information

    Serving size: 1, Calories: 200, Total Fat: 7g, Saturated Fat: 2g, Cholesterol: 55mg, Sodium: 250mg, Carbohydrates: 11g, Dietary Fiber: 1g, Protein: 23g

    * Cotija is a Mexican dry grating cheese similar to Parmesan. IF your supermarket has a large enough cheese section you can probably find it. If not feel free to substitute your favorite taco night cheese and don’t worry about it.

    ** Masa mix is just finely ground corn meal used to make tortillas and can generally be found in most stores near the flour. Aside from this recipe you can use it for breading most anything. Can’t find Masa mix at your store? Use a 3” circle cut from corn tortillas and shorten the baking time. Also use a muffin tin to hold the bites cupped while baking.

    Watermelon Tequila Shots

    A sure to please hit at your next football party!

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    Total Time: 12 hr 5 min
    Prep: 5 min
    Inactive: 12 hr
    Yield: 30 to 50 shots
    Level: Easy

     

     

     

     

    Ingredients

    1 large seedless watermelon
    One 750-milliliter bottle tequila
    6 to 7 limes, cut into wedges
    Kosher salt

    Directions

    Cut a hole in the watermelon large enough for the tequila bottle’s neck. Insert the tequila bottle upside down. Refrigerate and let the liquor soak into the watermelon’s flesh overnight.
    Cube the melon, and skewer each cube with a wedge of lime sprinkled with salt.

    image

    Cinnamon Doughnut Muffins

     

    Total Time: 35 mins
    Prep Time: 10 mins
    Cook Time: 25 mins

     

    Ingredients

  • 1 3/4 cups flour
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 3/4 cup sugar
  • 1/3 cup vegetable oil
  • 1 egg, lightly beaten
  • 3/4 cup low-fat milk
  • jam

     

    Topping

  • 1/4 cup butter, melted
  • 1/3 cup sugar
  • 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

    Directions

  • In a large bowl, combine flour, baking powder, salt, nutmeg and cinnamon. In a small bowl, combine sugar, oil, egg and milk; stir into dry ingredients just until moistened.
  • Fill greased or paper-lined muffin cups half full; place 1 teaspoon jam on top. Cover jam with enough batter to fill muffin cups three-fourths full.
  • Bake at 350F for 20-25 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.
  • Place melted butter in a small bowl; combine sugar and cinnamon in another bowl. Immediately after removing muffins from the oven, dip tops in butter, then in cinnamon sugar.

    To my way of thinking Blueberry jam or Apple Butter with some plumped up raisins (use apple juice to soak them) are perfect in this. I’ll bet a little Nutella wouldn’t suck either!

    Jelly Doughnut Muffins

  • Prep Time: 15 mins
  • Total Time: 40 mins

    Yield: 12 muffins

     

    Ingredients

  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 tablespoon baking powder
  • 1/8 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 cup superfine sugar
  • 2 large eggs
  • 1 cup low-fat milk
  • 6 tablespoons sunflower oil or 6 tablespoons melted cooled butter
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 4 tablespoons strawberry jelly or 4 tablespoons raspberry jelly

     

    For the topping

  • 1/2 cup butter
  • 3/4 cup sugar

    Directions

  • Preheat oven to 350°F.
  • Grease a 12-cup muffin pan or line with 12 muffin paper liners.
  • Sift together the flour, baking powder, and salt into a large bowl. Stir in the sugar.
  • Lightly beat the eggs in a large bowl, then beat in the milk, oil and vanilla extract.
  • Make a well in the center of the dry ingredients and pour in the beaten liquid ingredients. Stir gently until just combined; do not over mix.
  • Spoon half the batter into the prepared muffin pan. Add a teaspoon of jelly to the center of each then spoon in the remaining batter.
  • Bake in the preheated oven for about 25 minutes, until well risen and firm to the touch.
  • Meanwhile, make the topping. Melt the butter. Spread the sugar in a wide, shallow bowl. When the muffins are baked, let them cool in the pan for 5 minutes. Dip the tops of the muffins in the melted butter then roll in the sugar.
  • Serve warm or transfer to a wire rack and let cool completely.

    Use the good stuff, the kind  with the little bits of fruit in it. Peach also works surprisingly well in these.

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    OK enough jokes at Impish’s appetite’s expense. I didn’t plan for that to happen it just sort of did. Besides he’s been looking a little out of shape time for him to start waddling swiftly across streets worrying about buses again!

    software review

    I have a couple course where the software for them makes me feel like doing that!

    In Memoral Stone

    Seems like I’m having to trot this section header graphic out with all too much regularity recently.

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    Since Impish already made mention of this great lady I won’t say more, but as Impish’s lawyer I do have a statement on his behalf:

    We categorically deny the rumors of Impish’s involvement in Mz. Rivers  passing.  Any mention of Mz .Rivers accessing Impish’s Bedroom as a method of deterrence &/or punishment for Impish was purely speculative and hypothetical in nature.

    Mz. Rivers was never contacted and to our knowledge was not aware of Impish’s existence or location. We can say this with some assurity, because if she were, he’d undoubtedly have found himself the butt of multiple jokes by her

    The only person mentioned in those threats (see comments section of blog where you miss a great deal of discussion and behind the blog fun if you’re not reading it regularly) to breach Impish’s private suite was Roseanne, who did so of her own volition and not at the behest of anyone connected to/with DL/LL Electronic Media Enterprises.

    Impish has expressed his regrets over the untimely mention of Mz. Rivers in relation to his potential punishment for non co-operation with my requests as well as his involuntary night with Roseanne for which he is currently seeking psychiatric counseling.

    image

    ONE DAMNED GENIE WISH- just ONE would have been ALL it took! Bloody Dragon!

    Inside Impish's Pockets

    Impish found a note in his pants from the genie when he started second guessing his wishes after Paul warned him he’d better start worrying about cab, limo & sanitation drivers crossing the street too…especially in NYC.

    Mail

    Ok so actually it wasn’t mail but more of a comment in the comment section requesting I expound on something from last week-

    Howard SbrBiker Zang (wrote)

    Enjoyed the issue as usual!! I do have one request though, just where is that diner?? If you can find out, please let me, I mean us, know!! Thanks!!

    Well Howard I’m no second rate pizza conjuring genie in a lamp, but here’s your wish:

    Wicked Wheel Bar & Grill  http://www.yelp.com/biz/wicked-wheel-bar-and-grill-panama-city-beach

    I’d like to put out a shout and say thanks to a few biker pals who helped me locate the place. So Cereal Killer, Saddle Tramp, Mad Dog and Fireball thanks for the assist, I owe you a round on me!

  • image

    I’m posting this photo for 3 reasons, as it demonstrates 3 things I’ve been saying for years.

    1.) It’s taken just down the road from me after our latest  round of torrential rains and proves the veracity of what I’ve been saying about what happens down here when it finally does rain. Some neighborhoods flood to the point you can swim, kayak or water ski down them.

    2.) You’ve heard me say a few times after posting an innocent joke which all you perverts immediately took as dirty to get your mind out of the gutter it’s clogging Impish’s snorkel tube’. Well there’s proof of the statement right there. That is in fact Impish in his human form snorkeling his way thru the gutters of my neighborhood. Any additional people or minds in that gutter could well run the chance of clogging his snorkel tube.

    3.) The third thing it proves? That Impish will go to any length and do anything to steal material from me!

    image

    Not exactly a normal Parting Shot banner because this isn’t my normal Parting Shot. Sure I’m still disgusted disillusioned and fed up and angry. What different this time is its not with the government liberals, welfarians, Obama, anti gun nuts or any of the usual stuff.

    This time I’m fed up with a portion of the scientific and medical community that we’re supposed to trust to keep us healthy and alive.

    Hey Dieticians! Keep your grubby paws off my bacon and eat your own damned dangerous to my health fish! 6 Ways to Lose Weight At Chipotle

  • There’s a dirty secret about tilapia, the mild-tasting, inexpensive white fish that’s probably a staple of your weeknight dinners. Although certain kinds of fish guarantee a healthier heart, more beautiful skin and even a longer life, research has found farmed tilapia to be worse for you than burgers, doughnuts—even pork bacon!

    The true chicken-of-the-sea, tilapia is a mild-tasting white fish that’s cheap to breed and easy to sell. In fact, for the first time in 2012, farmed fish production topped that of beef, reaching a record 66 million tons, compared with beef at 63 million. But there’s a dirty secret about tilapia, the lean-meat alternative that beckons you in the supermarket–promises of muscle tone, a healthy heart and beautiful skin ringing in your ears. While most health experts agree we should be eating more fish (for all the reasons listed above), research has found the inflammatory potential of farmed tilapia to be greater than a burger, doughnuts—even pork bacon! It gets worse …

    Compared with other fish, farmed tilapia contains relatively small amounts of beneficial omega-3 fatty acids–the heart-healthy and essential fish oils touted by health and nutrition experts as the main reason to eat fish frequently. While a portion of salmon has over 2,000 milligrams of omega-3 fatty acids, a serving of tilapia has a mere 135 milligrams. Moreover, because farmed tilapia subsist on a diet of corn and soy instead of lake plants, they’re proportionally sky high in omega-6 fats, which studies have proven to harm the heart, the brain, and even your mood. The Wake Forest University study that produced the tilapia vs. bacon findings revolves around this dangerous omega 6:3 proportion.

    There’s a good chance the tilapia on your plate was raised on a poop diet (that’s poop as a noun, not an adjective). Research from the Johns Hopkins Center for a Livable Future revealed the gory details of disease-ridden fish farms in Asia, where pig and chicken feces serve as a cheaper alternative to standard fish food. While the FDA vehemently denied any of these goings-on, the Johns Hopkins investigation revealed only 2 percent of imported seafood to the United States is actually tested for contamination. It’s not just mega gross. Experts worry that the large amounts of antibiotics given to the fish to ward off infections may give rise to antibiotic-resistant strains of salmonella.

    Virtually all tilapia sold in American supermarkets has undergone a sex change–the result of being fed methyltestosterone during the early, sexless stage of life. Tilapia pumped full of hormones grow bigger quicker than their natural bros, because they don’t expend energy developing reproductive organs and require less food. Seafood experts consider the effects of methyltestosterone in fish to be insignificant to our health. However, there’s research to suggest the drug can be highly toxic to the liver. In fact, methyltestosterone has been taken off the market in Germany due to its high potential for liver toxicity.

    When it comes to choosing a fish that’s healthiest for your body—and the Earth—abide by the number one rule: Stay off the farm. Farmed seafood, not just tilapia, can have up to 10 times more toxins than wild fish, according to Harvard Researchers. Your best choices at the fish counter include: Wild Alaskan Salmon, Alaska Pollok, Atlantic Cod, Clams, Blue Crab, Atlantic Mackerel, Striped Bass, Sardines, Herring, Rainbow Trout and Flounder.

    Better yet its just a hop skip and a jump in my store from the Seafood Counter to where they keep the ham, bacon and other meats they don’t feed Poop to or harvest from BP oil spill polluted waters!

    300px-porky_pig

    Get yer azz back in the smoker I MEAN the dry sauna Porkie. What?! Yer damned right I’d eat a talking pig!

    signature_5

  • Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments

    Dragon Laffs #1401


    header93
    Good Morning Campers,

    I need to start off this morning with an apology to Lethal Leprechaun and Paul Bader.  See had I known they wanted something specific on the off chance that anyone ever found a magic lamp with a genie in it, I would have made much better decisions when I was at the Jersey Shore last weekend.  See, I was flying up and down the coast, looking for Ginny; I didn’t realize that she had switched out her Santa Sleigh Ride for a fellow Jersey Boy’s El Dorado; Well, I got a little hungry and figured I’d drop in to Toms River and grab a Shianno’s Pizza.  The BEST pizza in the world.

    Anyway, I landed on Seaside Beach to take a short break and grab a little saltwater taffy and as I was headed toward the boardwalk I spotted this lamp in the sand that you see above.  Well, I thought it looked cool, picked it up, buffed it against my flying scarf and sure enough had a genie pop out.

    Well, as it happened, I was still really hungry, but I now didn’t have to go to Toms River to get a Shianno’s pizza, I could just wish for one.  So, I wished for a large meat special, one of my favorites, and it was SO good.  I realized that one large is never enough for me, so I wished for a dozen more. 

    Then I got thirsty and well…the water in the ocean is salty, plus it’s not beer.  and you have to drink beer with pizza, it’s the law in New Jersey.

    Seriously, had I known that Lethal and Paul had such a strong desire to be granted a wish, I would’ve just walked to the bar on the corner of the boardwalk.

    So, I’m sorry about that guys.

    Onward to my next bit of news.  I will be out of touch through the entire weekend.  Not like I’m doing anything fun, I’ll be in a windowless room with a bunch of other people working an exercise.  12-14 hour shifts, so therefore, this is being posted on Thursday to be presented on Saturday.  I hope nothing exciting happens over the next couple of days so I don’t end up missing out.

    Finally, a great comedian, actress, commentator and a wonderful woman passed away today.  We’ll miss you Joan, and as a final tribute, instead of my usual “Let’s Laugh” we have…

    coollogo_com-66226168

    Let’s start with a golf joke for my dad and the rest of you golfers!golf2

    A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

    One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.

    “Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house.

    “Darling, I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary and we’ve been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock.”

    The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!”

    1042

    An Italian, a Frenchman and an Aussie were talking about screams of passion.

    The Italian said, “Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non-stop for five minutes.”

    The Frenchman said, “Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil from Provence and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight.”slap1

    Then the Aussie said, That’s nothing! Last night I massaged my wife, y’know, all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours.”

    The astonished Italian and Frenchman asked, “Two full hours? Wow, that’s phenomenal! How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?”

    The Aussie replied, “I wiped my greasy hands on the curtains!

     

    1043

     

    You know, we’ve talked a lot about ALS and MS lately in Dragon Laffs.  Well, our resident Jersey girl sent me this, her favorite MS video.  I have to tell you that I’m really astounded by this video.  It really opened my eyes.  Thanks for sharing Ginny.

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    c4

     

    Perils of a Catholic Upbringing

    As I walked down the busy sidewalk with my wife, knowing I was late for Mass my eyes fell upon one of those unfortunate ragged vagabonds that are found in every city these days.

    Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.
    Recalling my old pastor, Father Mike, who always admonished me to “care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked”, I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

    Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying her treasured worldly possessions in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person’s condition.         

    Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a true, hidden beauty.

    A small voice inside my head called out,         

    “Reach out….

    reach out . . .

    and touch this person!”

    5c

    So I did.

    5d

    I won’t be at Mass this week.

     

    1044

    Okay, for all you space nuts…which includes me…here’s a video from NASA which follows the jettison-able fuel tanks on the space shuttle from launch, up to space, back to the atmosphere and to touch down in the ocean.  Incredible footage.

    1045

     

    Those GoPro Cameras are really becoming popular and taking some fantastic videos.  Here’s one of a guy on a jet ski on Lake Powell in a canyon…I strongly suggest full screen for the best view of this one.

    Fantasy Pic

    c2

     

    This little pictorial is called “Why Mothers Yell!”

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    6d

    Yeah, I guess I can understand the title a little better now.  LOL!

     

     

    The boys had been up in the attic together helping with some cleaning.

    The kids uncovered an old manual typewriter and asked her, “Hey, Mom, what’s this?”

    “Oh, that’s an old typewriter,” she answered, thinking that would satisfy their curiosity.

    “Well, what does it do?” they queried.

    “I’ll show you,” their mother said. She went downstairs and returned with a blank piece of paper. She rolled the paper into the typewriter and began striking the keys, leaving black letters of print on the page.

    “WOW!” the boys exclaimed, “That’s really cool — but how does it work like that? Where do you plug it in?”

    “There is no plug,” she answered. “It doesn’t need a plug.”

    “Then where do you put the batteries?” they persisted.

    “It doesn’t need batteries either,” she continued.

    “Wow! This is so cool!” the brothers exclaimed. “Someone should have invented this a long time ago!”

     

    1046

     

    Admiral William H. McRaven graduated from the University of Texas at Austin over 30 years ago, and now he’s returned to share great advice with the class of 2014.  Listen to the 10 lessons he wants to share that he learned at Seal School…

    Let’s review:

    1) Start each day with a task completed.
    2) Find someone to help you through life.
    3) Respect everyone.
    4) Life is not fair.
    5) You will fail often.
    6) Take some risks.
    7) Step up when the times are toughest.
    8) Face down the bullies.
    9) Lift up the down-trodden.
    10) Never give up.

    Great lessons for life of all kinds.

    Motivational2

    Gay Test 2

    Gay Test 3

    Gay Test

    Gay_Marriage

     

    Here’s a great visual illusion that you have to see to believe.

     

    5e

     

    5f

    The fourth stooge!

    5g

    Just the fact that I want to comment, that I have all these great lines running through my head, and that it is my blog doesn’t mean that I’m going to lower myself by … ah hell, who am I kidding!  That’s just too funny of a sign. 

    5h

     

     

    5i

    What a great place to end today’s issue.  I can’t think of a better way.  I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

    Cheers,

    Impish Dragon

    Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

    Leprechaun Laughs #262 for Wednesday Sept 3rd 2014


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    Lethal slightly worse for wear clad in out of character kakis and a polo stands at the podium making furious notes on a steno pad out of a book he looks up at the commotion of your entry.

    Step lively now get it and park it quickly please and you lollygaggers will get detention and today that means cleaning the grout in Impish’s Little Dragons Sandbox with tooth brushes. I’m not cross or anything mind you just pressed for study time. ‘Tis several quizzes I need to take today.

    A few housekeeping type notices. I’m pleased to report that Diaman is making excellent progress and by next week should be gracing our stage in a recliner as opposed to a hospital bed.

    Also being as Labor Day marks the start of Santa’s Christmas Rush. After a little horse trading (Impish is going to be spending some time in Hell relighting some of the infernal furnaces)  Ginny’s transportation will from now on be handled by Satan another former New Jersey boy. So if you happen to see a classic 68 El Dorado drop top low rider with hide away headlights all done in flames you might want to give it the right of way regardless. Especially if Highway To Hell is playing on the car’s stereo!

    Still no update on John Z’s recovery from his left replacement.Left what replacement? We’d sure like to know too!

    OK I’ve just enough time to grab a refill and make study group so you guys are on your own. Enjoy!

    YGR_LR 3

    hot

    Coffee Break

    I think Putin has it about right. What I would like to know is where you get one of the coffee mugs.

    I almost fell off my chair when I read Putin’s quote at the end.

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    “Negotiating with Obama is like playing chess with a pigeon….the pigeon knocks over all the pieces, shits on the board and then struts around like it won the game.”   ~Vladimir Putin

    image

     

    I mentioned it so I had to throw it in

     

    Lep Movie Sage words

    “It’s only when you see a mosquito land on your testicles
    that you realize that there is always a way to solve
    problems without using violence.”

    image

    Isn’t this diner cool? Wonder what the name of it is? ‘Born To Be Wild Wannabes Café’? I can hear them now ‘Get your hunger runnin…head out on the highway…looking for a café on what ever exit comes our way…’

    dividers_app_large-thumb

    Loaded Potato and Buffalo Chicken Casserole

    imageTotal Time: 1 hrs 15 mins

    Prep Time: 15 mins

    Cook Time: 1 hrs

    Ingredients

      • 2 lbs boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
      • 8 -10 medium potatoes, cut into 1/2-inch cubes ( I leave the skin on)
      • 1/3 cup olive oil
      • 1 1/2 teaspoons salt
      • 1 tablespoon fresh ground pepper
      • 1 tablespoon paprika
      • 2 tablespoons garlic powder
      • 6 tablespoons hot sauce

       

      Topping

      • 2 cups fiesta Mexican blend cheese or 2 cups monterey jack and cheddar cheese blend
      • 1 cup crumbled cooked bacon
      • 1 cup diced green onion

    Directions

    • Preheat oven to 500F (This is NOT a typo, 500F is correct!) .
    • In a large bowl mix together the olive oil, hot sauce, salt, pepper, garlic powder & paprika.
    • Add the potatoes and stir to coat.
    • Add the potatoes to a greased baking dish.
    • When scooping the potatoes into the baking dish, leave behind any extra olive oil/hot sauce mix.
    • Add the diced chicken to the “left behind” olive oil/hot sauce mix and stir to coat all the chicken. Allow to marinate as the potatoes bake.
    • Roast the potatoes for 45-50 minutes, stirring every 10-15 minutes, until cooked through and nice and crispy on the outside.
    • Once the potatoes are fully cooked add the marinated chicken.
    • Once the potatoes are fully cooked, remove from the oven and lower the oven temperature to 400°F.
    • In a large bowl mix all the topping ingredients together.
    • top the raw chicken with the topping.
    • Bake 15 minutes or until until the chicken is cooked through and the topping is melted and bubbly delicious.
    • Serve with extra hot sauce and/or ranch dressing.

     

    Cheesecake Brownies

    image_thumb1
    Total Time: 1 hr
    Prep: 20 min
    Cook: 40 min
    Yield: 16 (2-inch) square brownies
    Level: Easy

     

     

     

    Ingredients

    Cooking spray
    Cheesecake topping:
    8 ounces reduced-fat cream cheese (Neufchatel)
    1/3 cup sugar
    1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
    1 large egg
    Brownie Layer:
    2 ounces semisweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
    3 tablespoons unsalted butter
    2 tablespoons canola oil
    1 cup all-purpose flour
    1/2 cup unsweetened Dutch-process cocoa powder
    1 teaspoon baking powder
    1/2 teaspoon fine sea salt
    Pinch cayenne pepper
    3/4 cup packed dark brown sugar
    1/4 cup granulated sugar
    1/2 cup lowfat buttermilk
    2 large egg whites
    2 teaspoons vanilla extract

    Directions

    Position the rack in the lower third of the oven and preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
    Line an 8 by 8-inch baking pan with foil so it hangs over the edges by about 1-inch. Spray with cooking spray.
    Cheesecake topping: In a medium bowl and using an electric mixer at medium speed, beat the cream cheese until smooth and creamy, about 1 minute. Beat in the sugar and the vanilla until very smooth, 1 to 2 minutes. Beat in the egg until well blended. Set aside.
    Brownie layer: Put the chocolate, butter, and oil in a small microwave-safe bowl and heat at 75 percent power for 30 seconds. Stir and microwave again until melted and smooth, about 30 seconds longer. (Alternatively, put the chocolate, butter, and oil in a small heatproof bowl. Bring a small saucepan filled with 1 inch or so of water to a very slow simmer; set the bowl over, not touching, the water, and stir occasionally, until melted and smooth.)
    Combine the flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, salt, and cayenne in a medium bowl.
    Combine the brown sugar and granulated sugar in a large bowl. Whisk in the buttermilk, egg whites, and vanilla. Add the chocolate mixture and whisk vigorously until fully incorporated and the batter is thick and glossy. Gradually add the flour mixture and stir just until it disappears.
    Reserve 1/2 cup brownie batter and set aside. Scrape the remaining brownie batter into the prepared pan. Pour the cheesecake mixture evenly over top. Drop the reserved brownie batter in large dollops over the topping. Draw the handle of a wooden spoon through the two batters to create a swirled effect.
    Bake until the top is just set, 40 to 45 minutes. Let cool completely in the pan on a wire rack. Lift brownies out of the pan by the foil and peel off the foil. Spray a knife with cooking spray and cut into 2-inch squares.

     

    image

    image

    Redneck Pregnancy

    A hunky redneck went to the hospital, as his wife was going to give birth.
    He waited.
     
    Later, the nurse said to him, “Congratulations, your wife has had quintuplets, five big baby boys.”

    The redneck said, “I’m not surprised. I have a penis the size of a chimney.”

    The nurse replied, “You might want to consider getting it cleaned. They’re all black.”

    cannot be displayed

    image

    Took my text books and did a fast weekend getaway with Molly. In between the rain storms I went for a walk along the beach to see what if anything of interest washed up. Came across a few of these foot prints in the sand leading to a rockier area. That boot folks is a Size 13 4E, which places the distance from back of that pant leg to the toe of the boot someplace between 14 & 15” in length. Impish, you have plain got to stop stalking me every time I go off someplace with Molly and get your own damned vacations! You’re seriously starting to make Molly mad and you remember what happened the last time you made her mad!

    whoops function

    What is SOB

    junkyard

    image

    a8maoxu

    !cid_000701cfb19a$565bcb10$5FE40231@RayHP

    THIS SHOULD OFFEND AT LEAST TWO GROUPS THAT HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR

    At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown Detroit sat a huge black man.

    He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him.

    After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the big black man.  Leaning over towards him, he whispered, “Do you want a blow job?”

    At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked the crap out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool.

    He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returned to his seat.

    ​Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the black man, and said, “I’ve never seen you react like that.

    “What did he say to you?

    “I don’t know,” the black man replied. “Something about a job.”

    shit1

     

    image

    Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments

    Dragon Laffs #1400


    Labor Day
    Good Morning Campers,

    Welcome to issue #1400!  Woo Hoo!  Exciting stuff.  Yeah, right.  Anyway…

    There’s a rumor going round out there, amongst you, that the person you saw with Diaman last week wasn’t the real Thor, but a Hollywood stand-in that we hired for the “publicity” we received.  I say “publicity” because you can all see the members of the lame-stream-media standing in the back with their cameras and videos to try and prove us wrong. I know you all don’t want them here and I don’t imagine they will be here much longer, since Diaman is due to arrive any … ah, there she is now.  And there is the Thunder God, pushing her in her wheel chair.  I think we should all watch this, it should be interesting.

    You watch as Thor and Diaman approach her normal location under the pavilion and on her cushions.  You can just hear her pleading with Thor not to do anything too drastic.  She begs him not to harm anyone.  He leans down, gives her a peck on the cheek, and pats her arm, showing her that he will remain calm.  He then stands beside her with his arms crossed and doesn’t say a word.

    From the back of the crowd, in the media section, a man can be heard muttering.  Then he shouts out loud, “This is just bullshit!  You expect us to believe that that steroid laced ignoramus is a God?  Please!”

    Thor steps forward, a growl escaping his lips as Diaman puts a hand on his arm.  He settles back down, steps back and his previous calm face is replaced with a grimace.  Thunder can be heard rumbling in the distance even though the sky is clear.

    The reporter won’t give up.  “Oh please!  Nice bit of theater there, with the,” the man makes quote fingers in the air, “thunder in the background. What a joke!  What a waste of time!  You’re a fraud!”

    Diaman’s face turns to stone, she leans over to Thor and whispers loud enough for all to hear, “Ok my friend, that’s enough.  Kick his ass!”

    Thor smiles, takes a step forward, raises his hands to the air and then points at the reporter.  Nothing happens.

    The reporter laughs, along with several others in the media area.

    Diaman slowly stands, and in her dulcet tones motions to her camper friends and says, “You guys need to move away.  He doesn’t want any innocents to get hurt.”  The campers begin to move away from the media as Diaman continues, “but you media members, any of those who agree with this ass, please feel free to show your support by pressing as close to him as possible.” Several reporters laugh and step a little closer to the big mouth in a show of solidarity, but many others put their eyes down and step further away.  “You may continue now lord Thor.”

    Suddenly a bolt of lightning with an ear deafening crash leaps out and strikes the ground in a blinding flash of light.  When your eyes adjust back after the bright flash you see that there are several small piles of ash where the group of reporters who sided with the loud mouth used to be.

    While everyone is standing there with their mouths open, you hear the sound of sleigh bells.  As the sleigh pulls up and Ginny steps down, she says in her Jersey accent.  “Sorry we were late, but traffic was…hey, what’d we miss?”

    Through the ensuing silence, I speak back up…

    Was there anyone who wanted to say anything to Santa?  No?  Then perhaps I’ll continue with my opening.  If you don’t mind.

    So, it’s Labor Day Weekend…and one of the ways we celebrate here, other than the usual party and craziness, and I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that we really don’t need any real excuse to behave like that, do I?  Okay, where was I?  Oh yeah, one of the ways we celebrate is by not putting out a Labor Day Issue because, like all of you, we deserve a break from our labors as well.

    So, with that being said, and with all the excitement we’ve already had, I just have one more thing before we get on with the laughter.

    And that is ….

    John Z, if you’re out there, please let us know how the whole Left thing went and whether you are doing alright or not.  We haven’t heard from you and are worried about you.

    Now, …

    coollogo_com-21939868

     

    Are you ready to start off with a good laugh?  This is great.

     

     

    Why there aren’t a lot of us white guys in the NBA…

    5a

     

    I had no idea that I was going to use this graphic again so soon.

    Obama Sent No Representative to Memorial Mass for James Foley

    President Barack Obama sent no White House representative to the memorial Mass held yesterday in Rochester, New Hampshire, for James Foley, the American journalist beheaded by the Islamic State in Iraq and al-Sham (ISIS) terrorists.

    President Obama, however, did send three White House aides to Monday’s funeral for Michael Brown, an 18-year-old African American fatally shot in an encounter with a white police officer in Ferguson, Mo.

    The memorial mass for James Foley took place Sunday at Our Lady of the Holy Rosary in Foley’s hometown. Connie Hammond, an administrative assistant at Holy Rosary, told CNSNews.com that no White House officials were in attendance.

    Okay Obama. (Notice that by this time I’ve even dropped the honorific “Mister” from his name.  I dropped the word “President” a long time ago.)
    You deserve it yet again this week…

    5b (2)As hard as we’re trying to erase racism in this country, it’s alive and well thanks to your dumb ass.  All you are doing is propagating the same thing that you say you hate, you’re just doing it the opposite way.  You truly are a Horse’s Ass.

    5e

    I want one!  Please Lethal!  Please, can we get one for the pool?

     

     

    A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London. He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because “in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.”
     
    The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door.
     
    The Arab Muslim asked him, “What are you doing?”
     
    The cabbie answered, “In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so get out and wait for a camel!”
    coollogo_com-26562107

    c3

    Dragons love reading and books.  It’s even more fun to be read to.

     

    Tale of 2 Doctors
    2  patients limp into two different  doctors’ offices with the same complaint:  Both have  trouble walking and may require hip surgery.

    Patient  1. is examined  within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and  has a time booked for surgery  the following week.

    Patient  2. sees his  family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment,  then waits 8 weeks to  see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which  isn’t reviewed for another week  and finally has his surgery scheduled  for 6 months from then,  pending  the review boards decision on his  age and remaining value to  society.

    Why  the different  treatment for the 2 patients?

    The  FIRST is a Golden Retriever taken to a vet.
    The  SECOND is a Senior Citizen on Obama care.

    In  November, if there  is no change in government, we’ll all have to find  a good  vet.

     

    5c

     

     

    Remember the Star Trek Movie …the original Star Trek crew, not the new stuff…that’s not to say that I don’t like the new stuff as well, I’m just sayin’…anyway, the Star Trek movie with the whales?  Star Trek IV, The Voyage Home.  That one.  And they discussed how intelligent whales are?  Well, I believe we have documented proof of exactly how smart they really are as these Beluga whales play with 3 children at an aquarium.

    These whales were NOT taught to do this.  They just did it on their own.

     

    coollogo_com-53343979

    f2009082102

     

    Okay, this is friggin’ awesome!  Thanks to Rocky for showing this to me.  You think you have it tough?  This man put me to shame.

     

    5d

    Important Women’s Health Issue:

    * Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
    * Do you suffer from shyness?
    * Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
    * Do you suffer exhaustion from the day to day grind?

    If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.

    Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

    Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start
    living with Margaritas.

    Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

    Side effects may include:
    - Dizziness
    – Nausea
    – Vomiting
    – Incarceration
    – Erotic lustfulness
    – Loss of motor control
    – Loss of clothing
    – Loss of money
    – Table dancing
    – Headache
    – Dehydration
    – Dry mouth
    – And a desire to sing Karaoke

    WARNINGS:
    * The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
    * The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
    * The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.
    * The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

    Please share this with other women who may need Margaritas.

     

    This one is well worth checking out…it’s good to know that my mandatory naps in the afternoon are well worth the effort.  Lethal is always getting on me about my short little naps, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me sleeping from 1:45 to 3:45. 

    5f

    Okay, so my daily schedule is like this:

    0530 – Get up
    0545 – 0645 Breakfast
    0700 – 0730 Get to work morning coffee
    0730 – 0800 Work
    0800 – 0900 Morning Break
    0900 – 0930 Work
    0930 – 1130 Morning Nap
    1130 – 1145 Work
    1145 – 1315 Lunch
    1315 – 1345 Work
    1345 – 1545 Afternoon Nap
    1545 – 1645 Afternoon Virgin Break
    1645 – 1700 Work
    1700 – 1830 Dinner
    1830 – 1900 Work

    So, you see, it’s very plain.  I work a 12 hour day and he has the nerve to complain about a lousy short little nap in the afternoon, even when it’s proven that it improves my productivity.

     

    A ragged old derelict shuffled into a down-and-dirty bar.  Stinking of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the “Piano Player Wanted” sign from the window and handed it to the bartender.


    “I’d like to apply for the job,” he said.  “I was an F-4 Pilot, flying off carriers back in ‘ Nam , but when they retired the Phantom, all the thrill was gone, and soon they cashed me in as well.  I learned to play the piano at Officer’s Club happy hours, so here I am.”

    The barkeep wasn’t too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off.  So, why not give him a try.

    The seedy old pilot staggered his way over to the piano while several patrons snickered. By the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced.

    What followed was a rhapsody of soaring music unlike anything heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn’t a dry eye in the place.

    The bartender took the old fighter pilot a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played.

    It’s called, “Drop your Skivvies, Baby, I’m Going Balls To The Wall For You,” he said. After a long pull from the beer, leaving it empty, he said, “I wrote it myself.”

    The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano player just went on into a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping.  After he finished, the fighter pilot acknowledged the applause, downed a second proffered mug, and told the crowd the song was called, “Big Boobs Make My Afterburner Light.

    He then launched into another mesmerizing song and everyone in the room was enthralled.  He announced that it was the latest rendition of his song, “Spread ‘em Baby, It’s Foggy Out Tonight and I Need To See The Centerline“.  He excused himself and headed for the john.

    When he came out the bartender went over to him and said, “Hey, fly boy, the job is yours; but, do you know your fly is open and your pecker is hanging out?”

    “Know it”, the old fighter pilot replied, “Hell, I wrote it!”

     

     

    1038

    5a1

     

    Animal Chatter 2

    a23

    a24

    a25

    a26

    a27

     

    Here’s another golf joke out there for all you golfers….but especially for my favorite golfer.  Hope you get a laugh, Dad.

     

    An avid male golfer’s buddies were going to be out of town for the weekend so he decided to go down to the golf course and see if any group might need a fourth member.

    Sure enough there were three women and they were glad to have him join them.

    Since he was the guest, they decided to let him tee off first. The man teed off and his ball sliced badly to the right and landed in a sand trap. The man immediately exclaimed “Oh shit!”

    One of the women reminded him that he was playing with three ladies and not his male buddies and that ladies do not appreciate that kind of language.

    The man promptly apologized and promised it would not happen again.

    The woman who had spoken to him about the cursing then teed off and her ball hit a tree and then caromed off into the same sand trap. She immediately said, “Oh shit!”

    The man spoke up and said that he realized he was a guest but it seemed like there was a double standard in that the woman used the same word that he was told he should not use.

    The woman quickly replied, “There’s no double standard. Your ball didn’t hit the fucking tree!”

     

    1039

     

    So, it’s Labor Day Weekend.  One of the biggest requirements of the weekend is the obligatory last “official” barbeque of the summer.  And as far as barbeques go, there is the obligatory beer that goes with it.  So, this year at the annual Labor Day picnic, barbeque and orgy at DL&LL Electronic Media Enterprises, we aren’t going to buy as many cases of beer as we normally do.  We are going to be using these guy’s:
    http://videos.komando.com/watch/6265/viral-videos-the-biggest-pack-of-beer-youve-ever-seen?utm_medium=nl&utm_source=tvkim&utm_content=2014-08-28-article-screen-shot-b 

    As well as the usual Ales, Beers, alcoholic beverages and others.

    1040

     

     

    coollogo_com-744237

    Looting

    Amen.  Nothing more seems to be needed to be said.

     

    Geek Goddess

    geek

    Geeks

    geeks2

    Gelatinous Cbe

    Okay, so if you don’t get this last one, don’t worry about it.  You’re probably too young to have played this game…or you’ve played some bastardized version on a computer somewhere.  Points and kudos to anyone who can figure out what game I’m talking about and make comment in the comments section.  (Like there is anywhere else you’d make comments?)

     

    Three women who were friends in high school returned to their home town to attend their 45th class reunion and have lunch together.

    Their talk turns to their position in life, and it’s clear that they are trying to one-up each other.

    The first woman says, “My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks,” and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.
    The second woman says, “Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes,” and looks about with considerable pride.
    The third woman says, “Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don’t have much money and we don’t have any material possessions — but 13 canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on my husband’s erect penis.”

    After a long silence, the first woman looks shame-faced and says,”Girls, I’ve got a confession to make. I was just trying to impress you. We’re not really going to the French Riviera . We’re going to my parent’s house for two weeks.”

    The second woman says, “Your honesty has shamed me. To be honest, my husband didn’t buy me a Mercedes — he bought me a Taurus.”

    “Well,” the third woman says, “I also have a confession to make. Canary number 13 has to stand on one leg.”

     

    5g

     

    A blonde reports for her university final exam, which consists of mainly true and false questions.
    She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails.
    Within 30 minutes she’s all done, while the rest of the class is still working furiously.
    During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.
    The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.
    ‘I finished the exam in a half hour,’ she replies, ‘and since I have some time
    left, I’m rechecking my answers.’

     

    1041

     

    The Last Word

    I am VERY hesitant to print this essay from a self described black handicapped veteran who is dying.  Not because of the fact that he is black, handicapped or a veteran, or even because of the declaration of his dying, but because of the very direct and unacceptable language that he uses.  He does explain himself and explains WHY he uses this language, but I want you to know ahead of time to be prepared.

    I was unable to verify the veracity of this essay, but after reading through it, I really don’t have to.  This is one person’s opinion.  And it doesn’t matter WHO wrote it, because it’s obviously been written.  I am curious to hear your opinions about it.

    And for the record, I agree wholeheartedly with his sentiment, if not the language he uses.

    The words of a dying man have always captured my attention, right or wrong, they are worth reading.  I believe what this dying man has to say has a lot of truth.  May not be what some will want to hear.
     
    I wanted to clear up a few black and white questions and answers.  The things I state are facts.  They are not downloaded from some media website, not propaganda, just observations from a 70 year old black man, born in America .
    I was told by my parents (yes, a married man and woman with my last name), that I was nigger.  We lived in “ Nigger Town ” in a small Texas town, no A/C, grass growing through the floor, no car, no TV.  We washed our bodies with lye soap that my mother made, by hand.  I thought I was a nigger, until I graduated high school, went to college, did an enlistment in the Army, and got a job.  I am now retired, own my own home, have 6 children by ONE WOMAN, and we all have the same last name.  I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Liberal Arts, a Master’s Degree in Sociology.  My retirement, VA disability from combat in the Korean War (I only have one leg), and part-time pay in a local college, is about $125,000 a year.  From dirt poor nigger, to old, black, proud American.
    Yes, I am black, and I can say “nigger”, because I understand the true meaning of the word.
    Let’s clear up a few things about the Michael Brown incident.
    -Fact:  It is not called “shoplifting or stealing”, it’s called “robbery”, which is a felony.  Brown stole something and assaulted someone, that means ROBBERY.  It’s on video, and it’s a fact.  Not shoplifting, not theft, not “lifting” a few cigars, but ROBBERY!
    -Michael Brown, like Trayvon, was portrayed by the media as a “little black boy”, cute little headphones, and his cap and gown photo, gunned down by a ruthless police assassin, executed by “whitey”.  First, I have never seen a cop drag a person into their car’s driver door to arrest them.  So, let us be clear, Michael Brown was a nigger; a sorry assed, criminal, hoodlum, nigger.  Nobody wants to say that, but I will.  He had a criminal record a mile long, was known for numerous assaults, robberies, including the one you saw with your own eyes, and still refuse to call it a robbery.  He was, like so many others, living a life that he thought he was “entitled” to,  just for being alive.  Gangsta rap, weed, drinking, guns, and those stupid-assed low profile rims, makes him some kind of bad-ass nigger.  
    -I have fought communist Chinese and North Korean soldiers in the 1950’s with more honor than that nigger.  Yep, I peeled potatoes and shot communists.  That’s the only job a nigger soldier could get.
    -Rodney King?  Black Riots! 
    -Trayvon?  Black Riots! 
    -Hurricane Katrina?  Black Riots!  Stealing TV’s, designer clothes, etc.
    -O.J. Simpson kills white man and white woman, found NOT GUILTY?  Did white folks riot?  Nope!
    -In fact, when is the last time white people rioted?  Civil War, maybe?  That’s because they are, relatively, civilized people, much like many black Americans.  Protesting is one thing, hell, I’m all for it.  Even if you are an ignorant idiot, you have a right to protest.
    -Stop only showing the young black “cap and gown” photos of Michael.  Charles Manson may have a few of those laying around, as well.  Show the nigger “gangsta” photos of the “poor unarmed teenager” (grown man) pics that have been removed from his Facebook page, holding the loaded pistol, smoking weed, with a mouthful of money.
    -Militarization?  The stupid-assed media that publicizes this has no idea what “militarization” really is.  Cops wear helmets and vests, and drive armored vehicle because unemployed niggers thrown bricks at them, moron!  You put on an “Adam 12″ uniform and walk down the streets of Ferguson during the criminal riots.  I can guarantee that you’ll jump into the first armored “military tank” that you see.
    -You only “want the police” when you “need the police”, otherwise, you mock and fear what you do not understand about the police.  And by the way, the police are trained to take your shit, but I wouldn’t fuck around with those Army National Guard, they aren’t as well disciplined “culturally” to take your shit like police do every day.  They will ventilate your black asses with M-16s, with military precision and extreme prejudice.
    -And finally, the way we protest and demand justice, is run down the streets breaking shit, looting stores, and acting like a bunch of untrained monkeys?  Hell, after Rodney King, criminal niggers were actually killing people, thinking they were entitled to be worse criminals than they already were.  For those black criminals that do that, you are a disgrace to your race, inflamed by idiots like Al Sharpton, instead of listening to logic from proud black Americans, like Bill Cosby, Samuel Jackson, Colin Powell, Allen West, me, etc.
    -You blame white people for your ignorance, criminal acts, unemployed laziness, etc.
    -You blame white people for 89% of the prisons in America being full of blacks.  They did nothing wrong, the racists white cops framed them all, right?  No chance at school, no chance for college, military, employment?  BULL SHIT!
    -More niggers kill niggers, than niggers killing whites, whites killing niggers, and whites killing whites….COMBINED.  I find this astounding.
    -It’s not white peoples’ faults, the Emancipation Proclamation was signed by a white man years ago.  You can go to school, get a job, buy a house, and vote, JUST LIKE WHITE FOLKS!!!!   You are not a slave, you are not discriminated against!  Slavery is abolished, and nobody alive today, was alive when it was popular.  Get over it!  You are discriminated against because you are a criminal, sorry-assed nigger.  Otherwise, black Americans are treated like everyone else.
    -If you choose to create “baby daddy and baby mama”, and fake disabilities as an excuse for laziness to draw social security disability…… instead of husband, wife, family, job, mortgage, it’s YOUR FAULT, not white folks.  And there are a lot of proud black Americans that will tell you the same, as I AM ONE OF THEM!!!
    -Remember, the way you act on the camera, is remembered by everyone who sees it.  They will never forget it.  It shows them how you, as the black race, responds to situation that don’t particularly go the way you think they should.  It will become a reference standard, something they expect from you when the next media report doesn’t go your way.  Stop being stupid niggers, and be a proud black American.  My parents raised me well, but they were wrong about one thing, I am not a nigger.
    I will not be around long.  While my mind is still sharp, and my aim is still good, my body is eating away with cancer.  It started in the prostate, and is spreading rapidly.  After I die, I have asked my children to publish my writings, and include my name.  Although I am not expecting any miracles, I can only hope that Americans will stop blaming color, start blaming criminals, and see people for what they really are.  We have too many countries that want us dead.  We should not be fighting each other.

    I don’t know if, by this being published it means this man has died, or because there is no name attached to it that it means he’s still alive, but regardless, I wish him and his family well.

    Cheers,

    Impish

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