Dragon Laffs #1400


Labor Day
Good Morning Campers,

Welcome to issue #1400!  Woo Hoo!  Exciting stuff.  Yeah, right.  Anyway…

There’s a rumor going round out there, amongst you, that the person you saw with Diaman last week wasn’t the real Thor, but a Hollywood stand-in that we hired for the “publicity” we received.  I say “publicity” because you can all see the members of the lame-stream-media standing in the back with their cameras and videos to try and prove us wrong. I know you all don’t want them here and I don’t imagine they will be here much longer, since Diaman is due to arrive any … ah, there she is now.  And there is the Thunder God, pushing her in her wheel chair.  I think we should all watch this, it should be interesting.

You watch as Thor and Diaman approach her normal location under the pavilion and on her cushions.  You can just hear her pleading with Thor not to do anything too drastic.  She begs him not to harm anyone.  He leans down, gives her a peck on the cheek, and pats her arm, showing her that he will remain calm.  He then stands beside her with his arms crossed and doesn’t say a word.

From the back of the crowd, in the media section, a man can be heard muttering.  Then he shouts out loud, “This is just bullshit!  You expect us to believe that that steroid laced ignoramus is a God?  Please!”

Thor steps forward, a growl escaping his lips as Diaman puts a hand on his arm.  He settles back down, steps back and his previous calm face is replaced with a grimace.  Thunder can be heard rumbling in the distance even though the sky is clear.

The reporter won’t give up.  “Oh please!  Nice bit of theater there, with the,” the man makes quote fingers in the air, “thunder in the background. What a joke!  What a waste of time!  You’re a fraud!”

Diaman’s face turns to stone, she leans over to Thor and whispers loud enough for all to hear, “Ok my friend, that’s enough.  Kick his ass!”

Thor smiles, takes a step forward, raises his hands to the air and then points at the reporter.  Nothing happens.

The reporter laughs, along with several others in the media area.

Diaman slowly stands, and in her dulcet tones motions to her camper friends and says, “You guys need to move away.  He doesn’t want any innocents to get hurt.”  The campers begin to move away from the media as Diaman continues, “but you media members, any of those who agree with this ass, please feel free to show your support by pressing as close to him as possible.” Several reporters laugh and step a little closer to the big mouth in a show of solidarity, but many others put their eyes down and step further away.  “You may continue now lord Thor.”

Suddenly a bolt of lightning with an ear deafening crash leaps out and strikes the ground in a blinding flash of light.  When your eyes adjust back after the bright flash you see that there are several small piles of ash where the group of reporters who sided with the loud mouth used to be.

While everyone is standing there with their mouths open, you hear the sound of sleigh bells.  As the sleigh pulls up and Ginny steps down, she says in her Jersey accent.  “Sorry we were late, but traffic was…hey, what’d we miss?”

Through the ensuing silence, I speak back up…

Was there anyone who wanted to say anything to Santa?  No?  Then perhaps I’ll continue with my opening.  If you don’t mind.

So, it’s Labor Day Weekend…and one of the ways we celebrate here, other than the usual party and craziness, and I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that we really don’t need any real excuse to behave like that, do I?  Okay, where was I?  Oh yeah, one of the ways we celebrate is by not putting out a Labor Day Issue because, like all of you, we deserve a break from our labors as well.

So, with that being said, and with all the excitement we’ve already had, I just have one more thing before we get on with the laughter.

And that is ….

John Z, if you’re out there, please let us know how the whole Left thing went and whether you are doing alright or not.  We haven’t heard from you and are worried about you.

Now, …

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Are you ready to start off with a good laugh?  This is great.

 

 

Why there aren’t a lot of us white guys in the NBA…

5a

 

I had no idea that I was going to use this graphic again so soon.

Obama Sent No Representative to Memorial Mass for James Foley

President Barack Obama sent no White House representative to the memorial Mass held yesterday in Rochester, New Hampshire, for James Foley, the American journalist beheaded by the Islamic State in Iraq and al-Sham (ISIS) terrorists.

President Obama, however, did send three White House aides to Monday’s funeral for Michael Brown, an 18-year-old African American fatally shot in an encounter with a white police officer in Ferguson, Mo.

The memorial mass for James Foley took place Sunday at Our Lady of the Holy Rosary in Foley’s hometown. Connie Hammond, an administrative assistant at Holy Rosary, told CNSNews.com that no White House officials were in attendance.

Okay Obama. (Notice that by this time I’ve even dropped the honorific “Mister” from his name.  I dropped the word “President” a long time ago.)
You deserve it yet again this week…

5b (2)As hard as we’re trying to erase racism in this country, it’s alive and well thanks to your dumb ass.  All you are doing is propagating the same thing that you say you hate, you’re just doing it the opposite way.  You truly are a Horse’s Ass.

5e

I want one!  Please Lethal!  Please, can we get one for the pool?

 

 

A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London. He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because “in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.”
 
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door.
 
The Arab Muslim asked him, “What are you doing?”
 
The cabbie answered, “In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so get out and wait for a camel!”
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Dragons love reading and books.  It’s even more fun to be read to.

 

Tale of 2 Doctors
2  patients limp into two different  doctors’ offices with the same complaint:  Both have  trouble walking and may require hip surgery.

Patient  1. is examined  within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and  has a time booked for surgery  the following week.

Patient  2. sees his  family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment,  then waits 8 weeks to  see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which  isn’t reviewed for another week  and finally has his surgery scheduled  for 6 months from then,  pending  the review boards decision on his  age and remaining value to  society.

Why  the different  treatment for the 2 patients?

The  FIRST is a Golden Retriever taken to a vet.
The  SECOND is a Senior Citizen on Obama care.

In  November, if there  is no change in government, we’ll all have to find  a good  vet.

 

5c

 

 

Remember the Star Trek Movie …the original Star Trek crew, not the new stuff…that’s not to say that I don’t like the new stuff as well, I’m just sayin’…anyway, the Star Trek movie with the whales?  Star Trek IV, The Voyage Home.  That one.  And they discussed how intelligent whales are?  Well, I believe we have documented proof of exactly how smart they really are as these Beluga whales play with 3 children at an aquarium.

These whales were NOT taught to do this.  They just did it on their own.

 

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Okay, this is friggin’ awesome!  Thanks to Rocky for showing this to me.  You think you have it tough?  This man put me to shame.

 

5d

Important Women’s Health Issue:

* Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
* Do you suffer from shyness?
* Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
* Do you suffer exhaustion from the day to day grind?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.

Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start
living with Margaritas.

Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:
- Dizziness
– Nausea
– Vomiting
– Incarceration
– Erotic lustfulness
– Loss of motor control
– Loss of clothing
– Loss of money
– Table dancing
– Headache
– Dehydration
– Dry mouth
– And a desire to sing Karaoke

WARNINGS:
* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.
* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

Please share this with other women who may need Margaritas.

 

This one is well worth checking out…it’s good to know that my mandatory naps in the afternoon are well worth the effort.  Lethal is always getting on me about my short little naps, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me sleeping from 1:45 to 3:45. 

5f

Okay, so my daily schedule is like this:

0530 – Get up
0545 – 0645 Breakfast
0700 – 0730 Get to work morning coffee
0730 – 0800 Work
0800 – 0900 Morning Break
0900 – 0930 Work
0930 – 1130 Morning Nap
1130 – 1145 Work
1145 – 1315 Lunch
1315 – 1345 Work
1345 – 1545 Afternoon Nap
1545 – 1645 Afternoon Virgin Break
1645 – 1700 Work
1700 – 1830 Dinner
1830 – 1900 Work

So, you see, it’s very plain.  I work a 12 hour day and he has the nerve to complain about a lousy short little nap in the afternoon, even when it’s proven that it improves my productivity.

 

A ragged old derelict shuffled into a down-and-dirty bar.  Stinking of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the “Piano Player Wanted” sign from the window and handed it to the bartender.


“I’d like to apply for the job,” he said.  “I was an F-4 Pilot, flying off carriers back in ‘ Nam , but when they retired the Phantom, all the thrill was gone, and soon they cashed me in as well.  I learned to play the piano at Officer’s Club happy hours, so here I am.”

The barkeep wasn’t too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off.  So, why not give him a try.

The seedy old pilot staggered his way over to the piano while several patrons snickered. By the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced.

What followed was a rhapsody of soaring music unlike anything heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn’t a dry eye in the place.

The bartender took the old fighter pilot a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played.

It’s called, “Drop your Skivvies, Baby, I’m Going Balls To The Wall For You,” he said. After a long pull from the beer, leaving it empty, he said, “I wrote it myself.”

The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano player just went on into a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping.  After he finished, the fighter pilot acknowledged the applause, downed a second proffered mug, and told the crowd the song was called, “Big Boobs Make My Afterburner Light.

He then launched into another mesmerizing song and everyone in the room was enthralled.  He announced that it was the latest rendition of his song, “Spread ‘em Baby, It’s Foggy Out Tonight and I Need To See The Centerline“.  He excused himself and headed for the john.

When he came out the bartender went over to him and said, “Hey, fly boy, the job is yours; but, do you know your fly is open and your pecker is hanging out?”

“Know it”, the old fighter pilot replied, “Hell, I wrote it!”

 

 

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Animal Chatter 2

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Here’s another golf joke out there for all you golfers….but especially for my favorite golfer.  Hope you get a laugh, Dad.

 

An avid male golfer’s buddies were going to be out of town for the weekend so he decided to go down to the golf course and see if any group might need a fourth member.

Sure enough there were three women and they were glad to have him join them.

Since he was the guest, they decided to let him tee off first. The man teed off and his ball sliced badly to the right and landed in a sand trap. The man immediately exclaimed “Oh shit!”

One of the women reminded him that he was playing with three ladies and not his male buddies and that ladies do not appreciate that kind of language.

The man promptly apologized and promised it would not happen again.

The woman who had spoken to him about the cursing then teed off and her ball hit a tree and then caromed off into the same sand trap. She immediately said, “Oh shit!”

The man spoke up and said that he realized he was a guest but it seemed like there was a double standard in that the woman used the same word that he was told he should not use.

The woman quickly replied, “There’s no double standard. Your ball didn’t hit the fucking tree!”

 

1039

 

So, it’s Labor Day Weekend.  One of the biggest requirements of the weekend is the obligatory last “official” barbeque of the summer.  And as far as barbeques go, there is the obligatory beer that goes with it.  So, this year at the annual Labor Day picnic, barbeque and orgy at DL&LL Electronic Media Enterprises, we aren’t going to buy as many cases of beer as we normally do.  We are going to be using these guy’s:
http://videos.komando.com/watch/6265/viral-videos-the-biggest-pack-of-beer-youve-ever-seen?utm_medium=nl&utm_source=tvkim&utm_content=2014-08-28-article-screen-shot-b 

As well as the usual Ales, Beers, alcoholic beverages and others.

1040

 

 

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Looting

Amen.  Nothing more seems to be needed to be said.

 

Geek Goddess

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Geeks

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Gelatinous Cbe

Okay, so if you don’t get this last one, don’t worry about it.  You’re probably too young to have played this game…or you’ve played some bastardized version on a computer somewhere.  Points and kudos to anyone who can figure out what game I’m talking about and make comment in the comments section.  (Like there is anywhere else you’d make comments?)

 

Three women who were friends in high school returned to their home town to attend their 45th class reunion and have lunch together.

Their talk turns to their position in life, and it’s clear that they are trying to one-up each other.

The first woman says, “My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks,” and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.
The second woman says, “Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes,” and looks about with considerable pride.
The third woman says, “Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don’t have much money and we don’t have any material possessions — but 13 canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on my husband’s erect penis.”

After a long silence, the first woman looks shame-faced and says,”Girls, I’ve got a confession to make. I was just trying to impress you. We’re not really going to the French Riviera . We’re going to my parent’s house for two weeks.”

The second woman says, “Your honesty has shamed me. To be honest, my husband didn’t buy me a Mercedes — he bought me a Taurus.”

“Well,” the third woman says, “I also have a confession to make. Canary number 13 has to stand on one leg.”

 

5g

 

A blonde reports for her university final exam, which consists of mainly true and false questions.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails.
Within 30 minutes she’s all done, while the rest of the class is still working furiously.
During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.
‘I finished the exam in a half hour,’ she replies, ‘and since I have some time
left, I’m rechecking my answers.’

 

1041

 

The Last Word

I am VERY hesitant to print this essay from a self described black handicapped veteran who is dying.  Not because of the fact that he is black, handicapped or a veteran, or even because of the declaration of his dying, but because of the very direct and unacceptable language that he uses.  He does explain himself and explains WHY he uses this language, but I want you to know ahead of time to be prepared.

I was unable to verify the veracity of this essay, but after reading through it, I really don’t have to.  This is one person’s opinion.  And it doesn’t matter WHO wrote it, because it’s obviously been written.  I am curious to hear your opinions about it.

And for the record, I agree wholeheartedly with his sentiment, if not the language he uses.

The words of a dying man have always captured my attention, right or wrong, they are worth reading.  I believe what this dying man has to say has a lot of truth.  May not be what some will want to hear.
 
I wanted to clear up a few black and white questions and answers.  The things I state are facts.  They are not downloaded from some media website, not propaganda, just observations from a 70 year old black man, born in America .
I was told by my parents (yes, a married man and woman with my last name), that I was nigger.  We lived in “ Nigger Town ” in a small Texas town, no A/C, grass growing through the floor, no car, no TV.  We washed our bodies with lye soap that my mother made, by hand.  I thought I was a nigger, until I graduated high school, went to college, did an enlistment in the Army, and got a job.  I am now retired, own my own home, have 6 children by ONE WOMAN, and we all have the same last name.  I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Liberal Arts, a Master’s Degree in Sociology.  My retirement, VA disability from combat in the Korean War (I only have one leg), and part-time pay in a local college, is about $125,000 a year.  From dirt poor nigger, to old, black, proud American.
Yes, I am black, and I can say “nigger”, because I understand the true meaning of the word.
Let’s clear up a few things about the Michael Brown incident.
-Fact:  It is not called “shoplifting or stealing”, it’s called “robbery”, which is a felony.  Brown stole something and assaulted someone, that means ROBBERY.  It’s on video, and it’s a fact.  Not shoplifting, not theft, not “lifting” a few cigars, but ROBBERY!
-Michael Brown, like Trayvon, was portrayed by the media as a “little black boy”, cute little headphones, and his cap and gown photo, gunned down by a ruthless police assassin, executed by “whitey”.  First, I have never seen a cop drag a person into their car’s driver door to arrest them.  So, let us be clear, Michael Brown was a nigger; a sorry assed, criminal, hoodlum, nigger.  Nobody wants to say that, but I will.  He had a criminal record a mile long, was known for numerous assaults, robberies, including the one you saw with your own eyes, and still refuse to call it a robbery.  He was, like so many others, living a life that he thought he was “entitled” to,  just for being alive.  Gangsta rap, weed, drinking, guns, and those stupid-assed low profile rims, makes him some kind of bad-ass nigger.  
-I have fought communist Chinese and North Korean soldiers in the 1950’s with more honor than that nigger.  Yep, I peeled potatoes and shot communists.  That’s the only job a nigger soldier could get.
-Rodney King?  Black Riots! 
-Trayvon?  Black Riots! 
-Hurricane Katrina?  Black Riots!  Stealing TV’s, designer clothes, etc.
-O.J. Simpson kills white man and white woman, found NOT GUILTY?  Did white folks riot?  Nope!
-In fact, when is the last time white people rioted?  Civil War, maybe?  That’s because they are, relatively, civilized people, much like many black Americans.  Protesting is one thing, hell, I’m all for it.  Even if you are an ignorant idiot, you have a right to protest.
-Stop only showing the young black “cap and gown” photos of Michael.  Charles Manson may have a few of those laying around, as well.  Show the nigger “gangsta” photos of the “poor unarmed teenager” (grown man) pics that have been removed from his Facebook page, holding the loaded pistol, smoking weed, with a mouthful of money.
-Militarization?  The stupid-assed media that publicizes this has no idea what “militarization” really is.  Cops wear helmets and vests, and drive armored vehicle because unemployed niggers thrown bricks at them, moron!  You put on an “Adam 12″ uniform and walk down the streets of Ferguson during the criminal riots.  I can guarantee that you’ll jump into the first armored “military tank” that you see.
-You only “want the police” when you “need the police”, otherwise, you mock and fear what you do not understand about the police.  And by the way, the police are trained to take your shit, but I wouldn’t fuck around with those Army National Guard, they aren’t as well disciplined “culturally” to take your shit like police do every day.  They will ventilate your black asses with M-16s, with military precision and extreme prejudice.
-And finally, the way we protest and demand justice, is run down the streets breaking shit, looting stores, and acting like a bunch of untrained monkeys?  Hell, after Rodney King, criminal niggers were actually killing people, thinking they were entitled to be worse criminals than they already were.  For those black criminals that do that, you are a disgrace to your race, inflamed by idiots like Al Sharpton, instead of listening to logic from proud black Americans, like Bill Cosby, Samuel Jackson, Colin Powell, Allen West, me, etc.
-You blame white people for your ignorance, criminal acts, unemployed laziness, etc.
-You blame white people for 89% of the prisons in America being full of blacks.  They did nothing wrong, the racists white cops framed them all, right?  No chance at school, no chance for college, military, employment?  BULL SHIT!
-More niggers kill niggers, than niggers killing whites, whites killing niggers, and whites killing whites….COMBINED.  I find this astounding.
-It’s not white peoples’ faults, the Emancipation Proclamation was signed by a white man years ago.  You can go to school, get a job, buy a house, and vote, JUST LIKE WHITE FOLKS!!!!   You are not a slave, you are not discriminated against!  Slavery is abolished, and nobody alive today, was alive when it was popular.  Get over it!  You are discriminated against because you are a criminal, sorry-assed nigger.  Otherwise, black Americans are treated like everyone else.
-If you choose to create “baby daddy and baby mama”, and fake disabilities as an excuse for laziness to draw social security disability…… instead of husband, wife, family, job, mortgage, it’s YOUR FAULT, not white folks.  And there are a lot of proud black Americans that will tell you the same, as I AM ONE OF THEM!!!
-Remember, the way you act on the camera, is remembered by everyone who sees it.  They will never forget it.  It shows them how you, as the black race, responds to situation that don’t particularly go the way you think they should.  It will become a reference standard, something they expect from you when the next media report doesn’t go your way.  Stop being stupid niggers, and be a proud black American.  My parents raised me well, but they were wrong about one thing, I am not a nigger.
I will not be around long.  While my mind is still sharp, and my aim is still good, my body is eating away with cancer.  It started in the prostate, and is spreading rapidly.  After I die, I have asked my children to publish my writings, and include my name.  Although I am not expecting any miracles, I can only hope that Americans will stop blaming color, start blaming criminals, and see people for what they really are.  We have too many countries that want us dead.  We should not be fighting each other.

I don’t know if, by this being published it means this man has died, or because there is no name attached to it that it means he’s still alive, but regardless, I wish him and his family well.

Cheers,

Impish

Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments

Leprechaun Laughs #261


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Morning boys and girls! Please grab a coffee and a chair  quickly, I’ve a few announcements in the general house keeping vein this morning and then I have to run.

FIRST- In keeping with past practice there will not be a Labor Day Special Issue. Since Impish and I are two of the hardest working people I know (next to my dear darlin’ Molly who does in a day what both Impish and I do and still finds time to write, go the school herself and spend time with me) so I think it’s only fair we get to take it off and get a day of rest form our labors. Impish will be making reference to it anyhow on Saturday I’m sure.

SECOND- For those of you who missed it, (IDK how that’s possible but JIC) I’ve gone back to school for a stinking $2 piece of parchment to hang on the wall certifying that it is the considered opinion of people who know less about my specialization than me agree I know my shit.

Testimonials certifications from Boot Camp Style Courses. Recommendations and Endorsements from happy clients are no longer enough. The college Frat party boys resent old school guys like me and are making their bias and discrimination subtly known so I’m getting that piece of parchment so I can place is somewhere uncomfortable for them and continue to earn my living.

I’m carrying a full course load in addition to working full time which means my free time is getting cut by half to two thirds depending on how easy a time I have going back to school full time some 30 plus years after graduating. This means something I have to cut out completely and others I have to seriously reduce the amount of time I spend on them.

Sadly LL is going to be one of those things. Not the cut out but the severely reduce amount of time spent on. Issues are going to shorter. more basic and Parting Shots are going to be few and far between. Since I cannot expect Impish to pick up the slack 100% alone by himself, it may well even man a few weeks where there are missed issues. In a couple of weeks I’ll have a much better picture of just how things will be once I figure out a schedule and get on top of things.

Also I CAN assure you that there WILL be at least a 2-3 week period toward the End of November when we move that there will NOT be any LL issues. That is unless I can get far enough ahead that they autopost for you.

Thank you for your kind attention you should feel free to get up and move about the room now or terrorize the Kraft table should you have a notion. Personally I recommend the blueberry scones with the lemon glaze drizzle.

YGR_LR 3

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An abundance (for the moment) of probably my most important school supply. I’ll be attempting a ‘new formula’ Brown Gold with them.

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Parents these days are primarily worried about 2 things-

1.) What their sons download
2.) What their daughters upload!

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The photo my new study buddy for Interpersonal Communication sent me. I can see how her Dad might think he has something to worry about given what her eyes are Interpersonally Communicating to me!

Impish quit laughing! YOUR daughter has a smart phone AND a ‘school girl outfit’ too Buddy!

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Actor Richard Attenborough dies

Acclaimed actor-director Richard Attenborough has died, the British Broadcasting Corporation reported Sunday, citing his son. Attenborough was 90.

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Maybe one day instead of doing stupid shit like cloning uncontrollable giant predators reptiles (aren’t Dragons bad enough already we need more?!)  science will be able to bring back of of the really great people from history. Though I expect this will happen long about the same time and they discover honest politicians.

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LL PSA Banner

Is your car under recall? Government announces easy way to check

The NHTSA unveils a website to help drivers

AP- The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has unveiled a free online service for drivers to find out if their vehicles have been recalled but not repaired.

The service started Wednesday on its website.

Drivers can key in their vehicle identification number to get the results. The number can be found on the dashboard near the windshield or on the driver’s door post.

Also beginning Wednesday, automakers must keep recall data on their own websites, and update it at least once per week. 

The safety agency’s site will show data if there’s an open recall, or it will tell drivers there are none. The agency also says used-car buyers can check for unrepaired vehicles before they make a purchase.

Speaking of VIN numbers, here’s a little Leprechaun emergency preparedness tip for you-

I keep pictures of our license plate, VIN number, front & rear of our vehicle (it has several stickers which make it easily identifiable) the insurance card and registration both on a thumb drive and on my phone. In the event of loss or in case of emergency this allows me to easily have access to the important information required and pass it along easily. The pictures showing the stickers potentially  allow the police to spot your stolen vehicle even if the plate has been changed. Also they can help out in an accident if someone is disputing your damage claim!

We now before we return you to our regular scheduled jocularity and insanity, here’s one last car & driving related PSA for you-

 

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Probably same story in Ferguson too. Why would I say such a thing? Simple-

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And not a single one will ever be prosecuted due to an Executive Order directing Presidential Lap Dog Eric Holder to make appropriate changes in Law Enforcement’s attitude towards them-

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A Public Service Announcement for Ferguson, MO Residents!

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=575727099190133

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Curmudgeonly Chef

Here’s a fast school night meal that you can even make ahead

Sour Cream Noodle Bake

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Total Time: 30 min
Prep: 10 min
Cook: 20 min
Yield: 8 servings

Level: Easy

 

 

 

 

Ingredients

1 1/4 pounds ground chuck
One 15-ounce can tomato sauce
1/2 teaspoon salt
Freshly ground black pepper
8 ounces egg noodles
1/2 cup sour cream
1 1/4 cups small curd cottage cheese
Pinch red pepper flakes
1/2 cup sliced green onions (less to taste)
1 cup grated sharp Cheddar
Crusty French bread, for serving

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
Brown the ground chuck in a large skillet. Drain the fat, and then add the tomato sauce, 1/2 teaspoon salt and plenty of freshly ground black pepper. Stir, and then simmer while you prepare the other ingredients.
Cook the egg noodles until al dente. Drain and set aside.
In a medium bowl, combine the sour cream and cottage cheese. Add plenty of freshly ground black pepper and a pinch of red pepper flakes. Add to the noodles and stir. Add the green onions and stir.
To assemble, add half of the noodles to a baking dish. Top with half the meat mixture, and then sprinkle on half the grated Cheddar. Repeat with noodles, meat and then a final layer of cheese. Bake until all the cheese is melted, about 20 minutes.
Serve with crusty French bread.

To freeze: Assemble the Sour Cream Noodle Bake in a disposable aluminum oven-proof pan and seal the top of the container with the lid or heavy foil. Seal the edges to prevent freezer burn and place in the freezer.

To cook from frozen: Place directly in a 375-degree F oven and bake, covered, for 45 minutes. Remove the lid and bake until lightly brown and bubbly, about 20 minutes more.

I like to add mushrooms to this. Generally if I have them and I’m making it for ‘now’ use I’ll use fresh and cook them with the ground beef. If I don’t or I’m freezing it for later use I’ll use canned and add them with the tomato sauce goes in. You can use half a jar of Marinara sauce if you don’t have tomato sauce. For a more rustic dish use Peeled Crush Tomatoes

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Other middle-aged Harry Potter books J.K. Rowling has planned

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Alabama hunters nab 1,000-pound gator

Creature measured 15 feet long; pulled from southern Alabama waters

Published On: Aug 18 2014 09:24:50 AM CD

Alabama 1,000 pound gator

Hunters in Alabama got the haul of a lifetime when they nabbed a 1,000-pound alligator.

The monster gator, measuring 15 feet long, was pulled from the water in southern Alabama over the weekend during the state’s gator hunting season, according to Al.com.

It’s the largest gator ever legally killed in Alabama.

In fact, the creature was so big, state biologists had to use a backhoe to lift the animal for weighing. It broke a winch assembly used to weigh most gators.

The gator was caught by Mandy and John Stokes; and Kevin Jenkins and his children, 16-year-old Savannah and 14-year-old Parker, The Associated Press reported.

Click here to see more photos of monstrous reptile.

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Well looks like my time is up, my study buddy appears to be Communicating her need for a little Interpersonal ‘exchange’

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Class Dismissed!

 

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Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Dragonlaffs #1399


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The sun is just peeking over the nearby hills, casting long shadows across the campground where the sun’s light still hasn’t reached the small rising where Impish usually opens the issue.  Diaman is wheeled in to her usual spot by the picnic tables laden with coffee and pastries, under her umbrella and carefully lifted up and placed gently on the cushions by Thor.  If you were close enough to hear, you would be able to hear the god of thunder as he leans over and whispers in Diaman’s ear, “M’Lady, I do hope you allow me an opportunity to redeem myself.  Although I do believe I would’ve made the same bet and the subsequent side bet if you were again, drawing to an inside straight flush.  If I didn’t know any better, I’d say my father or sister had something to do with it.”

Diaman tells the god, “Thor, you’re not going to renege on our side bet, are you?  Whether you think there was funniness going on or not, you made the bet in good faith.  I certainly would have upheld my side had I lost.  My famous fried chicken dinner would have been yours every Tuesday for a year.”

Thor looks stricken and replies, “M’Lady Diaman you dare question my honor?”

Diaman giggles and smacks Thor on the arm.  “No you silly.  Just teasing you.   Over these next four weeks of pushing me in my chair and lifting me in and out, you’ll develop a sense of humor, just you wait.”

Thor grimaces as he takes up position behind Diaman as the Jersey Girl, Ginny takes up a seat beside her.  Helped down from a sleigh pulled by one reindeer, by an older man with a long white beard, in a burgundy colored suit.  Everywhere the deer, sleigh or man steps, snow magically forms beneath and disappear again as they pass on.   He winks to her, puts his finger beside his nose, and disappears.  Shortly to reappear, pointing his finger at the deer and sleigh and then all disappeared again.

Diaman leans over and whispers to Ginny, “So?  What’s with St. Nick?”

“He hit on me at the poker game the other night.  Mrs. Claus saw him and he said he was only interested in helping me out, so now, according to the Mrs., he has to give me taxi service whenever I want it, so I couldn’t resist having him bring me here this morning.  But, I’m not sure I’ll do it again.  His hands were all over me the whole trip out here.  I swear the jolly old elf is like an octopus!”

“Has anyone heard about how John Z is doing?  Or what “left” he had replaced?”

Ginny leans closer and whispers, “I heard it was his left –“

Just then a huge yawn rips across the campground, shooting a huge gout of flame 500 feet into the air, searing a flock of morning doves who happened to be in the periphery of the heat.  They circle back around and do a strafing run on our beloved blue dragon’s head.  Impish snaps his jaws at the birds as they fly off, missing each and every one of them.  Shaking his head and flinging droplets of white bird droppings off his snout, he lumbers over to the nearby lake, dunks his head, shakes madly for about 30 seconds, and returns to the campground.  You notice a fish speared on one of his horns, but nobody deigns to mention it.

Good Morning Campers,
Welcome to another issue of your favorite e-zine!  We have a lot of stuff to cover, but I have a couple of announcements.  First, I know a lot of you have sent prayers and good words to several of our fellow readers who have had some medical issues lately.  Diaman has told us that the skin grafts are doing well and that she hopes to be back up and moving in a couple of weeks.  I’m sure all of us will be happy to hear that, not the least of which is Thor.  Although if I know our girl, she’ll have Thor working his full three weeks whether she actually needs him or not.
Those of you who are worried about John Z and his “left” replacement I’m afraid I don’t have any real information for you.  We haven’t heard anything about how he’s doing, although I will tell you a secret.  I heard he is replacing his left – – Oh look!  A fish!
Impish finally notices the fish speared on his horn, reaches up and pops it into his mouth.  He then licks off his fingers and continues.
So, anyway, where was I?  Oh right.
There is lots of stuff for you to go over this morning.  Some funny, some pissy, but all of it entertaining.  So without any further ado…

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Okay, here’s a good one, this ought to make you laugh out loud.

Mexico Protests Texas National Guard Troops on US Border
Really?  You’re going to protest because we are protecting our borders…from YOU?  Here’s a little more.

Mexico’s foreign ministry late Friday protested Texas Governor Rick Perry’s deployment of National Guard troops to the southern US border to halt the surge of child migrants.

Mexico “reiterates, in a firm and categorical way, its rejection of this measure,” read a statement from the foreign ministry.

“No circumstance at all or change in border security exists that justifies this measure taken by the state.”

The troop deployment “does not contribute in any way to solving the immigration problem,” and is inconsistent with US-Mexico talks aimed at “building a modern, prosperous and safe border,” the statement read.

Dear Mexican Foreign Ministry,

You don’t like us protecting our borders from your thousands of invaders?  You think I should take stuff from my family and give it to your illegal invaders?  You must be delusional! 

You want it, so therefore you are entitled to it?  That makes it right?  What are you a 3-year-old baby?  I want it so it must be mine?

Stupid. Moronic.  And Childish. 

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This video is great fun!  Ever wonder what McDonald’s serves in India?  Watch this video about what a bunch of chain fast feeders serve in other countries.  Shocking…just hilariously shocking!

 

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And Lethal thinks that dragons and felines don’t get along…just because his crazy unusual ninja cats are insane a little dragon phobic. 

 

 

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A wild ride, caught on a helmet cam:

 

 

Coincidence?  Like minds think alike…

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I honestly couldn’t believe that anyone would have purposefully quoted Adolph Hitler, but Mrs. Clinton shows her true colors here.  I checked to verify that each of the anti-Christ’s individuals above were accurately quoted.

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Rodney Dangerfield said….

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.
  
It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass!

  
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

  
A girl phoned me and said, ‘Come on over. There’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home!

  
A hooker once told me she had a headache.

  
I went to a massage parlor.. It was self-service. .

  
If it weren’t for pickpockets, I’d have no sex life at all.
 
 
 
I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, ‘Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?’ She said, ‘No, I hate myself now.’

  
I knew a girl so ugly… they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

  
  My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

  
I’m so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

  
The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, ‘Why?’ He said, ‘Because you came home early.’

  
My wife’s such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

  
I know I’m not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the- Loom guys giggling.

  
My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

  
My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from a hotel.  

  
My family was so poor that if I hadn’t been born a boy, I wouldn’t have had anything to play with.

  
It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning … put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.

  
I was such an ugly kid! …When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

  
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

  
I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

  
I’m so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

  
When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, “I’m sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through anyway.”

  
I’m so ugly my mother had morning sickness…AFTER I was born.

  
I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.  

 
Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, “Do you think we’ll ever find them?” He said, “I don’t know kid. There’s so many places they can hide.”
  
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

  
I’m so ugly, I once worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I’d get.

  
I went to see my doctor. “Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?” He said…”Nothing, your eyesight is perfect.”

  
  I went to the doctor because I’d swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

  
    With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, “How can I get my kite in the air?” He told me to run off a cliff.

  
  Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times – three of those times I was reading it.  

  
One year they wanted to make me a poster boy – for birth control.

  
My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

 

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Best Quote EVER!

 

 

Truth Finally revealed about Viagra:  
 
I knew they would eventually release the ingredients in  Viagra !
 
• Vitamin E 3%
 
• Aspirin 2%
 
• Ibuprofen 2%
 
• Vitamin C  1%
 
• Spray Starch 5%
 
• Fix-A-Flat  87%

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Good Dog!  That’s my good boy!

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Have you heard about the ice bucket challenge?  It’s in support of ALS or Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.  Also known as Lou Gehrig’s disease.  A disease very similar in nature to MS.  It’s very special to me since it took my mother-in-law, a beautiful woman who was as special to me as my own mother.

Anyway, here’s what the ALS Association has to say about the challenge:

In the last two weeks, the Ice Bucket Challenge has quite literally “soaked” the nation. Everyone from Ethel Kennedy to Justin Timberlake has poured a bucket of ice water over his or her head and challenged others do the same or make a donation to fight ALS within twenty-four hours.

Between July 29 and today, August 12, The ALS Association and its 38 chapters have received an astonishing $4 million in donations compared to $1.12 million during the same time period last year. The ALS Association is incredibly grateful for the outpouring of support from those people who have been doused, made a donation, or both. Contributions further The Association’s mission to find a cure for ALS while funding the highest quality of care for people living with the disease.

Maybe more important than the money coming in is the publicity that this little known disease is garnering by the challenge.  The deal is, if you get challenged, you have 24 hours to put a video of yourself getting doused by a bucket of ice water or you have to donate $100 to the ALS foundation.

Well, it seems that even Nancy Pelosi has gotten into the challenge.  I’m not sure who it was who challenged her, but his a picture of her challenge:
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I hope she also had the fortitude to donate the money before hand, as well.

And before any of you get upset that I’m making fun of this challenge, let me remind you how important laughter is to the good health of people with this and many similar diseases.  I’ve had a lot of you write to me and tell me so.  Besides, I put it past Mrs. Dragon and she agreed with me that anyone with ALS would have found it hilarious.

Oh look!  A late entry!
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Good going Hillary!  But, I heard that since she did the challenge, she expects her $200,000 engagement fee.  She is so poor, after all.

And even our good friend Lethal throws his comments into the ring: After hearing about Nancy and Hillary he was extremely grateful for the following:

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Oh Gee.  I’m sorry.  It’s an Impish Insight.  Like you guys didn’t know that Lethal Leprechaun wrote all of the Impish’s Insights that he posts in his issues?  You never looked at the copyright at the bottom of the picture?

Really?

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Good book.  Anyone else read it?  I wonder if the movie is going to be any good.  (And yes, I’m not afraid to say that I read the book, as well as the second and third one.  Does that challenge your sensibilities?)

 

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LOL!  That was me!  Not only did I not notice, I had to look twice after I read it, to even see him!

 

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Ain’t that the truth.  Just like we’d never follow the coyote over the cliff and expect to walk away from the poof of dust at the bottom.

 

you were right

free baby unicorn

 

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Okay, believe it or not, this started out earlier in the issue as a mini-rant.  It has been built up through the week and is now worth a full blown Last Word.  I’m so sick of this jerk, it’s painful…

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Yeah, you can really tell how important the military is to the current administration.  No wonder our vets are getting such a crappy deal.  There’s NO RESPECT shown at all!!!

Major General Harold Greene, the 2-star general killed in Afghanistan August 5, was laid to rest Thursday at Arlington National Cemetery.

It was a beautiful service that was only missing one important attendee:

The President of the United States.

Also missing were the vice president and the secretary of defense.

Major General Harold Greene was the highest ranking military member killed in action since Vietnam. And our country’s military commander in chief, Mr. Obama, must have had something terribly important to deal with.  With all the chaos going on in the world right now, it would be easy to understand.  Was he talking with the Israelis and the Palestinians? No?  Then he must’ve been dealing with the border problem on our southern border…no?  Not there either?  Hmm, he must’ve been working out a way to keep Russia from going nuclear.  No on that one, too?

Then what major crisis was he dealing with?

He was on the golf course.

HE WAS ON THE FRIGGIN’ GOLF COURSE!!??

Then Mr. Obama comes before the country to say how deplorable the murder of James Foley, the newsman who was beheaded by ISIS was.  It was awful.  Barbaric.  And a direct threat to the United States saying more Americans will be beheaded if Obama doesn’t do as they tell him.

This is pretty important stuff.  So important that Mr. Obama didn’t even wear a tie to the press conference.  He shows that he is ready to get to work to solve this and the other problems of the nation. 

Right?

He’s going right to work, isn’t he?

Hell no!  Forty-five minutes later he was back on the friggin’ golf course.  Setting a perfect picture to the family of James Foley who were mourning their son.  And the leader of the free-world? 

Golfing.

Can someone please help me understand this?

What a disgraceful, no-account horse’s ass. What the hell are we paying him for?

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I wish I was an artist so I could paint a more vivid picture of just how disgusted I am by this man.  I truly believe that he is the worst thing for our country that has ever happened.  The worst president EVER…of any country.

And to show how our first black president has helped racism in our country, unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last week, you know about what’s been happening in Ferguson, MO.  Even though it’s beginning to look like the big Teddy Bear Michael Brown beat the crap out of the officer and was shot (while having one eye he couldn’t see out of and probably couldn’t see too much better out of the other) by a cop in fear for his life.  (Even his buddy has recanted his story).  The riots and burning of buildings and all the other bullshit CRAP that is going on there, up pops this article:

Nonwhite cop kills unarmed white youth, national media, AG and POTUS ignore

A brutal natural experiment is underway demonstrating the role of race, riots, and radicals in determining whose death is noted, and whose ignored in racialized America when unarmed young men are shot and killed by police.  While American and world media, along with the President and Attorney General of the United States,  obsess over the death of Michael Brown at the hands of the Ferguson, Missouri police, few people outside of Utah have heard of the remarkably parallel and contemporaneous death of Dillon Taylor, an unarmed young man (and father-to-be) from a gun shot by a Salt Lake City policeman, whose name has not been released, but who has been identified the SLC chief of police as nonwhite.

Read more: http://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2014/08/nonwhite_cop_kills_unarmed_white_youth_national_media_ag_and_potus_ignore.html#ixzz3BAPqmzTz 

Rioting in Salt Lake City?  Everyone up in arms?  Al Sharpton?  Is Al in the room?  Does anyone hear anything over the riotous cricket sounds in the background?

NO!

OF COURSE NOT!!!

It gets worse.  The Salt Lake City police all wear body cams, so the chief of police knows EXACTLY what happened.  Okay, honestly, even cops make mistakes and everyone who reads this blog knows that I am a HUGE proponent of our police forces.  Not to say that this wasn’t a mistake of huge proportion.  But, what I’m trying to say is that, although the final verdict is not in, it’s almost a given that the cop screwed up. 

That’s not even the case in Ferguson.  Not even close.  But what other differences in the two cases can we find…  I’ll leave that question up to the Al Sharptons of the world to answer.

My point is that the horse’s ass of a president that we are currently saddled with hasn’t uttered a peep.  And never has, unless a black person was involved and could be perceived as the aggrieved person.  And he has the unmitigated gall to say that racism is still a problem in our country is.

OF COURSE IT IS!!! As long as people like HIM are put in a position to make a difference and keep CREATING the damn problem it will continue.

Racism is alive and well in this country, thanks to the current administration.

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Leprechaun Laughs # 260 for August 20th 2014


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Even before entering DL/LL Electronic Media Enterprises HQ, you see several signs announcing that todays issue of Leprechaun Laughs would be taking place on Impish’s Saturday Campground/ Party Field. You are directed to waiting shuttle buses to be taken to the field.

Things look actually more or less normal, if you discount being here for an issue of Leprechaun Laughs instead of Dragon Laughs, that is except for the 2 airport style fire apparatus and their attendant personnel in silver fire suits deployed around a large awing at the far side of the Pavilion from which Impish usually makes his opening remarks. An awning from which deep periodic rumbles seem to be emanating.

You can smell the coffee….and is that a hot breakfast line you see? Certainly that is Lethal sitting at a picnic table under the Pavilion with a pen in one hand an enormous coffee mug in the other and several people either hovering nearby waiting for a word with him or assisting him with an astonishing array of files and paperwork being brought to him and taken from him to one of two utility carts which seem to be laden to capacity.

Suddenly you hear a beeping noise begin ramping up. Frantic scrambling takes place around the files. A large piece of plywood is slapped down atop all the papers on the table in front of Lethal and two women clamber atop the plywood flashing more than a little well developed calf and thigh.  Others are returning covers to the file boxes on the carts and throwing large stiff blankets over the entire carts.

Just as the beeping transitions to a steady electronic scream an amplified voice from one of the truck is heard to yell “STAND BY! HERE. IT. COMES!” This is immediately followed by the loudest longest and deepest rumbling belch you have ever heard,  accompanied by approximately 30 to 40 feet of flame shooting out from under the far end of the tent down the length of a trench you failed to notice before. As this occurs there is a terrific localized wind gust through the Pavilion going towards the flames. The reason for Lethal’s staff’s frantic actions of  the few prior moments immediately becomes clear, they knew it was  going to happen. Instantly the 2 giant fire trucks spring into action directing their truck mounted cannons to quell the burning trench. The shrill screaming warning is no longer heard and one of the silver suit men can be seen deploying a long cord with some sort of attached wand on the end from one of the trucks to under the awning returning momentarily with  what might be the remnant’s of a similar device now much scorched and blackened. He pauses to stare at some instrument inside the cab a moment before the amplified voice calls out ‘OK All Clear! He’s good for at least another hour, I think he’s starting to empty out finally.

As Lethal’s staff makes to get back to business he shakes his head and points to you folks making shooing motions to his people toward the service stations on the breakfast line. Lethal momentarily  jumps up on the table and you can here his voice through the Pavilion’s PA-

“Top o the Morn Folks! Come on down it’s safe and all is clear I mean well! Hope you don’t mind a wee bit o fresh air and sun. I’ve laid on a full Irish breakie for the like o ya ta be makin’ up for dragging ya all the way out here without so much as a by your leave. What do you say we all get some and I’ll explain why the venue change and we’ll get to the laughing eh? Race you to the eats!”

At that, he’s off with a dash down the table and makes a six foot leap out of the Pavilion and hits the ground running, straight passed all the food, right to the coffee urn topping off his prodigious mug and returning to the line in time to still  be one of the first 10 served

Once you’ve all gotten something to eat and drink he pauses, from putting away an impressive amount of food and you hear the PA again.

“Now don’t ya be expectin’ this sort o’ thing every time from now on! You’ll be back inside all air conditioned comfy and back to the Continental Breakfast next week ta be sure. We just out here because I’m sort o responsible for that (he jerks a thumb towards the awning) being where it is in the condition it is and by unforeseen extension for the frequent flarin’ ups it’s experiencing. As you might o guessed that awning is keeping the sun off o an out cold Impish. NO! I DID NOT hurt the poor bugger, on the contrary I helped him. See I got ta feeling sorry when I read his issue Saturday for him. He’s been working really hard and had a few ,even by his standards, breaks the last couple o’ weeks when it comes ta him and I. Then Diaman went and had some more surgery and has ta be away from us for a while so he sort o lost his sympatric ear and my vector for slipping him a daily dose of mood enhancer.

Just a moment for an aside if ya don’t mind before I forget in all the hustle and bustle. I’d like to shout out to another loyal reader and regular commenter undergoing surgery John Z whom is apparently having his entire left side replaced from the way his comment on the blog reads. Replaced with what I’m not entirely sure, but hey we thrive on surprises around here, so I’m sure whatever he has it replaced with (except transplant parts from a liberal) we’ll handle. Get back here with us soon John Z- and you too Diaman just as soon as the Doctor says its ok for you not to be prone and them Dragon and Shamrock tattoos on your <location gentlemanly censored> heal enough so they don’t pain you.

OK! BACK TO BUSINESS! As I was saying, Impish was feeling pretty down last Saturday that much was plainly evident. So much so it was a wee bit o’ a concern around here. So  I took piety on him and applied a massive dose of Irish Mental Health Pub Therapy. Or in your vernacular I got him fallin’ down, texting Ex-wives @ 2AM, dead black out drunk.

Now this is NOT as bloody easy as it sounds! First off  Impish HATES drinking alone. Secondly he tends to be suspicious of me if he’s drinking something I’m not which means I have to drink with him and the same thing.  Third his idea of a Old Fashion glass (holds about 6 ounces plus a couple ice cube comfortably) is a 5 gallon plastic bucket.

So you see getting Impish schnockered takes some doing and should only be attempted by someone who can hold his liquor…and the liquor of roughly a dozen other guys too. In short a legendary Irishman which meant me. My problem was compounded by the fact that Impish wasn’t in the mood to drink, he just wanted to cry in his coffee. I had to reach deep, not only into my pocket (getting a Dragon drunk ain’t cheap!) but into my private bartending book and stash of multidimensional bar stocks besides. See Impish is a sucker for Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters (PGGBs), anyone care to take a shot at that obscure literary reference? Extra bragging rights if you can name the bar too)], so I was able to get him started on PGGB Ice Tea. After 5 dragon sized ones ( 5 gal each) consisting of 95% PGGB and 5% Iced Tea he was singing (badly), but to my amazement, still conscious and still sad.

See there is a reason I went with the PGGB, there is a  couple quotes about them which go something like-

“After two of those babies, the dullest, most by-the-book Vogon will be up on the bar in stilettos, yodeling mountain shanties and swearing he’s the king of the Gray Binding Fiefdoms of Saxaquine”,

(a rough translation/explanation would be that 2 drink would cause the Pope to become a cross dressing drunken horny frat chick),

“never drink more than two Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters unless you are a thirty ton mega elephant with bronchial pneumonia.”,

(fortunately Impish comes close to this),

“the ‘Best Drink in Existence’. Its effects are similar to having your brains smashed in by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick”

Anyway when the PGGB didn’t quite have the desired effect I pulled out the biggest club in my bag, Fae Wine-  Elder Berry Fae Wine to be exact. Since a mere thimbleful of this stuff will cause a mortal human to sleep 100 years I gave Impish a water glass (his idea of a dragon sized shot glass) full. Well lets just say he tossed his head back, tossed it down and then just kept right on going back, until his was flat on his and snoring like an idling Diesel Locomotive!

I came back later that night to check on him and found him still passed out…and gassy. He had burped and accidentally instantly burnt up most of a carnival he had gotten to surprise you folks with. So I had the awning set up and the fire crew come out to deal with the burping issue and I’m watching over him until he wakes up. I’ve brewing and concentrating espresso and Red Bull. If by tonight he doesn’t show any signs of starting to sober up we’ll use a 2.5 off another pumper truck we have to get those down him in between those flaming belches like the one you witnessed. That should start bringing him around so he’s in a fine hung over head pounding condition for your regular Saturday morning here.

Since you folks are here can ya be doing me a favor? Watch Impish for me? Just until the end of the issue. Please? See while this has been going on here there’s been a wee ‘domestic accident’ at Keebler Towers according to a text I received just before you all arrived. See what I mean?”

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Ya see had to stuff all that money from liquidating my assets in San Marino into my safe at Keebler Towers and apparently a few bundling straps broke. Well the money expanded (I used a bailing machine to really compress it so I could fit it all in a tool case and sneak it in. The next thing I know Ka-Bluwie! My Master Bedroom’s sitting area has suffered the first ever recorded Currency Blizzard!

He should sleep though the issue just just don’t go near him or get between him and the coffee if he wakes up and we should be good. I’ll be back before the end of the issue I promise

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What’s Coffee w/o a Donut?

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Much has been said about what Obama should do to hurt the Russian economy. To me the plan for Russia is simple:

  1) ban their use of coal
  2) mandate that Russia goes on Obamacare
  3) don’t allow any drilling on Russian public land
  4) have the EPA pass rulings on Russian business
  5) re-define the full time Russian work week to 30 hours
  6) raise the Russian minimum wage
  7) mandate overtime pay for government employees
  8) Demand the Russian Government pay free Welfare benefits to Illegal immigrants

I could go on but I guarantee these measures would bring the Russia
economy to its knees; after all, it has been working in the U. S. since 2009!

Lep Movie Sage words

It’s tough trying to keep your feet on the ground, head above the clouds, your nose to the grindstone, your shoulder to the wheel, your finger on the pulse, your eye on the ball, your ear to the ground and concentrate on thinking outside the fecking box all at the same bloody time!

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This video has gone viral in practically the space between two heart beats. See and judge for yourself.

‘Man’ on the moon mystery solved? NASA claims the strange figure was just a ‘scratch on the negative of the film’

  • YouTube user Wowforreal posted a video showing the ‘alien’ figure
  • Image was originally captured by either the Apollo 15 or 17 missions
  • Figure can been seen on Google Moon at 27°34’26.35″N 19°36’4.75″W
  • NASA claims it was either ‘dust, an eyelash [or] scratch on the negative’
  • Seeing familiar things in random objects is a known as Pareidolia
  • Scientists claim we also tend to use this ability to ‘enrich our imagination’ and recognize meaningful shapes, even when they’re not there

An eerie video claiming to show an ‘alien’ figure walking on the moon went viral earlier this week.

Theories ranged from shadows cast by a nearby boulder to an ancient alien statue placed on the lunar surface.

Now NASA has announced the figure is simply ‘dust, an eyelash [or] scratch on the negative’ of the film that took the image.

Noah Petro, a deputy project scientist for the Lunar Renaissance Orbiter (LROC) mission that is currently orbiting the moon, told Pix11 that the image was taken by either the Apollo 15 or 17 manned missions to the moon in 1971 and 1972 respectively.

He points out that a current LROC doesn’t show any lunar feature that could cause that pattern on the ground.

‘My best guess, is that something (dust, an eyelash, scratch on the negative) was on the film,’ Dr Petro told Pix11.

‘Remember, this was in the pre-digital days when all sorts of nasty things could happen to film.’

The popularity of the video can be explained by a psychological phenomenon called Pareidolia, which is the brain’s response to seeing faces and other significant objects in random stimulus.

Wowforreel said he started investigating the shadow, which can also be seen on Google Moon at 27°34’26.35″N 19°36’4.75″W, after receiving an online tip from another web user named Jasenko.

‘An irregularly shaped dark spot he noticed on Google Moon looks like it could be a cast shadow from a massive standing object, or figure,’ Wowforreeel told UFO Sighting Daily.

‘At first I thought maybe it was something drawn into the picture but after going to Google Moon, whatever it is or isn’t…uh, is there.’

Tom Rose, a paranormal explainer, wrote in the Examiner the figure bears an uncanny resemblance to what the ancient statue, ‘The Colossus of Rhodes’, is thought to have looked like before it was felled a massive earthquake in 226 BC.

This isn’t the first time that Wowforreel has spotted strange objects after sloughing through Google’s moon series.

In January, the user highlighted controversial images which showed what some people believed could be a secret alien base or spaceship on the moon.

The triangular anomaly, spotted on Google’s map of the moon, had rows of seven light-like dots along its edge.

Personally I have an easier to swallow theory, Rastas. After all they’ve been singing about it for years-

 

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Oh I don’t think they misunderstood at all! On the contrary, I think you’re the one who doesn’t understand!

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You just plain got to love this recipe. Not only  does it make a superior to commercially available product, but the recipe is so simply you don’t even need instructions just a few pictures!

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I will give you a couple hard won nuggets of info about this recipe that might not be readily apparent unless you’re used to wrapping things in prepared dough.

  1. Be sure you use the Turkey variety of Pepperoni as the 705 less fat is key to this not coming out a grease soaked soggy mess. Otherwise you’ll need to microwave the Pepperoni on Paper towels and get as much grease out as possible which will lead to it being over cooked in the end product.
  2. They show  using 1/2 sticks of cheese. I found 1/3rd sticks did better made less mess and retained more inside. Cut the cheese into portions then let them sit in your fridge until you’re ready to roll them and then get them into the oven as fast as you can. This keeps them cold as possible and allows for maximum stringiness when eating
  3. We thought them slightly bland the first time so I mixed a bit of onion & garlic powders with some Italian Seasoning and sprinkled it over the dough before filling them.
  4. Speaking of rolling them the ends are not closed for a reason. You need any moisture to escape easily
  5. You want a pizza sauce not a pasta sauce for dipping. Progresso makes a very good one in a small jar but you can make your own by buying Marinara sauce and heating it with a generous pinch of Oregano. Like a little kick? Add some crushed red pepper
  6. Bake them for the minimum length of time stated on the dough wrapper then check them roughly every 30 secs to minute. IF you like them darker than shown spray them with a light coat of Cooking spray. Also spray the cookie sheets themselves prior to placing them on the sheets.
  7. If you get brave or adventurous and decide to try adding things to the basic recipe or swapping things out; a.) Be mindful of the moisture &/or grease your substitute ingredient[s] might give up. I suggest precooking any ingredients you use. b.) Know that shredded cheese melts too quickly to work in this recipe Use block cheese cut into wedges or sticks. c.) Finely chopped onion and pepper sautéed well drained and then combine with Italian sausage cooked  with casing removed well drained and chopped fine before combining with the onions and peppers makes a killer filling when paired with Provolone or Asiago cheese.
  8. Finally, when they come out of the oven I make sure they are not stuck to the pan with a spatula and move them all close together. Instead of hitting them with salt I hit them with a couple shakes of Parmesan cheese which sticks and semi melts into place and just puts these over the top

Individual Peach Cobblers

Since you already have the oven on you might as well make dessert right? Don’t forget the French Vanilla Ice Cream!

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Total Time: 1 hr 20 min
Prep:  25 min
Inactive: 10 min
Cook: 45 min
Yield: 8 servings
Level: Easy

 

 

 

Ingredients

Nonstick cooking spray
2 1/2 pounds ripe peaches, pitted and cut into large chunks
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons ground flax seed
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
3 tablespoons cold unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
2 tablespoons reduced-fat buttermilk

Directions

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Lightly coat eight 6-ounce ramekins with nonstick cooking spray and place on a rimmed baking sheet.

Toss the peaches with the cornstarch and 2 tablespoons sugar in a large bowl. Let stand until juicy, about 10 minutes. Divide the peaches and juices among the ramekins.

While the peaches sit, combine the flour, remaining 1/2 cup sugar, flax seed and salt. Cut in the butter, using a fork or pastry cutter, until the mixture forms medium-size crumbs. Stir in the buttermilk until well moistened and large clumps hold together.

Sprinkle the topping evenly over the peaches. Bake until the fruit is bubbling and the topping is golden brown and crisp, 40 to 45 minutes. Serve warm or at room temperature

Use Rolled oats or a few of your favorite (unsalted) nuts toasted in a pan and spun in blender in place of the ground Flax seed unless you already have it on hand.

 

Avicii Vs. Lurgan – “Wake Me Up” as Gaeilge

Ok an wee bit o’ an explanation is required here.

First off those of us who understand the Irish Language and its translation into English would read the above as reading “ ‘Wake Me Up’ in(Irish)  Gaelic” (there also being a Scottish Gaelic. While the two share the same roots there are some marked distinctions which have developed of the centuries)

Secondly, in a private conversation after Impish’s post of Avicii’s version on Saturday last, I had inquired if he was aware of this version. He was not so I offered to post it this week for him as a spirit lifter. That was of course before I got him (unbeknownst to him) lifting actual (Fae) spirits!

 

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Sorry Dude there aren’t enough mosquitoes, even using all 3500 varieties, on the planet for what you’ve got in mind!

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I had promised Impish one more video this issue and it would seem fitting to post it as tribute to these two shining souls as they were as innovative and unconventional as the group doing their tribute.

 

Brilliant responses to ex-texts

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You know I SWEAR I went out with a chick that was a combination of those last 2! Fortunately that was before cellphones and text messaging.

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Ok this last one sounds like an obsessive someone here at DL/LL Electronic Media Enterprises! I just can’t quite pin the tail on the individual though.

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Make Mine Obama Faces!

One last mood lifter for Impish before we draw things to a close! You all watch out for his ‘happy feet’ and swishing tail now!

 

 

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Darth Vadermobile

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I’m taking the easy way out on the Parting Shot again this week. In fact I’ll probably being taking a lot of easy ways out and short cuts for a while as soon as school starts on the 25th. A (GASP!) non reader friend of mine sent me both of these and they dovetailed so nicely I figured I might as well use them  stitched together with a few thoughts by yours truly.

Puzzle for you all: Imagine you are a 3 year old to 8 year old child.  You are on your own without adults.  You are asked to walk  from Houston, Texas to Minneapolis, Minnesota on your own with no food or belongings to sustain you.  Then you are asked to walk an additional 100 miles past Minnesota.

Could you do it?

How long would it take you as a 6 year old?

That is the minimum distance these poor, helpless little ones have supposedly walked from Central America to the border of Texas, again, on their own.  They didn’t get lost.

And they survived the journey without help (unless you buy in to the notion that a destitute out-of-work family run out of their homes by gangs and living in squalor somehow came up with $6,000 to $8,000 for EACH child to pay a coyote to take them to the border).

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Now, on the map above, Puzzle Two, you must start somewhere in the green area:  L

Let’s make it easy and start where green meets orange, so that you had the least mileage by not having to cover the whole green area.  Just start where the green meets the orange. Blue, of course, is water.

Your task is to figure a route from the green area to the purple area without going into the blue area and while avoiding towns and cities in the orange area. The black line is the distance from the nearest town to Mexico’s southern border that touches the green area to Laredo, Texas, one of the CLOSEST purple towns.

1220 miles across desert and mountains with no equipment or food or help.

If orange had stopped these innocents where orange touches green, problem would not have occurred. However, what six year old do you know who could walk 1220 miles (minimum), probably more like 1500 miles on their own without dying?

How many days would it take for a 6 year old to walk 1220 miles without help, directions, food, sun protection, etc.?

The truth is not being provided to us.

Imagine that, our government not telling us the truth.  Now That’s the first time that that has ever happened in America………

Someone created and assisted this, and the media should be figuring out who it is.

BIG FREAKIN’ CLUE….I don’t know his name, but his initials are B.H.O……

!cid_X_MA2_1407027324@aol

Still baffled? Dubious? Claim I’m Racist?, Conspiracy Theorist? Or just hating on the Liberals & Obama?

Then try this on for size in the proof department-

SR 304 – Why the Illegal Immigrant Kids?

If you’re going to tell me that the Politicians and our Government have sudden become clairvoyant, then I’m going to start calling you naïve, gullible, ignorant, Sheeple and quite possible Liberals.

There is clearly more going on here than we are aware or the liberally biased lame stream media is telling us about. While I don’t doubt they aren’t being told everything either they love their liberal hero and his socialist vote buying agenda so much they are not bothering to ask questions of investigate for themselves either so that makes them at least complicit in what ever deception is being played on us in regards to this problem.

Ask yourself why there is no Federal Investigation into who is providing these kids with those coaching sheets or how all these kids are making it all that way w/o help? It’s simple, because Obama and his minions in the government already know the answers but doesn’t want it to stop.

It is plain to me however it has to stop, for two reasons. First our shaky unstable economy cannot sustain the increases to welfare and subsidized Federal Program they hand these kids and whom ever takes care of them on Goose That Lays the Golden Egg Logo Gold inlayed Silver Platters of Entitlement.

Second of all, the next generation American Born Children are fast becoming a minority in their own country and unless this stops soon they will cease to be a dominate voice of American beliefs and values in their own country and wind up instead the Anglo minority in the Hispanic States of the Americas!

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Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Dragon Laffs #1398


Dragon Laffs 16
Good Morning Campers,

I know that Lethal and I have been having a nice seesaw back and forth with our handling of the same situation, and I’ll get to the lies my rebuttal in just a moment, but first, I want to address the Baby June issue. 

I’m not sure exactly how accurate Word Press is in keeping track of how many members we have it was 443 and now it says 441, but that would mean that we’ve lost some people and doesn’t take into account the people who come to visit us who aren’t subscribers or who get it forwarded to them. 

Regardless, we’ll use the number 425 as the number of people who read Dragon Laffs on any given week.  A couple of issues ago, I asked each and everyone of you to donate to Baby June.  Even a dollar or so, whatever you could spare.  As of this writing, 7 of you, that I know of, have contributed to this little girl. 

I’m sure there are some of you who have given and didn’t mention Dragon Laffs, but there haven’t been many people contributing at all.  The word has not gotten out.

I know things are tough.  And I know that the average, honest, hard-working Dragon Laffs reader probably has it a little harder then most because you are dammed proud of making your own way and not taking anything that doesn’t belong to you and you didn’t work for.

But I’m asking again.  And I KNOW that I am overstepping my bounds here, possibly the reason that two of you decided to leave, but I have to try again. There are only 26 days left.  They are still only at 12% of their goal and they could sure use your help. 

Here’s the website again: https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/8lv4/baby-june-s-fight-against-cancer 

1bSo, Lethal is back.  Complaining that he has to take another week off to take care of his yard work, that was supposedly my fault for not taking care of.  Did he take into account that I have spent almost my whole time while he was gone holding together DL &LL Electronic Media running smoothly or even just running.

And he brought up my humble beginnings.  I had fully intended to spend the first part of this issue bantering back at him over the things he wrote, but I’ve changed my mind.

Maybe it’s because I’ve spent most of this evening watching different tributes to Robin Williams, and maybe its because I’ve spent a huge part of the last couple of days revisiting some of my own demons and shadows that I’ve struggled with and to some extent still do struggle with.  I know that Lethal has had his own battles this week as well.  I know for a fact that there are an awful lot of you out there who have larger battles than I do.  Have bigger shadows to dispel.  And I’ve been told many times that the reason so many of you tune in here each week is for that little bit of laughter and smiling that we deliver.  You tune in for that like-mindedness that you find in our words.  You tune in to hear a friend express to you those things that you may not be able to say yourself. You tune in for those three things that are so special to all of us. 

Those three things that, through all my own trials and tribulations, I have found are the only things that ever really help in the long and the short run.  Those three things that give us the power to push back the bullshit that the world is throwing at us every week.  Those three things that we try to put into everyone of our issues…

1aI use this venue to exorcise an awful lot of my own demons, and I encourage each of you to do the same thing.  You can comment, you can email us, you can use us to help yourself.

For those of you who don’t know, my own email address is impishdragon@(just about any ending you can think of).  The ones I can remember are:
impishdragon@gmail.com
impishdragon@yahoo.com
impishdragon@hotmail.com
impishdragon@sbcglobal.net
I know I’ve got a couple more, but I tend to have them all tied to the same one or two emails so that it doesn’t really matter where you write, I end up getting it.

If you have something to share, then write to me.

This song seems to have struck me very hard recently. 

To be honest, I’ve never seen this video until just now. I believe it fits with the words, but it’s not really what I’ve been getting out of the song. But I show it here for your enjoyment.

Here are the lyrics:

“Wake Me Up”

Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can’t tell where the journey will end
But I know where to start

They tell me I’m too young to understand
They say I’m caught up in a dream
Well life will pass me by if I don’t open up my eyes
Well that’s fine by me

[2x]
So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost

I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
Hope I get the chance to travel the world
But I don’t have any plans

Wish that I could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life’s a game made for everyone
And love is the prize

[2x]
So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost

Didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know (didn’t know, didn’t know)

 

Okay then.  Two things at this point.  Enough maudlin and it’s time to start laughing.  Since we’ve already started with music videos, we may as well keep on and you are really gonna love this next one.

 

The Band Steve N’ Seagull plays AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck” like you’ve NEVER heard it before

They do a really awesome cover of Iron Maiden’s “The Trooper” too.  Believe it or not, they are a Finnish band.  Do a YouTube or a Google search.  You will be justly rewarded.

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I found this one very interesting.  How much sleep do you really need?

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TO WHOM DOES THE LAND OF ISRAEL BELONG?


An Israeli Sense of Humor at United Nations set the record straight.

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile.
A representative from Israel began:
‘Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses:
When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, “What a good opportunity to have a bath!”

Moses removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.
When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished.
A Palestinian had stolen them!

The Palestinian representative at the UN jumped up furiously and shouted, “What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren’t there then.”

The Israeli representative smiled and said, “And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.”

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You guys know that my job involves some really weird stuff sometimes and this one falls right in my lap!  It all started with the following article from Kim Komando. 

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As technology evolves, researchers have begun to focus more intently on health-based gadgets. There are plenty of activity-tracking bracelets, apps that can monitor your heart rate, and other medical breakthroughs in the tech field.

But none of these are as sophisticated as the computer system that can predict and monitor disease outbreaks around the world. Named “HealthMap,” this program identified the Ebola outbreak in West Africa nine days before the World Health Organization (WHO) made its official statement.

HealthMap works by sifting through publicly available and free resources to determine where diseases are emerging. A complex algorithm puts outbreak points on a map, and color codes these points by intensity.

The HealthMap system isn’t designed to replace the communication or resources for the medical community to identify and control diseases around the world. It’s specifically designed to bring more accurate and up-to-date information to the public when diseases, like the newest strain of Ebola, are on the rise.

HealthMap will automatically pinpoint your location on a world map and display local disease reports from the last week. You can see where the diseases were reported, sign up for updates about diseases in your area, and see the latest news about diseases in your area and around the world.

When you go to the website, by clicking on the blue box with the word HealthMap in it, you get taken to the site that has a real time map of the world with outbreaks.  Each outbreak is clickable that leads you to the news article or whatever source they used to get the information.  You can sign up for email alerts and there is even an ap for android and apple products.  So yes, I’m really weird and find this stuff cool as hell.  I guess I’ve got the right job for me when I get to play with stuff like this every day.

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GOD to ST. FRANCIS:
Frank
,…you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet?  What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago?   I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.

St. FRANCIS:
    It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers ‘weeds’ and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with
 grass.

GOD:
    Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It’s sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS:
    Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD:
    The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS:
    Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD:
    They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS:
    Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD:
    They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS:
    No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD:
    Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS:
    Yes, Sir.

GOD:
    These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS:
    You aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD:
    What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It’s a natural cycle of life.
 

ST. FRANCIS:
    You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD:
    No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS:
    After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD:
    And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS:
    They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD:
    Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE:
    ‘Dumb and Dumber’, Lord. It’s a story about….

 

GOD:
    Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

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AMEN!  Truer words have never been written, spoken or anything else!  Amen

Thanks to Blues Clues, my little Izzy Dragon could use sign language before she could even talk.  Because of that, her and Mrs. Dragon have had a special interest in sign language.  This next video takes that to a whole new level.

 

 

Pretty cool, right.

 

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Okay, this one is just plain cute.  Watch just for fun…

 

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And this video is just damn impressive.

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Epiphany

Extreme hobbies

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Firearms

Flash Mob

 

 

This is absolutely amazing.  All of history in two minutes….

 

 

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Okay, so what’s the down side of using the door?

 

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This is so much fun for such obvious reasons!  They had to know there were being filmed this way…right?

 

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Sure!  I’ll take a cup of free coffee!  Here’s my dollar!  Wait…what?

 

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And the very next case the Kentucky Judge heard was the assault of 18-year-old Austin Whaley by fourteen blue haired old ladies who were sick and tired of his shit.  They beat the tar out of him with their bingo purses.

 

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It’s definitely false advertising…maybe product tampering, but most assuredly it’s grounds for assault!

 

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Okay, run that by me again.  Slower this time… See!  Even the right wing has loonies.  They’re everywhere!!!

 

 

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Okay, that’s just wrong, on so many levels.  I wonder if he can mail himself someplace nice like that?  That’s all I can handle, we’ve got to move on to today’s…
Last Word4

There are so many harsh and horrible news stories out there right now.  From the problems in Russia to the war in Israel, to our own inept administration and the crap they are piling on our shoulders, to the death of one of our worlds brightest and most kind stars.  Robin Williams took his own life this week, reportedly due to a huge fight with depression. 

What a sad world we live in that a man so famous for making people laugh, suffered underneath so badly that he felt this was the only option he had left. 

Then we’ve got moronic people saying horrible things like how a man who seemed to have everything could possibly have anything to be depressed about and crap like that. 

If you have never suffered from depression, if you have never suffered from PTSD, if you’ve never felt those feelings, been in those places, those dark, lonely places where you wondered why you felt the way you do, wondered how the hell you had ended up there and knowing NOTHING of what you could do about it.  If you haven’t been where they’ve been then you don’t have a right to an opinion.  You have no point of view that is valid.  You have no right to comment on another persons problems if you’ve never had them yourself. 

I just want to add one thing to that, and then we’ll change gears. 

Gene Simmons, this is for you:

coollogo_com-114201216But, you know what?

I’m sick shit full of that stuff right now.

I want to end this week on a positive, up lifting note.

So here…..

Try these on for size….

5h

Bet it was one of those trucks my doctor had hired out…trying to get me to jog every day.  Bastard.

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5k

 

May today be your favorite day and may tomorrow be your favorite today, tomorrow.

Be well and happy my dear friends.

Until we speak again.

Ending

Posted in Uncategorized | 12 Comments

Leprechaun Laughs # 259 for Wednesday Aug 13, 2014


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Cylon LethalAs you arrive that the DL/LL Electronic Media Conference Room you see two of these 8 foot tall Cy-Lethal standing to either side of the door. They appear to have some sort of an electronic device in one hand and what appears the be a shillelagh closely resembling the famed much feared by Impish, Magical Dancing Shillelagh carried by Lethal in the other. Except these shillelagh are larger by half again than Lethal’s and appear to be of metallic composition.

The announcement board outside the conference room bears a sign reading “Leprechaun Telepresence Inside- No Midair Plane Damaging Damned Dragons Allowed!” Your names are checked against an apparently virtual guest list and one or the other robotic guard scans you briefly and reports in a harsh mechanical tone. “Non Saurian Species Confirmed. You may enter.”

Inside thing look more or less normal (remembering that this is Lethal & Impish’s place of business and that ‘normal’ is a somewhat relative term) with the exception of more of those metallic figures sporting over sized Shillelaghs placed strategically about the room and 2 more on the stage. One is at the podium, sporting glowing green eyes and the other seems to be serving Diaman Coffee and Danish.

The one at the podium takes note of you all and asks one of the others to confirm you are all here. When this is done he calls for the doors to be closed. 2 of the Metallic men leave to join the ones outside the door closing them as they go. Those of you in the back of the room can see them standing in front of the door from outside brandishing their shillelaghs across themselves in a guard position as the doors swing shut and are barred from the inside

You are addressed by to one with green eyes at the podium and immediately recognize the voice coming from it.

“Top o the Morn Folks!  ‘Tis meslef your friendly neighborhood Leprechaun at your service. My sincere apologies for any inconvenience or unease you’ve experienced this morning. While ’tis true I’m back from gallivanting about the globe these past few weeks I’m not actually in the office as yet. As you can see from the opening banner Keebler Towers is the worse for my absence. Impish was supposed to go by once a week and graze on maintain the grounds. Being a place imbued with Fairie magic the grounds tend to be very lush but become extremely overgrown if not constantly maintained. It’s going to take me the rest of the week to get on top of things here before I make it to the office.

As you know there’s been a wee bit of a dust up and bit of bother with my iLethal telepresence drones. Since all of them have apparently been disassembled, demolished or detained by a certain Blue Buffoon, as a stick puppet just to sodden well piss me off.  I was forced to upgrade considerably. Allow me to re -introduce my Telepresence Mark II. I call them Cy-Lethals which is short for Cybernetic Lethals which I briefly mentioned last week but was forced to more or less gloss over so as to make a flight from which I nearly never landed but we’ll get to that in a minute.

Insomuch as Impish recent told Diaman in front of me that he doesn’t mind it so much when I shoot,throw grenades, fire missiles or rail guns at him but my Magical Dancing Shillelagh really hurts when it break dances on his skull I asked Goibniu the great Blacksmith of the Irish Gods if he could make me some larger copies for me mates here.

This way I can avoid them having them bristle with mean nasty weapons which might accidentally either intimidate some of our readers or cause collateral damage. Sorry about their appearance but the only molds I could get on short order for their exteriors were the ones from one of the first generation of Battlestar Galactica’s Cylons.  Molds or Dies for forming imposing 8 foot tall robotic exoskeletons are not as yet an off the shelf item and I had to take what I could find. Still I hear they had a rather laxative effect on Impish when he he saw them marching down the hall this morning so as far as I’m concerned that’s a fine trade off for their retro-campy appearance.”

Suddenly a commotion can be heard outside in the hall. Impish seems to be demanding entrance having torn down the sign and threatening flaming consequences should ‘you chrome tin woodsmen not get the heck out of my way. I want talk to Lethal he won’t take or return any of my calls and I going to talk to him right now, Leprechaun Laughs or no Leprechaun Laughs!’

“Please excuse me a moment folks. I’m terribly sorry for the interruption. This will only take a moment, ya have me word on it.”

The glowing green eyes turn red like the other Cy-Lethals and a harsh metallic voice can be heard in chorus outside the door.

Be gone Impish you giant mutant Garden State Gecko!. I have no wish to talk with you now and I’ll bloody well let you know if and when the mood strikes me.

I had 5 weeks of your incessant whine. I’m not interested in excuses and whiney explanations dependent upon the suspension of common sense and logic of how the midair collision with Shamrock One really wasn’t your fault, along with what ever happened to the  GPS cake not being your fault either!

You bloody well damned near ta killed me and my entire flight crew, ta be sayin’ nothing of having effectively destroyed a plane I waited 5 years for the building of. Go back to work- you should have lots to do since I will not be back for another week now owing to just how well you took care o’ the flecking grounds about Keebler Towers while I was gone after ya scared away all the bloody Gnomes and Brownies with your interrogations and threats.”

As the eyes on the one at the podium return to green it holds a a finger up in a wait for it gesture. A slightly different timber of artificial voice can be heard saying… “Your admittance has been refused. Leave at once and remain 100 feet distant from all Cy-Lethals at all times or we’ll use techno-magical force to induce your compliance. You have 10 seconds to comply, this is your only warning.”

An indignant Impish can be heard to bellow Oh yeah? Not in my Mountain! Eat Dragon tail tin man! Ouch! What is that? An electrified shillelagh? Aww that’s cute- but it won’t save you metal man! OW! OW! OW! Giant sized Magical Metallic Electrified Dancing Shillelaghs? THAT IS SO NOT FAIR LETHAL! OW! OW! OW! STOP! I’m leaving already!” The yelps of distress fade away as Impish retreats down the hall.

As Lethal’s Telepresence takes several towels over to a head shaking Diaman who has apparently been laughing so hard as to spew coffee from her nose all over herself in a most unladylike manner he begins “Now where were we?”

Ah right! I forgot to mention that Goibniu built the magical shillelagh copies around a kinetic generator. You ever see those flashlights that never need batteries? You just shake them a minute and you have light for like 5 minutes? Yeah, now think about one of those made my a God of the Smithy working off drawings and notes by Tesla inside a metallic body that stores magic and energy! <Snicker>

Ok moving on- couple records to set straight here. Seems Impish has been Wholesale peddling what I’ll politely refer to as ‘Election Year Political Promises’  (those of you who grew up on/near a farm or animals may recognize the odor coming from those promises and know a different  for what he’s been peddling) while I was gone about some of his activities.

Let’s start with his ‘injury’. I mentioned it last Wednesday and was advised of it by Friday my Sexafairy Administrative Assistant par Excellence the previous Friday Morning as having happen the previous night.  In more understandable terms, his injury occurred roughly 6 days before I made mention of it in Leprechaun Laughs due to when it happened. The midair incident with Shamrock One did not actually happen until the day before Impish’s last issue or 9 day post finger slashing. Let me illustrate with this timeline sequence:

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Since in DragonLaffs # 1397 for August 9th (last Saturday) Impish report himself well on the road to healing and recovery, ain’t no bloody way either side of Hell his injury was the result of the midair collision he had caused the day before. Let me just activate this little detector here and see what it thinks about all this….

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Yup pretty much what I’ve been saying all along. Oh btw the way Impish WAS right about one aspect of the affair, I too found it hard to believe he managed to hurt himself even minorly with plastic Sporks. So I had the evidence rechecked. Seems a couple of our Dooms Day Prepping Employees bought titanium sporks as part of a survival lunch kit for geeks’. Apparently they were errantly left behind unused after a lunch and whom ever was cleaning up pegged those in the bag with the plastic ones. Impish’s luck of the draw was to get the two of those back to back which in turn enabled him to just penetrate his mangy mutant Garden State Gecko hide to the point of drawing blood.

Moving right along, Ladies, Gentlemen and you Undecideds (we make no judgments here but do have a very strict truth in advertising policy with severe penalty for misrepresentation) since this opening is taking far too long I’ll let you get started and pop back in to finish updating you on the whole Impish Incidents Saga periodically throughout the issue. Right now I need to go hack back some Rhododendrons before they start a full scale revolt and see if I can get my Garden Gnomes and those brownies back. Talk to you shortly, mean time-

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A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman,  Anne Maynard, has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesman replied:
“Mr. Maynard was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight.

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A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”

To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight! We just met!” — which causes everyone in the bar to turn and stare at them in silent shock.

Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes and everyone has gone back to their own business, the woman walks over to him. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.”

“You sure did,” the guy says. “What was that all about?”

“Well,” she says, “I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “There’s no way you’re worth a thousand dollars for one night!”

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I might bloody well be needing a multilingual one o’ these for my first discussion with Impish when I finally let him out of the bloody dog house!

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The above isn’t intended to torture your appetites but in actuality is a photo of the reason Impish totaled Shamrock One in a nearly tragic midair collision.

See I sent Impish some pretty rude flowers and wishes which he showed you part of last week. He didn’t show you the ‘Get Dead Soon card I sent with them (likely he ate the damned thing I’m amazed he didn’t eat the flowers). See this is what Snapdragons look like when they die-

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See the resemblance to skulls? Well I got to feeling bad about it.  I mean I might be mad at and I might be a Commodore in the Curmudgeon Corps but I should know what the New Jersey Newt is like and that if there is a way to screw something up he’ll find it in the most comical manner possible and then exceed all expectations at it. Honestly I’m amazed that our Media Empire HQ is still standing and we’re not bankrupt since he’s been (nominally) in charge for 5 weeks now.

One of my final destinations was the Republic of San Marino which is located within the borders of Italy. I maintain a small cottage outside of Domagnano there. See I have well HAD now, a significant interest in the Financial Institutions of San Marino, which is a major source of its commerce revenue. Why I use the past tense will become clear in a few minutes

San Marino is also know for its wine and cheese and if you know where to go has the most amazing Salumi and Italian cured meats butcher. In honor of my pending arrival the butcher (whom in part because of a certain nameless Dragons penchant for his products I spend 5 figures a year with) made a replica of my land and cottage out of Italian meats, local cheese, and bread as a gift. Feeling quite badly about it.

I promised Impish when he managed to con his way past all the checks & employee cutouts I had placed between him and my phone and I was forced to speak to him that by way of an apology I would save it and bring it home complete as it was in the cargo hold aboard Shamrock One for him but it was going to be several days before I arrived.

Well next thing I know we’re airborne trying to exit Italian airspace when a certain flying stomach nearly flies into us head on then starts head butting the rear ramp of Shamrock One demanding that we lower it so he can fly in land and devour! Some of you might remember that Shamrock One is partly based on Air Force One in that it has a lower level with a deployable rear ramp and enough room in the cargo hold for Impish to squeeze into ON THE GROUND.

It is not configured or intended for areal landing of excessively salivating and excited 5 ton Flying Stomachs with scales so granting his request demand was in fact impossible which both the Captain and I attempted to explain to said fly giant Gut . Well after about the 5 or 6th head butt to the ramp door he buckled it causing explosive decompression which drove his head up into Shamrock One’s tail. Hydraulic failure and severe damage to the tail and airframe force us to return to Rimini Airport and declare an emergency. Ol’ Garden State Gut Gecko lost us in our emergency decent through the clouds. When he came out of them he was south of our location and saw Sam Marino Field in front of him which can barely handle a Lear Jet let alone a fully customized 787 Dreamliner. He wrongly assumed this was where we’d put down and preceded to plow through the landing pattern,land in the middle of the runway and then run amuck which searching for us and his ‘Salumi Town’.

As a result of the Hew Jersey Newts typical New Jersey behavior and manners, the International incident he caused with both Italy and San Marino (all International flights must land in Rimini first to clear customs) as well as the damage to both airports and the fact that Shamrock One was unable to lift off again and is occupying a significant amount of their limited hanger space in Rimini. I WAS DECLARED PERSONNA NON GRATA IN SAN MARINO!!!

As if THAT isn’t embarrassing and bad enough, San Marino has strict laws regarding ownership of its banks since I am now officially unwelcomed there I can’t own property there which means I cannot have a legal residence there and ergo cannot own any business interests in San Marino based Corporations OR FINANCIAL INSTITUTIONS! I have owned a significant portion of 4 different major financial institution is San Marino since before the turn of the century! Not any more! I was ‘graciously’ granted 24 hour hours to divest myself of my business interests in San Marino for inflicting an apparently insane delusional and dangerous Dragon on San Marino before my interest would be confiscated by the Republic for restitution of damages!

My accountants have been working day and night trying to access the damages and losses to Pot o’ Gold Ponzi Schemes and Investments and we as hide the assets of reassure some of my largest clients (many of whom are literally GODLY in status) that their monies are safe and well hidden managed. THAT is the ‘slight bumping of said jet aircraft and a flying blue dragon.’ to which Impish refers.

Oh yeah, that ‘Salumi-Town’ as Impish calls it that he crashed me over? NOBODY got ANY of it as it was completely destroyed and spread all over the runway upon our landing when the landing gear failed due to our structural damage!

On top of all that he is correct in that to avoid being arrested as PNG I was forced to fly COMMERICAL out of Italy! Even flying first class I barely had room to stretch out my legs and the food was terrible! See here-

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I’ve got a Driver’s license that’s older than that wine! No crystal balloon glass, no Irish linen napkins, no Belike China and  the only decanting and breathing it did was into a PLASTIC solo cup! 

Well I guess we should get back to the issue for the moment and this seems like a good a place as any to talk about food so…

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As I am preparing this issue (the weekend before you are reading it) we are enduring heat indexes in the 105 to 107 range. Despite having a free electricity on the weekends plan with our electricity provider (whom I refuse to plug sans compensation) cooking here at the Celtic Kitchen has basically come to a total and full stop. Even grilling on the patio is a bad idea until after about 10 PM when you  then run the risk of mosquitoes laden with West Nile Virus attacking any exposed sweating surface.

Besides I’m still trying to get the taste of inferior wine and mass produced in a vat cheese out of my mouth.

So instead of recipes this week we’re going to talk about some little known potential health risks with and in certain foods/packaging methods. Mean time I’m off to make a blender full of 7 fruit smoothies.

Nine Foods You Had No Idea Were Dangerous For Your Health

Nine dangerous foods you should never eat -

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Butter Flavored Microwave Popcorn

There is a chemical in butter flavored microwave popcorn that could put your health in CONSIDERABLE danger. Oh no. There goes our Friday night in Jerry Maguire habit. Diacetyl, which is present in some butter flavorings, has been so harmful to factory workers, it’s even warranted it’s own disease classification – “popcorn lung.” In short, try just the salted kind.

 

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Canned Tomatoes

There is a type of resin that can be present in tin cans, that contains bisphenol-A / BPA. BPA is a synthetic estrogen that can cause reproductive problems and heart disease! Put DOWN the tin opener and go pick some fresh ones instead

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Artificial Sweeteners

Rather annoyingly, studies have actually shown that artificial sweeteners can be JUST as bad for your muffin top as regular refined sugar. UGH. Aspartame can increase your blood sugar level, leading to overeating. And there have even been rumors that it causes stomach ulcers in high concentrations

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White Chocolate

We all know about dark chocolate right? Full of AMAZING goodies, like anti-oxidants. Well, don’t be fooled into thinking that white chocolate has any of these lovely qualities. It doesn’t. It is literally a weird mix of random things that taste sweet.

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    Pea Shoots & Sprouts

    Uh oh. These little things look uber healthy, but pea shoots and sprouts have been the source of an incredible number of food recalls because they are REALLY good at carrying foodborne illnesses. WAH!

    bread dangerous food you should never eat

    White Bread

    Genetic manipulations have meant that the wheat that we now use to make bread is no longer anything like the wheat that our great-grandparents would have known. The newest types of wheat can cause all sorts of inflammatory diseases and allergies.

    Swordfish food you should never eat

    Swordfish

    Swordfish, who’da thunk? You’re probably not eating an abundance of swordfish as it is, but it is worth knowing that you should definitely avoid it when pregnant. Swordfish is high in heavy metals that can be harmful to children as they develop in the womb.

     

    corn dangerous foods you should never eat

    Corn

    Corn kernels are basically little sponges for pesticides. In fact, some of them even produce their own pesticides within the actual plant. They are also of dubious nutritional value.

     

    Food dye dangerous foods you should never eat

    Food Dyes

    Food dyes – have been linked to cancer in animals, so goodness only knows what they’re doing to our insides. The craze for rainbow cakes is more dangerous than we thought!

     

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    Man: I bought every pie at Burger King to spite whining brat

    Man claims to have purchased 23 pies

    Published On: Aug 07 2014 10:03:26 AM CDT Updated On: Aug 07 2014 10:04:40 AM CDT

    Burger King

    After waiting in line in front of a mother and screaming child, a man having a bad day decided to take matters into his own hands.

    A Reddit user posted to a thread labeled, “offmychest” detailing the story of how he was waiting to order at a local Burger King in Montreal, Canada. As he waited, a kid in line behind him continued to whine and scream that he, “Wanted a pie,” much to the annoyance of the man and others in line.

    When it was the man’s turn to order, he purchased his lunch in addition to every last pie in the store, which totaled 23 pies. He then walked out of the Burger King, stopping only to see the angered mother and child’s reaction as they were told that the restaurant had just sold out of pie.

    His post read, in part:

    “I take my order and walk towards the exit. Moments later I hear the woman yelling, what do you mean you don’t have any pies left, who bought them all? I turn around and see the cashier pointing me out with the woman shooting me a death glare. I stand there and pull out a pie and slowly start eating eat as I stare back at her. She starts running towards me but can’t get to me because of other lineups in the food court. I turn and slowly walk away.”

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    It  like seems the best stuff always arrives in my inbox or shows up on a sight during an unrelated search too late for it to be included in the holiday issue it is germane to. Case in point this article which was apparently published some time the night of July 4th 2014 and is one of the clearest demonstrations of why Impish and I preach that firewater and and thing involving gunpowder/explosives is a recipe for disaster. It’s a wonder this guy didn’t burn is brains too!

    Don’t Be an Ass Tonight

    Note: the photos can be considered “PG-13″, but even fairly young kids can learn something important here!

    This is the 4th of July — Independence Day in the USA.

    Our National Anthem (the Star Spangled Banner) speaks of “the rockets’ red glare” and “bombs bursting in air” — our literal fight for independence from the British (in this particular case, during the War of 1812).

    Since then, it’s our tradition that we commemorate that event with fireworks — the symbolic rockets, the red glare, the “bombs” (fireworks shells) bursting in the air. For those who actually think about what they’re seeing, it brings a good feeling.

    Of course, some people (OK: men) are stupid when it comes to fireworks, and some are really, really stupid. This is the (pictorial) story of one such dumbass, who decided to launch a fireworks rocket from between his butt cheeks. May it serve as a good lesson for the kids out there.

    Idiot places the stick of the rocket in his butt cheeks.
    Photo 1: It’s all smiles as our dupe drops his pants so his buddy can slide the stick of a fireworks rocket between his butt cheeks. Note (big surprise!) that alcohol is involved.

    The fuse is lit.
    Photo 2: The buddy has used his cigarette to light the fuse. Uh oh: trouble already! The rocket has slid down and is almost touching his butt!

    We have ignition! Too bad it's his ass.
    Photo 3: Houston, we have ignition! But the rocket hasn’t taken off — it’s shooting its flame right into his ass crack. Our moron utters the usual “Owie owie owie!”

    The aftermath: we call this kind of burn 'third degree'.
    Photo 4: Liberal doses of cool water won’t fix this: in the emergency medical biz, we call these third-degree burns. Still think this was a great idea, Sylvester?

    The moral of the story: Enjoy your Independence Day. Just don’t be an ass about it.

    From where I sit I think it’s a shame he didn’t try simultaneously launching from front and rear. That would have neatly clipped any worries for the rest of us about him reproducing and further sullying the gene pool in the process right in the bud!

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    ‘Ex-wife sale’ sign draws criticism

    North Dakota business removes sign after multiple complaints

    Ex-wife sale sign

    A sign posted outside a contractor supply store that advertised an “Ex-wife sale” and listed “duct tape, chainsaw and shovels” as the items included in the sale was taken down after drawing controversy.

    Curtis Renner, a manager at Joe Rents & Contractors Supply located in Fargo, North Dakota said he meant for the sign to be a joke, but realized that it wasn’t after receiving “a lot of phone calls,” reports the Fargo Forum.

    One of those phone calls was from Christopher Johnson, executive director of the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center, who called the store to express his concern about the sign.

    “It’s not a joke,” said Johnson. “It’s a pretty strong statement.”

    Renner claimed that he “really didn’t think it was offensive,” but promptly removed the sign after receiving criticism. He also removed a picture of the sign from the company’s Facebook page.

    “When people try to find humor in domestic violence, I think it’s our way as a society to try to overlook the violence and the pain and the injustice,” said Johnson.

    Christopher Johnson, executive director of the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center is the recipient of the Inaugural Leprechaun Laughs “Whiney Azzed Moral Minority Politically Correct Police Humor Killing Liberal Jackass Censor of the Week Award”

    Of the 40 plus comments on the article at the time I snipped it (yes one is mine) none of them thought there was anything in bad taste, with the exception that is of this guys whiney azzed liberal funsucking complaint.

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    Nope, that’s not a gratuitous Dragon picture offered to make peace with ol’ Garden State Gut Gecko. I never wanted to resort to this I figured Impish would at least be smart enough to protect himself by not pushing the Lethal on a Stick Shtick for as mad as he has me, but I guess he figures he’s got nothing left to lose and maybe if I get mad enough at him I’ll pop a vessel or have a heart attack and he can survive unscathed that way. FAT CHANCE ‘pal’, I got 10 different contingency plans to assure you get what you got coming if you’re the cause of my death like that. What he does have left to lose is what ever little dignity he’s got left.

    Then again maybe the flying garden State Gut thought he’d frighten me by using me own baby picture. Since I’ve used several o’ these already his sticky fingers getting into me family photo album holds no fear for me but let’s see how he like HIS younger even less discrete than now days dragged out into the light shall we?

    See, I did some checking on Impish, a long time ago when the Earth was green. Total complete background from the day he hit the mundane realm on the run from his Draconia creditors and cursed by that vengeful witch with that miniaturizing spell. Impish was so broke when he got here he couldn’t even afford a place to stay. He had no skills or ability at shills (not that he has any serious ones of either now) so he finally after many years of pillaging garbage cans and sleeping on scrap piles in junk yards had to take what ever job came he could get. Above is a picture of his first one. Admittedly the paint/makeup/Paper Mache job is so bad as to be inspired but yes that’s Impish as a marionette puppet!

    After about a year of playing <snicker> Pinocchio Dragon (I’m a real dragon!), he finally saved up/swiped enough to rent a You Store It Bay for a lair, cover the floor in used cheap silver bought from antique stores estate sales and flea markets plus hire a hedge witch to attempt to break the curse. Not only was she unsuccessful, but when Impish’s check bounced she whammied him with a Supercilious Curse which actually proved to be beneficial for Impish in the long run by giving him is next career.

    Impish Ventriliquest Dummy

    Yes the dummy actually works for several years as an honest of God Ventriloquist’s Dummy! That case with the fold out legs he pulled the remains of my iLethal on a stick out of was actually the one he was kept in to start. I’m reliably informed that the look on Impish’s face in the photo is because his human counterpart was usually half bagged and got confused between a certain part of Impish’s anatomy he fervently wished to have remain output only and the fake hand pocket on his back.

    When it was clear that there was money to be made being a dummy, but that  his human counter part was not  the train he could ride to gravy town, he once again got make up and a prosthetic suit along with a new human counter part (and a better joke writer too).

    For a short while he had some success even appearing on Letterman and actually got a TV deal which was ultimately canceled after only 3 episodes because he even back then had a penchant for acting up and queering things for his friends-

    After Impish (then aka Scorch) ruined Ronn’s shot at fame and fortune Ronn became an arms dealer specializing in WODD- Weapons of Dragon Destruction. Mean time Impish hastily used  nearly all his accumulated at the expense of others hoard to get the twin curse set upon him by vengeful witches lifted and a spell placed upon him allowing him to shift into a human form.

    Unfortunately Impish had not made quite enough for that human image to be one of the ‘beautify people’ and he apparently was rather impatient and annoying to this witch as well (you’d think he’d have learned his lesson by now but NOooo!) Hence his human appearance as something that might best be described  as a well cleaned up semi presentable in civilized society scruffy Bridge Troll in human form. It was at that time he in fact entered the M.I.C.K.E.Y. M.O.U.S.E. Program – Mythical & Immoral Creatures Keen (on) Evading Years (of) Monstrously Obscene Usurpation (of) Success (by) Everyone Else as he now had 3 witches and Ronn plus his Draconia Creditors hot for his hide (to be tacked to their walls) and on his tail in (flamingly) hot pursuit. This is roughly about the time I became aware of the New Jersey Newt and his activities being one of the specialists freelancing for the consortium of people who ran MICKEY MOUSE.

    So now you have the truth the WHOLE truth unspun, valid from all points of view regarding the subjects Impish touched on in his issue last week. Now, let’s get in a few more guffaws before I go start to cut the grass.

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    Well I have my Lawn Gnomes back and hard at work. All that took was a promise of a squad of Ninja Cats watching over them while they worked (Impish omitted them and their scalpel sharp claws from the list of things I use against him semi regularly to invoke compliance that he finds truly painful) but my Gruagach (what you’d call Brownies) seem to have pulled up stakes lock stock and (my) lawn trailer, replete with most of my gas powered lawn & garden gear I might add. Apparently from the note they left they aren’t coming back and consider that severance pay. Word from some of my neighbors is that there is a fight for territory brewing between the Brownies and the Illegal Hispanic Lawn Care Mafia which has a strangle hold on the lawn care business hereabouts.

    Anyhow I wasn’t planning on a Parting Shot this week. Figured on easing back into the saddle after being out for so long. Fortunately long time supporter of the blog and (I’d like to think) friend Paul Bader stepped in with this…I guess you’d call it Guest Rant by Proxy.

    Thanks for the help Paul and great send! I’m actually considering doing up a Coffee Mug for our store that reads along the lines of ‘Hope & Change’ Doesn’t Mean ‘Command & Control’ “ with some sort of Big Brother or Executive Order graphic!

    What do you guys think? Tell you what, if we get enough interest in such a mug to make it worth my time and effort I’ll speak for myself and Impish right now. We will donate 100% of the profits to Baby June’s Medical Fund.

    You guys get to show your displeasure with Obama in a cleaver custom limited time mug and Baby June and her family get a donation towards the financial help they need. If you’re in let me see the comments in the comment section because that’s how we’ll be gauging the interest level.

    Mean time I have to go find some replacement fairie folk I can exploit I MEAN offer employment and lodging to!

    August 4, 2014


    MR. PRESIDENT: PLEASE MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

    [though it certainly has more universal applicability beyond the current figurehead]
    by Richard M. Ebeling

    Dear President Obama,

    For nearly six years, now, you have declared your intention and desire of being my Nanny-in-Chief. Your original campaign slogan of “Hope and Change” was really a promise of “Control and Command.” Well, Mr. President, I have a request: Mind your own business.

    Let me start out with some simple questions. How do you know what is right and good for me? Have we ever met? Do you know anything about me as a real, living distinct individual? Have you the slightest idea about the goals and purposes, and hopes and dreams I’ve had about my life? What do you know about the experiences I’ve had or the knowledge I’ve accumulated over the years as the guides and tools for deciding what I consider best for my family and me?

    The answers to these questions and countless others like them are: You don’t know a damn thing.  Yet you have proposed, implemented and enforced legislation and regulations that imply that you possess the knowledge, wisdom and, most importantly, the right to tell me how I should live, work, and act.

    Your attitude and statements suggest a hubris and arrogance concerning your own superiority, along with those who work for you, that borders on a serious and dangerous elitist complex.

    For someone who often refers to the dignity of the ordinary American against presumed powerful special interests, your own outlook and behavior manifests a disbelief in and contempt for the individual person as a free, responsible human being.

    A Life of Hopeless Dependency on Government

    In your world, Mr. President, everyone is a dependent child needing a paternalist government to take care of him or her from cradle-to-grave. Remember your “Life of Julia” story that you hailed as a model for the future world of triumphant “hope and change.” From her entry into kindergarten to her time in college, through her work life to final retirement, not one aspect of “Julia’s” life was considered possible without the “helping hand” of government to provide education, job security, financial support, and a guaranteed old age pension.

    Years ago, singer Helen Reddy may have sang of independent women who could say, “Hear me roar.” But in the world you envisage every woman is presumed not able to stand on her own two feet, and to compete and succeed in a society of equal individual rights for all men and women.

    No, she is clearly a “weaker sex” that cannot make it on her own without lifelong and unending safety nets and financial and regulatory supports from a government that is viewed as the “adult” who always has supervision over the eternal female adolescent.

    Is this how you view your own daughters’ future, Mr. President, never free of a political Daddy that takes care of his “little girls,” because the governmental Daddy cannot imagine them growing up and being on their own?

    Hubris of Presuming How I Should Live and Choose

    Let’s talk about your signature legislation, ObamaCare. Set aside the embarrassing disaster that followed the initial opening of the website or the shock and the anger among millions of people who discovered the loss of their health insurance and the higher premiums they were now faced with under your “affordable” health care act.
    The underlying premise behind ObamaCare is that you and those manning the bureaucracies in government know what every American needs and should have in terms of health insurance and medical care.

    How do you and your “experts” know this, Mr. President? What makes you think you know enough about every one of the nearly 320 million Americans in terms of what would serve their health care needs and requirements?

    The collectivist mindset that clearly guides your view of people and society reduces the entire population of the United States to a homogeneous and interchangeable mass that if not confined exactly to one size fits all, then to a rather narrow range of options from which the citizens of the nation are to be allowed and commanded to select.

    Each of us, Mr. President, has our own circumstances, our own family needs and preferences, our own judgments about trades-offs between coverage, premiums and deductibles. Plus, our personal situations and evaluations about these and many other related matters change over time.

    Do you sit at our dinner tables after the plates have been cleared when husbands and wives decide what they can afford, what is the best alternatives based on their estimates about what will serve their and their children’s health care requirements?

    Do you not think that your attitude demonstrates a degree of hubris that you would find presumptuous if I or any other individual American were to mandate what you and your family should be allowed and coerced to have for your possible medical needs?

    The Mentality of the Meddler

    I don’t know your daughters or your wife or you, Mr. President. For that very reason I would not presume to tell you how to plan your family’s health care and insurance, or how to raise your children, or where to vacation, or how to spend your money, or how to manage the domestic “ups” and “downs” of any marriage between two unique individual human beings over the course of their lives together.

    I would be considered a busy body, a meddler, a know-it-all, or an arrogant and irritating pest if I were to put my nose into the business of your personal and intimate affairs of everyday life. So why, Mr. President, do you presume to do just that through the rules, regulations, controls and commands that you say you are willing to us your pen and phone to impose on me?

    I only ask that you show me the same respect as a free and self-responsible human being that you would expect from me if we were simply neighbors living next door to each other in any city, town or small hamlet across the United States.

    The Arrogance of Presuming What I’m Worth

    Finally, Mr. President, how do you know what my skills and abilities are worth to me or anyone else in terms of the salary I may earn in the marketplace? To be honest if someone had asked me whether I thought a person who had never worked in the business world, had never held any truly senior management and administrative responsibilities, and only had a few years of elected governmental office should be President of the United States and be paid $400,000 a year, I would have said, “I don’t think so,” and quiet separate from that person’s political views.

    But there you are, Mr. President, sitting in the White House, holding your finger on the nuclear button, while having that pen and phone in your other hand. And with plenty of time to go golfing and flying off on Air Force One for Hawaiian vacations and fund-raising trips around the nation. Only in America! What a country!

    So how do you know that the minimum wage that I should be paid is not less than $10.10 an hour? Why not $9.99 or $11.11? While we are at it, why not $20.20? The last one, after all, might match my eye vision. That seems pleasantly symmetrical.

    The fact is that what anyone is worth in terms of services they might render to others in the market is dependent upon a whole variety of combined circumstances about which you and others in the government know absolutely nothing.

    Each person’s background, education, personal and workplace experience and skills have certain distinct qualities and characteristics different from many others in the type of complex and diverse modern society in which we all live.

    At the same time, what particular skills, knowledge and abilities possible employers are looking for from employees in the context of the products or services they offer and sell to consumers, given the potentially every-changing demands those buyers demonstrate in an on-going competitive market, should make it very clear that it is absurd for you or anyone else to sit in your governmental offices in Washington, D.C. and dictate what people may be worth in terms of an hourly wage.

    Have you ever given any thought to the fact that your minimum wage policy might price some low or unskilled workers out of the market, because you’ve legally priced them above what many possible employers may think that are actually worth? Have you taken the time to reflect that you might be preventing someone from ever getting that entry-level job that may pay little at first, but over time provides them with the on-the-job experience that can make them more valuable to that or some other employer in the future?

    Only Paying What You Think Something is Worth

    Before you had government employees to serve you hand-and-foot in the White House, there was a time, Mr. President, when you, no doubt, went food shopping, or bought a car, or purchased a pair of shoes, or spent money on an anniversary gift for your wife.

    You had a certain income that constrained what you could buy and how much of the various things you would have liked to have. In other words, there was a time when you were closer to being, well, like the rest of us.

    Did you ever pay more for anything than you thought it was worth? Did you not sometimes hesitate or decide not to buy something or not of the quality or in quantity you might have desired, because to do so would have left you with too little money left over out of your limited budget to purchase something you considered to be more important to you or your family?

    If you think back and remember such a time, then why do you think it is any different for the rest of us now? Say that a person may not be paid less than $10.10 per hour, and anyone that a prospective employer or customer does not consider to be worth this amount will not be hired.

    Plundering for Political Power

    Sitting in the White House, such a minimum wage may make you feel good, that you’ve imposed a salary floor that you consider “fair,” “socially just,” or every person’s entitlement “right.” But that will not help the poor individual left without a job, prevented from getting his foot on the bottom rung of the ladder of lifetime employment opportunity, and now dependent on the redistributive largess of paternalistic government.

    But perhaps that is what you want. If others in society will not give people what you think they should pay them, then you’ll just tax the rest of us to pay for this unfortunate person’s welfare safety-net programs. And, besides, the government-supported unemployed and unemployable will feel so grateful to those who care for and feed them at other’s expense that they will show their appreciation by keeping those who think and act like you in political office.

    Plunder some so you can pander to others to maintain the political power you cannot imagine your life without.

    Individual Freedom Instead of Collectivist Control

    Mr. President, this is not the America that the Founding Fathers of our country wanted for themselves, for their children, or the future generations for which they signed a Declaration of Independence or constructed a Constitution that was meant to restrain government and leave each individual free to be a self-governing human being responsible for his own life, and respectful of the equal freedom and rights of every other unique person in society.

    I have a simple but profoundly important request, Mr. President: Mind your own business and leave me and everyone else alone. I don’t want you managing and controlling my life.

    Do I always make the right choices and decisions? No, I do not. Just ask my wife!
    But I do not want to be controlled by a political collective possessing coercive power to tell me what I may do or not do, or with whom I may associate and on what terms. I am not your slave, I am not your government ward, I am not some helpless or hopeless “Julia” who needs you to serve as my lifelong Nanny.

    I declare that I am a thinking, reasoning human being. I am a free person with inalienable rights to my life, liberty and honestly acquired property. I insist upon my right to live for myself, guided by my own purposes and goals, and free to interact and exchange peacefully and voluntarily with all others, with the only essential moral principle behind my conduct toward them being that I respect their life and liberty just as I insist that they recognize and respect mine.

    You, of all modern presidents, should be most sensitive to the dangers and immorality of making some men masters over others who are to be coerced and commanded as slaves.
    The master-slave relationship is equally unethical and perverse whether the master is a private person owning other human beings on a plantation, or a “democratically elected” set of masters who use the power and force of the government to make some others obey their commands under the threat or use of political violence.

    Mr. President, I ask you to mind your own business, and I promise not to put my nose into your life, in turn. If not, at least admit the truth that you arrogantly believe that you should be the head master on the political plantation that your vision of “hope and change” has really always been about.

    http://fff.org/explore-freedom/article/mr-president-please-mind-your-own-business/

    image

    No N.J. Newt, you don’t get to sniff dat either. After you crashed the plane (she was aboard and excited to meet the ‘famous’ Infamous Dragon- I kept correcting her but she kept insisting it was Infamous. Little did I know she was right) she decided you weren’t smart enough to find her ass it it was wiggling right in front of your nose with a tattoo that read ‘Kiss Dis Dipshit’

    Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

    Dragon Laffs #1397


    Header92Out in the middle of the campground, there is a stage set up, with a microphone and a stool.  As everyone is settling down into their camp chairs, logs, and lawn chairs, coffee and pastries in hand, the curtains roll open, and Impish Dragon steps out, with a suitcase in hand.  He takes a few steps forward, flips the suitcase around in a circle and a set of legs pops out of the side.  With a flourish, he then opens the suitcase and reaches inside, pulls out the head of the older model of iLethal, which now is posted on top of a real stick.  He holds up the head, smiles at you and you prepare yourself for a Jeff Dunham look alike act and instead of Jose Jalapeno on a stick, you have iLethal Leprechaun on a stick. 

    Good Morning Campers!  What a day we have for you today.  Let me start by saying that Lethal went to great length to propose my treating his one remaining iLethal robot as a ventriloquist act.  The truth be told, if I was a little better at throwing my voice or talking with a Mexican accent, I might even consider it.  But, let’s face it.  That schtick would only be good for some cheap laughs.  Not that I’m opposed to cheap laughter, but we have bigger and better things to discuss this morning.

    With this Impish tosses the iLethal head back into the suitcase.  Where is heard:

    Ow!  Dammit!  Dat hoit!

    Sorry Larry.  I didn’t realize you were there.

    Youse best be careful, my brudder Guido gonna kick your …

    Impish closes the suitcase and the voice with the thick Jersey accent is suddenly cut off.

    Enough rubbish.  Let’s start out today wishing a very special camper a very special birthday. 

    5iYup, today is my Dad’s Birthday and I’d like to take this opportunity to tell  him how much I love him, miss him and wish we lived closer so we could see each other occasionally.  I hope you have a truly wonderful and marvelous day and I’ll give you a call when I get off work.

    I just checked Baby June’s website and they are still only at 12% of their goal.  Come on folks, we’re running out of time to try and make a difference in this little baby’s life.  Thanks to all of you who’ve given, and the rest of you, if you could please, just spare a little…a small amount…every single dollar counts.  Here’s the website: https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/8lv4/baby-june-s-fight-against-cancer

    I won’t bother you anymore with this.  But please, keep it in mind.

    You may have noticed the snapdragons in the header for today and the little poem that goes along with them.  If you can’t see them very well, here they are again:

    6dIsn’t that the most wonderful thing you’ve ever seen?  They were sent to me by Lethal because I hurt myself last week in a horrible accident.  Yes, I’m fine, my finger will heal.  All is well.

    And speaking of Lethal, he should be back this week.  He would’ve been back sooner, but it seems there was an accident with Shamrock 1, his personal jet.  See, I was so excited that he was coming back that I flew out to meet him and well, there was a slight bumping of said jet aircraft and a flying blue dragon.  Dragon is fine (now, I’m NOT saying that this accident is where I hurt my finger, instead of the ridiculous spork incident that Lethal had mentioned, but I will let you draw your own conclusions as to what REALLY happened.) but poor jet is now nothing but a smoking hole in the ground.  I’m sure I’ll soon be paying for Shamrock 2.  But, because of that, Lethal had to fly back…gulp… commercial!  So I’m sure he’ll be suffering something awful by the time he returns.

    Well, that’s enough of that, why don’t we get to the laughter?

    coollogo_com-213355198

    Ok, I’m gonna start right out with a rant because I’m bloody well pissed!
    Let’s start with this headline:

    Justice Ginsburg: Buying Contraceptives for Others is One of the ‘Obligations That Citizens Have’

    ruth bader ginsburg

    Supreme Court Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg (AP)

    (CNSNews.com) – Providing women with cost-free health-insurance coverage for contraceptives  is one of the “obligations” of citizenship, U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Wednesday in an interview with Yahoo’s Katie Couric.

    “Some people say there’s something troubling about mandating a private company though, to do something that is against their deeply held religious beliefs. What would you say to those people?” Couric asked Ginsburg, one of four dissenting justices in the court’s landmark Burwell v. Hobby Lobby decision.

    “When you’re part of a society, you can’t separate yourself from the obligations that citizens have,” the justice replied.  Bullshit!  I have no “obligation” to provide anyone with anything!

    Ginsburg called the 5-4 ruling in Hobby Lobby “a decision of startling breadth.” The case concerned a regulation issued by the Department of Health and Human Services under the Affordable Care Act that said virtually all health-insurance plans in the United States must provide all women of reproductive capacity with co-pay-free coverage for all FDA-approved contraceptives.

    These “contraceptives” included two forms of IUDS and two drugs that can terminate a human life by preventing an embryo from implanting in the mother’s womb. The Green family, which owns Hobby Lobby, said buying these IUDs and abortifacients drugs violated its Christian faith and that the Religious Freedom Restoration Act prohibited the federal government from forcing them to violate their faith in that way. The majority of the Supreme Court agreed.  And that’s ALL they disagreed with.  Not supplying contraceptives in their insurance to their employees, even though they may have disagreed with their use, but these 4 specific contraceptives.

    “Your 35-page dissent has been described as blistering and scathing,” Couric noted to Ginsburg. “Why did you find this decision so disturbing?”

    “The decision that an employer could refuse to cover contraceptives meant that women would have to take care of that for themselves or the men who cared,” Again I cry Bullshit!  They did NOT refuse to cover contraceptives, just those 4!  Ginsburg replied. “Contraceptive protection is something that every woman must have access to to control her own destiny,” she added.  Bullshit again!  Every woman does not HAVE to have access to contraceptives to control their own destiny.  Give me a break!!  Every woman is already in control of their own destiny by the decisions they make.  Just like everyone in the world, you make a decision, you live with the results of those decisions.  For goodness sake, if you really want to control your own destiny, keep your damn legs closed!  Take responsibility, provide your own condom, what the hell are you doing with a “man who DOESN’T care??!!  Damn, I’m offended by that wording!

    “I certainly respect the belief of the Hobby Lobby owners. On the other hand, they have no constitutional right to foist that belief on the hundreds and hundreds of women who work for them who don’t share that belief. I had never seen the free exercise of religion clause interpreted in such a way.”  They certainly DO have the constitutional right to believe and exercise their belief in that way!  They even have the constitutional right to not even provide insurance.  They could hire nothing but part time employees, or pay them enough to provide their own insurance.  Instead, they try, very hard from what I understand from people who work at the local Hobby Lobby, to make a very GOOD working environment.

    This liberal minded nut bag witch thinks it’s my responsibility to pay for her rubbers she’s out of her loony-left mind!

    So again, I say to Madam Ginsburg…
    coollogo_com-114201216

    Okay…we need a little humor to take the smell of that bullshit out of my nostrils.

     

    5g

    Okay, I just found this.  Was looking for the Pelosi remark where he called one of her republican counterparts “insignificant” twice, while wagging her finger in his face, but I found this, which goes along so well with the rant above, I had to show it to you.  Go Megyn Kelly!

    Okay, so NOW we’ll get to some of the fun stuff…
    1000

    Definitely gonna save that one for the Izzy Dragon in a few years.

     

    coollogo_com-53139351

    DragonPapa1 (268)

    Looks just like my brother dragon hacking up a hair ball…or a scale ball?  Nah, works better as a hair ball.

     

    5a

    Okay, this one is great!  This little guy (18 month old) controls over 500 rowdy teenagers

    1001

     

     

    Wow!  I have NEVER heard this explained better.  Dennis Prager, is 5 short minutes, explains the entire problem in the middle east.  Definitely worth watching!!!

     

    1002

    5

     

    Fantasy Pic Green

    f2009082001

    Fairy with attitude!

     

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    Lethal Leprechaun as a very young child….

    1009

     

    Okay, under the category of “We Just Can’t Make This Stuff Up!”

    How Disney got this woman’s passport denied

    Now that Disney owns the Star Wars universe, everyone’s favorite villain, Darth Vader, has gone to Disneyland!

    But one woman in the UK can’t. She’s having quite a bit of trouble with her legally changed name.2

    Her name is Laura Matthews and she legally changed her name in 2008 to include her middle name: Skywalker.

    She signs documents as L. Skywalker and the name is on her driver’s license, bank cards and the like. However, when she filed to renew her passport with her new name, she was told that the Home Office:

    … will not recognize a change to a name which is subject to copyright or trademark. … We have a duty to ensure the reputation of the UK passport is not called into question or disrepute,” a spokesperson told the BBC.

    Unfortunately for Miss Skywalker, that patent belongs to Disney and her only alternative to a long legal battle is to get a passport with her non-Star Wars name. Looks like she won’t be taking any trips to Disneyland anytime soon

    See, I told you.

    Politically Incorrect

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    6a

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    1015

    5b

     

    1

    a7

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    At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a

    witness. ‘Isn’t it true,’ he bellowed, ‘that you accepted five thousand dollars to
    compromise this case?’
     
    The witness still did not respond.
     
    Finally, the judge leaned over and said, ‘sir please answer the question.’
     
    ‘Oh’, the startled witness said, ‘I thought he was talking to you!’

    1010

    After a long day on the golf course, I stopped in at ˜Hooter’s to see some friends and have some hot Wings and drinks.
     
    After being there for a while, one of my friends asked me which waitress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with.
     
    I told them “The one who knows how to fix elevators.”
     
    I’m old, tired, and pee a lot

    1011

     

    The biggest factor of why seniors are losing more and more benefits…. They are getting blamed for the country going broke.

    This has gone out to almost two million people .  It’s easy to dismiss individual programs that benefit non-citizens until they’re put together and this picture emerges. Someone did a lot of research to put together all of this data. Often these programs are buried within other programs making them difficult to find.


    A RealM Eye Opener

    WHY is the USA BANKRUPT? Read this:We have been hammered with the propaganda that it was the Iraq war and the war on terror that is bankrupting us.


    I hope the following 14 reasons are forwarded over and over again until they are read so many times that the readers gets sick of reading them. I also have included the URL’s for verification of all the following facts.

     

    1.  $11 Billion to $22 billion is spent on welfare to illegal aliens each year by state governments.   Verify   At: http://www.fairus.org/site/PageServer?pagename=iic_immigrationissuecenters7fd8
    <http://www.fairus.org/site/PageServer?pagename=iic_immigrationissuecenters7fd8


    2.
       $22 Billion dollars a year is spent on food assistance programs such as food stamps, WIC, and free school lunches for illegal aliens. 
      Verify  At:
    http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.HTML

    <http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.HTML

    3.   $2.5 Billion dollars a year is spent on Medicaid for illegal aliens.  Verify at:  http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.HTML <http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.HTML


    4.
       $12 Billion dollars a year is spent on primary and secondary school education for children here
    illegally and they cannot speak a word of English! Verify  At:

    http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANscriptS/0604/01/ldt…0.HTML
    <http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANscriptS/0604/01/ldt…0.HTML>    


    5.
       $17 Billion dollars a year is spent for education for the American-born children of illegal aliens, known as anchor babies.
    Verify At: http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANscriptS/0604/01/ldt.01.

    HTML<http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANscriptS/0604/01/ldt.01.HTML>    


    6.
        3 Million Dollars a DAY is spent to incarcerate illegal aliens.

     Verify at:http://transcripts.cnn.com/%20TRANscriptS/0604/01/ldt.01.HTML <http://transcripts.cnn.com/%20TRANscriptS/0604/01/ldt.01.HTML>  

    7.  
    30% percent of all Federal Prison inmates are illegal aliens.   

    Verify at:https://owa.slugger.com/owa/UrlBlockedError.aspx
    <https://owa.slugger.com/owa/UrlBlockedError.aspx>       

     

    8.   90 Billion Dollars a year is spent on illegal aliens for Welfare & Social Services by the American taxpayers.   Verify  At: http://premium.cnn.com/TRANSCIPTS/0610/29/ldt.01.HTML
    <http://premium.cnn.com/TRANSCIPTS/0610/29/ldt.01.HTML>     


    9.
        $200 Billion dollars a year in suppressed American wages are caused by the illegal aliens. 
    Verify At:   http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRI
    <http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRI>    

    13.

        In 2006, illegal aliens sent home $45 BILLION in remittances to their countries of origin.   Verify At:.     <http://www/ <http://www/> /..rense..com/general75/niht.htm <http://rense.com/general75/niht.htm>

    14.   The dark side of illegal immigration:    Nearly One million sex crimes committed   by illegal immigrants in the United States .    Verify  At: http:// www.drdsk.com/articleshtml <http://www.drdsk.com/articleshtml>  
     
    The total cost is a whopping 
    $ 338.3 BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR AND IF YOU’RE LIKE ME, HAVING TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING THIS AMOUNT OF MONEY; IT IS $338,300,000,000.00 WHICH
    WOULD BE ENOUGH TO STIMULATE THE

    ECONOMY FOR THE CITIZENS
    OF THIS COUNTRY.

    Are we THAT Stupid?


    YES, FOR ALLOWING THOSE IN THE U.S.. CONGRESS TO GET AWAY WITH DOING THIS YEAR AFTER YEAR!!!!!   

    If this doesn’t bother you, then just delete the message.

    If, on the other hand, it does raise the hair on the back of your neck, I hope you forward it to every legal resident in the United States.

     coollogo_com-83607298

    I think I’ve mentioned…oh…once or twice…that this is one of my favorite parts of the blog.  I just think that the concept is wonderful, people putting great words and quips to original pictures.  I’ve done several myself, mostly for work, that are very job centric that most people wouldn’t get if you weren’t in the business.  But, I’ll try and track down a few of mine for next week and see what you think.

    product

    I shall

    hug

    hold

    hey lady

    Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.”
    She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed.
    My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
    I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
    He said they love animals very much.
    I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office.
    I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
     
    The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
    I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
     
    She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
     
    I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.
     
    Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, “Colonel Sanders.” 
    Guess where the fuck I am now…

    5e

    ISIS Threatens America: ‘We Will Raise The Flag Of Allah In The

    White House’

    Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2014/08/08/isis-threatens-america-we-will-raise-the-flag-of-allah-in-the-white-house/#ixzz39q3ERjbx

    Here’s the first part of the article.  You can read the rest by following the above link, and then my response is at the end.

    The terror group President Barack Obama threatened to strike in Iraq Thursday evening is itself threatening to strike the American homeland.

    “I say to America that the Islamic Caliphate has been established,” Abu Mosa, a spokesman for the terror group known as the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria (ISIS), told VICE Media in a video interview posted online Thursday. “Don’t be cowards and attack us with drones. Instead send your soldiers, the ones we humiliated in Iraq.”

    “We will humiliate them everywhere, God willing, and we will raise the flag of Allah in the White House,” he added.

    Come ahead bitches!  Me and 300,000,000 (that’s three hundred Million) other gun owners would be more than happy to welcome your asses to the land of the free and the home of the brave.

    5c

    For instance…. Impish Dragon, Lethal Leprechaun and all of you!

     

    1004

    1005

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    Obama signs $16 billion VA overhaul law

    New law provides money for more hospitals, doctors, nurses

    Author: By Drew Griffin, Scott Bronstein and Tom Cohen CNN

    (CNN) -

    Sally Barnes-Breen watched her father die while waiting months just to see a doctor at the dysfunctional Department of Veterans Affairs.

    Now she says a bill signed into law on Thursday by President Barack Obama doesn’t hold accountable those responsible for what happened.  Of course it doesn’t hold anyone accountable. Accountability is responsibility and responsibility means adulthood, personal responsibility and all the rest of those things that this administration doesn’t have a clue about.  Everything is still Bush’s fault, and the entitlement generation is about wanting, not about responsibility. 

    “They broke all the medical codes, when you swear on your oath,” she told CNN of the inability of her father, Navy veteran Thomas Breen, to get an appointment.  That’s because it’s not about medical codes.  Not anymore.  It’s pure and simple about money.  When you set up a bonus system that promotes manipulation of the system to make a monetary bonus, you encourage those people under the bonus system to do just that, play the system.  They were punished for pointing out their own short comings, so there was never any incentive to fix it, just an incentive to continue to manipulate the system, hide the back logs, and continue to collect their bonuses.

    “Billions of dollars can’t fix the VA broken system,” she continued. “What’s going to fix (this) is if you criminalize people when they do wrong.”

    The $16 billion measure doesn’t criminalize anybody.

    It provides money to build more VA medical facilities and hire more doctors and nurses.

    It includes more funds so some veterans can get health care in private facilities.

    It also makes it easier to fire or otherwise discipline senior VA officials.

    At the bill-signing at Fort Belvoir in northern Virginia, Obama said the package begins the changes needed to keep the nation’s promise of caring for its military veterans.

    Obama: ‘Inexcusable conduct’

    “Over the last few months, we’ve discovered some inexcusable conduct,” he said. “This is wrong. It’s outrageous.”

    The law will help the VA system “keep pace with the demand” caused by veterans returning from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, Obama said.

    “This will not and cannot be the end of our efforts,” he said, adding that implementing the law “is going to take time.”  And there in lies the rub.  The law is going to take time to implement is a great way of saying that I get all the credit and the next guy has to figure out how to make it work, where to get the money from and how to help the Vets that Obama promised he would help, but doesn’t really have to help because, remember, I told you it was going to take time. 

    Should it really take time to provide the proper care for our vets?  I think it can all be accomplished in a short amount of time.  Anyone who can’t be helped in a set amount of time has permission to go “down-town” for medical care and send the VA the bill.  See, no time at all.

    But I bet it doesn’t work out that way.

    Along with the increased hospitals and physicians, the measure will allow veterans in remote or rural areas more than 40 miles from facility and those unable to get care “in a reasonable amount of time” to see private doctors, Obama noted.

    Congress approved the package just before going home for its August recess.

    A CNN investigation that started in November uncovered excessive waits for veterans seeking health care. Subsequent reports revealed secret lists kept by some VA hospitals to hide the waiting periods and other management problems.

    Dozens of veterans died while waiting for care.

    The crisis led to the resignation of VA Secretary Eric Shinseki in May as well as congressional investigations.

    The FBI has also joined an investigation by the VA inspector general’s office. The agency watchdog said Thursday its investigation of wrongdoing such as wait time manipulation had expanded to 92 VA medical facilities across the country.

    New VA secretary

    Last week, the Senate confirmed Robert McDonald as the agency’s new secretary.

    The former business executive has promised to swiftly carry out reforms intended to speed up care for returning soldiers entering the VA system and eliminate bogus record-keeping.

    Obama noted that the overhaul gives McDonald authority to remove leaders more easily, saying anyone who engaged in unethical practices or covered them up “should be fired, period.”

    McDonald, who attended the signing, will begin visiting VA hospitals and clinics around the country starting Friday, beginning in Phoenix, Obama said.

    Thomas Breen died in November 2013 after being repeatedly denied care at the Phoenix VA medical facility.

    A month later came a call from the VA saying he had an appointment scheduled.

    “I said, ‘Really, you’re a little too late, sweetheart,'” Breen’s daughter recalled earlier this year in a CNN interview.

    I hope and pray that it all works out the way all of us wants.  I hope and pray that the vets get the help and medical care that they need and deserve.  But, it really will surprise me if it works out that way.

    cheers3

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