Dragon Laffs #1456


It’s Saturday morning, early.  Much earlier than normal, but you hurry to arrive at the campground, anxious to see how the coming confrontation plays out.  It’s still dark as you arrive and you are quite surprised to see that you are far from being one of the first ones there.  You check your watch and see that it’s 0630.  Twenty-five minutes before the time runs out on Impish Dragon.

Up near the stage, you see several women, gathered together, who seem to be whispering amongst themselves.  They seem very worried and keep looking towards the stage and towards the sky.  There is Ginny and Diaman, of course, but also Maggie and Leah.  For some unknown reason, Leah seems to be holding a bunch of lidless Tupperware bowls in her hands.

Off to the side of the stage you can see Paul who seems to be taking bet on one aspect of the spectacle or another.  You sidle a little closer and realize that he’s got several different schemes working at once.  A pool as to exactly what time Impish will show.  An over/under and odds on whether he shows at all.  Thinking about it, you’re pretty sure that Lethal Leprechaun probably has something to do with his set up, since he seems to have an electronic tote board and radar screen showing the local horizons.

At 0645, the Leprechaun himself shows up, coming up from the stage from the tunnels where all this started two weeks ago.  Your suspicions are tentatively confirmed when you see him glance over to Paul and raise an eyebrow and see Paul nod back to him.  As you wonder if this isn’t some sort of huge Ponzi Scheme thought up by Lethal Leprechaun, you realize that no, it’s not.  But, he’s not above taking any advantage of a situation monetarily that he can.

Lethal takes out a large pocket watch on a chain, attached to his green vest, winds it a few times and puts it back in his pocket.  He glances at the sky as he touches his ear and says, “Nothing?  Are your sure?  And you’ve done ops checks on all the equipment and know that it be working correctly?”  He listens for a few seconds longer, pulls his watch back out of the vest pocket and shakes his head.  “Okay, well keep me informed.”

He then turns to you, the audience and begins, “Ladies and gentlemen.  ‘Campers’, if you will.  I know that there is about 4 minutes left until Impish’s time runs out, but there is nothing on the radar and even if he was to appear on the horizon this very second, there’s not enough time for him to…”

Suddenly, directly overhead, a huge gout of flame appeared with an ear shattering roar and the air was rent with the beating of two powerful wings as a mighty blue dragon settled to the earth in front of the stage, having appeared out of nowhere.

Lethal Leprechaun was screaming into his microphone, “How did you miss that!!  What do you mean, you didn’t check the magical spectrum!  Just because he’s never used it before doesn’t mean he CAN’T!!  What the hell about Mythical Magical Creature don’t you understand!”  As Big Blue settles to the ground and tips his huge head downward to stare eye to eye with the much smaller green leprechaun, Lethal finishes, “We’ll continue this later…um…maybe.”  And locks hairy eyeball to hairy eyeball with the huge blue dragon.

“I believe you and I have an appointment.”

As Lethal looks back at the blue dragon, he considers that, although Impish rarely chooses to take this form, when he does, he has the full complement of dragon abilities: genius intellect, magical spells and abilities, magic resistance, as well as resistance to most weapons and arms unless of a superior magical quality.  Little things like resistance to fire, cold, acid, and the like are also to be considered.  But, being Lethal Leprechaun, he is not without his own innate abilities and planning and contingencies is his stock in trade.

Suddenly as if cued cries begin to erupt from all over the campground:

“Hey Blue Barney!”

“Yo! Giant Gecko”

“Impish you idiot!”

“Oh Pizza Slut”

“Wazzup Waddles?!”

“Baggage butt I’m over here”

“Dis way Titanic Tail!”

“Impish you Liberal Lizard!”

And so on and so forth until about 20 Lethal Leprechauns have made their presence known. When Impish turns back to the one he’s confronted, he sees that it’s not Lethal at all, but a Leprechaun dressed in Lethal’s clothing who appears to be wearing not one but two ear pieces. As he rapidly struggles to process this situation the imposter turns his tablet around as he appears to be trying to shield himself with it from a dragon’s rage so only Impish can see. On it is written a terse message.

It was a setup. All of it.

Found a broom only semi burnt in mine with A.S.S.H.A.T. Logo burned in handle.

Nose count on dwarves is off by one but we aren’t missing any.

Fire was set.

Suspect assassination attempt to be made on us any second.

Flame angrily, grab me and dive into mine or we might both be dead.

DO IT NOW. Leprechauns are not big on risking their necks for others, these are going to get jumpy and start disappearing at the first whiff of trouble and there are innocents on the field.

The huge blue dragon roars, shooting flame hundreds of feet into the air, one of his huge front claws reaches out and completely surrounds the leprechaun.  He leaps into the air, does a half twist and then dives nose first through the opening to the mine shaft on the stage and disappears.

You look around you, stunned.  Not sure at all what’s going on.  To you, it seems as though the huge blue dragon has just killed Lethal Leprechaun.  No other explanation is possible.  The silence in the campground is almost deafening.  Slowly, Ginny and Diaman unwrap themselves from each other’s arms and together they approach the stage, behind which their two truest friends have disappeared.

“I’m sure…” Diaman begins and falters.

Ginny picks up, “We know that this is hard, but…” She too falters, but Diaman picks up again.

“But, you should really stick around for the issue today.”

Ginny adds, “Maybe by the end, we’ll know more about what’s going on.”

And then both of them together say, “So Let’s Laugh!” as they both burst into tears and cling to each other as they walk off stage.




And there are two more ways….One is “Good Morning Campers”  and the other is “Are you ready?  Let’s Roll” from Dragon and Leprechaun Laffs




A Navy officer was cutting through the crew’s quarters of ship

one day and happened upon Jon reading a magazine with
his feet up on the small table in front of him.
“Sailor! Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?”
the officer demanded.
“No, sir, Jon replied, but we don’t land airplanes on the
roof either.”


! BIRDBRAINS Drop-In Template.ai

An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished,

came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: “George and the
Dragon.” He knocked. The Innkeeper’s wife stuck her head
out a window. “Could ye spare some victuals?” He asked. The
woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. “No!” she shouted.
“Could I have a pint of ale?” “No!” she shouted. “Could I at
least sleep in your stable?” “No!” she shouted again. The
vagabond said, “Might I please…?” “What now?” the woman
screeched, not allowing him to finish. “D’ye suppose,” he asked,
“that I might have a word with George?”





I would SO love to do this!!!!!!




And this is the basis for Dragon Laffs….to give you a very slight and tiny view of the life inside our heads.


This is a transcript between a commuter and the railroad company, regarding services of the latter:
I have been riding trains daily for the last twenty-two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.
Yours truly,
A Commuter”

The reply to the above:

“Dear Sir:

We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.

Sincerely, Western Railways”

And the Counter-Reply was:

“Gentlemen: I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible, Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass… That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last twenty-two years!
Yours truly, A Commuter”




A candid shot of me and Mrs. Dragon at home.


This is hilarious!  If you can watch this, without laughing along with these guys, then you need to check yourself into the funeral home, cause you’re dead!  It’s called Helium Beer Test





It seems as though Jean shares a love with Lethal and I over all things science (fiction and non-fiction) and she has shared many videos and sites that she’s found.  This one is really pretty cool.  It’s called: How To Get To Mars.


You know….a little blue dragon could’ve easily fit inside that little capsule.



I love the pitcher’s look at the end.  Its like, “yeah, I meant to do that!”


A fifteen-year-old came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, “Where did you get that car?”
He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”
“With what money!?” demanded his parents. “We know what a Porsche costs.”
“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”
The parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars!?” they asked.
“It was the lady up the street,” said the boy. “Don’t know her name — they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.”
“Oh my goodness!” moaned the mother, “she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what’s going on.”
So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting flowers. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche to for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.
“Well,” she said, “this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but I learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary. Then apparently she stole all his money and stranded him there! Well he called me, without a dollar to his name, and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So that’s exactly what I did.”





We’re starting a new class in our Higher Education classroom.  Self-Defense for the Modern Woman.  This is our instructor.


FROM: Human Resources
It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated.
We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers. Therefore, a list of TRY SAYING new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees. SO…
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: When the hell do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING: I’m certain that is not feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fuckin way!!
INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be shitting me.
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh*t.
TRY SAYING: Of course I’m concerned.
INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a sh*t.
TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It’s not my frigging problem.
TRY SAYING: That’s interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the hell?!?!
TRY SAYING: I’m not sure I can implement this.
INSTEAD OF: F**K it. It won’t work.
TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn’t you tell me sooner?
TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell cares?
TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the problem.
INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his A*s.
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh*t and die.
TRY SAYING: So, you weren’t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my A*s.
TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at this moment.
INSTEAD OF: F**K it! I’m on salary.
TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your A*s!
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?
INSTEAD OF: Blow me.
TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF: Another darned meeting!!!
TRY SAYING: I don’t think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF: I really don’t give a sh*t.
TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He’s a frigging prick.
TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go getter.
INSTEAD OF: She’s a ball busting bitch.
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.

INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the hell you’re doing.








This one is directly from our great friend Strike Owl:


There is no life without water.  Because without water there is no coffee and without coffee I will kill you all!


Okay, please don’t write to me and tell me that it really wasn’t a young college student who wrote this, or that he wasn’t a law student, or whatever.  I don’t care.  I don’t care if it’s not true.  It is an excellently written piece WHOEVER wrote it.

The person who wrote this is
a college student. Perhaps there is hope for us after all.




Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950’s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a our separation agreement:

–Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

–We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.

–You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

–Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.

–We’ll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.

–You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

–We’ll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.

–You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.

–We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and rednecks.

–We’ll keep Bill O’Reilly, and Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

–You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

–You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.

–We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values.

–You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

–We’ll keep the SUV’s, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.

–You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.

–We’ll keep “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” and “The National Anthem.”

–I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute “Imagine”, “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing”, “Kum Ba Ya” or “We Are the World”.

–We’ll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

–Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you might think about which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen, Barbara Streisand, Keith Oberman, Bill Maher &(Hanoi) Jane Fonda with you.

P.S.S. And you won’t have to press 1 for English when you call our country.









Here’s another great and funny video! 


Chicago Tribune’s Best Tweet of the week.

“I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.”





Apolitical Aphorisms
If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
~Jay Leno~


The problem with political jokes is THEY get elected.
~Henry Cate, VII~


We hang the petty thieves AND appoint the great ones to public office


If we got 1/10 of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven.
~Will Rogers~


Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is NO river.
~Nikita Khrushchev~


When I was a boy I was told that ANYBODY could become President; I’m beginning to believe it.
~Clarence Darrow~


Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics, AND your opponents will do it for you.
~Author unknown~


Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some MORE tunnel.
~John Quinton~


Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by PROMISING to protect each from the other.
~Oscar Ameringer~


I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling LIES about us, I will stop telling the TRUTH about them.
~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952~


A politician is a fellow who will lay down YOUR life for his country.
~ Tex Guinan~


I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle~


Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be BETTER to change the locks.
~Doug Larson~



Okay, so that was a long and somewhat eclectic collection of funny and poignant political jokes.  Kinda like all the candidates we have running right now.  A collection of political jokes. 

A collection of political jokes…

…the candidates… are…


Okay, so never mind.  You are all too much asleep to get my subtle humor this morning.  Go get more coffee and I’ll wait.  Go ahead.  I won’t let anyone get ahead of you.  Consider us paused until you get back.

doobie, doobie, do….a scoobie, doobie, …..

Okay, you’re back, better now?  Good, let’s move on…





In the land of the nerds


























Yeah, that ought to work!







Unbeknownst to anyone else, the following takes place underground…

Down in the mine tunnels well away from the opening Impish places the not Lethal down still being careful to block the tunnel with his back and wings. “Now, Mr. NOT Lethal Leprechaun, I want some answers quick before I give into my peckishness and flame roast me a Leprechaun snack! And where the hell are my wife and daughter!?”

The Leprechaun dusts himself off examines a claw rent in the coat he’s wearing before shooting his cuffs tugging on the jacket’s lapels. He turns squarely toward Impish and much to Impish’s shock jabs him in the nose with his finger before admonishing him “The name is Litigious Leprechaun Esq. Shyster & Titan of Torts. That threat constitutes verbal assault upon my person. You’ll do well to cease such remarks immediately before I use my Hyper Litigation App to file a million dollar lawsuit against you and serve you right where you stand you ungrateful potential defendant. Oh and in case cousin Lethal hasn’t mentioned me before, I’m chief legal counsel for them sue happy Scientologists and I have a winning (and profitable) track record for them. So you just threaten me again I dare you!”

Impish is flummoxed. Surely he’s not lost his touch at instilling bladder voiding fear! NAH! Can’t be it. Maybe it’s some weird facet of that whole lawyer and sharks not messing with each other thing. He begins to wonder if all Leprechauns are born brain damaged when it comes to fear of dragons or is it’s some lingering racial after effect of St Patrick having driven the snakes out of Ireland, Snakes being a cousin, albeit a very distant cousin, to dragons.  He is just wondering if that little green shyster can still run his app from inside a dragon’s stomach when a noise is heard ahead.

Suddenly a figure all dressed in black comes running out of a side tunnel surrounded by several smaller fleeter figures with glowing eyes. Just as the pain of small but extremely sharp claws being employed to climb his tail and back begins to register, he’s hit in his bread basket truck by the ninja apparel clad figure. “Dad! I’m so glad your safe and you listened to Uncle Litigious on that stage!”

As Impish hugs his littlest dragon tightly he hears the unmistakable sound of the Dragon Escape Shuttle drawing closer as well as the sound of more people coming out of the side tunnel. Mrs. Dragon, a Ninja Kitty lounging indolently in her arms with Bruce perched on her shoulder forces her way through the ring of CyberLethals in their Judge Dread body armor her eyes flashing angrily.

She latches onto the Littlest Dragon ear instinctively even though it’s covered by the high-tech ninja hood causing her to rise up on her toes. “Young lady you were told not to rush ahead it wasn’t safe. Honestly I don’t know what to do with you! At the very least you’re grounded…again.”

At the sound of Impish’s chuckle she rounds on him and uses the same ear pinch hold on his sizable nostril causing his tail to quiver in pain. “And you’ve got nothing to chuckle at chuckle head! Scaring the hell out of us like that running around when people are trying to kill you. Why if it wasn’t for Lethal grabbing us up, keeping us safe and trying to take our minds off of things by promising us a nice outing at Disney World I don’t know what we would have done.”

Just as she seems to be gaining speed and momentum in her tirade Lethal or at least what Impish assumes is the real Lethal steps out of the ring of CyberLethals and clears his throat. “A regular Norman Rockwell Hallmark moment ta be sure, but so far the only person that has listened at all to me is Impish. I remind you that just because we’re out of direct line of sight and/or fire doesn’t mean we’re not still in danger. If you’d all be so kind as to get on the escape shuttle we’ll use it for its intended purpose and escape to someplace safer. Litigious, I thank you and rest assured I will be withdrawing that complaint from the ABA. Please inform the rest of the lads, if and when you find them, that I consider their debts to me paid in full and that Impish thanks them for their aid. Oh and if you try using those clothes to impersonate me I’ll be the one making full use of the HyperLitigation App.”

Litigious tips his hat to Impish and Mrs. Dragon then walks carefully over to Littlest Dragon whose feline companions have sudden gone on furry alert. Reaching slowly into his vest pocket he produced a business card and hands it to the Littlest Dragon. “In case you want to litigate that grounding or sue your parents for…their excessive strictness causing you pain and suffering”

“LITIGIOUS YOU AMBULANCE CHASER!” At the same time a very deep growl is heard from the huge blue dragon in the tunnel.

“You say that like it’s so unprofitable! OK! OK! I’m going!” He disappears down the side tunnel being ‘escorted’ to his destination by two CyberLethals.

Impish dragon takes a moment to transform into his smaller, Impish form and begins, “Lethal what in the hell…” as they climb aboard the Dragon Escape Shuttle before being cut off.

“Shh! Hush now everyone. We’ll talk later Impish, not now, ‘Tis still nay safe here.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Of course it’s safe here! We’re in the tunnels surrounded by CyberLethals and heading for our Corporate HQ building. What’s not safe about that?”

In response Lethal simply narrows the beam then shines his pocket lamp at something on the floor of the Dragon Escaper Shuttle.

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Leprechaun Laughs # 319 for Wednesday Oct 7th 2015


Good morning readers. Your golden ray of sarcastic sunshine has risen in all of his curmudgeonly Celtic glory!

As you can see from our banner Impish is still at large (in more ways than one) and I have begun calling in…uh…outside contractors in the security field to assist in the search. These guys are costly, brutal in their methods, but have proven track records of being extremely effective.

Hopefully by the end of today’s issue we’ll have Impish safely back home in spite of his self induce paranoia or  at least a strong lead on his whereabouts. If not, well I’m just going to have to take (regrettably) sterner and strong measures to get him to come in from the cold before this get out of hand

Mean time its another full packed issue of fun laughs and thought provoking I have for you let lets get right to it.

TEam USa Lets Roll


I’m getting fricking false Impish sighting just everywhere!



Yes, this is pretty early in the issue for a serious editorial by me. Yes, these are generally the province of my Parting Shots. However, I suspect my Parting Shots are often over looked and/or totally ignored. Well this subject is far too important to allow that to happen.

There is understandably a lot of talk and press coverage regarding the mass shooting Thursday in Oregon. The discussions range from what happen and its aftermath, to the unusual trend started by the Douglas County, Oregon, Sheriff John Hanlin of refusing to speak the shooters name and thereby denying him his ‘fame’, which if you ask me is more appropriately labeled ‘infamy’.  The issue of gun control, basically every aspect of this incident is getting hashed and rehashed incessantly except for the most important thing that happened that day.

A deed of life changing noble self sacrifice by someone who had already served his country and done more than his share. Some one who unhesitatingly stepped up and rewrote that check, knowing this time it most likely would be cashed for full face value- his life.


When the shooting broke out, Chris Mintz, 30, a military veteran and a former high school football player in Randleman, North Carolina, tried to save the lives of others.

“Tries to block the door to keep the gunman from coming in,” his aunt, Wanda Mintz, told a CNN affiliate in High Point, North Carolina.

“Gets shot three times,” his aunt said. “Hits the floor.”

    “Looks up at the gunman and says, ‘It’s my son’s birthday today,’ ” his aunt said.

    Still, there was no mercy. The gunman shot Mintz again. It’s not yet clear exactly how many more times, but both his legs are broken, said family members who talked to him by phone on his way into surgery.

    Blocks the doorway.

    With his own body.

    Knowing he has no body armor.

    No protection.

    No way to defend or protect himself.

    Knowing he’s already done his full measure for his Country and community to keep them safe.

    Knowing he has a small child at home who might wind up remembering his birthday from that day forward as the Dad his father died.

    Why? What would possess someone to do something so (on a purely survival instinct level) so utterly insane and life threatening? The answer is simple enough.

    Heroism. The instinctive need to Protect and Defend those in danger regardless of personal cost. Plain and simple heroism.

    That folks is something worth reporting on until every last reporter is sick of writing about it, until every last US citizen is tired of reading or hearing about it. Until every crazy with a manifesto and a gun, until every terrorist in every sleeper cell until every gang banger on ever corner understands that there are potentially tens thousands of Chris Mintzs out there lurking in every school in every theater, in every public place. Unlike Chris Mintz not all of them are unarmed, some will be able to protect them selves and actively defend against this wanton acts of senseless violence and thus hopefully turning the perpetrator into a victim of his own violence.

    People like Chris Mintz.


    Let’s get back to the issue shall we?


    Humm..wonder if this is what Impish is really hiding from? Not from me over the mine fire etcetera, but from Mrs. Dragon and her +5 Cast Iron Skillet of Constant Consternation!



    The Top 5 Reasons Superhenge is Better Than Stonehenge

    Scientists discovered a Superhenge not far from the original Stonehenge in England.


    5.) Not only is it larger than the original Stonehenge, it’s also twenty percent more absorbent.

    4.) The original Stonehenge was supposed to be Superhenge, but the contractor never came back to finish it.

    3.) Way more cupholders.

    2.) While it may be bigger, Superhenge also uses courtesy lube.

    And the Number One Reason Superhenge is Better Than Stonehenge…

    1.) It’s open past 5 p.m., which is more than I can say for anything else in England



    Carhenge is a replica of England’s Stonehenge located near the city of Alliance, Nebraska, on the High Plains region of the United States. Instead of being built with large standing stones, as is the case with the original Stonehenge, Carhenge is formed from vintage American automobiles, all covered with gray spray paint. Built by Jim Reinders, it was dedicated at the June 1987 summer solstice

    Carhenge consists of 39 automobiles arranged in a circle measuring about 29 meters (95 ft.) in diameter. Some are held upright in pits 1.5 meters (4.9 ft.) deep, trunk end down, and arches have been formed by welding automobiles atop the supporting models. The heelstone is a 1962 Cadillac. Three cars were buried at Carhenge. Their “gravestone” is a car that reads: “Here lie three bones of foreign cars. They served our purpose while Detroit slept. Now Detroit is awake and America’s great!”

    Carhenge replicates Stonehenge’s current “tumble-down” state, rather than the original stone circle erected between 2500 BC and 2000 BC.

    In addition to the Stonehenge replica, the Carhenge site includes several other sculptures created from autos covered with various colors of spray paint.

    Carhenge was conceived in 1987 by Jim Reinders as a memorial to his father. While living in England, he studied the structure of Stonehenge, which helped him to copy the structure’s shape, proportions, and size. Other automobile sculptures were subsequently added to the location of Carhenge, which is now known as the Car Art Reserve.  Carhenge was listed for sale in 2011 for $300,000.

    Carhenge is used frequently in popular culture, and makes appearances in film, popular music, television programs and commercials.[5] It is the subject of the 2005 documentary Carhenge: Genius or Junk?, and features in the 2007 travel book 1,000 Places to See in the USA and Canada Before You Die.

    Carhenge will be in the path of the Solar eclipse of August 21, 2017.

    Dragon Detected

    A klaxon starts sounding and various screens around the room begin flashing  the above message. Lethal seems more subdued this week about the sighting alert and doesn’t move from his current position. He simply drops the mic to his ear piece in front of his mouth says ‘Lethal is up.’, listens a moment then asks ‘Contact location? MISSOURI?! Are you SURE? “Show me. ’ as he taps several keys on his tablet. The displays switch to showing the reported contact which he zooms in on:


    “Congrats you bunch of Big Brother Bozos! That’s the closest you’ve come to something that looks like a Blue Dragon in a week! That’s a B-2 Bomber out of Whitman Airfield. Now, get back to work AND FIND ME IMPISH DRAGON!”

    He double taps a button on his head set “Dispatch a full team to the area of Whitman AFB just outside of Knob Noster, Missouri. I suspect Impish might possibly be using the B-2 Bomber flights to camouflage his movements since they are about the closest thing in to the shape of a dragon flying. They’ll have to fly into Kansas City International it’s the closest facility that has a strip that will handle Shamrock One without displaying her special aeronautical attributes. It’s about 70 miles southeast to the town and 72 miles to the base then. Use of sedative loaded pies is authorized. We have to bring mister inventive and semi hysterical in before he hurts someone of himself. No-name come up with anything on the coffee as yet? Huh. What about those accounting entries? I see. Source of the fire? Fire Marshall or No-name get anywhere there yet? Evidence of a possible pyrotechnic device? Interesting. Say that again please? How is that possible? We both heard his claim that they had all been rescued and returned to their families. Do we have any single dwarves on the payroll or any reported missing? Well is he sure about his claim? Alright! Get me the work crew Foreman and his Lead men in my office in an hour and double check everybody really is accounted for.””

    Sorry about that folks. Not only is Impish proving harder to catch than normal, but this whole thing is starting to smell way fishier than normal too. Seems there are more dwarves on the hidden security camera tapes than the rescued party by a count of one.

    Mean time lets get back to the hunt issue shall we?”



    Volkswagen admitted to falsifying emissions tests for diesel engines in 5 million cars by installing software that helped them fudge the data.

    The Top 5 Volkswagen Excuses

    5. What’s the big deal? Maria Shriver drives one of our cars and everyone cheats on her.

    4. Smoking is really sexy.

    3. We were targeting the Ashley Madison demographic.

    2. We hired the same software engineer who installed Hilary’s server.


    And the Number One Volkswagen Excuse…

    1. We would have noticed the error if we hadn’t been inhaling all these toxic exhaust gasses for all these years.




    A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother’s, and asked her why. She told her son, “The bigger they are the dumber the person is.” The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger “units” than his dad. His mother replied, “The bigger they are the dumber the person is.” Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play. Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly told his mother, “Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.”


    Poor bastard is going to be found dead in some flop house, Redbox case for an action flick next to the TV with a Chili Cheese Fries in his mouth, half finished Haagen dazs shake on the night stand and a hypodermic of bacon grease still in his arm!

    HEY CHICS! Here’s a flick for you!




    Chicken Marengo

    They claim this is a 4 step meal. Well I cut a step right out of that and use a package of  chicken tenders instead of having to slice the chicken breasts. Paillards are just thinly sliced scallops of meat (think stir fry). I’ll admit that using the tenders does lengthen to cooking times a bit but its offset by the not having to slice the chicken breast and have them partly frozen to do it. Even if you decide to slice the tenders in halves, thirds or quarters, (on the bias will get you that paillards appearance)  its still going to be way faster unless you buy presliced which you’ll wind up paying even more for then the chicken tenders.



    3 large chicken cutlets, sliced into thin paillards (slice while partially frozen)
    Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
    1/2 cup all-purpose flour
    3 tablespoons vegetable oil
    1 medium sweet onion, sliced
    1/2 pound mushrooms, sliced
    1 yellow bell pepper, seeded and julienned
    2 tablespoons tomato paste
    1/2 cup white wine
    1/2 cup beef broth
    1 (14-ounce) can chopped tomatoes
    1/2 tablespoon butter


    Season the chicken with salt and pepper, to taste, and lightly dredge in flour. In a large sauté pan, heat the oil over medium-high heat and add the chicken. Brown on both sides, until nicely golden, about 3 minutes per side. Remove from the pan and set aside on a plate. In the same pan, add more oil, if needed, along with the onion, mushrooms and peppers and sauté until softened and fragrant, but not limp, about 5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper, to taste. Stir in the tomato paste and cook a few minutes to cook out the raw flavor. Turn up the heat, and add the wine/wine to deglaze the pan and let it reduce for 2 or 3 minutes. Add the beef broth and tomatoes. Once the mixture begins to bubble, add the browned paillards and any juices from the chicken and reduce the heat to a simmer. Cook until the chicken is warmed through, about 3 minutes. Turn the heat off and stir in the butter. Transfer to a serving platter and serve immediately.

    I transfer it to a platter of pasta, polenta, or mashed potatoes, you could even put it over rice if you wanted to. Mini spinach & cheese ravioli, tortellini or gnocchi would also work well. Heck ladle it in bowls and hand them out with hunks of hot fresh crusty bread and I doubt you’d get any grumbles about the meal!

    Butterscotch Peanut Butter Bars



    1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, room temperature, plus more for greasing
    1/2 cup granulated sugar
    1/2 cup packed brown sugar
    1/2 cup plus 1/4 cup creamy peanut butter
    1 large egg
    1 teaspoon vanilla extract
    1 cup all-purpose flour
    1 teaspoon baking soda
    1/4 teaspoon salt
    1/2 cup quick-cooking oatmeal
    6 ounces butterscotch chips (about 1 cup)
    1 cup confectioners’ sugar
    4 tablespoons milk


    Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease a 9-by-13-by-2-inch baking dish with butter.

    Using an electric mixer, cream the butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and 1/2 cup of the peanut butter. Add the egg and vanilla. Sift the flour with the baking soda and the salt.

    Mix the oatmeal into the flour and stir the flour into the creamed mixture. Spread the batter in the baking pan. Sprinkle the butterscotch chips over the batter and bake for 20 to 25 minutes, until browned around the edges.

    Whisk together the confectioners’ sugar, milk and the remaining 1/4 cup of the peanut butter until smooth, then spread the glaze evenly over the warm bars. Allow to cool completely before cutting into squares.




    A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker are exploring the jungle and are captured by a fierce tribe.
    The chief tells them, “The bad news is that we’ve caught you, we’re going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die.”
    The Frenchman says, “I take ze poison.” The chief gives him some poison; the Frenchman says, “Vive la France!” and drinks it down.
    The Englishman says, “A pistol for me, please.” The chief gives him a pistol; the Brit points it at his head, says, “God save the Queen!” and blows his brains out.
    The New Yorker says, “Gimme a fork.” The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and jabs himself all over — the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. Blood gushes from every hole.
    The chief screams, “What are you doing?”
    The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, “So much for your canoe, a**hole!”



    They say revenge is a dish best served cold, well I’ve had this revenge in the blast chiller for a whole week. You see, last week shortly before the issue came out, some brassy bottle blonde from Jersey made a statement in the comments section where in I was referred to as ‘that little green fart’. Well as you might imagine I have taken umbrage with this description of me and since she is too old and decrepit to challenge to our normal method of resolving this sort of thing here at DL/LL Electronic Media (dueling with loaded skunks at 10 paces) I felt I had only one other option open to me. Blonde jokes.

    A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, “I slept with a Brazilian….” The blonde replies, “Oh my God! You slut! How many is a Brazilian?”

    A blonde walked into the dentist office and sat down in the chair. The dentist said “Open Wide” “I can’t” The blonde said. “This chair has arms”

    Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?

    A: She found out Big Ben was only a clock.

    Q: How do you get a blonde on the roof?

    A: Tell her drinks are on the house.

    Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint?

    A: It’s not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.

    Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

    A: Because that’s where your supposed to wash vegetables.

    Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?

    A: To keep their ankles warm.

    Q: How can you get a blonde to laugh on Saturday?

    A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

    Q:Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman?

    A: You have to hollow out the head.

    Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?

    A: A thought.

    Q: Why don’t blondes get coffee breaks?

    A: It takes too long to retrain them.

    Q: Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?

    A: She couldn’t figure out who the other mother was.

    Q: Did you hear about the blonde with a PhD in Psychology?

    A: She’ll blow your mind, too.

    Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?

    A: It’s difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

    Q: Why are blondes like corn flakes?

    A: Because they’re simple, easy and they taste good.

    Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip-code on her thigh?

    A: She wanted a lot of male in her box.

    Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?

    A: Some traffic signs say stop

    Q: A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in the ninth grade; which one is the sexiest?

    A: The blonde, because she is the only one that’s 18.

    A blonde walks into a bar that has a sign marked: “For Men Only”. “I’m sorry, ma’am,” says the bartender. “We only serve men in this place.” “That’s OK, ” says the blonde. “I’ll take two of them…”

    A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some dinner, and while she’s deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up. The blonde looks up and notices the waitress’s name tag on her shirt. ”Gee, that’s nice. What did you name the other one?”

    A blonde girl was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriend’s dandruff problem. The redhead says “Why don’t you give him Head and Shoulders?” The blonde replies, “How do you give shoulders?”



    See?! It’s working already!







    Dragon Detected

    This time there are no Klaxons or flashing screens. Lethal stops suddenly in the midst of telling the Patrons a joke and taps his head set. “Go for Lethal. OK I understand, which account? OK you have my attention continue. Two identical but from separate makers? We’re they shipped to the same location? I see. Has either been picked up as yet? OK well that would sort of jibe with the alleged Whitman area sighting then. Send me any images they have to the finished product or the graphic design to update the BOLO.

    Why are we just hearing  about this now? Ah! No I understand. We’re probably lucky to learn of it this early given then circumstances. Let me say something I’ve been waiting a week to say- Good Job! No I already sent a team to the area after the B-2 false sighting. Yes, I think that it is a distinct possibility that he has been getting sporadic help but I can’t find out where from. Keep me posted. Out.

    Well folks it looks like Impish finally made a mistake. He decided he needed a disguise to help him blend in. Unfortunately when you are that size you have a limited set of options for clothing unless like Impish you have it custom made. By tent makers. We’ve been alerted to two recent rush orders for the exact same garment (his  tablet dings) . Ah here is an image of it now:


    As I said he made a mistake and hopefully this will help us catch up with him. I think I know where he’ll be going next in a general fashion. Apparently he’s hungry and there is only one way for him to attempt to mask large pizza purchases. But I have a surprise for him too. Watch the End of the issue.




     It’s the Coyote Principle, folks. It’s what separates common sense from liberalism.



    The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor’s dog, then bites the Governor.

    1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.
    2. He calls animal control . Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
    3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.
    4. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.
    5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.
    6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a “coyote awareness program” for residents of the area.
    7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.
    8. The Governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training on “The Nature Of Coyotes.”
    9. PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million suit against the State.

    TEXAS :

    The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A Coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.
    1. The Governor shoots the coyote with his State-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.
    2. The buzzards eat the dead coyote.

    And that is why California is broke and Texas is not.



    ATTENTION IMPISH DRAGON! Important Message Follows!

    <Lethal appears on screen behind a desk hands folded >


    After the  disaster of two Saturday’s ago, September 19th, you immediately fled in panic before an investigation or examination of the facts could be undertaken.

    So far any attempt to communicate with you in a non confrontational manner have failed, largely because you have taken great pains so shut off just about every electronic device you own in an attempt to thwart our tracking you. All attempts at face to face contact have ended with the contact personnel suffering minor injuries and you panicked flight from the scene before any meaningful dialog could be exchanged.

    This situation cannot be permitted to continue. Though I possess the means with which to locate you and indeed even temporarily incapacitate you in theory, I am loathe to misappropriate the resource, even if it is of my design. It is plain from your application to date your daughter you set a great deal by her. Undoubtedly you hold Mrs. Dragon in the same high regard though I recognize an application to date your wife would not have had the same jocular result and undoubtedly led directly to incapacitating pain for you the next time she laid eyes on you. I want to assure you they are safe and secure in one of my myriad of safe houses and both enjoying themselves. I’ve chosen the location very carefully. you’ve never seen or heard of the property as to it’s location, well lets just say there is more then one angry Dragon skeleton on the property and let it go at that shall we?

    I am taking the following step to induce you to make contact and discuss the terms of your coming in form the cold:

    1.) If you have NOT voluntarily come in from the cold as of Dawn on Saturday October 10th 2015 (which will be construed as 06:55 AM CST), I will take your daughter out for her first date that afternoon and bring her home as everyone is leaving for church on Sunday morning.  No worries as I doubt given the transformation I expect in her that anyone will even recognize her.

    Believe me when I say I will play the cool (but naughty) Uncle role and indulge her every whim. All those things you’ve been saying ‘OH HELL NO! Over your dead body my daughter!’? She’ll get or have them done.

    Piercings (As in multiple and any place she desires them)? Check.

    Shopping at Victoria’s Secret   Sure ‘nuff!

    An hour or so in a couple of  Biker apparel places for all manner of biker chic apparel. You betcha! 

    Next a trip to a tattoo shop for some body art. Knowing how she’s your daughter and your love of all things mythical excreta, I’m sure you can just imaging how heavily dragons snakes skulls, daggers and demonic visages will figure into these tats.

    To take her mind off the tats we’ll follow that up with a trip to a gun shop where she can have her pick of anything she can competently handle- pistol, rifle, shotgun any or all of them. I’ll spend some time on the range with her too to make sure she can hit whatever she wants.

    Meet and Greet time with Queen T along with an hour or so for Queen T to teach her a few of the more deadly arts females employ along with a discussions on the importance of asserting herself in the family dynamic as well as evidence (and body) disposal with relation to those who displease her. Ready and waiting!

    Then its on to the real fun of the day. Partying at The Wolf’s Whistle Biker Bar! .

    Essentially by the end of the date, she’ll have become the quintessential full fledged Jersey Girl Gang Member! Did I say she’d be home in time to do the the Strut of Parental Defiance on Sunday morning?

    In the interests of maintaining our R rating, brevity and mercy to your (questionable) sanity I’m going to  stop there as I think I’ve made my point with regard to your daughter.

    Now with regard to Mrs. Dragon, if that wasn’t enough to induce your compliance. I will largely repeat the performance, adapted of course for a more mature and experienced woman Sunday with Mrs. Dragon commencing with your daughter completing her strut of parental defiance.

    For the Missus I have something different in mind, once she’s suitably pampered and properly gussied up to the point she feels all flirtatious and frisky I think we’ll have to immortalize the event for the ages with some risqué Glamour Shots session photos. By then she’ll be well primed and ready will join me in attending an Irish Fairie Hooley in Tir Na Nog.

    Given what Fae wine does to humans with regard to inhibitions, the number of ‘A’ list male celebrities sure to be in attendance and Fae males love of new women, especially blondes (which she will be- platinum blonde) I’m sure that if she doesn’t find my lucky charms magically delicious we can locate her someone’s whose she does.

    I hear Michael Douglas, George Clooney, Colin Farrell, Colin Quinn and Denis Leary will be in attendance along with Pierce Brosnan, Jason Statham, Antonio Bandaras and  Harrison Ford to name just a few. I know Odin will be in attendance and he’s rumored to have invited Zeus. You know what horn dogs those two are after a few kegs have been broached and I seem to recall them both being smitten with her at the last Christmas Party we invited them too. In fact, if I’m not mistaken, that’s the reason you demanded they be removed to the Company Formal Christmas Party Guest List.

    You’re probably about ready to bust a blood vessel, gout flame or tail smash something about now. Please by all means go right ahead and do so. Indulge your temper as much as is required to get it under control. I want you clear headed and paying attention for the next bit. GO ahead, perfectly alright, I’ll wait. <Lethal is seen tapping fingers and whistling merrily for about 90 seconds while concentrating on something or someone off screen. Then he shrugs, slides a $5 bill across the desk off camera and returns his attention to the camera.>

    Feeling better? Oh do stop ranting at me and pay attention I can’t hear you and you don’t scare me at this point. This is all entirely up to you. Neither knows anything other than I have promised them a fun filled weekend. That can be with you and your idea of fun, OR IT CAN BE WITH ME AND MY IDEA OF FUN. The choice is entirely up to you. You know what you need to do and when you need to do it by.

    Your little campground is where this all started so it seems like a suitable place for it all to end. Dawn on Saturday October 10th 2015 (which will be construed as 06:55 AM CST), I suggest you be there. Oh! And this time? Over flights by ANY other dragons has already been posted as prohibited. Nice touch though that. I have to hand it to you, brilliant bit of misdirection that.

    Oh and should you be thinking of swooping in and eating/flaming/taking me for a one way flight of no return please know you have been anticipated. Such an event will cause certain individuals to take certain actions which will no doubt prove extremely detrimental to your well being as well as your physical/mental health and overall happiness. To give you an idea of just what I mean…your daughter becomes the Caretaker of and the Protected of a certain group of cats. My understanding is the both Bruce and Clan mistress SC have taken a great shine to her. Just imagine for a moment the chaos that a single hormonal frustrated semi rebellious female teen ager can create when angered and employing a clowder of felonious felines with semi feral instincts and a penchant for violence which happens faster than your eye can perceive.

    Mean while after receiving a mysterious fire proof file safe coded to her DNA your wife will no doubt be very busy filing for divorce while attempting to rip your genitals out thru your wallet by running up credit card debt for you rivaling the in default international loans total of some 3rd world nations.

    No worries though pal, to keep you from stewing too much about these things I have arranged a nice round of TAG-The Assignation Game for you to play with a very large chain cigar smoking friend of ours. Uh..that is I THINK what I left him tells him it’s a game.

    Dawn on Saturday October 10th 2015 (which will be construed as 06:55 AM CST), I’ll be waiting for you, or counting the hours until I can pick your daughter up and start her… bad girl awakening. <Screens go blank and dark.>


    Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

    Dragon Laffs #1455


    As you head towards your normal seating at the campground, you notice a large amount of Lethal Leprechaun’s mechanical minions milling around the crowd.  The line to enter the actual seating area is slowed by the presence of two of the security team stopping each person as they enter and holding up a round hoop on a handle and peering at them through it, then letting them pass.

    As you get closer, you can hear them say, “Human.  You may pass.  Human.  You may pass.” as each individual is passed through.

    You notice several other security members at anti-aircraft locations spread around the camp ground, their gazes locked on the sky.  There is also a large trailer, connected to a semi tractor with a large dish antenna looking thing on top going around and around, apparently searching the skies.

    Most of the crowd is milling about, talking amongst themselves.  The conversation almost entirely concerning the absence of Impish and whether he could possibly even show up.  After about 45 minutes of waiting, people are beginning to pack up their things, finish their morning drinks and getting ready to set off for other things for their Saturday.  Even Ginny and Diaman moving through the crowds of people urging them to stay are starting to get a bit disbelieving themselves when suddenly, Lethal Leprechaun himself leaps from the trailer with the radar dish on top and says in a loud voice, “I’ve got a fast mover approaching from the east, ready your stations!”

    A section of the top of the trailer slides to the side to reveal 16 surface to air missiles in a 4 x 4 launcher array.  As you watch, this missile launcher swivels toward the east. 

    Just then, another voice yells from the trailer, “I’ve got another boggie approaching from the west! No make that two from the west!!”

    As the missile battery swings toward the west one of the anti-aircraft gunners announces, “I’ve got several bandits inbound from the north.” While someone is yelling, “The south, the south, we’re being attacked from the south!”

    Without any other warning, suddenly the skies over the campground are full of blue dragons.  Flying and swooping, some in formation, others dog fighting with still more blue dragons as you begin to wonder if they are going to be able to avoid hitting each other.

    Lethal Leprechaun bellows, “Hold your bloody fire!  We can’t afford to piss off the draconian empire by firing at the wrong damn dragon.”  As his eyes looks to the skies, he continues, Anybody recognize our blue dragon up there?”

    The aerial display goes on for more than an hour and the crowd has started to ooooh and aaahhhh over some of the great aerobatics being displayed by the blue dragons.

    Suddenly, the dragons, simultaneously, all head towards the center of the campground at the same time, thinking that the entire group is going to crash in the middle you look on in horror as they all meet in the middle and then soar straight up in a large group only to all flower out in a bomb shell formation and as you watch, they all seem to head off toward the horizon in a different direction.

    About the same time, a monitor screen rises smoothly up from the small hill where Impish usually stands, comes to life to reveal the image of your favorite blue dragon, Impish.

    Good morning campers,

    If you are viewing this recording then I’ve gotten to the point where it must be safe to do so.  If you aren’t viewing it then I want you to know that I love you all and …. wait …. if you aren’t viewing it, how will any of you know what it is I’m saying about not viewing it?

    Anyway, I’m sorry for the late start this morning and for the misdirection with all my blue dragon friends flying around.  I hope they at least entertained you and that enough of you are still here to even view this recording.

    Lethal, Impish faces the camera and seems to look at the exact opposite spot from where Lethal Leprechaun is standing.  I know you normally stand off to my right when I’m on stage and since this is recording and backwards I’m sure you’re off to my left right now, so that’s how I managed to look right at you.  I know it’s a freaky feeling, isn’t it?  You do it to me all the time. 

    You hear Lethal mumbling, while standing exactly where Impish said he’d be but opposite of where he really is because it’s a video recording, not a bloody mirror, you daft dragon.

    While continuing to look at the wrong spot, Impish continues, Anyway, Lethal, I wanted you to know that I have put out all the fires while this little distraction was going on.  All the dwarves that were missing have been returned to their families and have been duly compensated for their troubles with triple pay and a bonus.  All the equipment that was used was paid for by me out of my private funds and everything was put back exactly the way that it was.

    If there are any other expenses that have been incurred, please let me know and I will gladly pay for them out of my own horde. 

    As far as your Brown Gold, I maintain, that I personally had nothing to do with it.  I NEVER set up or serve the coffee that is left to the staff.

    I will remain in hiding until such time as I …

    As you watch the screen you can see the door behind Impish open up and standing there are several of Lethal’s minions.  Impish Dragon let’s out a blood curdling scream (not unlike the one made by a skittish 12 year old girl upon finding a spider in her sock drawer) he rapidly exits stage left to the sound of a horrendous crash and glass breaking.  The minions are seen moving off the same way.  There are sounds of more glass striking the ground and then one of the minions appears back in front of the camera.

    “Boss, if you’re still watching this, it was just as you said.  He was at Mr. Gray’s old residence.  But he made it out through the back window and wall.  Cheap-ass ex-government housing.  Sorry, Mr. Leprechaun.”

    Lethal Leprechaun turns to the lot of you, sitting there stunned.  “Well, as you can see “campers”, I have more work to do ahead of me…and you have an issue to get through.”

    He exits back into the trailer amid shouting questions of whether this will allow Impish to return home or if he is still on the lam.  The radar dishes folds down, the triple A sites fold down and the whole group of them trundle off towards the mountain.  Diaman and Ginny are left stunned in the front with the other Patrons and the issue begins:  


    Okay, folks, this is it.  The last plea this year for donations.  We’ve had 19 donations (Thank you very much to each and every one of you!) We are six short of our goal of 25.  Be that as it may.  If you’d like to help us out with our bills this year, which are due in one week, your help would be deeply appreciated.  Just hit the donation button to the right and follow the instructions.

    Now, I’ll let you get back to the fun.


    ‘Guess what I heard today?’ a man says to his wife. ‘What, hon?’ she asks. ‘The mailman has seduced every woman on our block but one.’
    ‘Huh,’ his wife says, ‘I bet it’s that stuck-up Phyllis next-door.’




    When I was at the veterinarian’s office, the other day, where I had taken my Siamese cat, I could not help over-hearing a man loudly sparring verbally with the receptionist. After a few moments a technician came to her co-worker’s defense. She successfully quieted the customer by jokingly threatening, ‘Sir…Do you know what happens to aggressive males in this office?’










    An elderly couple visits the doctor so the wife who is feeling poorly gets a checkup.

    The old man waits in the waiting room while the old lady is in the examining room.

    After a complete exam, the doctor brings the old woman into his office to ask her a few questions.

    “How are you sleeping?” he asks.

    “I get eight hours of sleep,” says the woman, “and sometimes I wake up to go the bathroom, but I have no problem falling back to sleep. Occasionally I take a 30 minutes nap in the afternoon, but all in all, I sleep just fine.”

    “How is your diet?” asks the doctor.

    “I have three well-balanced meals a day,” says the woman. “Sometimes I have a light snack between lunch and dinner, but I eat very well.”

    “Do you still have intercourse?” asks the doctor.

    “What?” replies the old lady.

    “Intercourse,” says the doctor. “Do you still have intercourse?”

    The old woman get up out of her chair and opens the door to the waiting room and asks her husband, “Honey, do we have intercourse?”

    The old man looks at her and says, “I have told you a thousand times, it’s Blue Cross Blue Shield!”



    Too Soon?




    You wonder what I look like at work?  Notice the burnt up computer in the background?  yeah, it wasn’t a good day.



    And then there’s this one…


    Okay, so it’s not my best work, but not bad for just five minutes.



    A farmer in WV was sitting on his porch one day when a young man drove in and came up to the porch.
    “Sir, I was driving by and noticed you had a lot of milk weed in your pasture. Would you mind if I went
    out and got some milk ?”
    “You don’t get milk from milk weed !” the farmer replied.
    “Oh yes,” said the young man. “I have a degree in Agriculture from Ohio State University, so I know all
    about it.”
    “Well, help yourself”, said the farmer.
    He soon saw the young man coming back to his car with two buckets full of milk. The next day the farmer
    was again sitting on his porch when the same young man drove up.
    “Sir, yesterday when I was getting milk, I noticed you had some honeysuckle in the fence row. I wondered
    if you would mind if I got some honey ?”
    “You don’t get honey from honeysuckle !” said the farmer.
    Again the young man explained about his degree so the farmer agreed to let him collect some honey.
    Soon the young man came back to his car with two buckets full of honey.
    The next day the same young man drove up to the farmer’s house.
    “Sir, yesterday when I was getting the honey, I noticed you had some pussy willow down by the creek.”
    The farmer said: “Let me get my shoes, and I’ll go with you.”




    Ain’t that the truth!  You know we just moved, and I’m sure, like us, most people have a drawer in their kitchen for lids.  Normally, one of the deeper drawers.  When we packed, we went through the lids and matched them all up with a container.  We had as many lids left over as we did lids that matched!  How the hell did they replicate themselves?


    Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary.  However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it’s likely Tequilya.





    I would have given him 100%!
    Each answer is absolutely grammatically correct, and funny too. The teacher had no sense of humor.

    Q-1.. In which battle did Napoleon die?
    * his last battle

    Q-2.. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
    * at the bottom of the page

    Q-3.. River Ravi flows in which state?
    * liquid

    Q-4.. What is the main reason for divorce?
    * marriage

    Q-5.. What is the main reason for failure?
    * exams

    Q-6.. What can you never eat for breakfast?
    * Lunch & dinner

    Q-7.. What looks like half an apple?
    * The other half

    Q-8.. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea
    what will it become?
    * Wet

    Q-9.. How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
    * No problem, he sleeps at night

    Q-10.. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
    * You will never find an elephant that has one hand.

    Q-11.. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand

    and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
    * Very large hands

    Q-12.. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
    *No time at all, the wall is already built.

    Q-13.. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
    *Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack

    When I read this aloud to my two lady dragons, the littlest one, Izzy Dragon, got about half of them right.




    This is from one of our children in school.  She was asked to draw a picture of what she thought our Ginny and Diaman looked like in their real forms. 


    Here is a great riddle from Papa Dragon Most Senior… I couldn’t get it.  Think about it before scrolling down for the answer.

    Can you answer all seven of the following questions

    With the same word?
    1. The word has seven letters….
    2. Preceded God…
    3. Greater than God…
    4. More Evil than the devil…
    5. All poor people have it…
    6. Wealthy people need it….
    7. If you eat it, you will eventually die.
    question Mark4
    Did you figure it out?
    Do you need more time?
    Question Mark3
    Okay, I’ll give you a cartoon first and then the answer.
    If you can’t figure it out, this is a display in a toy store!
    Okay, and now….the answer is:
    NOTHING has 7 letters.
    NOTHING preceded God.
    NOTHING is greater than God.
    NOTHING is more Evil than the devil.
    All poor people have NOTHING.
    Wealthy people need NOTHING.
    If you eat NOTHING, you will die..




    There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer.
    Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
    The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
    Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, ‘Why don’t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it’ll work.’

    I tried that once at the doctor’s office when my wife was being weighed.  I got hit by my wife, my daughter and the nurse.


    A dentist was understandably nervous at his first extraction. His hand shook as he got the molar out. He lost grip on the instrument, and the tooth trickled down the patient’s throat. “Sorry….” said the doctor, “you’re outside my specialty now. See a laryngologist, [throat specialist].”
    By the time the unfortunate victim got to the laryngologist, the tooth had worked its way much further down. The laryngologist examined the man. “Sorry….”said the doctor, “you’re outside my specialty now. You should see a gastroenterologist! [stomach specialist].”
    The gastroenterologist X-rayed the patient. “Sorry….” said the doctor, ” the tooth has traveled into your lower intestines. You should see an entomologist! [intestinal specialist].”
    The entomologist took some X rays. “Sorry, the tooth isn’t there. It must have gone down farther. You should see a proctologist! [a specialist in diseases of the rectum; anus].
    Our patient is now on the proctologist’s examining table, in the proper elbow-knee position. The doctor has inserted a proctoscopies and is looking through it…..
    “Good heavens, man! You’ve got a tooth up there! You should see a dentist!!!”



    I’m sure by now, everyone has heard about the hurricane that’s working its way up the eastern shoreline.  And I’m also sure that for every weatherman out there, there’s another prediction as to where it will hit.

    So, here is the latest prediction from the National Weather Service

    One of the only professions there is where you can be wrong half of the time and still keep your job.


    Kids, I have something important to tell you.
    Don’t get annoyed with your parents asking “stupid” technology questions.  Especially when you think they should already know the answer.  Remember, these are the people who taught you how to use a toilet.  JUST HELP THEM!!!




    If a man says you’re ugly, he’s being mean.

    If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s envious.

    If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.









    A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. 

    While waiting for the Private First Class to finish brewing the coffee,   the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.

    He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was “work” and how much of it was “pleasure?” 

    A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work.

    A Captain said it was 50%-50%.

    A Lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

    There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the Private First Class who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for his opinion?

    Without any hesitation, the young Private First Class responded, “Sir, it has to be 100%pleasure. 

    The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why? 

    “Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them.”




    While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the
    man’s balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace
    the ball with on onion. Several weeks later the patient returned for
    a checkup. “How’s your sex life?” the doctor asked.
    “Pretty good,” the man said, to the doctor’s relief.
    But then he added, “I’ve had some strange side effects though.”
    “What’s that?” the doctor asks anxiously
    “Well, every time I piss, my eyes water. When my wife gives me a blow job,
    she gets heartburn, and every time I pass a hamburger stand I get a hard-on!”






    155422 (2)

    155433 (2)

    155477 (2)

    Yeah, there’s a bunch of other things we eat, too.

    155488 (2)

    155499 (2)

    No kidding!!!! 

    Ginny is a great person to have on our team.  Her and Paul both try to remind us of special holidays that arise and whether popular, like Thanksgiving or little known, like this holiday coming up on Monday, she helps to keep us on track.  This week she tells us:

    Next Monday Is National Breast Appreciation Day.

    Spread the slogan “We stare because we care!”


    Beats The Shit Out Of Ground Hog Day, Doesn’t It ?

    And to that we reply, “It sure DOES!!”






    My littlest dragon is rapidly approaching the age where she is going to want to start to date.  She asked me the other day when she could go out on a date and I told her when she was thirty-five.  She laughed, but then stopped when she realized that I wasn’t laughing.

    So instead, I got this new “Application To Date My Daughter”

    Application To Date My Daughter
    NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, driving record, lineage, and current certified medical report (including drug tests) from your doctor, police record (must be clean) and references from three people who know you (must be judges, bankers and the like).
    1. NAME _______________________________

    DATE OF BIRTH ________________  PLACE OF BIRTH ____________  NAME OF DOCTOR WHO DELIVERED YOU __________________
    2. HEIGHT ______________ WEIGHT __________    BLOOD TYPE ____________ ORGAN DONOR STATUS ___

    I.Q _______ G.P.A.____________ SAT SCORES ____________
    3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________  BANK ACCOUNT # _____________

    DRIVERS LICENSE # __________________   STATE (Better be this one and not out of state)_______
    4. BOY SCOUT RANK____________________________________   PATCHES EARNED _____________
    5. HOME ADDRESS _________________    CITY/STATE ___________ ZIP __________
    6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?

    ___yes ___no
    If No, EXPLAIN _______________________________________________
    7. Number of years your parents have been married _____________

    8. Do you own a van? ______   A truck with oversized tires? ______ A waterbed? _________
    Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring, or a tattoo? _____________________
    (If “yes” to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises quickly with hands above your head)
    9. In 50 words or less, what does “LATE” mean to you?_______________________________________________________________________________
    10. In 50 words or less, what does  “DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER” mean to you? ________________________________________________________________________________
    11. In 50 words or less, what does “ABSTINENCE” mean to you? _________________________________________________________________________________

    12. Church you attend _____________   How often do you attend ______________________
    13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister?

    14. Answer by filling in the blank:

    Please answer freely.

    ALL answers are confidential
    (That means I won’t tell anyone -ever- I promise.)
    a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is_____________
    b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my _____________
    c) If I were bitten, the last place on my body I would want it to happen is ____________
    d) A woman’s place is in the_____________
    e) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is_____________
    f) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is_____________
    (NOTE: If your answer begins with “T” or “A”, discontinue.  Leave premises keeping your head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
    g) I believe in dragons.   yes or no
    h) How hot do  you believe a dragon’s breath to be when blown across your torso? ___________
    15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? ____________________________________
    Please Review the Following
    Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter
    Rule One:
    If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
    Rule Two:
    You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them and eat them.
    Rule Three:
    I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
    Rule Four:
    I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
    Rule Five:
    It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”
    Rule Six:
    I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
    Rule Seven:
    As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car, mowing the lawn or painting the outside of the house?
    Rule Eight:
    The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka – zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
    Rule Nine:
    Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
    Rule Ten:
    Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car – there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
    Signature (That means sign your name)

    Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If you do attempt any communication before your application is approved, automatic disqualification will result. Annoy me enough and I will fly to your house in the dark of night and eat you in your sleep.
    If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might want to watch your back).
    This is your “last chance” to check your answers.
    Perhaps you should check your response to question #10.
    Do you still want to date my daughter?
    _____ Yes, please accept my application
    _____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong house (Recommended Answer).

    Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

    Leprechaun Laughs # 318 for Wednesday Sept 30th 2015


    The seems to be a great deal of hustle, bustle and activity going on as you exit the escalator on the conference room floor. Building security is apologetically denying anyone the use of the elevators which now apparently temporarily require pass keys to access.


    At every level when you change escalators there are strange looking guards. They appear to be CyberLethals dressed in body armor very reminiscent of the Mega City Police Force in the Judge Dredd movies. Magical Dancing Shelleigh seem to have replaced stun batons but there are holstered side arms that look astonishingly like Lawgiver 2000s.

    As you cautiously enter the Conference Room, you see a bevy of activity on the stage area. People in suits at tables labeled for different agencies talking on phones, headsets and at computer screens. Four others are busily updating a very large Plexiglas map of the US while several dusty, dirty dwarves smelling strongly of peat smoke alternate between coughing, drinking water and updating two other people in front of a diagram that resembles a mine cross section. Roughly 20 % of the tunnels are colored in red.

    Lethal looking slightly the worse for his near capture of Impish is sporting a black eye and bruised left side of his face, his customary top hat, abet with a hastily scrawled sign “BOSS MAN” jammed in the hat band is currently standing in the middle of the seating area talking up at the big screen which has been divided into 6 smaller screens.

    “Alright, listen up, people. Our fugitive has been on the run for approximately One Hundred Twenty hours now. His average waddle speed over uneven ground barring injuries is 1.5 miles-per-hour. While his flight speed  maxes out at Mach 0.9 That gives us a radius of between 180 miles and just about anywhere inside CONUS.

    What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every Restaurant , residence, warehouse, Pasta house, farmhouse, Pizza house henhouse, Taco house outhouse Sorority house cat house bawdy house and doghouse in that area.

    Checkpoints go up every fifteen miles Air patrols every One Hundred miles Concentric . Your fugitive’s name is Impish Dragon. He’ll scream he has Diplomatic Immunity, well not from his business partner he doesn’t. When you have him located advise the nearest JudgeCyberLethal team and wait for them before attempting to apprehend him.

    Now go get him.“

    Lethal turns to you all looking in nervously from the hallway and smiles motioning you all to enter. Once done he turns toward the stage and lets out a piercing whistle. Several people look up at him and he mimes working a curtain rope. Suddenly the stage curtains start closing and shut off your view of the activity going on on stage.

    “Beg your pardon folks. Come on in nothing to be concerned over. Security! Please relieve Diaman of that rolling pin and frisk Ginny for concealed weapons but be aware she’ll probably like it being from Jersey.”

    Having taken a moment to reach the relative if not dubious safety offered from behind the podium on stage he continues:

    “NOW I know a few of you, especially the wimmin folk are a wee vexed with me over putting out that wanted poster on Impish. A few of you have even gone so far as to suggest improper treatment by me of Impish and even hint at unwarranted Dragon persecution by me. Please allow me to explain what exactly Impish has done for you since the events of Saturday as witnessed by all of us and the subsequent Wanted Poster apparently didn’t spell it out well enough.

    Those tunnels that he’s made such free use of were in fact part of an old coal mining complex on that side of the mountain. The particular tunnels in question were left open and connected to our corporate complex and designated a ‘Dragon emergency escape route’ largely because they were big enough to fit his robustly rotund rump through and the rails made a very handy set of runners for a sort of auto piloted skateboard/flatbed to assist Impish with exiting with all due haste in the event of trouble.

    Mr. Lazy decided to start making use to them to get to the Saturday Morning Meadow instead of taking the longer public way around. NOW he’s apparently added all manner of unauthorized extra equipment and mechanics to the area (at corporate expense & with corporate manpower w/o approval) which the mine was never intended to have and for very good reason.

    That reason is the type of coal that was mined here,  Lignite specifically, Lignite has a high content of volatile matter which means its very easy to burn. Unfortunately, its high moisture content and susceptibility to spontaneous combustion can cause problems in transportation and storage. Or when some dolt of a dim bulb dragon starts hydraulic and electrical fires simultaneously in an abandoned Lignite mine!.

    I think you can see where many of the charges are stemming from now. Some of the Dwarves Impish strong armed into assisting him are missing, and are presumably still someplace in the smoke, heat & fire filled mine. A mine which runs under a good part of the meadow, especially the seating area.

    When I contacted our insurance company about a construction related catastrophe they responded ‘what construction? You said the Recreational & Reception Center was completed. A few fast questions with the local contractors and building department revealed that Impish had not followed proper procedure or planning.

    As for the last 2 charges:
    1.) He was serving my Brown Gold yesterday not the Patron’s Special Roast to Patrons. He knows better and has been warned I wasn’t going to stand for it anymore. The cost of making my blend has become so cost prohibitive that I may have to stop making it. If I choose to share it that’s my prerogative, its not his.

    2.) As you can see from his Part 2 post, he’s fleeing and hiding necessitating a Country Wide Dragon hunt. This to say nothing of what occurred when I did manage to locate him hiding in the underground bunker in his old back yard. To wit:

    I did what to who???? No. No. No. I didn’t start any fires!!!! I was above ground at the time!! You all SAW me!!! And I did NOT serve your brown gold!!! When have I ever even had ACCESS to your Brown Gold? And when have I ever been the one who served ANYTHING at an issue? That’s what we have kitchen staff for!
    No. I’m staying in hiding and keeping away until these horrible and salubrious charges are dropped! You’ll never find … … Hang on a sec. Someone’s at the door.
    Oh hey Lethal, come on in. I was just sending a … LETHAL!!!!! How did you find me?!?! Ow! No!! Ouch!! Not the shillelaghs! Ouch!

    Leprechaun down! Leprechaun is down! We need those medics up here now!
    Impish had door way trapped. Cleaned Lethal off his feet with a swinging pony keg of Lethal’s own Ale!
    Impish shouted about being innocent and escaped out the back.
    Repeat negative capture subject on the run. No eyes on subject

    See? All very simple. legal and justifiable by the circumstances.

    I would ask that if he contacts any of you for aid or information that you not aid him but rather urge him to turn himself in instead. He will get a fair and impartial hearing and though they will be checked for files, hack saw blades and other contraband, Ginny will be allowed to send him as many Taylor Pork Rolls as she wishes.

    NOW if you’ll excuse me, I have a scared out of his none too reasonable mind Dragon to find and you folks have an issue to get to. OH would someone do me a favor and strap Ginny into the 4 point seat harness I’ve taken the liberty of having installed on her seat and tipping it back slightly? Pumpkin Spice French Toast Casserole is one of today’s recipes and I’m concerned for her knees.

    Opening Logo 8




    A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a local bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup. 

    As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. She went on and on about how alcohol was tearing apart the fabric of society and how it was the root of all the city’s problems. 

    nunSlightly pissed off at having to listen to this the guy said, “Listen sister, I work hard for my money and sometimes at the end of a long day I like a drink or two. That doesn’t make me a bad person. I have a wife I idolize and two wonderful kids at home. I provide for my family, I volunteer my time to several local service clubs and I contribute regularly to various charities. Yet you stand here and condemn me just because I drink the occasional glass of scotch!” 

    The nun was slightly taken aback and replied, “I see your point my son and I apologize if I offended you, but the alcohol is such a powerful demon that all who consume it are doomed…” 

    “Look there you go again,” said the man, “How can you make such a sweeping statement. Have you ever even TRIED alcohol?” 

    “Of course not!” gasped the nun, “The evil alcohol has never touched my lips.” 

    “Do you really think that one glass of booze can change you from a devout nun to some kind of evil degenerate?” 

    “Well, I really don’t know …” 

    “I’ll tell you what, come into the bar with me and I’ll buy you a drink. One drink. I’ll prove to you that “evil” is not inside the glass, it’s inside the person.” 

    “Oh I could never be seen going into such a den of inequity, it’s out of the question. However, your comment about evil residing in the person rather than the glass is quite intriguing. I must admit you’ve aroused a curiosity in me.” 

    “Well let’s go inside and settle this” 

    “No my son, I could never enter such a place… but how about this. Take my tin cup with you and fill it with this “scotch” you mentioned. Bring it out to me and I’ll try it.” 

    “You’re on!” said the guy. 

    The nun removed all the change and handed him the tin cup. He went into the bar and said to the bartender, “Two scotch on the rocks, and could you put one of them in this tin cup please” 

    The bartender sighed and said, “Is that darn nun out there again!?!


    Charity is supposed to begin at home! Take care of those who defended us not those who’d attack us! America and Americans first!

    You don’t need to understand this weird Viking game to laugh out loud at it

    I’m not entirely sure what the rules are to this game, but I think I get the general idea. It might be fun to play, but it’s definitely fun to watch! Enjoy this weird traditional Viking game where burly men try to hit each other with pouches or satchels.


    Dragon Detected

    A klaxon starts sounding and various screens around the room begin flashing  the above message. Lethal who has been mingling with you and periodically sticking his head through the curtain for updates makes a mad dash for the curtain while calling out, “ Excuse me folks we have a possible Impish sighting.” A moment or two passes before Lethal comes out form behind the curtain and in response to all the questions just shake his head then clicks his remote silencing the klaxon and replacing the alert message with the following image on the screens.


    I can see why this hit, it might well even have been Impish in his frantic confusion. However a confused contrail does not an Impish sighting make. Still we’ll be checking out the directions flown at both ends of the contrail just to be sure. Back to the issue~


    The Top 5 More Appropriate Songs for the Kim Davis Rally

    The band Survivor is upset over the use of the song “Eye of the Tiger” at the rally for imprisoned Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis.

    5. God Only Knows (How Much You’re Gonna Burn In Hell)

    4. Take This Job and Shove It (But Not Up Your Ass Because That Would Be Gay)

    3. You Can’t Always Get What You Want Even If The Supreme Court Rules That You Have A Constitutional Right To Get It And I Am Obliged By Law And My Elected Office To Grant It

    2. My Old Kentucky Homophobe

    And the Number One More Appropriate Song for the Kim Davis Rally…

    1.) Hey Prude


    That boys and girls is one quarter of an entire muffaletta, this particular one is an Italian muffaletta which is the traditional style however other interpretations abound. It beats the hell out of a Jersey hard roll with Taylor Pork Roll on it hands down everyday of the week. Too bad Impish had to pull his chicanery, I had ordered and extra whole one for him alone since the entire thing will weigh in at about three pounds.

    The muffuletta is both a type of round Sicilian sesame bread and a popular sandwich originating among Italian immigrants in New Orleans, Louisiana using the same bread.

    A muffuletta is a large, round, and somewhat flattened loaf with a sturdy texture, around 10 inches across. It is described as being somewhat similar to focaccia. Bread used for the Muffuletta is different from focaccia, however, in that it is a very light bread, the outside is crispy, and the inside is soft. It also has no additional seasonings baked into it, aside from the sesame seeds. The bread is more like French bread, but slightly heavier.

    A traditional style muffuletta sandwich consists of a muffuletta loaf split horizontally and covered with layers of marinated olive salad, Moraxella, salami, mozzarella, ham, and provolone. The sandwich is sometimes heated to soften the provolone. Quarter, half, and full-sized muffulettas are sold.

    The signature olive salad consists of olives diced with the celery, cauliflower and carrot found in a jar of giardiniera, seasoned with oregano and garlic, covered in olive oil, and allowed to combine for at least 24 hours.

    The traditional way to serve the sandwich at is cold, but many vendors will toast it.

    The muffuletta sandwich has its origins at the Central Grocery in the French Quarter of New Orleans.[4]

    According to Marie Lupo Tusa, daughter of the Central Grocery’s founder, it was born when Sicilian farmers selling their produce at the nearby Farmers’ Market would come into her father’s grocery for lunch and order some salami, ham, cheese, olive salad, and either long braided Italian bread or a round muffuletta loaf. In typical Sicilian fashion they ate everything separately sitting on crates or barrels while precariously balancing their meals on their knees. Her father suggested cutting the bread and putting everything on it like a sandwich, even if it was not typical Sicilian fashion. The thicker braided Italian bread proved too hard to bite and the softer round muffuletta loaf won out. Shortly thereafter, farmers that came for lunch began merely asking for “muffulettas”.

    Enough with the food lessons some of you are beginning to scare me they way you’re looking at my sandwich! GO find your own! Mean while lets cooks something. First something tasty and healthy before we get to the knee buckling.

    Butternut Squash and Bacon One-Pot Pasta

    As sweater season descends upon us, we usher hearty flavors into our kitchen. Pasta enveloped in a thick, rich sauce of butternut squash and bacon seems just right for this time of year. Goes well with breakfast sausage or diced smoked ham too.

    This butternut Alfredo-style sauce is velvety-smooth and satisfying, but it’s far from heavy. In fact, it’s actually healthy. The dish packs 5 grams of fiber and a whopping 100 percent of your daily value for vitamin A. Yes, you will use a bit of bacon, but because you’re swapping out the butter you’d normally use to make the classic Alfredo sauce — and using the same amount of bacon fat instead — it’s basically a wash in terms of calories. Happily, the scant 1 tablespoon of bacon fat infuses the entire dish with smoky yumminess.


    Butternut Squash and Bacon One-Pot Pasta

    Makes 6 to 7 servings


    1 medium butternut squash
    13 ounces (3 1/2 cups or about 1 box) penne pasta*
    2 pieces center-cut bacon, chopped
    1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
    3/4 cup 1% low-fat milk, warmed 30 seconds in microwave
    1/2 cup shredded Parmesan cheese, plus more for serving
    1 teaspoon fresh thyme (or 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme)
    1/2 teaspoon salt
    1/4 teaspoon ea. ground black pepper, garlic powder & onion powder or to taste


    Using a fork, poke a few holes in skin of squash. Place entire squash in microwave and cook on high power for 5 minutes. Remove squash using towel or oven mitts and allow to cool for a few minutes.

    Place squash on cutting board and hold warm squash with oven mitt (or latex dishwashing glove) , slice squash in half and scoop out seeds. Place one squash half face-down on a microwave-safe plate and cook on high power in the microwave for 3 to 5 minutes until soft. (Reserve second squash half for another use.)

    Scoop cooked squash into a blender or food processor and puree with about 3 tablespoons water until smooth; set aside. (Makes about 1 1/2 cups puree.)

    In a large pot, cook penne (whole-grain and regular white pasta together) according to directions on the regular pasta box (as it takes a little longer to cook than whole-grain pasta). Drain pasta, reserving about 1/2 cup pasta water.
    In same large pot, brown bacon over medium-high heat. Remove bacon to a paper-towel-lined plate, reserving bacon fat (about 1 tablespoon).

    Whisk flour into bacon fat over medium heat. Slowly whisk in warm milk and cook, stirring, until beginning to bubble. Cook, stirring, about 2 minutes, until thick. Reduce heat to low and stir in reserved squash puree; cook until warm, about 2 minutes. Stir in cheese, thyme, salt, pepper and 1 to 2 tablespoons pasta water if sauce seems too thick. Gently toss in pasta and reserved bacon. Serve with additional shredded cheese if desired.

    * For the best flavor and good nutrition, use half whole-grain and half regular white pasta.

    Per serving (1/7 of recipe made with half whole-grain and half regular pasta without additional shredded cheese on top): Calories 285; Fat 6 g (Saturated 2 g); Sodium 336 mg; Carbohydrate 47 g; Fiber 5 g; Sugars 4 g; Protein 12 g


    Pumpkin Spice French Toast Casserole


    This autumn-inspired casserole is both custardy and crunchy and perfect for brunch–or even dessert. We use pumpkin pie puree, which comes pre-sweetened and spiced, lending an extra touch of warmth. Since the unbaked casserole needs to rest overnight, this is an ideal make-ahead company-worthy dish.



    1 tablespoon unsalted butter, at room temperature
    One 1-pound loaf Italian-style bread, sliced 1/2-inch-thick
    4 large eggs
    1/3 cup sugar
    2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
    1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
    1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
    2 cups whole milk
    1 cup heavy cream
    1 cup pumpkin pie puree (not pure pumpkin puree)

    Brown Sugar Crumble:

    3/4 cup packed light brown sugar
    1/4 cup all-purpose flour
    1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
    1 stick unsalted butter (8 tablespoons), cut into cubes
    1 cup chopped pecans


    For the casserole: Generously grease a 3-quart casserole dish with the butter. Arrange the bread slices over the bottom of the dish, overlapping them slightly.
    Whisk the eggs, sugar, pumpkin pie spice, vanilla and salt in large bowl until smooth and well combined. Whisk in the milk and cream. Pour the egg mixture evenly over the bread slices, making sure that all slices are well coated. Cover the casserole dish with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 8 hours or up to overnight.

    Position an oven rack in the center of the oven, and preheat to 350 degrees F.

    For the brown sugar crumble: Whisk together the brown sugar, flour and salt in a medium bowl. Add the butter and work it into the dry ingredients with your fingers (or a pastry cutter) until the mixture is crumbly with pea-sized bits of butter. Mix in the pecans.

    To assemble: Give the bread slices in the casserole dish a gentle push into the custard, dollop the pumpkin pie puree over the bread slices and sprinkle the crumble evenly over the top.

    Bake the casserole until the top is puffed and browned and a knife inserted in the center comes out clean, about 45 minutes (it will still be a little jiggly when the casserole dish is tapped but it will continue to cook a bit out of the oven). Check the casserole about halfway through the baking time and tent it with foil if the topping is browning too quickly. Let rest 10 minutes before serving.




    Dragon Detected

    As the klaxon sounds Lethal is off the arm of a newly minted Patron’s chair at a dash. “Here we go again folks!” Again a short two minutes later he returns shaking his head but with apparently optimism as he points the remote at the screens and clicks it.


    “This was found along the West South Westerly track flying off the directions of both ends of that loopy contrail that was spotted earlier. I’d say it’s a safe bet we’re looking at evidence of Impish passing these areas at speed. MY guess is he’s trying to fly, watch in all directions and looking for a place to hide until dark simultaneously. If I’m right we’re probably due for a near miss mid air event or crash report of some sort very soon. Then I’ll have his scaly (black and) blue hide!”


    There’s something ingenious in the Baltimore Harbor that could change an entire city

    If you’ve ever been to Baltimore, you know the Inner Harbor doesn’t have a great reputation. But now there’s something amazing and ingenious that could change everything about the waterfront. You have to see it to believe it.


    A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

    “You will understand,” he said, “the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the very first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.

    The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had stolen money from his parents, embezzled money from his place of business, had an affair with his boss’s wife, taken illegal drugs, and given VD to his cousin.

    I was appalled, but as the days went on I came to realize that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of understanding and loving people.”

    Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk…

    “I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession.”

    This reminds me of a valuable lesson I learned early on in the service. I’m not sure if it really had a name but I have always called it “The 4 Don’ts

    1. Don’t be first in line for anything, unless its an ammo resupply.
    2. Don’t be last in line for anything.
    3. Don’t volunteer for anything.
    4. Don’t be caught looking like you have nothing to do or no place to be.




    Had a few of these left in strategic places Impish might check out as possible hides. Female Virgin Barbarian Dragon Hunters. Very rare, very expensive but highly effective!




    As Lethal rounds the podium to introduce his Parting Shot Commentary for the week, yet again the klaxon sounds causing him to make the just one minute gesture and disappear behind the curtain yelling “Someone tell me we got him this time!”  A minute later his head and hand appear, Lethal says, “Sorry to duck out early but I’m apparently going to have to teach a few Feds their primary fricken colors!” and the remote is clicked.


    “See what I mean? Anyway enjoy the Parting Shot, the majority of you should have no trouble relating to it. Mean while once I get the Feds some primary color flash cards I’m off to see how the Eryl King, head of the Wyld Hunt feels about looking for Impish tonight.”


    International Day for the Elderly

    When:  Always on October 1st

    International Day for the Elderly is dedicated to honor, respect and care for the world’s elderly. Remember, someday you hope to be included among this group!

    In 1990, the United Nations General Assembly designated October 1st as the International Day for the Elderly, also known as the “International Day for Older Persons”. The holiday is the result of the UN World Assembly on Aging which was formed in 1982 to explore and tend to the needs of the elderly in the world.

    Did you Know? According to the United Nations, “one of every 10 persons is now 60 years or older. By the year 2050, one of five will be 60 years or older; by 2150, it will be one of three persons”.

    Let’s face it what they are talking about appreciating is old farts, and there are more than a few of you out there reading this. Recently I heard a member of the iGeneration rather rudely and loudly proclaim in apparent frustration that all old farts should just “STFU and get out of our way, have the good manners enough to just die already or should all just be put down.” No, I don’t need bail money or a good criminal defense lawyer, Molly managed verbally pull me off him before I could drown him in his own pool. His mortified mother figures I saved her from committing filicide and his father decked him once he stopped choking on pool water and stood up.

    He couldn’t figure out why we all reacted hostilely towards him (which earned him a solid cuff to the back of the head from his mother that I swear I could feel.) The I proceeded to read him the riot act about old farts, their values, their pride and their right to it. Too bad I didn’t have this to ball up and shove in his wide open mouth:


    It’s not a bad thing to be called an Old Fart.
    Old Farts are easy to spot at sporting events; during the National Anthem,
    Old Farts remove their hats and stand at attention and sing, without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.

    Old Farts remember World War II, Normandy, Spitfires and Hitler.
    They remember the Atomic Bomb, Vietnam, the Korean War, the Cold War, the Moon Landing and all the Peacekeeping Missions from 1945, to 2005.

    If you bump into an Old Fart on the pavement, he will apologize.
    If you pass an Old Fart on the street, he will nod or tip his cap, to a lady.

    Old Farts trust strangers and are polite, particularly to women.
    Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.

    Old Farts get embarrassed if someone swears in front of women and children and they don’t like any filthy language on TV.
    Old Farts have moral courage and personal integrity.
    They seldom brag, except about their children and grandchildren.

    It’s the Old Farts, who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women, in the Air Force, Army, and Navy.
    This country needs Old Farts with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country and decent values.

    We need them now more than ever.
    Thank Goodness for Old Farts!

    Pass this on to all the “Old Farts” you know.

    I was taught to respect my elders. It’s just getting harder to find them. It’s rapidly becoming a situation like that old comics line from Walt Kelly’s strip ‘Pogo’… “We have met the enemy and he is us,”

    Firefly Aim to Misbehave

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    Dragon Laffs #1454 part 2

    Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh Crap!  West…that’s it, I’ll go west

    blue dragon flying 3

    No.  No.  No.  the militias are all on standby.  I can’t do that… East.  Yeah.  Ginny will hide me.

    blue dragon flying 2

    Oh shit.  That won’t work, that’s the first place he’ll look.  And no way I can make it all the way out to Diaman’s place.  I’ll head south.

    blue dragon flying

    No!  No! South leads to Texas.  THAT’LL NEVER work!!  North it is!

    blue dragon flying 4

    Nothing but Canadians up north.  Do I even know any Canadians?  Don’t have time to even find out.  Oh!  I know!

    blue dragon flying 5

    Shit, that won’t work either!  The Queen!  She owes me a favor!!

    blue dragon flying 6

    And England is always foggy and cloudy…yeah, they’ll never find me there.  Where the heck am I even going?

    blue dragon flying 8I gotta hide!  blue dragon flying 7

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