Dragon Laffs #1412


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Good Morning Campers,

Well, it’s been an interesting week round here at Dragon Cavern.  Some good, some bad, but I guess that’s what life is all about.  We will, of course, celebrate the good here at Dragon Laffs, and that’s going to start with the littlest dragon, Izzy. 

Now, Papa Dragon Most Senior, this is your granddaughter taking up the artistic brush that seems to have missed most of my generation of dragons. 

At the beginning of the school year, the kids in all grades were asked to create a picture of what winter meant to them…mind you, this was while it was still hot enough out for the kids to be wearing shorts and sandals.  They were given very specific sizes of paper, but other than that, they were set free to do as they liked.

The pictures were all turned in, from two different counties in Indiana, several different school districts, lots and lots of kids.  They selected pictures through three different judging rounds and ended up with the best from each grade, the best from each school and then a couple of special awards.  These pieces of artwork were then turned into banners that will be hung up in the local towns over the next couple of years for the Christmas holidays.

Long story short, Izzy won for the best in the seventh grade!

This is her original artwork:
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This is the banner that was made from her original artwork:
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And this is the really cute “award” that she received.  A Christmas Tree Ornament made from her picture.
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We are all very proud of our little dragon. 

And now, with no further ado…

 

 

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This one is quite interesting.  The Ten Worst Business Decisions of all time.  I was very surprised to see some of these that made the list…and the last one, #1, just amazed me to no end.

 

What we have next is the luckiest man on earth who was captured on video.  You won’t believe this one.

Okay, since we’re doing movie time, how about this commercial.  It isn’t until the very end that you even find out what the product is that they are promoting.

 

My Darling Husband,

Before you return from your business trip, I just want to let you  know about the small accident I had with the pick-up truck when I turned into the driveway.

Fortunately it’s not too bad and I really didn’t get hurt, so please don’t worry too much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the  driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly bent but fortunately the pick up came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture of the damage for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again. 

Your loving wife.

Babs

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P.S.

Your girlfriend called….

 

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Hey!  A dragon’s got to eat, right?

 

A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth marriage.

“Of course, madam,” replied the sales clerk, “exactly what type and color   dress are you looking for?”
The bride-to-be said, “A long frilly white dress with a veil.”
The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time – for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?”
 
“Well,” replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk’s directness, “I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.
 
You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our honeymoon hotel.
 
My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.”
 
“What about your third husband?”
 
“That one was a Democrat,” said the woman, “and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened.”
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Amen!  Brother, we are watching EVERYONE!

 

My Dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior, sent me my first Christmas card this year…

Twas the month before Christmas
When all through our land,
 
Not a Christian was praying
 
Nor taking a stand.
 
Why the PC Police had taken away
The reason for Christmas – no one could say.
 
 
The children were told by their schools not to sing
 
About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.
 
It might hurt people’s feelings, the teachers would say
 
December 25th is just a ‘ Holiday ‘.
 
 
Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit
 
Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!
 
CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-Pod
 
Something was changing, something quite odd!
 
 
Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa
 
In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.
 
As Targets were hanging their trees upside down
At Lowe’s the word Christmas – was no where to be found.
 
At K-Mart and Staples and Penny’s and Sears
You won’t hear the word Christmas; it won’t touch your ears.
 
Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-is-ty
 
Are words that were used to intimidate me.
 
Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen
 
On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton !
 
At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter
 
To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.
 
 
And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith
 
Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace
 
The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded
The reason for the season, stopped before it started.
 
 
So as you celebrate ‘Winter Break’ under your ‘Dream Tree’
 
Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.
 
Choose your words carefully, choose what you say
 
Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS,
not Happy Holiday!
 
Please, all Christians join together and
wish everyone you meet
 
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
 
 
Christ is The Reason for the Christ-mas Season!

 

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U.S. Citizenship Quiz…this is good.  I only missed one.

Get more than 5 wrong you need to go back to SCHOOL! 
NO TRICK QUESTIONS
Answer 15 correctly to pass…Will you?

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The Trouble With Retirement…
 
The trouble with retirement is that the minute you wake up in the morning, you’re on the job.
 
First you forget names…then you forget faces…then you forget to zip up your fly…and then 
you forget to unzip your fly.
 
I find the biggest trouble with having nothing to do is…you can’t tell when you’re done.
 
When you see some people work, you wonder what they’ll do in retirement.
 
The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
 
The worst thing about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own time.
 
Retirement is a wonderful thing…like being a member of Congress….doing nothing, and then resting afterward.

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Okay, this is too good not to share.  I’m just going to give you the link to Kim Kommando’s article on the Hacker Group Anonymous hacking the KKK’s Twitter site.  Do yourself a favor and read this article… http://www.komando.com/happening-now/283162/anonymous-hackers-take-on-the-kkk 

 

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Guinness World Record attempt for the tightest parallel park…don’t try this at home.

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I was in a pet shop when I noticed a young Muslim girl with the most amazingly colored parrot perched on her shoulder.

“Where did you get that from?”   I asked.                                 
“Dearborn, Michigan….There’s fuckin’ thousands of ‘em!” ……..said the Parrot.

 

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Sadly, this is so true! 

 

 

 

Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto arrived in Florida.

In an airport taxi cab, Peterson asked the driver… “Say, is this really a healthful place?”

“It sure is,” the cabby replied. “When I came here I couldn’t say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn’t have the strength to walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out of bed.”

“That’s wonderful!” said the tourist , “How long have you been here?”

“I was born here.”

 

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Okay, enough with the old jokes for crying out loud!

 

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Here’s another one from Papa Dragon Most Senior.  I’ve always wondered how he stays so healthy.  This is the way he says is the proper way to get your blood pressure checked…

The Proper Way to take blood pressure
 
 
 I had to forward this  to the people I know who are interested in the latest Health news.
 
This is  the correct method for blood pressure check for all men above 60 years of age.
 
Medicine has finally  found the correct and most accurate  way to measure blood pressure for men.

4d

My doctor’s nurse  (Michelle) takes my BP like this all the time.
 
My pressure is  normal…. 522 over 418.
 
That’s OK, isn’t  it???
One of the world’s greatest oops!

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Geez… an insider super hero groaner joke.

 

Dear Santa… I really want one of these for Christmas.

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Gratitude

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Reminds me of an old skit that we used to play in school when I was younger.

Four people in a line

#1 Bologna!
#2 Bologna!
#3 Bologna!
#4 …

#1 Mr. Smith is the best teacher in the world!
#2 Mr. Smith is the best teacher in the world!
#3 Mr. Smith is the best teacher in the world!
#4 Bologna!

Yeah, but as an elementary school student, it was pretty funny.

And speaking of bologna…..

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Leprechaun Laughs #273 for Wednesday 11/19/2014


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As you get off the lift the unmistakable scents of burning peat, sage, pine and hard woods assail your nose. Upon entering the conference room you see that several recessed fire places plus a couple cast iron stoves have been uncovered and fired up. Additionally the stone benches are now sporting stadium seat warmers. Some bear the logo of Notre Dame some of Navy and a few New England Patriots one are in evidence. Still yet others bear the logos for the Indiana Colts and the Air Force Academy. The seating area for the paying blog supporters seems to be generating a bit of a stir for its members as they discover not only lap blankets but that their seats have both heat and massage functions. Impish is no where in evidence but the screen behind the podium is pulled down and several iLethals can be seen down front bearing his face and interacting with those in preferred seating.

Suddenly the lights blink several times and then shortly after dim as the screen comes to life. You see Lethal ensconced in  what appears to be a reclining leather club chair dressed in green fleece wear head to toe sporting a tartan plaid lap blanket beside a crackling fireplace. Curled on the back of his chair with it’s head and front paws resting contentedly on his shoulder is what appear to be a Siamese cat sporting a black face mask. Could this be Chai the legendary head of Lethal Ninja Cat clan?

Relax folks I’m fine, well er… better than I was the last 2 weeks anyway. The bloody doctor told me to avoid drafts and rest as much as possible if I wanted to be in any shape to travel for Thanksgiving. Since most of Molly’s family is making a clamor over my possibly not being there and will make her life hell asking if I’m ok or if she’s talked to me the entire time she’s down there I’ve decided to do my part in getting better. With our Anniversary falling shortly after Thanksgiving it won’t due to have her irked at me.

Hence I’m telecommuting this morning as its too bloody cold to be running around outside. I’ve a nice fire, a pot of tea keeping warm by the fire and my guard cats. The other one? Well she’s on the floor between the chair and the fire currently warming her undersides.

As you can see (pointing to the pile of books) I’ve still lots to read for classes so off with ya now and enjoy the issue.

 

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As poorly as I was feeling this concept held some serious appeal

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Here are six Conundrums of socialism in the United States of America:

  1. America is capitalist and greedy – yet half of the population is subsidized.

  2. Half of the population is subsidized – yet they think they are victims.

  3. They think they are victims – yet their representatives run the government.

  4. Their representatives run the government – yet the poor keep getting poorer.

  5. The poor keep getting poorer – yet they have things that people in other countries only dream about.

  6. They have things that people in other countries only dream about – yet they want America to be more like those other countries.

These three, short sentences tell you a lot about the direction of our current government and cultural environment:

  1. We are advised to NOT judge ALL Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics, but we are encouraged to judge ALL gun owners by the actions of a few lunatics.

Funny how that works.  And here’s another one worth considering…

  2. Seems we constantly hear about how Social Security is going to run out of money.    But we never hear about welfare or food stamps running out of money!  
What’s interesting is the first group “worked for” their money, but the second didn’t.

  Think about it…..and Last but not least :

  3. Why are we cutting benefits for our veterans, giving no pay raises to our military and cutting our army to a level lower than before WWII,   but we are not stopping the payments or benefits to illegal aliens.

  Am I the only one missing something?

 

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Now I’m not saying that Paul is old mind you but once I heard that he may have actually voted for Roosevelt…TEDDY Roosevelt I actually had to check him against the Encyclious Expatus Mythicus Creaturis to make sure he wasn’t a mythical creature on the lam. See there was an 8th dwarf originally when Snow White met them. His name was Sleazy. Apparently there was in incident shortly after Snow arrived and Sleazy went on the lam and hasn’t been seen since though occasionally we gets hints as to his whereabouts. After Ginny told us who Paul’s favorite performer was I naturally was obligated to check.

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Here’s a couple presents for ya from what I understand is your favorite performer Sleazy I MEAN Paul k9!!

Rodney Carrington – Momma’s Got her boobs out!

 

Rodney Carrington Today’s The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend

 

You Have Never Seen “Pizzas” Like This Before…

NO WE ARE NOT attempting to resurrect the great pizza debate war of the recent past! Rather, simply put we are paying homage to the great Italian invention and show casing the extremes some people will go to in obtaining their pizza fix when the can’t get the real deal.

I do my best to work out, eat right and live a healthy life, but there is one thing that I will never be able to turn down: A hot slice of delicious pizza with all of my favorite toppings. It’s the perfect combination of pastry, tomatoes and cheese, loved by children and adults all around the world. And, since so many people love it so much, they came up with these amazing ideas I can’t wait to get my teeth into!

Pizza Cones, it’s like an ice-cream cone but for the winter, and full of pizza.

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Pizza Cake, for those times when one pizza just isn’t enough.

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Pizza Fries, just hearing those words makes me hungry.

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Pizza Cupcakes, bite-sized pieces of cheesy heaven.

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Pizza Sushi, the perfect Italian-Asian fusion.

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Pizza Hot Dog, if you’re going to have a pizza with meat, than why not have your meat with pizza?

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Pizza Burgers, combine two of the world’s most loved foods!

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Pizza Pasta, It’s really just pasta with tomato sauce and cheese, but your kids will love the idea behind this.

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Pizza omelet, now you can get away with eating pizza for breakfast!

 

Pizza Chili, Mexican dinners will never be the same…

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Pizza Quesadillas, extra crutch and extra pizza, what can go wrong?

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Pizza Dip, because pizza can make everything better.

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Pizza Lollipops, everything tastes better when served on a stick.

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Pizza Kebabs, it tastes better with a bigger stick.

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Pizza Chicken, It tastes just like chicken (and pizza).

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Pizza Meatballs, full of delicious hot cheese.

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Pizza Nachos, perfect for hosting a meeting of pizza lovers.

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Pizza Potatoes, so easy to make your kids will be able to do it themselves.

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Pizza Fish, you’ll be amazed how well fish and pizza herbs go together.

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Pizza Popcorn, I can’t wait to try this at home!

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Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua . As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman Said to her friend, “Let’s go over to that bar for a drink.”
The lady with the Chihuahua said, “We can’t go in there.
We’ve got dogs with us.”
The one with the Doberman said, “Just watch, and do as I do.”
They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, “Sorry, lady, no pets allowed.”
The woman with the Doberman said, “You don’t understand.
This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer said, “A Doberman?”
The woman said, “Yes, they’re using them now. They’re very good.”
The bouncer said, “OK, come on in.”
The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought,”What the heck,” so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.
Once again the bouncer said, “Sorry, lady, no pets allowed.”
The woman said, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog”
The bouncer said, “A Chihuahua?”
The woman with the Chihuahua said,
“A Chihuahua? They gave me a f…..g Chihuahua ?!

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An Arab family was considering putting their grandfather (Abdullah) in a
nursing home. All the Arab Facilities were completely full, so they had to
put him in an Italian home. After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they
came to visit Grandpa.

How do you like it here?” asked the grandson .

It’s wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful,” said grandpa.

“We’re so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for
you, since you are a little different from everyone.”

“Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents,”

Abdullah said with a big smile. “There’s a musician here – he’s 85 years old. He hasn’t played the violin in 20 years, and everyone still calls him Maestro!

There is a judge in here – he’s 95 year old. He hasn’t been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him Your Honor.

There’s a dentist here – 90 years old. He hasn’t fixed a tooth for 25 years, and everyone still calls him Doctor!

And Me – I haven’t had sex for 35 years, and they still call me The F*#@g Arab.

 

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Cold weather has come early to Texas this year and for me that means the start of soup season. When I think soup I usually think long slow simmer filling the kitchen with mouth watering smells pots on back of the stove. Well, this is, I used to until I met the crock pot.

Here are a trio of start ‘em in the morning ignoring all day and curl up for dinner with a satisfying bowl of soup recipes to kick off soup season in my kitchen

Slow Cooker Chunky Vegetable Soup

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Here’s a hearty vegetable beef soup that slow cooks until the flavors are blended and the soup is delicious.  Best of all, it takes just 15 minutes to put together…then it cooks unattended while you enjoy your day.

Prep 15 min.

Total 8 hr. 15 min.

Serves 8

 

What You’ll Need

3 cups V8 100% Vegetable Juice – [low sodium]
2 cups hot water
1/4 cup ketchup (I use a small can of tomato sauce or Rotel instead)
3 tablespoons beef-flavored instant bouillon [low sodium]
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 pound beef for stew, cut in 1-inch cubes
8 cups frozen mixed vegetables (carrots, green beans, corn, peas)
2 medium potatoes, cut into cubes (about 2 cups)
1 small onion, chopped (about 1/4 cup)

How to Make It

  • 1 Place the slow cooker liner into a 6-quart slow cooker according to the liner package directions.
  • 2 Stir the vegetable juice, water, ketchup, bouillon and black pepper in the cooker.  Add the beef, mixed vegetables, potatoes and onion and stir to coat.
  • 3 Cover and cook on LOW for 8 to 9 hours or until the beef is fork-tender.

Ground beef can be used in a pinch, just brown it and drain it well before adding. If stew meat is too expensive you can usea beef shank or lean pork in this too.

Slow Cooker Barley & Lentil Soup

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Prep 15 min.

Total 8 hr. 15 min.

Serves 8

This comforting barley and lentil soup simmers all day in the slow cooker yielding delectable results.

 

What You’ll Need

8 cups  50% Less Sodium Beef  or Chicken Broth
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon dried oregano leaves, crushed
4 large carrots, sliced (about 3 cups)
1 large onion, chopped (about 1 cup)
1/2 cup uncooked dried lentils
1/2 cup uncooked pearl barley

How to Make It

  • 1 Stir the broth, garlic, oregano, carrots, onion, lentils and barley in a 5-quart slow cooker.
  • 2 Cover and cook on LOW for 8 to 9 hours or until the lentils and barley are tender.

If using beef broth I’ll add in 1 or 2 (depending one the size) beef shanks which I have quickly browned off. If using chicken broth I’ll add a smoked turkey leg or wing or browned off breakfast sausage or diced smoke sausage that I’ve quickly rendered the fat out of. Lastly to get some more color in the dish I’ll use the green part of a leek in place of the white onion. Finally if you have them dried mushrooms make a huge flavor impact on this dish. I just chop/tear them up dried and add right in. Plenty of time for them to reconstitute in the pot during cooking.

Mexican Black Bean and Beef Soup

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Prep 10 min.

Total 8 hr. 10 min.

Serves 8

Golden corn, black beans and beef chuck slow-cook together with Pace salsa for a savory, southwestern stew.

 

What You’ll Need

2 cups beef broth
1 jar (16 ounces) Pace Chunky Salsa
1 tablespoon chopped fresh cilantro leaves
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 large onion, chopped (about 1 cup)
1 cup frozen whole kernel Mexicorn
1 can (about 15 ounces) canned black beans, rinsed and drained
1 pound beef for stew, cut into 1/2-inch pieces

How to Make It

  • 1 Mix the water, salsa, cilantro, cumin, onion, corn, beans and beef in a 3 1/2- to 6-quart slow cooker.
  • 2 Cover and cook on LOW for 8 to 9 hours* or until the beef is fork-tender.

You can make this with sausage or chicken thighs as well. If using chicken substitute chicken broth for beef. You can even use lean cubed pork and use a cup of each broth.

Also I prefer pinto beans to black beans and add a can of tomatoes or Rotel and some chopped carrot. Vary our spiciness by using different heat levels of salsa or Picante.

A guide to keeping the political news as reported by our newspapers in perspective:

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could find the time — and if they didn’t have to leave Southern California to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a poor job of it, thank you very much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The Chicago Tribune is read by people who are in prison, who used to run the state, & would like to do so again, as would their constituents who are currently free on bail.

10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.

11. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are gay, handicapped, minority, feminist, atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans.

12. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

13. The Seattle Times is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.

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Dragon Laffs #1411


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Good Morning Campers
Today we have a very special opportunity to present to you.  Since you’ve all been such wonderful guests and subscribers to our little production, we’d thought we’d give you a little special tour of the inner workings of some of the behind-the-scenes portions of our establishment.  Let’s walk this way…

Impish leads you off the campgrounds and moves towards the buildings that lie on the outskirts of the major complex inside the mountain that is Dragon Laffs and Leprechaun Laffs Electronic Media.  As you approach the first building, he begins speaking again.  His voice magically enhanced so that even those of you in the back can hear clearly.

Today, we’re going to look at the process that a new applicant to DL&LL has to go through to join our little organization.  This is the human entrance, where many of you would come if you were looking for a job.  The magical and mythical entrance is…well…somewhere else.  Somewhere that, if you were of a magical bent, you’d be able to locate easily.

It all starts with an application process on line.  This requires an in-depth background check to include criminal, financial, personal, emotional and other more…um…let’s say “specialized” checks.  We have one of the best investigative organizations in the world, using both mundane and magical methods we can find out just about anything about anybody.  You want to know who else was on that grassy knoll?  I could tell you, but we’ve made promises to certain government organizations not to reveal information that we’ve learned that could jeopardize the safety and security of our wonderful country.

Once someone passes the first set of checks they are invited to visit us here, at our first stop:

4Okay, I hear you.  You’re saying, “But Impish, what if I don’t want to apply for a member of your virgin harem?”  Well, we used to have two intake centers.  One for regular employees and one for the Virgin Harem.  Over the years we’ve found out that since the overwhelming majority of applicants were for the inner workings of the organization, i.e. the Virgin Harem as they are called and such a small minority were applying for the much more mundane positions around the complex that don’t come in contact with the two primaries of the organization, myself and Lethal, that we could save a lot of money by combining the two.  This way there is no misunderstanding that in order to work in the inner circle as it were, you have to pass and have certain criteria.

Okay, I can see by the looks on your faces that you don’t get what I am so delicately trying to describe to you.  So, let me put it to you this way.  In order to work directly with either myself or Mr. Leprechaun you have to go through the Virgin Harem intake process.  Now, this does not mean that you must be technically a “virgin intact” sexual person.  What it means is that you must have those appearances of the virgin.  You must be unblemished, free from any outward lien on your emotional or physical person.  You must be incorruptible by outside influences and have all loyalties without reservation be given onto us.

Now, you might think that some awfully stringent requirements, but in return for that, there is a compensation package that far surpasses the norm.  Our employees are very well taken care of.  The perks to these jobs are so overwhelming that we do not lack for applicants.  On most days the line outside this building would be quite long, and remember, those are the ones that have already passed the first set of hurdles.  There aren’t any lines today because it’s Saturday and we don’t work most of our employees on the weekend.  The weekend is for partying, playing and enjoying yourself.  And trust me when I tell you that we make that very easy to do here.

The few employees that do work the weekends, other than the service employees (we all still have to eat after all) are usually those individuals that work most closely with myself and Lethal.  And those few are well taken care of.

Just to give you an idea, Bill Gates applied to work in our IT department.  Because the compensation package was better than anything he could manage on his own.  How’s that?  Well, keep in mind, we do have access to magic, after all.  What happened to Bill?  He couldn’t pass the initial checks.  We brought him in for a personal interview as a professional courtesy.  I believe him and Lethal came to an “understanding”.  That’s why you’ll occasionally see him on the grounds or enjoying the facilities. He even gets invited to the occasional poker game when one of the regulars can’t make it and we have an open chair.  And of course he’s always invited to the invitational tournaments for charity.

Anyway, onward we go.  As we walk to the next stop on our little tour, why don’t we enjoy some of today’s issue?


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This guy is very good.  Unless you speak the language (Japanese?) just ignore the commentary and the subtitles.  Watch the video and enjoy!

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Impish Dragon was stopped by the police around 2 a.m and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
The dragon replied,
“I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.”
The officer then asked, “Really? Who’s giving that lecture at this time of night?”
Impish replied, “That would be Mrs. Dragon.”

 

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And  here is another old pic of me.  One of the earliest on record actually.  I was just a young thing back then and hadn’t even learned how to change into my human form.  Ah, the good old days.

The Tour Continues…

You come to a split in the hallway.  You can go down the left hand corridor which is all sterile and industrial.  Like a corporate bank building with carpet and tasteful art on the wall, but otherwise quite plain.  Or the right hand pathway which is soft and plush.  Deep pile carpeting is on the floor and subdued lighting brightens the hallway.  Every so many feet down the hallway are plush furniture and little sitting areas.  There are open doorways off the corridor which lead who knows where, but you can hear soft music and giggling coming from some of them.  Impish remarks:

At this point the two career paths split.  To the left are those more mundane jobs such as IT, financial, advertising, and such and to the right is the more esoteric type jobs such as entertainment, security, and research.  So, anyone interested in the left hand corridor raise your hand…uh huh, not many, but those of you interested in continuing in that direction and anyone under the age of 18 … yes, I see you hiding back there and no you are not going to be able to go down this way with the rest of us.  I don’t care if you have your parents permission or even if your parents are here with you.  I WILL NOT be responsible for the corruption of anyone under the age of 18.  If you’re older than 18 than my ability to corrupt you in on your head, not mine.

You will notice a stack of forms, as well as an iris scanner, fingerprint machine and a lab tech.  Those of you who wish to proceed down either corridor will sign a binding non-disclosure agreement and trust me when I tell you that Lethal’s Legal Staff produced that document and it doesn’t get any more binding.  You will also have your identity verified by iris scan and fingerprint and you will be tested for any communicable diseases.  We can’t let you play with any of the toys if you have sort of disease.  If you don’t wish to continue under those guidelines then the exit is behind us and you can finish reading the rest of the issue back at the campgrounds.  No hard feelings either way.

And while the rest of us are getting the legal portions of this over with, let’s continue on with the issue.  Oh, I’m sorry, a question?  Yes?  Who’s going to be leading the left hand tour?  Well, If you look at today’s Fantasy Pic, you’ll be able to see a close up of her…one of our smaller, more magical members of the entertainment staff.  She is an excellent tour guide and will take good care of you.  Oh, and she wishes me to warn you that none of you youngsters are to get any ideas about getting out of line with her, the last time she was with a tour group, a snotty 15 year old boy got tried to slip off and get into trouble.  She turned him into a mouse in order to keep him out of trouble, but before she could give him to a member of security to carry back outside, one of the many ninja cats on the premises ate him and it cost her almost a weeks salary to compensate the family for this kids lifetime of achievements that he could possibly have given to them.  She also had to answer to the head of security for not taking care of her charges while on tour.  I don’t believe she will be turning anyone into a mouse if they act up, but she does have our permission to take any means necessary to insure the safety and security of the rest of her people and to maintain good order.  In other words, the offender will probably find him or herself in a very uncomfortable position until he can be returned to his parents upon the conclusion of the tour and or the weekend.

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A physician, an engineer, and a politician were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions.

The physician said, “Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession.”

The engineer replied, “But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine.”

Then, the politician spoke up. “Yes,” he said, “But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?”

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A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!
The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER’S ASS SHOWS.
The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER’S ASS OUT IN FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER’S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted in shock. When he came to he informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.
The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go.
Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.

Yup, that was one of our newspapers running the stories.  LOL.  I thought the headlines were kind of catchy, but the Bishop didn’t have a funny bone in his body.  Oh well.

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This is Belinda, she will be leading the group on the left hand corridor and I’ll be leading the right.  Shall we go?

As the two groups separate, there is more than one longing glance from some of the teenagers in the left hand group.  The one thing about youth that all the rest of you know all too well, is that it does not last.  It does not last long at all.  And you get a bit of a chuckle out of the knowledge that they will learn the same truth soon enough.

You travel a short ways down the corridor and get a chance to look into some of the interview rooms.  most of them have throw pillows and comfortable divans set up for very intimate interviews.  At the end of the hallway you go through a door and into a full size gymnasium.  There is every type of work out machine and device available as well as some that look more like they have medieval torture devices in their parentage somewhere.  There is a full sized basketball court, racquetball courts, a pool and many other exercise areas.  You are amazed that none of the devices seem to be in use.

This is the intake gym, also known as the small gym.  It is used to measure new prospects physical abilities.  Through the week this is a very busy place with many applicants going through the paces and being tested.  The staff is allowed to use this gym during off hours, but all of them prefer to use the regular facilities in the entertainment cavern.  That way they can be amongst their friends and co-workers without fear of outside eyes.  Most of our members enjoy our relaxed dress codes and prefer to work out in either skimpy outfits or naked and they don’t like to parade their attributes around where outsiders might see.

You may have noticed that we have been going deeper underground as we go, but this area is still considered a “public area.” Those of you who are among our paying subscribers have been given access to our entertainment cavern and know what I’m talking about.  And some of you, I might add, have even enjoyed the security and relaxed setting to dress…or undress…as you like with the knowledge that our security is the best in the world. 

You might even get to meet some of our more famous or infamous guests, some of which have permanent residences in our deep caverns.  I will caution you to keep in mind that all of you paying members have signed paperwork to the fact that you cannot hold us responsible for anything that happens to you here.  If you piss off a minor deity and he turns you to dust, well you shouldn’t have bothered him at the pool.  But, I will say that each of our guests know that when they are outside their own private areas that they too can be kicked out for causing trouble, so most of them will at least give you a warning growl before attacking you.  Please take heed, but if you are invited to attend a “special” as they are known as, feel free to enjoy their hospitality knowing that you are protected under the accords of “guest” status.

Anyway, shall we continue?

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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great, I would recommend it very highly.’
The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’
The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know, he one that’s red and has thorns.’
‘Do you mean a rose?’
‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?

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A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
‘So I hear you’re getting married?’
‘Yep!’
‘Do I know her?’
‘Nope!’
‘This woman, is she good looking?’
‘Not really.’
‘Is she a good cook?’
‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’
‘Does she have lots of money?’
‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’
‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’
Because she can still drive!

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The Tour Continues…

You exit out of the back of the gym and head  enter right into another large room.  This one is dark, with the exception of a small spotlight right over the entrance.  As you step into the opening lights come on a short distance away where an amazing assortment of weapons are displayed in cases, on tables and in racks.  Everything from an early stone axe to a modern sniper rifle are laid out.  Swords, spears, shields, bows, slings, pistols, rifles…every make and model.

This, as you can well imagine, is our small arms training area.  Here, let me get the rest of the lights.  Normally, we only light up the section that an individual is working with at the time, thereby not allowing him an opportunity to see what his next obstacle might be, but I’ll light up the entire facility for you.  Hang on.

Suddenly, overhead lights click on and as the glow brightens you can see that this room is much larger than you first imagined.  It stretches back, with rough hewn walls of the cavern, as far as your eye can see.  As you look around you see many different set ups.  There is a bar scene, a jousting arena, a street corner, targets ranges, school rooms, more scenarios than you can even imagine.

This is our testing area.  A larger version is available for our security people to train on.  It is in a cavern off the entertainment cavern and that is where you, as a paying subscriber, can ask to be trained on some of the weaponry available by members of our security staff.  Yes, a question in the back?

“This is the small arms area?  Does that mean that there is a large arms area somewhere?”

Good question.  Yes.  There is an area that our security people can train and practice with tanks, laser weaponry, rocket launchers and the like.  We take our security here very seriously and have some weaponry that many different and diverse countries would like to get their hands on.  Even our own.  We attract an elite fighting force who get to play with “toys” here that they would never even get a chance to see, let alone play with, somewhere else.

Some of you may even know of our … shall we say, Island Annexation Plan … that is a distinct possibility if our own country doesn’t straighten it’s ass out.  But hey!  No talk of politics today!  Today is a fun day, so let’s go have some fun. 

A door opens to the side and two dozen or so men and women walk in the room and stand at ease.  They all are dressed in different forms of custom, but they all have on a black sash that says SECURITY in bold red letters.

These fine people are here for your entertainment.  Any of you who would like to try out any of the weapons that are unlocked, which would be this cabinet here.

Impish points to a cabinet full of different pistols and long guns.  As he says so, each security member takes a weapons and heads to a different part of the room where they set up in front of a range.  A little neon arrow lights up over top of each of them indicating that they are ready for students.

There are about 20 stations set up around the room.  If you’d like to try out any of the weapons our specialists will assist you and help you to have an enjoyable experience.  No pushing, everyone will get a chance to play.

One of the remaining security specialists leans over and whispers something into Impish’s ear.  You can’t help but notice the beautiful cleavage she shows as she leans into the dragon.  You also take note that her sash has an additional star embroidered above the word security and you wonder what it might mean.  Impish turns and whispers back to the woman and she points out one of the visitors who seems to be hanging back and watching everything.  He occasionally seems to be whispering into the cuff of his jacket, but seems to be oblivious to the attention that the two are now sending his way.  Impish nods his head and continues with the tour.

Hey now, no pushing or shoving, let’s be careful out there.  Those are live weapons and everyone will get a chance.  We have all weekend.  Plenty of time.

 

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A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.  After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’
‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

 

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I hope this was written in jest. These days one can never tell. My problem?  How can one pick only 4?
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Medicare – Part G – Nursing Home Plan

Say you’re a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no Nursing Home care available for you. So, what do you do?

Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older, a gun (Part G), and four bullets.  You are allowed to shoot four politicians.

This means, of course, that you’ll be sent to prison where you’ll receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating & air conditioning, cable TV, library, and all the Health Care you need. Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change, or heart? They’re all covered.

As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now!

And, who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you they can’t afford for you to go into a home. And, you can get rid of 4 useless politicians while you’re at it.

And now, because you’re a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any more income taxes. Is this a great country or what?

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The Tour Continues…

The woman with the odd sash brings the man she pointed out back over to Impish Dragon and you hear the following conversation.

Mr. Patroni, you know you aren’t allowed in here. 

Yes Mr. Dragon, that is true, but since you’ve given us all “guest” status under the accords there is nothing you can do about it.

Well, that isn’t exactly true now, Mr. Patroni, now is it?  You, yourself violated the accords by bringing recording equipment in here.  Didn’t you?

What?  That’s absurd.  I would never…

Come now, sir.  You must have known we would let you in here, knowing what you were going to do simply to get you inside so we could … ah … handle the situation.

You can’t do anything to me.  Not with all these witnesses and you have no proof.  You can’t violate my guest status by searching me!  I have you over a barrel with your own morality!

Quite so sir.  But I did, as a proper host, want to let you know that there is a scanner you will be forced to walk through to exit the premises, as will everyone else, just to make sure our secrets are kept.  It is a very special monitor and you signed the agreement before you were allowed on the premises, just like everyone else.

And if I have, shall we say hypothetically, any recording devices on me, that I’ve been assured are undetectable, than again, hypothetically, there isn’t anything you can do about it.

Ah, you are quite correct in your hypothetical assessment.  But, knowing the sophistication of my devices compared to the possible sophistication of your devices, I feel quite certain that I have nothing to fear.  But you, now dear Mr. Patroni, you have to decide if it’s worth it to you.  I do feel obligated to tell you, as a proper host, that any devices found by my scanner will be instantly destroyed in such a way that it tends to, shall we say, severely damage the carrier of such devices.  Your death, all though not my responsibility at all, due to the paperwork you signed, will be disheartening to the rest of my guests, so I will, as a gentleman, allow you to make your own decisions about carrying any of your belongings through the scanner or perhaps depositing them in the amnesty box just prior.  We are headed there next in preparation for our lunch, which I understand the chef has gone to great lengths to make enjoyable for us.  It would be a shame to have so many of these lovely guests have their appetite’s ruined over your splatter.  But certainly sir.  The decision is yours.

You’re bluffing.

Perhaps I am.  Shall we go and find out.

Impish turns away and returns to his guests, while the woman takes Mr. Patroni by the arm and begins leading him through the cavern towards the exit where Impish is gathering the rest of the guests.

Did everyone have a good time?

A rousing cheer echoes in the large cavern.

Good, good.  I’m sure all of you have worked up quite an appetite, so how about we go have some lunch?  Chef has built up some exquisite samples for us to luncheon on.  It will be buffet style so please feel free to try as much of as many different dishes as you like.  I’m quite sure there will be plenty for everyone to find something to delight their palate. 

As we exit, we will be going through this scanner which will monitor each of you for electronic devices.  As you know, you were all asked to surrender all your devices before entering because we can’t allow any recordings of the goings on here to escape to the outside world.  This device will render your electronics useless in a most stimulating fashion.  I caution each of you to not stand too close to your neighbors as you go through so as not to get any body parts or blood splattered on you by someone who can’t follow the rules.

As a generous host, there is an amnesty box located just to the right there that you can relieve yourself of anything that your shouldn’t have brought in in the first place.  Please feel free to dispose of them in there and before any of you can ask, no, you won’t be getting them back.

Those of you who are amongst the paid membership, please feel free to go around the scanner and have your cell phones and such checked by a member of our security department for any pictures that may have something on them that we can’t allow you to have.  Any of the other pictures you will be allowed to keep.

Shall we?

Oh, and Elzabeth?  Keep Mr. Patroni for last through the scanner.  I don’t want him to spoil anyone else’s lunch.

The line starts moving through the scanner and there are the occasional thunks as someone deposits something in the amnesty box.

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Everyone moves into the very large and very plush dining room where a spread of food is laid out the likes of which you have never seen before.  As the last of your group enters and begins to mill around you notice the group that went on the other tour are already there.

Suddenly you hear a low order percussion rattle the room.  As the china plates’ rattle begins to fade, a voice comes over the PA system…

Janitorial for clean up at the scanner, please.  Janitorial to the scanner, please.  Thank you.

Elsabeth walks in the room a moment later and nods to Impish who returns a shrug.

 

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I’m not sure it’s possible to run out of stupid things to do.  I’m a couple of hundred years old and I seem to do alright.

This next one is great.  I’m not sure if it’s photoshopped or true, but it is funny.  From the original 1964 advertising:
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You could almost replace WD 40 with KY Jelly and have it work just as well.

 

Impish Dragon wonders around the dining room, answering questions and shaking hands.  The food is fantastic, better than anything you’ve ever had before.  Diaman comes up to Impish, puts her arm around his waist while he finishes his conversation with one of the guests and then pulls him off to the side to whisper in his ear.

He smiles a great big smile, hugs her to him, kisses her on top of the head and sends her off with a pat on her lovely posterior.  He returns to mingling with the crowd, nibbling food off the buffet and occasionally nibbling off other people’s plates.

Shortly after that, Ginny comes in, pulls Impish away from his conversation, whispers in his ear and he turns bright red.  Then laughs loudly, wraps his arms around Ginny, kisses her on the top of her head and sends her on her way with a pat on her posterior.

After watching this, you have to go over and ask him what that was all about.  With a smile, Impish just shrugs and says, “Private joke.”  He then turns to the rest of the guests and says:

Ladies and gentlemen, today’s tour has come to an end.  I hope you enjoyed yourself.  Please feel free to continue eating and enjoying each other’s company.  As for myself, I’ve received a summons for a meeting that I can’t refuse, I’ll be leaving you now, but please, take your time and finish your meal.  And until we meet again, I leave you with today’s Last Word.  I promise it’s a short one.

He laughs and moves towards a door where you can see Diaman and Ginny waiting.  He puts an arm around each and heads through the door which closes with a loud click.  You notice a sign on the door that says FAMILY ONLY.

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I have received this from several different sources and wish to include it here.  As an ex restaurant manager, I can attest to the truth behind the sentiment.  This is called the $20 hamburger:

$20 Hamburgers or minimum wage?

For those fast food employees striking for $15 an hour, let’s do some math.

At $15 an hour Johnny Fry-Boy would make $31,200 annually.

An E1 (Private) in the military makes $18,378. (According to the 2014 pay chart, an E1 makes $1531.50 a month or $9.57 an hour.)

An E5 (Sergeant) with 8 years of service only makes $35,067 annually. (According to the same pay chart, an E5 at 8 years, which means he’s at the end of his second enlistment, which also means that he’s volunteered at least TWICE to protect your ignorant ass, makes $2922.30 a month or $18.26 an hour.  And that’s for a 40 hour week, which is a bunch of horseshit all on it’s own.  More likely a 60 hour work week, which makes his pay $12.18 an hour.  Oh no.  There is no overtime in the military.  You’re on duty 24/7!)

So you’re telling me, Sally McBurgerflipper, that you deserve as much as those kids getting shot at, deploying for months in hostile environments, and putting their collective asses on the line every day protecting your unskilled butt!?  (I couldn’t have said it better myself…except to add…seriously?)

Here’s the deal, Baconator, you are working in a job designed for a kid in high school who is learning how to work and earning enough for gas, and hanging out with their equally goofy high school pals. If you have chosen this as your life long profession, you have failed.  (Now, for my restaurant experience.  As a restaurant manager, your bread and butter employees are the 16 and 17 year-olds that are looking to learn a little responsibility and to earn a couple of bucks.  The whole industry is designed around this.  And I’m not talking just your fast feeders either.  Even in the high end restaurants, the grunt work is still done by the kids earning minimum wage.  The ones who earn the most are the cooks and chefs who DESERVE the money.  And a good waiter or waitress can make a bloody fortune in tips.  And you want to talk about pay inequality…do you know that most wait staff still only makes $2.13 an hour?  That’s tip wage and it hasn’t changed in over 15 years since I was in the business.  I know, I asked my waitress the other day about it.  And do you know why they make even that?  So their employers have something to take away from them for taxes.  Whether they make enough in tips or not.  I could go on and on about THAT ponzy scheme!)

If you don’t want minimum wage don’t have minimum skills.

Again, the lazy, entitlement minded don’t want to earn a living, they want it handed to them!  McDonalds is NOT intended to be a job to raise a family on!  Hell, even the assistant managers are usually just kids that have a bit on the ball.

Now, I know, that there are some of you out there who, through no fault of your own, or maybe through fault that you are now trying to work your way out of, that you are stuck in a situation where you just can’t do any better.  But you can.

I know for a fact, that when I had an employee who was hurting, there were things that I could do to make it better for them.  But, there were the ones who always came in when I called them in their off time.  The ones who always did a great job and gave a hundred percent when they were at work, the ones who always had a smile on their faces for the customers and would go out of their way to make the guest experience better.  THAT’S how you get ahead in a job like that.  I DID have some of those employees who I’d pay the equivalent of $15 an hour.  Because when they were at work they were worth more than the two dumb asses working for minimum wage.

I’ll add an addendum to the last line of this essay… If you don’t want minimum wage don’t have minimum skills or give minimum effort!

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DL/LL Digital Media Ltd – Veteran’s Day Issue 11th Nov 2014


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AS you approach the conference room the first thing the strikes you is the scent. It’s not the normal woodsy scent with its notes of herbs, heather and hint of peat fire you normally associate with coming here each Wednesday.  Nor is it the the smell of Brimstone coconut oil and 6 different designer women’s perfumes you’ve come to associate with Impish standing in for Lethal. This scent is redolent in age, mothballs, several kinds of polish, old leather, laundry starch and freshly pressed dry cleaning.

When you enter the room you are confronted by a myriad of uniforms both Dress and Combat from WWII until present day. A much paler than normal Lethal is sitting on a stool in his Full Dress uniform, or more correctly being kept on the stool by Diaman and Ginny who seem to be insisting adamantly about something which Lethal is just as adamantly opposing. It’s only when he gestures to a near by sunglasses wearing Air Force NCO who appears somehow familiar and unfamiliar at the same who time steps up beside Lethal and speaks to the ladies that they toss their hands up and resignation and take their places.

The AF NCO turns to Lethal and appears to offer him a hand getting up, Lethal points at something behind the Officer and it’s gotten for him. Then slowly and unsteadily using an actual cane rather then his normal shillelagh he climbs the stairs with the mysterious AF NCO in close attendance despite this apparently annoying Lethal.

As Lethal makes it up to the podium looing a little worse for the trip suddenly the NCO bellows “Officer on Deck! AH_TEN_SHUN!”. The speed with which these old Vet’s stand up and the sound of thumbs hitting trousers seams and heels clicking together to say nothing of the pride with which it is done  is nothing short of awe inspiring.

As you were. Be seated. Sip it if you got it. <a small chuckle erupts among the uniforms>

Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen.

As its painfully obvious Impish didn’t exaggerate much on my illness. In all honesty he might have actually understated the severity it. While I continue to improve I tire very easily and fins myself in the position of being force to emulate him in that I seem to require frequent naps and the expense of my work. I still have a long way to go catching up with my school work but I am please to report I did manage to achieve a respectable 88 on the mid term which I was able to take Sunday.

Yesterday was as you all know I’m sure Veteran’s Day I elected to wait until today to hold our observance because I frankly didn’t have the time for 2 issues in the same week much less back to back. As it is I’ve been working on this one since school started.

This year while we pay tribute of course to all Veterans we pay special tribute to 2 elite groups of Veteran’s about which not enough is said.

Now before my knees buckle and the podium catches me in the chin lets start this.

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Thinker COffee

 

 

Please join with me now in saluting our Commander in Chief with the newly designated salute to be used for him only

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This would be in response to the recently rendered “latte” salute given by our alleged Commander-In-Chief …

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lest we forget

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Before we get too far into our observance of Veteran’s Day and certainly not to take away from it’s importance, there is another occasion I want to remark upon which occurred Monday.

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Want to know what makes Vets the greatest group of people I know? Its that they never stop serving or lose their can do attitude. While I might have found the movie totally preposterous I know in my heart that this scene would happen for real just exactly the same way if any group of Vets were called upon today

 

The Medal of Honor

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The Medal of Honor: What is it?

The Medal of Honor was created in 1861, based on separate bills to promote the efficiency of the Army and Navy, and bestowed on those who “distinguish themselves by their gallantry in action.”

The bills were signed by President Lincoln, and the medals were designed to celebrate heroes of the Civil War, but the award survived and gained prominence after the conflict, according to the Congressional Medal of Honor Society.

Since 1863, it has been awarded the bravest soldiers, sailors, airmen, Marines and Coast Guardsmen, according to the U.S. Army’s website. In the name of Congress, the president awards each medal.

Awarding the actual medal can take years. What is the process of being granted the Medal of Honor?

Fewer than 100 living recipients are among us today.

The process begins right away. Often, service members involved with the act of heroism give sworn statements or include it in a written report so the individual will be recognized for his or her efforts.

Then, the formal recommendation paperwork begins. It moves up the chain of hierarchy. In some cases, this can involve thick files of sworn statements, maps and drawings by fellow service members.

Then, it has to be decided whether the actions of the individual merit the military’s highest honor or something lesser like the Distinguished Service Cross, the second-highest medal for valor.

Because the standards for the Medal of Honor are so high, deciding whether someone deserves it can take the longest. Some have argued that the standards have changed and become too high, requiring too much to be rewarded, but top defense leaders say that the way wars are fought now is different.

During and after the Vietnam War, 247 individuals received the Medal of Honor for their actions. None was awarded for Operation Desert Storm or missions in the Balkans, Panama, Grenada or Beirut.

Here’s a look at some of the recent recipients:

Soldier priest to get ultimate medal

Medal of Honor recipient Clint Romesha conflicted by joy, sadness

Medal of Honor recipient’s valor hidden for decades

Green Beret who died saving comrades awarded Medal of Honor

Army Ranger receives Medal of Honor for Afghanistan heroics

Marine receives Medal of Honor at White House

 

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As many of you are aware, the Knights of Columbus submitted to congress that the words “Under God” should be added to our pledge of allegiance.  Both Houses of Congress passed the law and it was signed by President Eisenhower  in 1954.  The information below was based on a pole taken by NBC on what percentage should keep the words in our pledge verses the percent who want it removed

History of Official versions

(changes in bold italics)

1892: “I pledge allegiance to my flag and the republic for which it stands: one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all.”

1892 to 1923: “I pledge allegiance to my flag and to the republic for which it stands: one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all.”

1923 to 1924: “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States  and to the republic for which it stands: one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all.”

1924 to 1954: “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands; one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all.”

1954 to Present: “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America , and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

Do you believe that the word God should stay in American culture ?

NBC  had a poll on this question.  They had the highest Number of responses that they have ever had for one of their polls, and the Percentage was the same as this:

86% to keep the words , IN God We Trust and God in the Pledge of Allegiance, 14% against.

Again,  that is 86% of Americans believe the word God should stay.  That is a pretty ‘commanding’ public response. Therefore, I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a mess about having ‘In God We Trust’ on our money and having God in the Pledge of Allegiance.

Why are we catering to this 14%? Many of our veterans fought with that pledge in their hearts why are we willing to dishonor them over a minority? You can bet if asked our Veteran’s want God on our Money and in our Pledge of Allegiance.

 

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Despite wounds, Medal of Honor recipient killed up to 175 enemies, saved comrades

By Brad Lendon, CNN

(CNN) — As many as 175 enemy troops killed, 18 wounds from enemy fire, 38 hours of battle, 48 hours evading the North Vietnamese troops in the bush — and one tiger. Those are the numbers behind Sgt. Maj. Bennie Adkins’ Medal of Honor, an award he received from President Barack Obama in a White House ceremony Monday.

Adkins of Opelika, Alabama, was honored for his actions in Vietnam’s A Shau Valley more than 48 years ago. Then a 32-year-old sergeant first class, Adkins was among a handful of Americans working with troops of the South Vietnamese Civilian Irregular Defense Group at Camp A Shau when the camp was attacked by a large North Vietnamese and Viet Cong force on March 9, 1966, according to an Army report.

“Adkins rushed through intense enemy fire and manned a mortar position defending the camp,” the Army report says. “He continued to mount a defense even while incurring wounds from several direct hits from enemy mortars. Upon learning that several soldiers were wounded near the center of camp, he temporarily turned the mortar over to another soldier, ran through exploding mortar rounds and dragged several comrades to safety. As the hostile fire subsided, Adkins exposed himself to sporadic sniper fire and carried his wounded comrades to a more secure position.”

Later, under enemy fire, some of it coming from South Vietnamese allies who had defected to the North during the battle, Adkins took wounded troops to an airstrip outside the camp for evacuation and drew enemy fire away from the evacuation aircraft. He went outside the camp again to retrieve supplies from an airdrop that fell into a minefield. And that was just day one.

“The bottom line is that it was just not my day to go,” Adkins said in an Army interview at Fort Benning, Georgia, last week.

The fighting, and Adkins’ heroism, continued in the early morning of March 10 when the North Vietnamese hit the camp with their main attack, according to the Army report.

“Within two hours, Sergeant First Class Adkins was the only defender firing a mortar weapon. When all mortar rounds were expended, Adkins began placing effective rifle fire upon enemy as they infiltrated the camp perimeter and assaulted his position. Despite receiving additional wounds from enemy rounds exploding on his position, Adkins fought off relentless waves of attacking North Vietnamese soldiers,” the Army report says.

After falling back to a smaller bunker in Camp A Shau, Adkins killed more enemy troops with small arms fire, destroyed equipment and classified documents to prevent them from getting into North Vietnamese hands, and led a group of soldiers in digging their way out of the rear of the bunker and escaping the besieged camp.

But Adkins’ ordeal was not over. Because he was carrying a wounded comrade, he and his small group couldn’t get to the evacuation helicopters sent to pick up the battle’s survivors. The band faded into the jungle, avoiding their North Vietnamese pursuers for 48 hours.

And that’s where the tiger comes in.

“The North Vietnamese soldiers had us surrounded on a little hilltop and everything started getting kind of quiet,” Adkins is quoted as saying in an Army report. “We could look around and all at once, all we could see were eyes going around us. It was a tiger that stalked us that night. We were all bloody and in this jungle, the tiger stalked us and the North Vietnamese soldiers were more afraid of the tiger than they were of us. So, they backed off some and we were (able to escape).”

Helicopters rescued Adkins and the rest of his group on March 12.

The Army says Adkins killed 135 to 175 enemy soldiers during the Camp A Shau battle. He suffered 18 wounds during the 86-hour ordeal.

Forty-eight years later, Adkins doesn’t cite those numbers but two others.

“I’m just a keeper of the medal for those other 16 (U.S. troops) who were in the battle, especially the five who didn’t make it,” he told Army News Service.

“I can tell you every man who was there and the five who lost their lives. I can tell you how that happened. It diminishes, but it does not go away,” Adkins said.

And he remembers the South Vietnamese who stuck by his side.

“There were about 410 indigenous Civilian Irregular Defense Group soldiers there with us, and of those, only about 122 survived, and most of those were wounded. It was a horrible, horrible battle. There was valor on all sides, not only from the Americans, but from the CIDG soldiers also,” he’s quoted as saying in an Army report.

Others to receive honor

Honored with Adkins at the White House ceremony was one other soldier, posthumously.

Spc. Donald P. Sloat was awarded the Medal of Honor for his actions in using his body to shield comrades from a grenade blast near Danang, Vietnam, in January 1970.

 

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Our European arrogance in alphabetical order

1. The American Cemetery at Aisne-Marne, France… A total of 2289
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2. The American Cemetery at Ardennes, Belgium…A total of 5329
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3. The American Cemetery at Brittany, France…A total of 4410
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4. Brook wood, England – American Cemetery… A total of 468
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5. Cambridge, England… A total of 3812
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6. Epinal, France – American Cemetery… A total of 5525
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7. Flanders Field, Belgium… A total of 368
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8. Florence, Italy… A total of 4402
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9. Henri-Chapelle, Belgium… A total of 7992
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10. Lorraine , France… A total of 10,489
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11. Luxembourg, Luxembourg… A total of 5076
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12. Meuse-Argonne… A total of 14246
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13. Netherlands, Netherlands… A total of 8301
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14. Normandy, France… A total of 9387
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15. Oise-Aisne, France… A total of 6012
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16. Rhone, France… A total of 861
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17. Sicily, Italy… A total of 7861
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18. Somme, France… A total of 1844
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19. St. Mihiel, France… A total of 4153
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20. Suresnes, France… A total of 1541
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Apologize to no one.
Remind those of our sacrifice and don’t
allow them to confuse arrogance with leadership.


The count is

104,366

dead, brave Americans.


And we have to watch an American elected leader who apologizes to Europe and the Middle East that our country is “arrogant”!

HOW MANY FRENCH, DUTCH, ITALIANS, BELGIANS AND BRITS ARE BURIED ON OUR SOIL… AFTER DEFENDING US AGAINST OUR ENEMIES?

WE DON’T ASK FOR PRAISE… BUT WE HAVE ABSOULUTELY NO NEED TO  APOLOGIZE!

DO THINK ABOUT THIS.

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“If I Die Before You Wake” Tribute to Armed Forces

 

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As I came out of the supermarket that sunny day, pushing my cart of groceries towards my car, I saw an old man with the hood of his car up and a lady sitting inside the car, with the door open. The old man was looking at the engine. I put my groceries away in my car, and continued to watch the old gentleman from about twenty five feet away.

I saw a young man in his early twenties with a grocery bag in his arms walking towards the old man. The old gentleman saw him coming too, and took a few steps towards him. I saw the old gentleman point to his open hood and say something. The young man put his grocery bag into what looked like a brand new Cadillac Escalade. He then turned back to the old man. I heard him yell at the old gentleman saying: “You shouldn’t even be allowed to drive a car at your age.” Then with a wave of his hand, he got in his car and peeled rubber out of the parking lot.

I saw the old gentleman pull out his handkerchief, and mop his brow as he went back to his car and again looked at the engine. He then went to his wife and spoke with her; he appeared to tell her it would be okay. I had seen enough, and I approached the old man. He saw me coming and stood straight, and as I got near him I said, “Looks like you’re having a problem.”

He smiled sheepishly and quietly nodded his head. I looked under the hood myself and knew that whatever the problem was, it was beyond me. Looking around, I saw a gas station up the road, and I told the old man that I would be right back. I drove to the station and went inside. I saw three attendants working on cars. I approached one of them, and related the problem the old man had with his car. I offered to pay them if they could follow me back down and help him.

The old man had pushed the heavy car under the shade of a tree and appeared to be comforting his wife. When he saw us he straightened up and thanked me for my help. As the mechanics diagnosed the problem, I spoke with the old gentleman.

When I shook hands with him earlier, he had noticed my Marine Corps ring and had commented about it, telling me that he had been a Marine too. I nodded and asked the usual question, “What outfit did you serve with?” He had mentioned he served with the first Marine Division at Tarawa, Saipan, Iwo Jima and Guadalcanal.

He had hit all the big ones and retired from the Corps after the war was over. As we talked we heard the car engine come on and saw the mechanics lower the hood. They came over to us as the old man reached for his wallet, but was stopped by me. I told him I would just put the bill on my AAA card.

He still reached for the wallet and handed me a card that I assumed had his name and address on it and I stuck it in my pocket. We shook hands all around again, and I said my goodbye’s to his wife. I then told the two mechanics that I would follow them back to the station. Once at the station, I told them they had interrupted their own jobs to come along with me and help the old man. I said I wanted to pay for the help, but they refused to charge me. 

One of them pulled out a card from his pocket, looking exactly like the card the old man had given to me. Both of the men told me then they were Marine Corps Reserves. Once again we shook hands all around and as I was leaving, one of them told me I should look at the card the old man had given to me. I said I would and drove off. 

For some reason I had gone about two blocks, when I pulled over and took the card out of my pocket and looked at it for a long, long time. The name of the old gentleman was on the card in golden leaf and under his name was written: Congressional Medal of Honor Society.

sat there motionless, looking at the card and reading it over and over. I looked up from the card and smiled to no one but myself and marveled that on this day, four Marines had all come together because one of us needed help. He was an old man all right, but it felt good to have stood next to greatness and courage, and an honor to have been in his presence. Remember, OLD men like him gave you FREEDOM for America. Thanks to those who served and still serve and to all of those who supported them, and who continue to support them.

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don’t stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

(Author Unknown)

“Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.” Romans 13:7 (NIV)

 

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Medal of Honor takes moment to earn, years to receive

In most cases when a soldier does something extraordinarily brave in battle, it happens in a matter of moments. But to reward that bravery often takes years.

Washington (CNN) — Spc. Sal Giunta went above and beyond the call of duty on October 25, 2007, when he helped thwart an ambush and stopped two Taliban fighters from capturing a fellow solider. But it will be November 16, 2010, when now Staff Sgt. Giunta received the Medal of Honor from President Obama, a wait of more than three years.

By contrast, it took just five months for Obama to find, nominate and eventually see Elena Kagan sworn in as a Supreme Court justice.

Even people very supportive of the awarding of the Medal of Honor say the process is too long, and some even say that the Department of Defense has raised the bar too high for the nation’s highest award for valor.

The idea of presenting an award like the Medal of Honor does not usually come from military brass, according to Col. David Sutherland, who served in Operation Desert Storm and Operation Iraqi Freedom. “Most of the time, the service members bring it to us and say we need to make sure this individual is written up for the proper award and given the proper recognition.”

In Giunta’s case, the process began within hours of his heroics on a rugged mountain ridge in Afghanistan’s Korengal Valley. One of the men he helped save, Spc. Frank Ekrode, who was at Bagram Airfield being treated for multiple injuries, gave a sworn statement about Giunta’s actions.

“The same night I got medevaced to Bagram Airfield, like 3 o’clock in the morning or whenever it was, I wrote my first sworn statement,” Ekrode told CNN recently.

At just about the same time, Capt. Daniel Kearney, the commander of Giunta’s unit, started the paperwork to formally recommend Giunta for the Medal of Honor.

“I realized I was walking amongst heroes. I was walking amongst giants,” Kearney said. “I needed to make sure this country recognized those individuals and paid them the right ‘thank you.’ ”

Kearney, who could hear the firefight from the unit’s base camp, sent the Medal of Honor recommendation to Lt. Col. William Ostlund, the commander of Giunta’s battalion.

From there, it was sent to Col. Charles Preysler, brigade commander. The recommendation became an ever-growing file of information: sworn statements, maps, drawings. The file eventually got to be about 3 inches thick.

Eventually, the recommendation made its way up each stage of the Army’s chain of command to the secretary of the Army.

That was a crucial step. So far, no one had challenged Kearney’s recommendation. But when the secretary of the Army read the file, he could have decided that Giunta deserved a Distinguished Service Cross, the second-highest medal for valor. That would have stopped the process, and Giunta would have gotten the other award almost immediately.

That last part of the process took more than two years. Rep. Duncan Hunter Jr., R-California, who was a Marine officer in Iraq and Afghanistan, has a problem with that.

“This just shows how bureaucratic and how slow the Department of Defense has become,” he said.

Defense Secretary Robert Gates agrees that the process can take a long time, but he defends it.

“This process that we have, that is so complex and so thorough, and the standards are so high that it takes a while, first of all. Generally, it’s a two- or three-year process because the requirement is that the evidence be incontestable, that there be no doubt,” Gates told CNN’s Barbara Starr in an exclusive interview.

Hunter also worries that the Defense Department has set the bar too high for earning the Medal of Honor. “I think frankly that the DOD’s standard for the Medal of Honor and for other awards has actually changed so that you have to do more than ever before. Some say, frankly, that you have to die anymore to get the Medal of Honor,” he said.

The numbers would seem to back up Hunter’s worries. There were 247 Medals of Honor awarded for action in Vietnam. Since that war, there have been nine medals awarded. Giunta’s is No. 10, and that number includes not just the war in Afghanistan, the longest war in U.S. history, but also Operation Iraqi Freedom and the mission in Somalia. There were no Medals of Honor awarded for Operation Desert Storm, nor were there any for the missions in the Balkans, Panama, Grenada or Beirut.

Gates and other top defense leaders said it’s not that the Defense Department has changed the criteria for a Medal of Honor; it’s that the way wars are fought now is different.

“I think part of the reason is the nature of war today, in the sense that, particularly in Afghanistan, our enemies generally use weapons at a distance from us. The improvised explosive devices have caused about 60 percent of our casualties,” Gates said. “So as a proportion, there’s less hand-to-hand or in-close combat than there has been in previous wars.”

But “in-close combat” is just what Giunta faced. When the Taliban fighters ambushed his unit, they were only about 20 feet away.

And when Army Secretary John McHugh read Giunta’s file last January, he agreed that Giunta deserved the highest medal for valor. So the process continued. The file went to Gates and to Adm. Mike Mullen, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Mullen can make recommendations, but it’s Gates who decides if Giunta’s medal recommendation should go one step further, to the president’s desk.

“When you start to read the details, and really — whether it’s for this living recipient or the ones that are being presented posthumously — you just sit there and wonder how could anybody possibly do this,” Gates said.

Gates did forward the file to the White House, and on September 9, 2010, Obama called Giunta and told the young soldier from Iowa, who risked his life for his good friend and fellow soldiers, that he would be receiving the Medal of Honor.

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The color of valor: 24 minority veterans receive long overdue Medal of Honor

By Chelsea J. Carter and Halimah Abdullah, CNN

(CNN) — If not for the hue of their skin or their ethnicity, 24 soldiers who faced death in service to their nation would have received the most prestigious medals for their valor long ago.

But they were born and fought in a time when such deeds were not always fairly acknowledged.

On Tuesday, the U.S. government corrected the oversight.

President Barack Obama honored 24 Army veterans with the Medal of Honor — the country’s highest military award, given to American soldiers who display “gallantry above and beyond the call of duty ” — for their combat actions in Vietnam, Korea and World War II.

“No nation is perfect, but here … we confront our imperfections and face a sometimes painful past, including the truth that some of these soldiers fought and died for a country that did not always see them as equal,” Obama said.

Only three of the soldiers are alive to receive the recognition.

The rest — soldiers with last names including Garcia and Weinstein and Negron — are dead.

Of the 24 honored, 10 never came home. The body of one — Cpl. Joe Baldonado — has never been recovered, Obama said.

For the few who survive, such as Melvin Morris, this day has been more than 40 years in the making.

He was fresh-faced and 19 when he volunteered to go to Vietnam. In 1969, the Army Green Beret “charged into a hail of fire” to save his injured comrades and retrieve the bodies of the fallen, even though he was shot several times and bleeding. The Army would later say his actions on the battlefield that day showed “determination possessed by few men.”

“The staff sergeant recovered a fallen comrade … and took out several bunkers even after he was shot several times,” Obama said.

He was honored in 1970 with the Army’s Distinguished Service Cross award.

Today, at age 72, Morris — who is African-American — received his nation’s most esteemed military honor.

“It makes me very proud that they are going back and looking at records,” Morris told CNN.

But it was never about a medal for Morris, who joined the Army in 1959.

On September 17, 1969, he was on a search-and-destroy mission with his company when he learned the commander of another company nearby had been killed.

“Immediately it came to me that I had to recover his body,” Morris said. “…Leave no man behind under any circumstance.”

Morris was shot three times — in the chest, arm and left ring finger — as he carried the casualties out of the line of fire. He was then trapped in the firefight.

“The only thing I could do is fight, to hope I could get out,” he said.

And fight he did.

He was later evacuated from the battlefield. Less than a year later, he returned to duty in Vietnam where he would be decorated again for his actions in combat.

There are others, too.

Men like Santiago J. Erevia, a radiotelephone operator from Texas who in 1969 tended injured comrades in Vietnam’s Quang Tin province when his position came under attack. According to the citation, Erevia took out three machine gun bunkers with grenades and gunfire. He then returned to care for his wounded comrades, crawling from one wounded man to another to administer aid.

And there were men like Jose Rodela, who, while commanding a mobile strike force in Vietnam’s Phuoc Long province, “was wounded in the back and head by rocket shrapnel while recovering a wounded comrade,” according to a military commendation. Still he single-handedly assaulted and knocked out a mortar position before returning to lead his men.

Morris, Rodela and Erevia wore Army uniforms as they accepted the medal, which was placed around their neck by Obama.

“In the thick of the fight all those years ago, for your comrades and your country, you refused to yield,” the President said.

In 2002 Congress — as part of the Defense Authorization Act — set up a review of Jewish and Hispanic veterans who had served in combat since the middle of the century “to ensure those deserving the Medal of Honor were not denied because of prejudice,” explained the White House. The congressional action was later amended to open the door for any serviceman or woman denied the award due to discrimination.

One of those who posthumously received the award is Leonard Kravitz, an assistant machine gunner in the Korean War. He is the uncle and namesake of actor and rock musician Lenny Kravitz.

 

 

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Finally I want to acknowledge an extremely small and very elite cadre of warriors. We tend to hear a lot about SEAL Teams, Rangers, Force Recon and even the the AF’s SOG. In regards to those groups the press loves to use the term ‘Shadow Warriors’. However I’m talking about those we never hear about, the original shadow warriors. The ones who oft went in not in teams or pairs but solo. Some on deployments that even  might last years. They did this of their own free will, these were not military personnel per sae. They deployed on their missions with the full expectation and knowledge that if things went sideways not only were they on their own but there would likely not be an attempt at their extraction, acknowledgement of their affiliation or body recovery attempt. I’m talking about a a group of men and woman who’s stories we cannot be permitted to hear due to national security concerns.  Men and women who served with honor, distinction, courage, valor, bravery, dedication and in some cases gave their lives while doing it it all under a blanket of deliberate obscurity

When one of these often highly decorated men or women die, they are not even given the same burial and a solider in full dress their medals on display. Their medal[s] are taken from them moments after they are given to them and kept securely in a vault lest question best left unasked come under a journalists spotlight and stones not turned over feel the point of their shovel. Should they die in the line of duty no public mention is made. Nothing is read into the Congressional Record, no call comes from the President or an Official of their Department. Their names are not graven on stone for all to see lest we forget what they have done on our behalf. All that acknowledges their ultimate sacrifice is this:

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A small unlabeled star on a cold white marble wall which even to see you must have security clearance.

Currently, there are 107 stars carved into the marble of the CIA Memorial Wall. The”Book of Honor” lists the names of 74 employees who died while serving their country. The names of the remaining 33 employees must remain secret, even in death; each of these officers is remembered in the book by a star.

These brave Veterans of undeclared wars, prevented ones, the War on Terror and of the Cold War too deserve remembrance.

The Final Playing of TAPS

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Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1410


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Good Morning Campers,

Let me first start off for well wishes to our own Lethal Leprechaun.  Seems the Great Green One is actually a bit greener than usual.  He believes the liquid Schwartz he drank the other day wasn’t meant to be taken internally and has been abed for the last several days.  So Lethal, my buddy, this is for you:

4Now, before everyone starts sending him personal emails and get well wishes, tying up his PC and more importantly, his time, I want you all to understand that he is WAY behind in his school work and is going to have to play hell itself to get caught back up.  Sending comments to the blog here is a good way to let him know you care and are worried about him, that way he can peruse them at his leisure. 1

The only exception to that is if any of you fine ladies out there have some personal pictures you think might cheer him up, but don’t want to share with the whole class, then I think sending them to him at his personal email (if you have it) or the corporate email address might be the way to go.

Get well soon

(Damn, tried to find the one with the nurse flashing her wonderful … er … endowments, but can’t seem to find it!)getwell

(Oh, there it is!) (Any of you out there who’d like to repeat this picture for him, be sure to send it in!)

 

Okay, moving on.

I gotta say, I’m a little confused.  Last Week’s Poll was one of the best ones yet…as well as the issue itself getting a crap load of first day hits.  We had 343 people view the blog last Saturday and yet of those only 40 or so voted in the poll.  About 1 in 10.

Now, the reason that’s confusing to me is, it’s right there!  It’s not like you have to go back and hit stars (we got 17 of those on the first day) or make a comment (we even got a couple of those on the first day), but you are actually reading the poll and passing right by it.  All you had to do was click one and move on.  And if you didn’t like the choices that were there, there was even a place to pick “other” and write your own choice in, which several people did.

I guess I just don’t understand why someone WOULDN’T vote in the poll…is it ignorance or apathy?  I don’t know and I don’t care.  I just don’t understand.

Anyone want to take a guess?

And speaking of polls, here’s the results from Last Weeks Poll…coollogo_com-294902657

Poll #3a

Poll #3b

Poll #3c

And for this week’s Poll….. PLEASE Participate.  And I am, by NO MEANS implying that if you haven’t served there is anything wrong or against you.  This poll is at the request of one of our readers and I think it’s a good one.

 

 

We’ve had 2 more donations and I want to thank Howard Z and Allen for their kindness.  Let’s welcome them down to the front.  Thanks guys!

I’ve had several very nice comments from my last issue and my experience with the refueling and the cockpit ride.  Yes, it was an awful lot of fun. And I hope that I’ll have another chance someday.  If so, you guys will know and I’ll get more pictures.

So now, we have all the other stuff out of the way, it’s now time to laugh!


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4b

Do you use Emoji a lot?  Only in text messages or throughout your on line life?  Hit the comments and let me know.

Thanks to Ginny for this one.  It’s one of my favorite jokes of all time.

During a lesson on colors and tastes, a teacher brought some Lifesavers in for her young class.  As the children were tasting them and comparing the colors they all found out the usual

Red = Cherry
Purple = Grape
Yellow = Lemon
Green = LIme

And so on.

The teacher then passed out some honey flavored candies and asked the children to determine what flavor the light-brown little circles were.

None of the children could figure it out, so the teacher decided to give them a hint.  “It’s something that your mother might call your father.” she said

One little precocious girl spit her Lifesaver candy out on the table top and yelled, “Oh my God!  Spit them out!  They’re assholes!”

Needless to say, the teacher had to leave the room.

 

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You know, I was going to throw in some cute or sarcastic comment at this point, like I do sometimes following a picture, but I realized that if I did, I was going to piss off at least half of our readership no matter which side of the … um … question … yeah, question, I came down on.  So, let’s all just get a quick laugh out of the picture and move on, shall we?

 

With Tuesday’s election putting control of the house and the senate into the hands of the republicans, a scientist was sent to the Whitehouse on Wednesday night with a very special new machine.  He told the president that with this machine, he could actually get a snap shot of what a person was dreaming about in their sleep, even if that person didn’t remember the dream themselves when they awoke.  The scientist said that the scientific community was very interested to test this machine out on the country’s president to see where his subconscious, the part of the brain that takes control during sleep and has much more of an effect on our lives than most people realize, would be leading them over the next two years.

The president agreed, but said that he would make the decision if the picture revealed any secret or classified information then he would not allow the scientific community access to that picture.

Well, as it turned out, the president wanted to keep the picture and hide it away.  But, since it revealed his fears and not any classified information, before he could declare a presidential directive banning the picture, the savvy scientists got it published first.  

And here now, for the first time, is a picture of what the president dreams about at night…

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long way to go

 

Ten things you probably DIDN’T  know about the internet

You are probably using the Internet on a day to day basis, at work as well as at home. With this in mind – how much do you know about the Internet? Regardless if you know much or nothing at all are we quite sure that you won’t know the following facts. Here are 10 fun and totally useless facts that you probably did not know about the Internet:

1. The phrase World Wide Web was coined by Tim Berners-Lee in 1990.

2. The first ever bough domain name was Symbolics.com – not much to look at today we might add.

3. The most expensive domain name ever is Sex.com that got sold for about $11 million – the type in traffic alone apparently makes it worth its price.

4. In 2008 were there 215 million households with online access in the U.S. which corresponds to 71.4% of the U.S population.

5. Iceland is the country with the most Internet users per capita: 86% of the population.

6. There are still around 18 countries in the world that do not have any Internet connection.

7. Google has about 3000 employees all over the world and they go under the name “Googlers”. The Google headquarters is called the Googleplex. Brainwashing, anyone?

8. The Martini was the most popular cocktail to search for on Google in 2008.

9. Each month the average Internet surfer visits 59 domains, views 1050 web pages and spends 25 hours doing all of this.

10. “Google” has been searched on Google.com 2.7 billion times. Go figure

 

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Today’s picture is one of my personal assistants who is displaying my clan tattoo.  All my loyal people decided on their own to adopt this special marking to show their love and devotion.  Plus, it’s a pretty cool tat!

 

 

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Think about it. 

And staying with the Ebola theme…

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And lastly….
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We’ve actually had some meetings with the local health care community and emergency responders and this is more of a fear than you might imagine.

 

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Damn straight!  Reminds me of living in the barracks when I was a single G.I.

 

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Freudian Slip?  Or just a secret desire?

 

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Fantasy Pic

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Sometimes you find really strange things down in the lower dungeons of DL&LL Electronic Media Headquarters.

 

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Another item to add to my “To Do” List!

 

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The times they are a-changing.  You know, as the parent of a young teenager, I LIKE the fact that my daughter has a cell phone.  I can check where she is without her ever knowing I checked by the use of find my phone and other applications.  Plus, I have instant contact with her.  When I was a kid, our parents didn’t HAVE to know where the kids were or what they were doing.  Now-a-days, it’s not the same kind of a safe world and it’s nice to know that modern technology is helping out.

 

Animal Chatter 2

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I could postulate that this is one of Lethal’s Ninja Kitties, but you NEVER SEE them!

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Another trick I won’t be teaching my dog.

 

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Good Morning

Good Neighbors

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Gothopotamus

 

 

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And we’re STILL under a continuing resolution because the government can’t get their collective heads out of their collective asses!

 

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This is just wrong on SO MANY levels!!!!!

 

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Definitely a “guy thing”!

 

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Don’t women know that ALL men can multitask?  Well, don’t they?  Are you even listening to me?

 

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Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments

Leprechaun Laughs # 272 for Wednesday Nov 5th 2014


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As you enter the Conference Room you see that while CyberLethals abound as normal, Lethal himself is not in evidence anyplace.   Abruptly you hear a ding from someplace off stage announcing the arrival of an elevator apparently followed by the unmistakable throaty growl of an American made Iron Horse. Lethal rolls in from off stage left clad in green leathers and looking ore than a little wind blown.

A little fussing with the suicide shifter (miraculously this bike appears to have a reverse gear in addition to the side car) and he gets the bike turned around so he’s close to the podium, shuts the bike down but doesn’t get off it.

Morning-I-found-a-spare-can-of-liquid-schwartz-in-that-Big-Helmet-costume-I-bought-from-Rick-Moranis-for-Halloween. Seems-a-little-might-have-accidentally-found-its-way-into-my-whiskey-flask-while-I-was-putting-the-rest-in-my-bike.-I’m-so-pressed-for-time-with-my-school-schedule-I-had-to-find-a-faster-way-to-get-around-and-all-my-assignments-done. Midterms-are-starting-and-I-need-all-the-study-time-I-can-get. So-you-folks-enjoy-the-issue-I’m-for-to-write-a-paper-do-a-programing-lab-and-watch-some-video-I’m-supposed-to-analyze-for-touchy-feelie-subtext-clues….hopefully-all-at-the-same-time-thanks-to-liquid-schwatz. I’ll-be-glad-when-this-is-all-over,- I’m-sure-as-hell-doing-the-next-semester-way-differently-that’s-for-sure! You-know-it’s-a-good-thing-there-is-so-little-of-this-around-other-wise-it-might-put-coffee-growers-and-energy-drink-makers-right-out-of-business! Gotta -go! See-ya!

With that, he fires the big bike back to life, points a remote off stage in the direction he came from and then roars off, presumably to ride the elevator once again to the ground floor and off to school.

Let's Roll 28

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It’s a sure thing I won’t get any from my Professors!

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Edna and Bill were quite the item at the nursing home. Even thought they were both 90 they would sit together every every night.
And even though they were too old to make love she would hold his penis in her hand as they sat together.
One night Bill didn’t show up. He didn’t show up for the next two nights either. Edna assumed he was dead, but then she saw him happily wheeling about the grounds. She confronted him and said,
“Where were you these past couple of nights?”
He replied, “If you must know, I was with another woman.”
“Bastard!” she cried. “What were you doing?”
“We do the exact same thing that you and I do,” he replied.
“Is she prettier or younger than I am?” she asked.
“Nope, she looks the same, and she is 90 years old.”
“Well then, what does she have that I don’t?” Edna asked.
Bill smiled and said, “Parkinson’s disease.”

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Poor Paul B got inadvertently left out last week so I’m going to make sure I make up for it this week

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The Top 5 Super Scary Campfire Stories for Adults

  1. The Thanksgiving When Grandma’s Glass Eye Got Lost in the Bowl of Pearl Onions
  2. The Hootie &The Blowfish Reunion Tour
  3. The Mysterious, Short, Dark Hair in the Soup
  4. The “Shaking Swords” The Kids Found in Mommy’s Pajama Drawer

 

And the Number One Super Scary Campfire Story for Adults…

  1. The Tell Tale Colonoscopy

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I think this holds true for Tests & Class Discussions too.

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Fireball BBQ Chicken

Sweet mustard chicken with a hint of cinnamon and whisky.

    12 chicken thighs
    4 tablespoons yellow mustard
    4 tablespoons brown sugar
    4 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
    4 teaspoons Fireball Whisky (for the rub)
    1/8 cup Fireball Whisky (for the sauce)
    12 oz of your favorite BBQ sauce
    Your favorite BBQ Rub

In a bowl mix the mustard, brown sugar, Worcestershire sauce and 4 teaspoons of Fireball Whisky. Partially remove skin and fully coat chicken with 1/3 of the mixture and sprinkle on your rub. Put skin back on and coat with the rest of the mustard mixture and more rub. Grill chicken until done. In a separate pan, mix BBQ sauce and 1/8 cup Fireball Whisky on low heat until sauce is well mixed and warm. Use this as a dipping sauce or coat chicken with sauce.

In case you don’t have a favorite BBQ rub, here’s one especially for Chicken -

Chef Paul’s Chikky Rub

This is a great all purpose rub with loads of flavor.

INGREDIENTS:

1/4 cup sugar
2 tablespoons paprika
1 tablespoon onion powder
2 tablespoons seasoned salt
1/2 tablespoon garlic powder
1/2 tablespoon chili powder
1/2 tablespoon lemon pepper
1 tablespoon sage, dried
1/2 teaspoon basil, dried
1/2 teaspoon rosemary, dried
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper

PREPARATION:

Mix and store

Almond Caramel Cheesecake Triangles

 

 

Prep: 25 minutes

Cook: 55 minutes

Yield: 2 dozen triangles

Ingredients

  •  No-Stick Cooking Spray
  • 1 (17.5 oz.) package Sugar Cookie Mix
  • 1/2 cup cold butter
  • 3/4 cup sliced almonds, coarsely chopped
  • 1 cup milk chocolate toffee baking bits
  • 2 (8 oz.) packages cream cheese, softened
  • 1 teaspoon Instant Coffee Crystals
  • 2 tablespoons All Purpose Flour
  • 1 (12 oz.) jar Caramel Flavored Topping
  • 2 large eggs
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt

Directions

  1. HEAT oven to 350°F. Coat bottom of 13 x 9-inch baking pan with no-stick cooking spray. Place cookie mix in large bowl. Cut in butter with pastry blender until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Reserve 1 1/2 cups crumb mixture for topping. Press remaining crumb mixture into prepared pan to form a crust. Bake 10 minutes.
  2. COMBINE reserved crumb mixture, almonds and toffee bits in small bowl; toss with fork. Beat cream cheese and coffee crystals in large bowl with electric mixer on medium speed until fluffy. Add flour, 3/4 cup caramel topping, eggs, vanilla and salt. Spread cream cheese mixture over hot crust. Sprinkle with crumb mixture.
  3. BAKE 40 to 45 minutes or until lightly browned. Cool in pan on wire rack. Cover and chill 2 hours. Cut into 3-inch squares. Cut diagonally into triangles. Drizzle with remaining caramel topping just before serving.

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Well I guess that’s one way to try and preserve your dignity anyhow. Not sure it’s not getting him more attention rather than less though.

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The Church Organist

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom.
Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something..!
When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer.
“Miss Bea,” he said, “I wonder if you would tell me about this?” (pointing to the bowl).
“Oh, yes,” she replied, “isn’t it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know… I haven’t had a cold all winter.”

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Bloody bonkers Dragon now thinks I editorialize at his fecking command because he tosses  a Gordian knot made of razor wire in my lap without so much as a ‘by your leave’ or a heads up? One that has sounded the death knell of many a fine officer’s career for addressing honestly and square on? Just wait until he tries passing that pissed off porcupine I chocolate coated and tricked him into swallowing!

What am I going on about? Saturday Impish ended a featured article that had the title below with the thought(?):

I’m going to let our own Former Marine (there are no ex-Marines!) Lethal Leprechaun to make comment on this article if he chooses.

Standards Must Be Maintained – Especially in the Military

Before I even could  comment another fellow Marine picked up the battle standard and forged his way directly into this politically correct morass.

Howard SbrBiker Zang  November 1, 2014 at 11:55 says:

Okay, I have to chime in here. Having served in the USMC from 1976 – 1983 and having actually been responsible for the training at several different units, at several different levels, I think I have an exceptional grasp of the Marine Corps training requirements and the purposes they serve. I was the Training NCO at Battalion, Base, and Brigade levels. That being said, Here is my take on the idea of reducing the requirements in order for women to be able to pass them. First off; Training is conducted to ensure that an individual is not only proficient at a task, but also competent enough in order to successfully complete that task. Secondly; Pass/Fail standards are set in order to adequately evaluate those who have received the training and to eliminate those who fail to qualify. Lastly; the whole purpose of all this training, and the qualifications, is to ensure that our personnel are fully capable of performing their primary function of protecting our country and themselves! Lowering these standards, which the Marines keep high so that they remain the finest fighting force in the world, would only serve to enable improperly trained or unqualified individuals to fulfill roles to which they are incapable of successfully serving. Thus reducing the effectiveness of our forces and diminishing our ability to properly fulfill our missions. Doing so simply to allow women into these roles is an insult to our country, our military and our service members, both male and female. Besides, how can you demand equal treatment, yet expect that the standards be lowered in order for you to be able to be “equal’? To paraphrase another statement, “equal is, as equal does..” It’s a bad idea, in my book, and a true disservice to ourselves! Okay, end of rant… Thanks for the great work, and keep on keeping on!!

Thanks for establishing the beach head and holding the line before reinforcements arrived Howard. Now here are my thoughts on the thorny issue as I posted them Saturday:

Thanks for putting me in the commentator’s spot light w/o so much as a heads up you flying sand bagger! You  just remember ,Paybacks (@ exorbitant interest rates)…yadda yadda yadda. Next time you go flying have them show you how the ejection seat works and the time AFTER that the parachute! I suggest doing it over the Everglades so the gators can cushion your landing too.

As far as women in the military in combat roles. There are quite a few that go/fly in harms way. I seem to recall a Meg Ryan movie about a female para rescue chopper pilot who got a medal for what she died doing. Many are undertaking combat pilot roles. I seem to recall there being photos making the rounds of an all female KC-135 flight crew about 2 years ago. There are female troop commanders, base commanders, ship Captains and Generals.

LtCol Sarah Deal Burrow, United States Marine Corps, became the first female Marine selected for Naval aviation training, and subsequently the Marine Corps’ first female aviator in 1993. Vernice Armour is a former United States Marine Corps officer who was the first African-American female naval aviator in the Marine Corps and the first African American female combat pilot in the U.S. Armed Forces. She flew the AH-1W SuperCobra attack helicopter in the 2003 invasion of Iraq and eventually served two tours in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom. Maj. Elizabeth Okoreeh-Baah, is the first female Marine V-22 Osprey tilt rotor pilot. Lt. Col. Jenifer Nothelfer, a CH-46E (twin rotor) helicopter pilot now in the Individual Ready Reserve. On 19 November 2010, Lt Col Ali “Rocky” Thompson made history by becoming the first woman Marine pilot to command a squadron. Lt Col Thompson, a CH-53E pilot, took command of HMH-464 on board MCAS New River, NC. Major Anne McClain was qualified in the OH-58D Kiowa Warrior in December of 2005 and graduated number one in her flight school class. She deployed in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom in July 2007 and spent 15 months as a maintenance platoon leader and Squadron intelligence officer, flying 900 flight hours as pilot in command in the Kiowa Warrior.

These were ALL jobs they were given the equal opportunity to qualify for, they were given the opportunity to show they could do the job equally well as those whom were already performing it by passing the same test(s) they did. I have no problem with these military personnel whatsoever, they have proven themselves and earned the right to their job and rank.

What I DO have a problem with is when people try to tell me that ‘Equal Opportunity’ (the policy of treating employees and others without discrimination, especially on the basis of THEIR SEX, race, or age.) should be interpreted as affirmative action (an action or policy FAVORING those who tend to suffer from discrimination, especially in relation to employment or education; positive discrimination) with regard to gender in the military.

IT IS A PURELY SCIENTIFIC FACT THAT WITH REGARD TO PHYSICALITY MEN AND WOMEN ARE NOT CREATED EQUALLY. Yes you have those female steroid sucking body builders that might well be stronger than some men. Those women want to, enlist in the Corps, pass the Marine IOC (Infantry Officer Course) and its initial CET (Combat Endurance Test) and prove themselves capable of humping a 124# combat pack 9 miles in 3 hours then I have no problem with them joining a Marine combat team.. If they can’t then they got their shot, the same Equal Opportunity as the rest of the Marines.

The key point being missed here is not about the fact that SWAN feels women are left out-trust me we fight on our soil against an invasion force I have full confidence every 3rd partisan is going to be a (as the same people who are whining about this would call them) ‘gun happy female’. The point is that passing this test on an EQUAL Opportunity under EQUAL CONDITIONS tells your team mates something extremely important to fellow Marines.

Namely that you are worth and capable of being trusted with their lives and can be counted on under extreme conditions. If you can’t hump a 124# combat pack 9 miles in 3 hours can anyone you are teamed with count on you to carry, assist in carrying their wounded body to safety under hostile conditions? That level trust in an integral part of any Marine Combat team.

Further if we apply the ‘Affirmative Action’ interpretation that SWAN demands to ‘Equal Opportunity’ by (in the example given) lightening their load to lets say 100# that means the other members of her 4 man fire team have to carry and extra 6# that she cannot or do without. That 24# is likely to be ammo, w/o ammo a fire team is combat ineffective or in other words DEAD MEAT. SO she’s endangering 3 other people lives to be there but the feminist are happy about her being there. Wonder if they will be equally as happy when she is responsible for the death of that entire fire team for not being able to carry her weight because she got there NOT through ‘Equal Opportunity” but rather though mislabeled ‘Affirmative Action’. Wonder if the feminists will step up and demand Equal Opportunity make those death notifications their mislabeled ‘Affirmative Action’ is responsible for?

In summation- prove you belong where you are and have ALL the skills, AT A LEVEL EQUAL TO EVERYONE ELSE IN YOUR JOB.  Then I have no problem with you, until you screw up or prove otherwise. Get there through the Liberal’s version of Equal Opportunity which is actually mislabeled and misplaced Affirmative Action then yes I have a HUGE problem with you and will do everything I possibly can to protect those in my command from the threat you pose to them.

THAT IS ALL DISMISSED.

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Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Dragon Laffs #1409


Hallows

Welcome to a very special day in the mythos that Dragon Laffs and Leprechaun Laffs resides.  This is the day that the veil between the world that most people live in and the world of the Fae and the mythological is the thinnest. 

Today, all things are possible.  Today you can see ogres ordering coffee at your local Starbucks, fairies eating pizzaIMG_2446 in alleyways, giants  putting stars on top of Christmas trees (well, in department stores, since they are already pushing Christmas stuff) and dwarves with mining gear returning from work.  And no, for the record, they don’t sing “Hi-Ho!”

Most of DL&LL Electronic Media will be on hiatus since they can roam freely (pretty much) where and how they want.  24 hours of freedom.  If you ever wanted to spot a real dragon, today is the day to do it. 

Today, most magic will not work.  At least for the non-magical/mythical creatures.  Your human spell casters and magic weavers have no powers today.  The inherently magical, dragons and leprechauns and such, have additional powers that we only get once a year.

And it’s all saved up for the grand-damnedest party EVER.  The only way that humans can go to this party is for them to be escorted by one of the mythical.  And quite honestly, many of them never return.  They are swooned by the Fae, bedazzled by the little people or used as playthings of the super heroes.  Complete and utter debauchery is the main entrée for the evening and nothing is impossible.

As you can well imagine, myself and Lethal were going to invite Ginny and Diaman…seems that we were too late in the asking and missed out.  Diaman is believed to be being escorted by Thor and Ginny by The Dark One Himself.

So, rather than go stag, I’m sending out this notice that any of you fine ladies out there who would like to accompany me to this exclusive bit of lasciviousness please let me know as soon as possible by return email at impishdragon@impishdragon.com .  Please include pictures, resume and other pertinent information.

Last week, I took a little trip to Florida.   Left on Monday, returned on Tuesday.  Some of you may think that I didn’t have enough time to do anything with those kinds of time constraints, but the coolest part took place on the plane.  Tune into the Last Word today and you can see the whole story.

Don’t forget…tonight is Daylight savings time.  Not sure if we’re in savings or standard, but I do remember that spring ahead and fall back.  So, tonight we set our clocks back.  That’s an extra hour of sleep for yours truly since I’m working this weekend… AGAIN!

Here’s your reminder:

!cid_47CD13C005D247F5976ADFC47B05DEB5@LaptopJeff

 

Let’s get right into this week’s Poll.  You’ll like this one…  But we’re going to need EVERYONE to play!  Otherwise we won’t get enough answers to make it worthwhile, so PLEASE try the poll.

 

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This is a great one from Ginny:

Three Contractors Bid On The White House Fence

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.

One is from Chicago, another is from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans.


All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.  “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $9,000. That’s $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $7,000.  That’s $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$27,000.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?

“The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus plan works.

 
 
Remember… Four boxes keep us free: the soap box, the ballot box, the jury box, and the cartridge box.

 

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Election day is just about here.  Vote

This Tuesday is it. 

It’s your chance to make a difference. 

Your chance to voice your opinion.

There is a lot at stake this election, even if it isn’t a presidential one.  There may not be a single person you want to vote for, but I’ll bet there are a lot you wish to vote against. 

BESIDES…you DO NOT have the right to bitch, if you DID NOT exercise your right to VOTE!!!

 

 

This is some really good reading.  Enjoy.

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An amazing 2 letter English word.A reminder that one word in the English language that can be a noun, verb, adjective, adverb and preposition.

UP

Read until the end …..  you’ll laugh.

This two-letter word  in English has more meanings than any other  two-letter word, and that word is ‘UP.’  It is listed in  the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n]  or [v].

It’s easy to  understand UP, meaning toward the sky  or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in  the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why  does a topic come UP?  Why do we speak  UP, and why are the  officers UP for election and why is  it UP to  the secretary to write UP a  report?  We call UP our friends, brighten  UP a room, polish  UP  the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean  UP the kitchen.  We  lock UP the house and fix  UP the old  car.

At other times, this  little word has real special meaning.  People stir UP trouble, line  UP for tickets, work  UP an appetite, and think  UP excuses.

To be dressed is one  thing but to be dressed UP  is special.

And this  UP is confusing:  A  drain must be opened UP because it is stopped  UP.

We open  UP a store in the morning  but we close it UP at night.  We seem  to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable  about the proper uses of  UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary.  In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes  UP almost  1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty  definitions.

If you are  UP to it,  you might try building UP a list of the many ways  UP  is  used.  It will take UP a lot of your time, but  if you don’t give UP, you may wind  UP with a hundred or  more.

When it threatens to  rain, we say it is clouding UP.  When the sun  comes out, we say it is clearing UP.  When it rains,  the earth soaks it UP.  When it  does not rain for awhile, things dry  UP.  One could go on  and on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now . . . my time  is UP!

Oh . . . one more  thing:  What is the first thing you do in  the morning and the last thing you do at  night?

U

P!

Did that one crack  you UP?

 
Don’t screw  UP.  Send this on to  everyone you look UP in your address book .  . .. or not . . . it’s UP to you.Now I’ll shut  UP!

 

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Last year, I went out trick or treating as a black dragon.  I think I looked damn good!

 

Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking…

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. “Follow me son” the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
 

“First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.” And they did.

 

“Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing.” And they did.

 

“Now we eat everybody.” And they did.

 

When they were both gorged, the son asked, “Dad, why didn’t we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?”

 

His wise father replied, “Because they taste better if you scare the shit out of them first!”

 

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I would call this a dragon rant, or a mini rant, but the fact of the matter is, that I can’t find anything in this essay to disagree with.  It is excellent the way that it is.

Standards Must Be Maintained – Especially in the Military

A couple of days ago an article was posted by Aaron MacLean entitled “Pressure Grows for Marines to Lower Standards for Women“.

Naturally I was intrigued and concerned. Heck, anyone who understands the job of our military should be concerned by that headline. One doesn’t have to have served to get that the military has high standards for a reason.

The article has to do with the Marine IOC (Infantry Officer Course) and its initial CET (Combat Endurance Test). Actually the article has more to do with military being increasingly run as a social experiment rather than a fighting force.

MacLean reports the 24 women had attempted the CET and none made it all the way through.

The Marines, as are the other branches, are being pushed to introduce women into combat roles, so when three women (not part of the original 24) made it through the initial stage, the news was widely reported and heralded. Yet when all three of the women were dropped for not meeting later physical requirements, MacLean found but one report – the Christian Science Monitor.

The three women, as well as three men, failed on a 9 mile hike. They had, according to the Monitor report, three hours to move 9 miles caring 124 pound packs. After falling behind for a second time, they were out.

The military does not discriminate. If you can’t do the job – you’re out. It’s that simple.

But in today’s feminized society that’s not good enough. MacLean writes that groups from Washington are pressuring the Marines into lowering their standards.

imagesSound familiar? Over the years we’ve all heard reports of police and fire departments standards being lowered to recruit more women.

Within the military ranks, no one is complaining, or very few. It’s, as it always is, outside agitators, like the Service Women’s Action Network (SWAN) trying to stir things up.

MacLean adds that the SWAN activists’ complaints about the procedures of the school indicate that they are perfectly happy to alter and lower the quality of training to achieve their goal.

But this nonsense didn’t happen overnight. In fact in 1999 Phyllis Schlafly penned a column entitled, “The Feminization of the US Military“. She wrote: “For 25 years, the feminist have been demanding a gender-neutral military. What they really want is for feminists to give the orders, with the men cowed into submission, and Bill Clinton is helping them to pursue their goal.”

Is this next?

One example she cited was, “At Minot Air Force Base, N.D., the practice is to send two officers down to the base of the missile silo, where they spent 24 to 48 hours secluded in a space about the size of a school bus, with one bed and one bathroom behind a curtain. The Minot missile force has 250 men and 83 women, resulting in the high probability of mixed gender two-person crews. Lieut. Ryan Berry, a Catholic and married, objected to being so cozy for so long with a woman not his wife. He was punished by his commanding officer, who spouted the feminist mantra that ‘equal opportunity’ is the Air Force’s top priority.”

Really? That’s the mission? And here I thought it was to kill the enemy and break things. Guess I’d better get “in step”. Schlafly put it a bit more eloquently saying that, “The purpose of the military is to defend Americans against the bad guys of the world. The warrior culture, with tough, all-male training, is what attracts young men into the armed services and motivates them to sacrifice personal comfort and safety while serving their country in uniform.”

Her conclusion is even more applicable today than it was in 1999. “Most of this destructive social experimentation to create a gender-neutral military has been implemented, not by law, but by executive orders and regulations.” Sound familiar?

“We need a real man in the White House with the courage to stand up against the radical feminists. Which of our aspiring Commanders-in-Chief will promise to overturn the feminist agenda and rebuild our once great military into what it used to be: a fighting force that can defend America?”

I couldn’t have put it better myself and with the 2016 presidential election season beginning the day after the midterms, we should start asking our prospects now.

I’m going to let our own Former Marine (there are no ex-Marines!) Lethal Leprechaun to make comment on this article if he chooses.

 

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You’re not going to believe this…I KNOW you’re not going to believe this, but I’m going to try anyway.  This is a picture from Halloween 2010…now granted, magic was used in the costuming, I believe you can even see evidence of that in the photograph above … but this is, from left to right, Impish Dragon and Lethal Leprechaun!  Yup, tis the honest truth I be telling you!

Wow.  Talk about a colossal explosion!  You gotta watch this one:

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I’m trying to train my dog to perform this excellent trick:

Here’s my progress so far:
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Okay, so I’ve really got my worked cut out for me.  I’ll be back in a minute, I’ve got to get her a beer.  Be right back.

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My dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior, sent this to me, and I’m including it all, in total:

I AM FORWARDING THIS EMAIL TO A FEW

OF THE “THINKERS” IN MY ADDRESS BOOK.
IT REFLECTS THE FEELINGS OF A LOT OF PEOPLE.
I have never heard this said as simply or as well.

Class war at its best.

The folks who are getting the free stuff don’t like the folks who are paying for the free stuff, because the folks who are paying for the free stuff can no longer afford to pay for both the free stuff and their own stuff.

And the folks who are paying for the free stuff want the free stuff to stop.

And the folks who are getting the free stuff want even more Free stuff on top of the free stuff they are already getting!

Now… The people who are forcing the people who pay for the free stuff have told the people who are RECEIVING the free stuff that the people who are PAYING for the
Free stuff
are being mean, prejudiced, and racist.

So… The people who are GETTING the free stuff have been convinced they need to hate the people who are paying for the Free stuff by the people who are forcing some people to pay for their free stuff and giving them the free stuff in the first place.

We have let the free stuff giving go on for so long that there are now more people getting free stuff than paying for the Free stuff.

Now understand this.

All great democracies have committed financial suicide somewhere between 200 and 250 years after being founded.

The reason?

The voters figured out they could vote themselves money from the treasury by electing people who promised to give them money from the treasury in exchange for electing them.

The United States officially became a Republic in1776, 236 years ago.

The number of people now getting free stuff outnumbers the people paying for the free stuff.

Failure to change that spells the end of the United States as we know it.

ELECTION
2014 IS COMING
A Nation of Sheep Breeds a Government of Wolves!
I’M
100% for PASSING
THIS ON !!!
For all our sake
PLEASE Take a Stand!!!


Borders
: Closed!

Language
: English only

Culture
: God, Constitution, and the Bill of Rights!

Drug Free
: Mandatory Drug Screening before Welfare!

NO
freebies to: Non-Citizens!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I’m not sure who’s cat this is, but it seems to me that he’s had some sort of contact with Lethal’s Ninja Kitties!

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And I’m pretty sure that this cat has had some sort of contact with Impish Dragon’s Dog Baileigh!

 

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And I’m 100% sure, that this dog has been trained extensively by the Izzy Dragon!

 

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See Lethal!!! I’ve told you over and over that horses and dragons DON’T get along.  They are for eating, not for riding!!!

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And that, dear campers, is the response I normally get from Lethal when I complain about anything like horses.

 

And this one is from my brother the Owl…
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Failure

GOLDEN~14

Goldilocks

Good Guy

Good Intel

 

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Amen!  I’m all for treating people with respect and treating them fairly, but why in the world are we trying to play nice with the people who are not only NOT interested in playing nice themselves, but are, instead, more interested in separating our heads from the rest of our bodies.

During an active shooter incident, you don’t try to treat the shooter nice or respectfully, you point a gun at him, you tell him to put his weapon down and when he does ANYTHING other than obey, you kill him.  Why is this so difficult to understand?

The problem is that our country is being led down a path that we, as a whole, don’t want it to go.  I don’t know of anyone who is actually working for a living, who is better off, safer or more comfortable than he was before the current administration took over.

Folks, Tuesday is your chance to take a step in the right direction and take back our beloved America.  Go out and vote.  It’s the very least you can do.
Vote

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Okay, so like I told you in the opening, last week I had to make a short trip to Florida, from out little base here in Indiana.  Normally, commercial non-stop flights from Indianapolis to Tampa take 4.5 hours.  Add in the two hour driving time on our end and the one hour on the other end and your now looking at 7.5 hours.  Throw in AT LEAST 2 hours for red tape and your looking at around 10 hours travel time.  Enough time to get some sleep and be ready to return the next day…with nothing accomplished.

We, on the other hand, didn’t have to drive to Indianapolis, we climbed on a military aircraft right here on base and 4 hours later we were at our destination with plenty of time left to have the first of several meetings we flew down for.

Plus, we made a stop on the way.  No, we didn’t land anywhere, we stopped….well, slowed down some, for gas.  Oh, we didn’t get gas, we GAVE gas.  Check out these pictures!!!!!!

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Yup, that’s a two-seater F-16 Thunderbird getting gas from one of our KC-135s.  I was back in the Boom Operator’s position and got some great pictures.  And no, before you ask, I was not passing gas.  There are three cushions back there side by side and the boomer controls the operations from the middle one.  The other two are for observers and instructors.

Here’s another shot:
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One of those was from my digital camera and one from my phone.

Well, we had our meetings and the next day it was time to leave.  While we were meeting, our aircraft and crew were busy refueling a bunch of other aircraft, the last flight of which was delayed, so we actually waited in a bus on the tarmac for them to return.

Once it landed, we had to wait for our flying gas station to get more gas.
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After that, they rolled up the stairs and it was time for us to leave

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That was when the second coolest thing happened.  I was asked if I wanted to do the take off and the first part of the flight from the “jump seat”.  It is a little seat that sits right behind the pilots and in between.  That was just about as, if not more cooler than being in the boomer pod during a refuel.
This was my view

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and just to show that I was indeed there, the guys graciously took a you were there photo for me.  That’s me in the middle.  The one with the really goofy grin on his face because he was back to being a 15 year-old kid who’s every dream had just been captured in a two day flight.

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The cool thing was, I was hooked up to the communications system and could not only talk to the whole flight crew, but I could hear the radio traffic and everything else.  It was quite an experience.

And now, in a VERY small way, you guys got to share the experience with me.

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